Broken

By Anthony Massahos

Discovering the Inside dimension could not have come at a better time. She had been recently diagnosed with a second disorder that came with more complications. More than anything, Molly wanted to take control of her wellbeing; then she decided to do so...by secretly refusing her medication. Molly was determined to enter the Inside dimension and make things right, or die in the process.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Anthony Massahos
• Release date: Dec 22, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466117556

Anthony Massahos

Anthony Massahos lives in Arizona with his wife Tanya, and a beagle named Charlie.

Book preview

What others are saying about

Broken

An incredible, imaginative mixture of fact and fiction. What a magnificent tribute to the chronically ill children of the world.

Dr. Peter F. Clark, School Administrator and Language Arts Specialist

New York State

I often find myself contemplating the Inside World in relation to my own health, and those little men and women working inside my body. I think about Molly’s journey, you really captured illness well.

Kylee Black, Founder of Spirit Sparkplugs

Taupo, New Zealand

Broken

Published by Anthony Massahos at Smashwords

Copyright 2011 Anthony Massahos

This book is available in print at most online retailers

Smashwords Edition, License Note

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Dedicated to Payton and Tara, the muscle in a house full of boys.

Table of Contents

Preface

Chapter 1-My Life

Chapter 2-Inside Dimension

Chapter 3-Introductions

Chapter 4-Obsessed

Chapter 5-A Secret Revealed

Chapter 6-Back In

Chapter 7-Wait and See

Chapter 8-Conflicting Personalities

Chapter 9-Discussing the Plan

Chapter 10-Crunch Time

Chapter 11-Part of the Family

Chapter 12-The Escape

Chapter 13-Team Effort

Chapter 14-Tough Decisions

Chapter 15-Slow Progress

Chapter 16-In Disguise

Chapter 17-A Rude Homecoming

Chapter 18-Halo Chamber

Chapter 19-Praying for a Miracle

Chapter 20-It’s Always Something

Chapter 21-Life or Death

Chapter 22-The Goal

Chapter 23-A List of Conditions

Chapter 24-Freedom

Preface

The dynamic of my brother’s family changed when their youngest child was brought home. She was the blessing they had been hoping for after three boys, and then their little girl was diagnosed with a debilitating disease that would profoundly affect everyone around her.

A chronic illness is a thief that steals precious time from its victim. Time that should be used going to school, or on vacations, has to be spent in hospital rooms, and on doctor appointments. The rightful role of princess in the family was stolen from her by the disease.

She has been forced to be the fighter of the family. Always wrestling with her body’s aches and pains so she can do what children enjoy doing at her age, get out of the house and explore. Some days she gains the advantage, and then others she cannot get out of bed, but every day is a guaranteed struggle.

I have tried to imagine what my niece might be thinking about when she is lying in bed and enduring the pain of her illness. I know she submerses herself in books to escape the more agonizing days of her life, but how does she manage the disease when the book is finished, or she tries to fall asleep.

I wrote this book as a coping mechanism for myself. I just want to fix my niece’s body like I do a flat tire, or leaky faucet, but I can’t. All the therapies, medications, and doctor appointments that I talk to her mother about over countless hours of phone calls make my brain numb, so I simplified her struggle into a book to make it easy on me. The storyline is straightforward. The main character is my niece, fighting for control of a broken imaginary world that is her body.

At this point in time she has not asked me to read the book, and I will not ask her why. Besides, part of me doesn’t want her to for a few reasons. I included her mother and father’s point of view as I see it. Feelings they never share with her of frustration and doubt.

The second reason, in some of the lowest points of the story the heroine contemplates death. I don’t know if my niece has thought about it, but I know I used to when I was suffering from chronic asthma as a child.

I would like to thank my sister-in-law for giving me words of encouragement through the writing process. Pete for giving me an unbiased assessment of the book, and my wife Tanya for putting up with my mood swings. Bless the families and their chronically ill children.

Chapter 1

My Life

What is taking them so long back there? I am starving," Molly asked from the confines of her wheelchair.

I don’t know dear, maybe there was an emergency, Mother answered. She glanced over at the door that shielded them from the reason for the delay, and then searched the office for a clock. It was apparent the staff didn’t want them to know how long they had been waiting; there was nothing on the walls that displayed the time. Mother stopped herself from digging into her purse and checking the time by cell phone. She didn’t want to give Molly any indication that she was annoyed too.

If I don’t eat something soon I’m going to pass out. How many times do we have to come here before they start giving us some answers to my problems? It all seems to be a big waste of time if you ask me.

Keep your voice down. This is not the right place to get in an argument about why we are here. Read this, it looks interesting.

You want me to read a magazine that has an article about the ten ways to make your boyfriend fall in love with you? Come on Mother, you tried giving me this garbage last time to shut me up.

I asked you if you wanted me to grab your book before we left the house and you said no.

I said no because I was mad. You should have brought it anyway. Molly put the magazine down on a chair next to her. She began focusing on the doughnut box she could see sitting on a file cabinet behind the receptionist desk. Mother picked up on the stare and tried to pull Molly out of her food induced trance.

I know you are hungry, Molly. We will get you fed as soon as the appointment is over.

I don’t think it’s fair that they get to eat doughnuts in the morning while I have to starve myself. It doesn’t take an MRI to tell you how I am feeling right now. I am grumpy and want something to eat.

I know dear. Be patient.

Why would a boy want to eat a doughnut with pink frosting anyway?

What are you talking about?

One of the boys that calls my name when they’re ready, he just grabbed my favorite kind of doughnut with pink frosting out of the box. I guess we know the reason for the delay now. They need to stuff their faces back there before they call on us.

You wouldn’t want one anyway if they offered it to you. Your stomach would throw it right back up after you ate it. You know one of the reasons we are here is because you can’t keep anything down.

I know. Everything else in my body is broken, so why not my stomach too. If the doctor writes another prescription for me because of this I will throw up right in his office…I swear.

Molly. We are ready to see you now, the technician announced at the waiting room door. Molly slowly made her way to the entrance under her own power. Taking charge of the chrome rubberized wheels mounted on the wheelchair gave her a sense of independence. Have you eaten anything in the past twenty-four hours Molly? the technician asked as she approached. Molly ignored the question. Of course she hadn’t eaten anything. He should have remembered that she had been here before and knew the routine. The machine’s computer screen would have been able to call her a liar if she had stolen one of the doughnuts that were only a few feet away now.

No, she hasn’t. I’m sorry but she can get a little grouchy when she’s hungry, Mother answered for Molly.

Mother, I am right here.

I know honey. I was just answering the technician’s question for you.

Let’s go ahead and get your weight first, Molly, the technician said.

The scale my doctor weighed me at yesterday said I was a hundred and twenty two pounds. Go ahead and put that number in your file. I am sure I have not gained any weight since then, Molly said.

We still need to weigh you, Molly. It’s part of the procedure you know, the technician replied.

All right then. I wouldn’t want you to get in any trouble, she said deciding not to question his claim of some sort of protocol.

Molly hated the scale. It was a little more than a year ago that she had only one debilitating disease, but since then the doctors had added another to her portfolio. They were not sure when the second ailment had infected her body; some of the symptoms shadowed the first. The pain had become unbearable as the latest disease ravaged various parts of her body. In an effort to manage the increasing discomfort, one of her doctors prescribed steroids. In less than a year, she went from a skinny little sick kid sister to her three brothers, to the chubby girl that had to ride in a wheel chair.

Everyone thinks I am fat and lazy, she thought to herself as cars drove by and people stared in the neighborhood on the rare days she was well enough to go outside and play. Molly’s teams of doctors were worried about her health, but the only concern she had then, and now, was the affect the weight gain had on her appearance.

I usually power my own wheel chair through the hallway. He can roll my big butt to the scale himself this time, Molly mumbled.

Mother and technician headed for the scale leaving Molly behind. Can someone please give me some help?

I’m sorry, Molly. You are always so adamant on pushing your own chair, I just assumed you would follow us, the technician replied.

Well, today is different, Molly replied.

Okay, Molly, here we are. Are you ready for the weigh in? I need you to get out of your chair and get on the scale for me, he requested.

She wasn’t going to let him off that easy. I need someone on each side to help me up.

Mother approached Molly’s left side to assist. Molly wanted a staff member to help instead. Mother, I don’t think you are strong enough to get me out of this chair. I want one of the other technicians to help.

Nonsense dear, I can do it.

No, Mother. I need another strong boy to help me up.

Okay, Molly. Stay seated and I will get someone else, the technician offered.

Molly was keeping score in her head. They had won the first two rounds. This particular battle was going to be hers to enjoy. She was hungry because of them, and they had wasted over an hour of her time while she waited patiently for her name to be called. Now it was her turn to give them grief.

I found another ‘boy’ to help you Molly. Are you ready? the primary technician asked.

Ready, she replied. The assistant wasn’t as cute as the first, but she would make sure to pencil in the Cute requirement for her own set of rules she was drafting in her head.

Steady now, Molly. We are going to have to let you go while we adjust the scale, the primary technician said.

She watched the assistant move the smaller sliding weight to the right, till the arrow hit its center of equilibrium. It is showing one hundred and twenty four pounds, the assistant announced.

Check that number again, Molly demanded.

The scale is leveled out, and it’s reading one hundred and twenty four pounds, he repeated and pushed the large and small sliding weights to their zero position. Molly was speechless. How could she have gained two pounds after a full day fast? You must have filled up on water? the technician said. He could read the anguish in Molly’s eyes.

Molly stepped off the scale and set herself back into the wheelchair. The surprised technicians scrambled to help her, but she had already seated herself before they even had a chance to take hold of an arm. Molly began to pick at a loose thread on her jean shorts as the primary technician wheeled her into the large office that housed the alien looking imaging machine. Mother discreetly handed her a tissue. Molly refused the offer and promptly used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away the symbols of weakness.

Hello, Molly, nice to see you again, the radiologist said while pushing himself over to her on a mobile office chair.

Hey, she answered.

Not very chatty today, are we. I will try to make this as quick and painless as possible.

I’m looking for more quick than painless. I’m starving you know.

First things first, do you have any gum in your mouth? I know it makes your breath smell better during the fast, but I didn’t enjoy crawling into my million dollar machine to scrape off the gum you left in it last time.

Molly had forgotten about that clever move. The score from her last visit was all tied up until the remaining few minutes of the appointment; she stuck a piece of gum inside the tube of the ominous machine. She quickly put her tongue and teeth to work on splitting the gum in half so she could honor his request. Molly placed the lesser of the two pieces in a tissue the operator had lying flat on his hand. Molly kept the back-up plan hidden between her right cheek and gum, in case she needed another last minute winning play to even the score.

Okay then, let’s get started, shall we? the radiologist said.

Radiologist and technician handled Molly’s body with care. The light touch of a finger tip on a problematic area of the skin could cause her to reel back in pain. She kept quiet as the two workers attempted to lie her down comfortably on the examination table.

Molly, is your left foot acting up? the radiologist asked as he took off her slippers.

Yes. It feels like it’s on fire, she answered.

Molly’s initial disease had been formally diagnosed just after her very first birthday party. Even Mother thought she was just being a fussy baby, until signs of a problem began to appear on her body. Molly had manifested no physical symptoms in the primary months of her life, but a few days before the birthday celebration, her right knee swelled to the size of a small lemon for no apparent reason. All that Molly was capable of doing during those early years of anguish was crying, and that became tiresome after a few hours. She learned early on to tolerate the pain in silence, before she had a coherent vocabulary to describe how bad she felt.

Oh, honey. Why didn’t you tell me about your foot? Mother asked.

What good would that have done? We were already up till four in the morning because my insides hurt so much, Molly answered.

I know. You still need to say something to me when your skin sends you a valentine.

The most recent curse to befall her childhood had unique visual indicators. When the pain was severe in a particular area on her body the skin would turn a certain color. Molly termed the condition Valentine for the shade of purple her skin would become when the burning sensation was at its greatest. She loved the candy hearts at the store that came with little romantic gestures written on them in pink, and the purple colored ones were her favorite. Aw look. My leg is sending me a valentine, she would say. The family needed to know when she was having an attack so they would stay clear of the affected area.

The radiologist began to adjust Molly’s position on the sliding examination table where she had been placed. Are you doing okay? he asked.

I’m fine.

You have to tell me if I am hurting you or else I won’t know, Molly.

I swear everything is fine, she said with pursed lips. It was a sure sign that Molly was annoyed. Mother winced a bit at her daughter’s curt behavior.

Okay then, girl. Let’s roll you in and start the imaging if you’re ready? the radiologist asked.

Ready.

Have a nice nap, he said before her head slipped into the white round tube.

Molly flashed a grin before she disappeared into the cylinder of the machine. It made her feel special to know that she left an impression on people even under these kinds of circumstances. The radiologist must have known from previous visits that she would doze off soon after the machine began to perform the imaging process.

Short periods of rest were all Molly had now when it came to sleep. She closed her eyes hoping to initiate the nap. Sleeping used to be my escape, but now my body won’t even allow me to do that right. I hope I don’t wake up before he is done, she thought to herself. Molly’s body became limp. The magnetic clicks and hums of the machine were like a lullaby to her ears. She predictably fell asleep at the beginning of the imaging process.

Chapter 2

Inside Dimension

This meeting of Central Planning will now come to order. Everyone please take their seat," the speaker announced. The conference table was surrounded by nine chairs, each representing a specific service essential to the Inside dimension. All the chairs were the same size, and of seemingly equal importance, except for one. It was located at the end of the table. The rightful occupant had been missing for more than a year now.

Speaker Vargas, I would like to protest your chair selection. Although your assigned seat is next to Polly’s at the end of the table, I am sure we can all agree to keep her seat vacant in case she shows up for a meeting, Deucy the Waste Manager proposed. Deucy was an odd man. He always dressed in a dirty brown suit and had a bad odor about him. He used some sort of homemade grease in his hair that nobody wanted to either guess the ingredients of, or ask him how he made it for that matter. He would use the mystery mousse to smooth back his full head of black hair, believing it was a rather dapper hairstyle for his face.

Honorable Waste Manager, I am saddened by your comment. I will take your request under consideration, but for now I will occupy Polly’s seat in her absence, he said. The speaker had to pick his words carefully when talking to Deucy. The man had a bad temper along with the foul odor, and was easily provoked.

Speaker Vargas was a skinny man with purple rimmed glasses that looked too big for his face. The full head of blonde hair he once adored had been reduced to thin patches on opposite sides of his head. A sparse joining of the two fair-haired islands met at the top of his cranium in a futile attempt to hide the bald spot and glow of the conference room lights. He would have been the laughing stock of the management team if it weren’t for his powerful position and the impeccably designed purple suits he wore to the meetings. Vargas’s formal title, Public Safety Manager, meant that in almost every corner of the Inside dimension, he and his people had a presence. His official duties ensured the others could operate under a safe environment, and warn City services personnel of any damage or danger the Inside and Outside dimensions may impose upon them and the systems. Manager Vargas had been democratically voted to the speakership in Polly’s absence, but now there were some concerns about how Vargas might be abusing the position.

My fellow managers. This meeting has been assembled today to discuss a problem in the outermost branch of the western border. My people tell me we have an Outside threat. As speaker I have an obligation to shut down all work in the area and evacuate non-essential personnel, Vargas announced.

Mr. Speaker. If I may say something please? How do we know there is an Outside threat if Polly is not here to confirm your peoples’ observations? Telly said. Telly was the head of the Engineering department for the Inside dimension. People came to him when they needed original blueprints, structural improvements, and theoretical explanations of the Inside’s infrastructure.

Are you accusing me of manufacturing a crisis Mr. Telly? Vargas asked.

No sir. I just want a second opinion. Anyone else have employees that reported a problem on the western border besides Vargas’s men? Telly inquired to the group. Everyone looked at their seated neighbors to the right and left of them. Nobody in the room raised an eyebrow, hand, or said a word.

Mr. Telly, you’re going to have to trust me on this one, Vargas said.

Every time you announce a threat you tell us that. Evacuating an entire area because of an unconfirmed hazard causes significant hardships to its residents. It can take days, weeks, or even months to recover from such a shutdown only after you decide it is time to reopen the locale. We sit up here and make decisions that can cause real pain to the affected area and its residents. Please, Mr. Speaker. Can you hold off on the decision until other departments have time to verify a threat besides your own?

No sir, Mr. Telly. I am not willing to risk devastation because you don’t trust me. The evacuation is occurring as we speak. All work in the area will be put on hold until further notice, meeting adjourned.

Vargas left the plush comfort of his predecessor’s high back chair with the organizer he carried held close to his chest. He could hear the mumbling of the group behind him as he walked out of the conference room, and then headed to his private office. The city and its offices were only 12 years old, but the rundown condition of the buildings gave the metropolis a much older appearance. Vargas approached his agency’s door. The frosted glass that bore his name had been vandalized again. A few of the black block letters had been scratched off. The door now read,

"Mr. gas

Public Safety Manager."

Please call Mr. Lattie so he can paint the missing letters back on my door again, he told his employee at the reception desk. Everyone in the city called on Lattie when there was a general maintenance issue.

Yes sir, the employee answered.

Vargas disappeared into the crowded surroundings of his office. He had been actively stealing the furnishings that Polly, Molly’s confidant, had in her office ever since she disappeared. Polly was not only the inner voice to the woman they all served, that person being Molly. She was also City Manager, and the liaison between Molly and the Inside dimension. Vargas had convinced every manager on the Inside that Molly didn’t care enough to meet with Polly so they could plan for the demands of the Outside dimension. Polly knew the real reason. It was Vargas that had used his department to harass her boss at all times of the day and night. His crew caused Molly so much pain by using the purple suits’ electrical powers that she had a continuing case of extreme insomnia. Molly could hardly muster up enough energy to take care of the daily duties of the Outside, let alone meet with Polly during their regularly scheduled early morning meetings. Before Polly could announce the truth about Vargas at the next City Services meeting, she disappeared.

****

Molly. We are all done, the radiologist said softly. Mother went to put her slippers back on but stopped, the purple coloration had migrated to Molly’s calf.

I don’t think I can wear my slipper on that foot right now. The pain has gotten worse since my nap, Molly explained to everyone.

Molly lifted herself up from the examination table under her own power. Gravity caused the blood pressure in her foot to increase, resulting in more pain. This time she had no reservations about asking Mother for help. She knew the agony was going to be too much in the affected area to withstand her body weight. I need some help getting into my chair please, Molly said as the radiologist finished his paperwork. Mother set down the multitude of file folders containing Molly’s medical history she had brought in order to assist the staff with any questions.

Absolutely Molly, the radiologist said.

Do we need to get a boy to help you again, or am I strong enough for this job? Mother asked.

Molly gave her Mother the look they both knew meant business. Molly wasn’t in the same frame of mind as before her nap. The burning has traveled up my leg Mother. It feels like it is buried in hot coals up to my knee now, she explained. Mother and radiologist each put one of Molly’s arms around their neck, and placed one of their arms under her thighs. They gently eased Molly into her chair as she gripped the shirts of her caregivers in response to her aching foot hitting one of the footrests. The tears started to appear again, this time because of the pain, and not vanity.

On their way out of the medical center, Mother stopped just before the sliding glass exit doors. Molly instinctively knew the reason for the delay. She held out her hand to receive the sunglasses Mother handed off to her. Molly needed to protect her eyes from the sun. The assortment of medications the specialists and doctors had prescribed for Molly over the years had some serious side effects. She hadn’t lost her vision yet, but if she didn’t wear the sunglasses outside, she could go blind because of the sun’s damaging ultraviolet rays on her vulnerable eyes.

Molly’s inflamed foot could feel every crack and pebble the wheels of her chair passed over on the asphalt as Mother tried her best to navigate a smooth path to the truck. Molly rode in the truck quietly, with her head down, and focused solely on one other thing besides the pain. She had waited three long months for the midnight premiere to the sequel of her favorite movie, and she was not going to allow anything to stop her from being in the audience tonight. Mother had made all the prior arrangements for the show. She didn’t have the power to kiss her daughter’s forehead and make it all better, but she did have enough persuasive influence to get the theater manager to give them preferential treatment. While the other fans wilted in line in the hot summer weather for a good seat, Molly would be escorted to the employee entrance twenty minutes prior to show time. Her brothers would place her in a prime spot in the theatre before the front doors were open to the public.

Mother? Molly said.

Yes, honey.

We are going to the movie tonight…right?

Do you feel up to it? She already knew the answer. Molly would ride on the handle bars of her brother’s bike if she had to, to make it to the show.

Let’s go home so I can rest. I am sure I will be fine after I lie down for a while, Molly answered.

I am going to let you make the call, Mother replied.

Mother carefully pulled the truck into the concrete driveway of their home. She didn’t want to wake Molly up from the nap she had taken the liberty of engaging in during the return trip. Molly’s neck was arched along the back of the front seat, and her mouth was wide open because of the angle. It was in downtime like this that Mother was reminded she had a twelve year old child as wonderful now, as the first day she was brought home from the hospital. Every minute Molly spent in a doctor’s

Reviews for Broken

[slavenrm · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Firstly, it must be noted that I didn't pay for this book. Instead I received it free via a GoodReads giveaway many moons ago. Despite that kind consideration I give my candid opinions below. On the positive side, the author has chosen a great theme. He takes on childhood illness from the viewpoint of the patient and this always makes for a powerful and evocative story. We all too often fail to realize the weight of such circumstances on the afflicted especially when they're so young.Sadly, the negative side of this book far overshadows anything positive I could possibly say about it. The editing is atrocious; the text is filled with typographical and grammatical errors. The dialog is stiff and robotic and the vivid descriptions of the sick child are interlaced with this bizarre science fiction sub-plot akin to "Osmosis Jones" or "Fantastic Voyage". I'm agog that the author would take the book in such a direction. What could have been a heart-rending portrayal of a dire situation is turned into a literary laughing-stock.In summary, this book is just not worth the time. Generally, I never give out less than three stars unless the book is unreadable or socially irresponsible. This book is as close to unreadable as I've seen in quite a while. I hung on to it tenaciously for a long time in hopes it would have great soul but it turned out to be a train wreck. I like the idea but the execution was completely lacking.