Everybody vs The Ferret 2: Wrap Your Melons

By Cristian YoungMiller

Warning: Adult Humor.

In ‘Everybody vs The Ferret 2: Wrap Your Melons,’ the girl fruitheads discover the magical power of going bra-less and they unleash that power in their never ending quest to rule the school. The boys', who are under the girls' spell must then rescue themselves and the school before the power of bra-lessness consumes everybody and takes over the world.

Based on characters from the author's Everybody Masturbates book series, Everybody vs The Ferret is a satirical novelette series about how we deal with sex and life in the internet age. In every book, Billy, Jack and their pet ferret battle Candy, Tia and the girls in the cold war being waged over who will rule their school. Comparable to the animated TV show South Park.

• Language: English
• Publisher: RateABull Publishing
• Release date: Sep 11, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466017498

Book preview

EVERYBODY vs THE FERRET: 2

by

Cristian YoungMiller

RateABull

Books

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Published By:

RateABull Publishing

Published by RateABull Publishing at Smashwords

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Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

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The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Copyright © 2011 by Cristian YoungMiller

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review. For information contact Cristian YoungMiller at [e-mail].

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Book Design by Cristian YoungMiller

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Dedication:

This book is dedicated to everybody who has focused their life around how they look.

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

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EVERYBODY vs THE FERRET: 2

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Chapter 1

Candy reaches up her sweaty, dusty hand toward the next crevice in the cliff face. With her strawberry head pressed against the rock, her reaching hand slips off the crumbling crack and she watches the pebbles fall a thousand feet. Shaking off her near death, she continues on knowing that her shadowy contact waits for her above. ‘Soon,’ she thinks, ‘I will get the answer to the question that consumes me most: How to rule the school.’

Cresting the top of the cliff, Candy brushes her leaf hair out of her face. In front of her stands a ferret-shaped figure in a hood and cloak. Candy isn’t sure if this is her contact, but pulling herself onto the plateau, she doesn’t see anyone else. ‘This has to be him,’ Candy thinks.

Do you have something for me? Candy asks with the constrained excitement of a 10 year old bent on school domination.

Yes, it’s right here, the shadowy figure says in a slow, androgynous southern drawl.

The ferret-shaped figure pulls a large envelope out of his cloak. Candy snatches the envelope out of her contact’s hand and, too curious to wait, she tears the manila paper open and reads the file inside.

Yes, yes! Candy proclaims.

Candy turns toward Miller’s Grove Elementary, the school that is a thousand feet below and a mile away. Do you hear me? With this information there is no one that will be able to resist me. And once and for all I will finally rule the school. Candy lets out a laugh that is one evil hair short of a Bond villain.

The ferret-shaped figure watches quietly until Candy stops laughing. "Did you know that laughter was once used as a cure for science-induced madness? They stopped using it when it became known as the ‘mad