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All-American Girl
All-American Girl
All-American Girl
Ebook287 pages3 hours

All-American Girl

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

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About this ebook

The New York Times bestselling hit from Meg Cabot

Samantha Madison is just your average sophomore gal living in DC when, in an inadvertent moment sandwiched between cookie-buying and CD-perusing, she puts a stop to an attempt on the life of the president. Before she can say “MTV2” she’s appointed Teen Ambassador to the UN and has caught the eye of the very cute First Son.

Featuring Meg Cabot’s delightful sense of humor and signature romance that made The Princess Diaries such a hit, this New York Times bestselling standalone novel is sure to please fans and new readers alike.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherHarperTeen
Release dateOct 6, 2009
ISBN9780061971822
All-American Girl
Author

Meg Cabot

MEG CABOT’s many books for both adults and teens have included numerous #1 New York Times bestsellers, with more than twenty-five million copies sold worldwide. Her Princess Diaries series was made into two hit films by Disney, with a third movie coming soon. Meg currently lives in Key West, Florida, with her husband and various cats.

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Reviews for All-American Girl

Rating: 3.760534510585817 out of 5 stars
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  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    I know teenage girls love Meg Cabot, but if this book is an indication of her other books, she is not for me. I found the protagonist absolutely irritating and the storyline insubstantial. Too light and fluffy for my liking.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    A great turn around novel for Meg Cabot. The others I have read lately have been a little young for me. However this one was cute. Sam Madison was the average teenager until she saves the life of the President of the United States. She then learns that life isn't everything it is supposed to be. This book contains comedy, love, and excitement. I wish it could have been a little more adultish but it was a good young adult book so I can't complain. It got a rating of 3 out of 5. A good read for the 12-15 year old range.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Samantha Madison is a typical misfit teenager until the day she inadvertently saves the President of the United States from an assassination attempt. Then her life changes in more ways than she could have imagined.I thought the characters were well-developed and realistic. Samantha especially was genuine and likeable. All American Girl is a fluffy, funny teenage romance that was great to listen to in the car.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    This is the first Meg Cabot novel I have read - I've been aware of her success for a while, especially the Princess Diaries stories.I thought this was sweet and funny, it has a positive message about being true to yourself and having your own opinions, without using a large hammer to bang it in.I wonder how well the pop culture messages will date - I had to put on Gwen Stefani while reading (grin)
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    All-American Girl is told from Sam’s point of view, and teens will enjoy her voice: a little ironic, a little snarky, a little self-depreciating. All-American Girl is a light, enjoyable read. Even though the ending is predictable, there are quite a few satisfying surprises thrown in along the way.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    aww! this was such a cute little book. i really liked it.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Well written book with an interesting plot and very uncommon characters, it was good though a little mature when it comes to the follow up called 'Ready or Not'
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    I thought it was a really cute story with cute main characters.. I love the way Meg Cabot writes, but I'm feeling like I should think about reading less young adult books with this one lol.. I didn't feel like I was relating to the main character that well (even though I found her to be cute and fun) and it ended up making me feel a bit on the old side! ;)
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I just finished this book recently and am currently reading its sequel. I thought it was a really cute story. It wasn't very realistic, but few of Meg Cabot's books actually are. That's one of the many reasons why they are so much fun to read. This particular story is about an average girl, artistic and rebellious, who one day happens to save the life of the President of the United States. Her life is completely changed by this - she is suddenly popular, has reporters stalking her and her family, and she is given a position as "teen ambassador to the UN." Perhaps the biggest change in her life is when the President's son falls for her and she realizes that she has fallen for him, too. The story is not without any seriousness, either; it discusses, somewhat, freedom of speech and the some of the toughest issues we face in our world today. Nonetheless, this book is a good, light-hearted read and can easily be finished in one sitting. Sit back, relax, and enjoy it.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Very good book about a girl who saves the presidents life.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    All-American Girl is the story of Samantha Madison, a student in Washington D.C., who is nothing like her popular sister: she has red wiry hair, dyed all her clothes black, and is being forced by her parents to take an art classes. All that changes when she saves the life of the the president.Then she is suddenly forced into the public eye . . . and the into the realization that the president's son may like her.I really liked this book - it's an interesting storyline with characters that I cared about. There are a lot of funny, interesting details from the names of the presidents' children engraved on a windowsill, to the French lady who sells her delicious baguettes. I also really loved the descriptions of the art lessons and how they tie in with truths about Samantha herself.A good read.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The last thing sophomore, Samantha Madison expected for herself was to become a celebrity, but it did when she accidentally saves the President’s life waiting for a ride after school. Soon, Samantha is a star at school, is named the teen ambassador to the U.N. and even gets invited to dinner at the White House. With all of this publicity, Samantha is still not set; all she wants is a date with her sister’s boyfriend. Through plans that backfire and an entertaining plot, the reader experiences the teenager’s relationship with her family, sister, and friend. Historical presidential tidbits are also thrown into the text that make the read more interesting than ever and the reader is able to see Samantha grow and find herself. This young adult novel is a perfect edition to include in a middle school and high school library. It is a fun and entertaining book with a good message for anyone that reads it.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This one of my favorite Cabot books. Samantha is someone you can really relate to and you find yourself laugh once within ten pages. What's great is that if anyone else had written a book with this plot line, it would've been totally unbelievable- but Cabot forces you to believe that it can happen. I love the lists that appear between chapters- they bring Samantha to life and they're really funny. I find myself flipping through the pages just to read the lists.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Funniest book I have ever read. Period.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This book is very exciting. It is romantic, exciting, and politic. I recommend it to everyone. I mean you don't read everyday about a go green girl saving the president's life.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This book made me more obsessed with burgers and drawing and making lists then anything I had ever read!! It was very cute and funny!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    So far I am on the 3rd chapter and I already think it is very good and interesting
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I'll admit - I'm a bit addicted to young adult chick lit, and by far my favorite author of this genre is Meg Cabot. With All American Girl, she's once again captured the essence of a young high school girl, who marches to the beat of her own drummer, and yet she's managed to avoid turning her into just another Mia Thermopolos, the lead character of Meg Cabot's extremely popular Princess Diaries series.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I love reading Meg Cabot books because they are so much fun and easy to read. This is a quirky love story complete with a multitude of top 10 lists. I just loved it!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Sophomore Samantha Madison is redheaded, a middle child, left-handed, and, in her opinion, one of the only teenage girls left who have not succumbed to the soul-sucking fashion trends of modern-day society. She's a wannabe radical: she dyed her wardrobe black, and she's in love with her popular older sister Lucy's boyfriend Jack, who's as "radical" as they get. Sam thinks it's the end of her already lousy world when, as a punishment for bad grades, her parents send her to art lessons at Susan Boone's. Sam's a good artist, but she doesn't take well to criticism, and so when on the first day Susan Boone accuses her of not drawing what she knows, Sam decides not to come back. Ever. Which turns out to be a good thing, because while she’s hiding from Susan Boone at the following lesson, she manages to stop an assassination attempt on the president. All of a sudden Sam is the “it” girl at her school, the US, and the whole world. The president awards her the position of teen ambassador to the UN, and his cute son David (who is also in Susan Boone's art class) thinks there's something special about Sam. Only Sam knows there's nothing very heroic about what she did. And she doesn't understand why David's being so nice to her, or why her heart skitters when he smiles at her, or why she feels so bad after David finds out she had used him to make Jack jealous at a party. Because she's totally in love with Jack. Right?What fun ALL-AMERICAN GIRL is! People of all ages will enjoy this book. Samantha is an amazing protagonist, and her narration will pull you along like nothing ever had. Highly recommended!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Meg Cabot is such a creative writer, that I could pick up any of her books and be completely satisfied. She writes as if she is your best friend, and her characters are so imperfect that it is so easy to relate to them somehow. This book features one of her typical, quirky teenaged girls. In this sarcastic novel, Sam, who is proclaimed a hero after saving the president from an assasination attempt, struggles with her family, school, love, and fame. This book is a nice break from serious novels, and will never fail to keep you amused. I strongly recommend this light read.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I loved this book. But the sequel "Ready or Not" was pretty bad, IMO.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Sam Madison prides herself on being a teenage rebel. She's in love with her big sister's boyfriend Jack who is a rebel artist just like herself. But everything changes when, on her way home from an art class, Sam foils an assasination attempt on the president of the United States. Suddenly she finds herself followed by press, forced into nice dresses for dinner at the White House, and appointed as a teen ambassador to the United Nations. She also meets the adorkable son of the president and is surprised to find that her heart seems to flip over every time he enters the room. Sam has always prided herself on standing up for her views, but she's going to be tested: can she stand up to the pressure?A fun, girly read.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    If there is one essential part to Meg Cabot’s books, it is fun. Frothy, I need something entertaining, humorous fun. And this delivers. Sam is definitely one of her stronger characters, not in just her action of saving the unnamed president, but in the way she deals with her situation and tries to grow from it. While the Top Ten lists tend to be a little too gimmicky, they are funny asides to the overall plot, and further exploration into the characters.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    I had my reservations about teh first book, so it took me forever to actually pick it up. but I liked it. This one was an almost 'Why not' kind of pick, but I found it disappointing. It seemed like such an issue book. And then there was all this random stuff about movies. Uh... don't care. It felt weird, and didn't add anything to the story. The story itself was one giant angst-fest, then when the conflict finally gets resolved, it's very much in a 'yeah, it's okay now' sort of way. Very disappointing.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Enjoyable tale about a girl that saves the life of the President's son from an assasin. I loved Sam's crazy sisters and her elder sister's boyfriend. By contrast, the passages between Sam and the President' son were handledwith care. Charming, funny and warm.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Sam is hilarious, one of the funniest books that I have read in a long time. I love funny books, especially ones with character. Sam is an artist who thinks herself misunderstood. When she is skipping an art lesson, she sees a guy with a gun. And the president. After jumping on the back of the guy's back (and breaking her arm), she is considered a national hero. But there's one little problem....she might be falling in love with the president's son. Light and funny read.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Unrealistic plot, I guess it could be called a modern fairy tale. Pretty trashy and a quick read, but it's entertaining and fairly interesting. Basically, some random wannabe goth girl saves the president's life and it's all about her life after becoming a media icon. It has the standard teen romance and coming of age thing going for it.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I personally thought this was an okay book. It would never be a favorite but I thought the story line was good. It had some boring parts but the ending was worth it.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    In this book a fifteen-year-old artist named Samantha Madison saves the president from an assassination attempt. It is a relaxing and enjoyable read that leaves the reader feeling happy and satisfied at the end. Meg Cabot's style of writing is fantastic, and all readers will enjoy it, although the books are aimed at a young adult audience.

Book preview

All-American Girl - Meg Cabot

Prologue

Okay, here are the top ten reasons why I can’t stand my sister Lucy:

10. I get all her hand-me-downs, even her bras.

9. When I refuse to wear her hand-me-downs, especially her bras, I get the big lecture about waste and the environment. Look, I am way concerned about the environment. But that does not mean I want to wear my sister’s old bras. I told Mom I see no reason why I should even have to wear a bra, seeing as how it’s not like I’ve got a lot to put in one, causing Lucy to remark that if I don’t wear a bra now then if I ever do get anything up there, it will be all saggy like those tribal women we saw on the Discovery Channel.

8. This is another reason why I can’t stand Lucy. Because she is always making these kind of remarks. What we should really do, if you ask me, is send Lucy’s old bras to those tribal women.

7. Her conversations on the phone go like this: "No way…. So what did he say?…Then what did she say?…No way…. That is so totally untrue…. I do not. I so do not…. Who said that?…Well, it isn’t true…. No, I do not…. I do not like him…. Well, okay, maybe I do. Oh, gotta go, call-waiting."

6. She is a cheerleader. All right? A cheerleader. Like it isn’t bad enough she spends all her time waving pom-poms at a bunch of Neanderthals as they thunder up and down a football field. No, she has to do it practically every night. And since Mom and Dad are fanatical about this mealtime-is-family-time thing, guess what we are usually doing at five thirty? And who is even hungry then?

5. All of my teachers go: "You know, Samantha, when I had your sister in this class two years ago, I never had to remind her to:

a) double space

b) carry the one

c) capitalize her nouns in Deutsch

d) remember her swimsuit

e) take off her headphones during morning announcements

f) stop drawing on her pants."

4. She has a boyfriend. And not just any boyfriend, either, but a nonjock boyfriend, something totally unheard-of in the social hierarchy of our school: a cheerleader going with a nonjock boyfriend. And it isn’t even that he’s not a jock. Oh, no, Jack also happens to be an urban rebel like me, only he really goes all out, you know, in the black army surplus trench coat and the Doc Martens and the straight Ds and all. Plus he wears an earring that hangs.

But even though he is not book smart, Jack is very talented and creative artistically. For instance, he is always getting his paintings of disenfranchised American youths hung up in the caf. And nobody even graffitis them, the way they would if they were mine. Jack’s paintings, I mean.

As if that is not cool enough, Mom and Dad completely hate him because of his not working up to his potential and getting suspended for his antiauthoritarianism and calling them Carol and Richard to their faces instead of Mr. and Mrs. Madison.

It is totally unfair that Lucy should not only have a cool boyfriend but a boyfriend our parents can’t stand, something I have been praying for my entire life, practically.

Although actually at this point any kind of boyfriend would be acceptable.

3. In spite of the fact that she is dating an artistic rebel type instead of a jock, Lucy remains one of the most popular girls in school, routinely getting invited to parties and dances every weekend, so many that she could not possibly attend them all, and often says things like, Hey, Sam, why don’t you and Catherine go as, like, my emissaries? even though if Catherine and I ever stepped into a party like that we would be vilified as sophomore poseurs and thrown out onto the street.

2. She gets along with Mom and Dad—except for the whole Jack thing—and always has. She even gets along with our little sister, Rebecca, who goes to a special school for the intellectually gifted and is practically an idiot savant.

But the number-one reason I can’t stand my sister Lucy would have to be:

1. She told on me about the celebrity drawings.

1

She says she didn’t mean to. She says she found them in my room, and they were so good she couldn’t help showing them to Mom.

Of course, it never occurred to Lucy that she shouldn’t have been in my room in the first place. When I accused her of completely violating my constitutionally protected right to personal privacy, she just looked at me like, Huh? even though she is fully taking U.S. Government this semester.

Her excuse is that she was looking for her eyelash curler.

Hello. Like I would borrow anything of hers. Especially something that had been near her big, bulbous eyeballs.

Instead of her eyelash curler, which of course I didn’t have, Lucy found this week’s stash of drawings, and she presented them to Mom at dinner that night.

Well, Mom said in this very dry voice. Now we know how you got that C-minus in German, don’t we, Sam?

This was on account of the fact that the drawings were in my German notebook.

"Is this supposed to be that guy from The Patriot? my dad wanted to know. Who is that you’ve drawn with him? Is that…is that Catherine?"

German, I said, feeling that they were missing the point, is a stupid language.

German isn’t stupid, my little sister Rebecca informed me. The Germans can trace their heritage back to ethnic groups that existed during the days of the Roman Empire. Their language is an ancient and beautiful one that was created thousands of years ago.

Whatever, I said. Did you know that they capitalize all of their nouns? What is up with that?

Hmmm, my mother said, flipping to the front of my German notebook. What have we here?

My dad went, "Sam, what are you doing drawing pictures of Catherine on the back of a horse with that guy from The Patriot?"

I think this will explain it, Richard, my mother said, and she passed the notebook back to my dad.

In my own defense, I can only state that, for better or for worse, we live in a capitalistic society. I was merely enacting my rights of individual initiative by supplying the public—in the form of most of the female student population at John Adams Preparatory School—with a product for which I saw there was a demand. You would think that my dad, who is an international economist with the World Bank, would understand this.

But as he read aloud from my German notebook in an astonished voice, I could tell he did not understand. He did not understand at all.

You and Josh Hartnett, my dad read, fifteen dollars. You and Josh Hartnett on a desert island, twenty dollars. You and Justin Timberlake, ten dollars. You and Justin Timberlake under a waterfall, fifteen dollars. You and Keanu Reeves, fifteen dollars. You and— My dad looked up. Why are Keanu and Josh more than Justin?

Because, I explained, Justin has less hair.

Oh, my dad said. I see. He went back to the list.

You and Keanu Reeves white-water rafting, twenty dollars. You and James Van Der Beek, fifteen dollars. You and James Van Der Beek hang-gliding, twenty—

But my mom didn’t let him go on for much longer.

Clearly, she said in her courtroom voice—my mom is an environmental lawyer; one thing you do not want to do is anything that would make Mom use her courtroom voice—Samantha is having trouble concentrating in German class. The reason why she is having trouble concentrating in German class appears to be because she is suffering from not having an outlet for all her creative energy. I believe if such an outlet were provided for her, her grades in German class would improve dramatically.

Which would explain why the next day my mom came home from work, pointed at me, and went, Tuesdays and Thursdays, from three thirty to five thirty, you will now be taking art lessons, young lady.

Whoa. Talk about harsh.

Apparently it has not occurred to my mother that I can draw perfectly well without ever having had a lesson. Except for, you know, in school. Apparently my mother doesn’t realize that art lessons, far from providing me with an outlet for my creative energy, are just going to utterly stamp out any natural ability and individual style I might have had. How will I ever be able to stay true to my own vision, like van Gogh, with someone hovering over my shoulder, telling me what to do?

Thanks, I said to Lucy when I ran into her a little while later in the bathroom we shared. She was separating her eyelashes with a safety pin in front of the mirror, even though our housekeeper, Theresa, has told Lucy a thousand times about her cousin Rosa, who put out an eye that way.

Lucy looked past the safety pin at me. "What’d I do?"

I couldn’t believe she didn’t know. You told on me, I cried, about the whole drawing thing!

God, you ’tard, Lucy said, going to work on her lower lashes. Don’t even tell me you’re upset about that. I so totally did you a favor.

"A favor? I was shocked. I got into big trouble because of what you did! Now I have to go to some stupid, lame art class twice a week after school, when I could be, you know…watching TV."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "You so don’t get it, do you? You’re my sister. I can’t just stand by and let you become the biggest freak of the entire school. You won’t participate in extracurriculars. You wear that hideous black all the time. You won’t let me fix your hair. I mean, I had to do something. This way, who knows? Maybe you’ll be a famous artist. Like Georgia O’Keeffe."

Do you even know what Georgia O’Keeffe is famous for painting, Lucy? I asked, and when she said no, I told her:

Vaginas. That’s what Georgia O’Keeffe was famous for painting.

Or as Rebecca put it, as she came ambling past with her nose buried in the latest installment of the Star Trek saga, with which she is obsessed, Actually, Ms. O’Keeffe’s organic abstract images are lush representations of flowers that are strongly sexual in symbolic content.

I told Lucy to ask Jack if she didn’t believe me. But Lucy said she and Jack don’t discuss things like that with one another.

I was all, You mean vaginas? but Lucy said no, art.

I don’t get this. I mean, she is going out with an artist, and yet the two of them never discuss art? I can tell you, if I ever get a boyfriend, we are going to discuss everything with one another. Even art. Even vaginas.

2

Catherine couldn’t even believe it about the drawing lessons.

But you already know how to draw! she kept saying.

I, of course, couldn’t have agreed more. Still, it was good to know I wasn’t the only person who thought my having to spend every Tuesday and Thursday from three thirty until five thirty at the Susan Boone Art Studio was going to be a massive waste of time.

That is just so like Lucy, Catherine said as we walked Manet through the Bishop’s Garden on Monday after school. The Bishop’s Garden is part of the grounds of the National Cathedral, where they have all the funerals for any important people who die in D.C. It is only a five-minute walk from where we live, in Cleveland Park, to the National Cathedral. Which is good, because it is Manet’s favorite place to chase squirrels and bust in on couples who are making out in the gazebo and stuff.

Which is another thing: who is going to walk Manet while I am at the Susan Boone Art Studio? Theresa won’t do it. She hates Manet, even though he’s fully stopped chewing on the electrical cords. Besides, according to Dr. Lee, the animal behaviorist, that was my fault, for naming him Monet, which sounds like the word no. Since changing his name to Manet, he’s been a lot better…though my dad wasn’t too thrilled with the five-hundred-dollar bill Dr. Lee sent him.

Theresa says that it is bad enough that she has to clean up after all of us; over her dead body is she cleaning up after my eighty-pound Old English sheepdog.

I can’t believe Lucy did that, Catherine said. I’m sure glad I don’t have any sisters. Catherine is a middle child, like me—which is probably why we get along so well. Only unlike me, Catherine has two brothers, one older and one younger…and neither of whom are smarter or more attractive than she is.

Catherine is so lucky.

But if it hadn’t been Lucy, it would have been Kris, she pointed out as we trudged along the narrow, twisty path through the gardens. Kris was totally onto you. I mean about only charging her and her friends.

Which had been, really, the beauty of the whole thing. That I’d only been charging girls like Kris and her friends, I mean. Everyone else had gotten drawings for free.

Well, and why not? When, as a joke, I drew a portrait of Catherine with her favorite celebrity of all time, Heath Ledger, word got around, and soon I had a waiting list of people who wanted pictures of themselves in the company of various hotties.

At first I didn’t even think about charging. I was more than glad to provide drawings to my friends for free, since it seemed to make them happy.

And then when the non-English-speaking girls in my school got wind of it and wanted portraits, too, well, I couldn’t very well charge them, either. I mean, if you just moved to this country—whether to escape oppression in your native land, or, like most of the non–English speakers at our school, because one of your parents was an ambassador or diplomat—no way should you have to pay for a celebrity drawing. You see, I know what it is like to be in a strange place where you don’t speak the language: it sucks. I learned this the hard way, thanks to Dad—who is in charge of the World Bank’s North African division. He moved us all to Morocco for a year when I was eight. It would have been nice if somebody there had given me some drawings of Justin Timberlake for free, instead of staring at me like I was a freak just because I didn’t know the Moroccan for May I please be excused? when I had to go to the bathroom.

Then I got hit by a bunch of requests for celebrity portraits from the girls in Special Ed. Well, I couldn’t charge people in Special Ed, either, on account of how I know what it is like to be in Special Ed. After we got back from Morocco, it was determined that my speech impediment—I said th instead of s, just like Cindy Brady—wasn’t something I was going to grow out of…not without some professional help. So I was forced to attend special speech and hearing lessons while everybody else was in music appreciation.

As if this were not bad enough, whenever I returned to my regular classroom, I was routinely mocked for my supposed stupidity by Kris Parks—who’d been my best friend up until I’d left for Morocco. Then whammo, I come back and she’s all, "Samantha who?"

It was like she didn’t even remember how she used to come to my house to play Barbies every day after school. No, suddenly she was all about going with boys and running around at recess, trying to kiss them. The fact that I, as a fourth grader, would sooner have eaten glass than allowed a fellow fourth grader’s lips to touch mine—particularly Rodd Muckinfuss, who was the class stud that year—instantly branded me as immature (the th instead of s probably didn’t help much, either). Kris dropped me like a hot potato.

Fortunately this only fueled my desire to learn to speak properly. The day I graduated from speech and hearing, I strode right up to Kris and called her a stupid, slobbering, inconsiderate simpering sycophant.

We haven’t really spoken much since.

So, figuring that people who are in Special Ed really need a break now and then—especially the ones who have to wear a helmet all the time due to being prone to seizures or whatever—I declared that, for them, my celebrity-drawing services were free, as they were for my friends and the non–English speakers at Adams Prep.

Really, I was like my own little UN, doling out aid, in the form of highly realistic renderings of Freddie Prinze Jr., to the underprivileged.

But it turned out that Kris Parks, now president of the sophomore class and still an all-around pain in my rear, had a problem with this. Well, not with the fact that I wasn’t charging the non–English speakers, but with the fact that it turned out the only people I was charging were Kris and her friends.

But what did she think? Like I was really going to charge Catherine, who has been my best friend ever since I got back from Morocco and found out that Kris had pulled an Anakin and gone over to the Dark Side? Catherine and I totally bonded over Kris’s mistreatment of us—Kris still takes great delight in making fun of Catherine’s knee-length skirts, which is all Mrs. Salazar, Catherine’s mom, will allow her to wear, being super Christian and all—and our mutual contempt for Rodd Muckinfuss.

Oh, yeah. I’m definitely going to give free drawings of Orlando Bloom to someone like Kris.

Not.

People like Kris—maybe because she was never forced to attend speech and hearing lessons, much less a school where no one spoke the same language she did—cannot seem to grasp the concept of being nice to anyone who is not size five, blond, and decked out in Abercrombie and Fitch from head to toe.

In other words, anyone who is not Kris Parks.

Catherine and I were talking about this on our way home from the cathedral grounds—Kris, I mean, and her insufferability—when this car approached us and I saw my dad waving at us from behind the wheel.

Hi, girls, my mom said, leaning over my dad to talk to us, since we were closest to the driver’s side. I don’t suppose either of you is interested in going to Lucy’s game.

Mom, Lucy said from the backseat. She was in full cheerleader regalia. Do not even try. They won’t come, and even if they do, I mean, look at Sam. I’d be embarrassed to be seen with her.

Lucy, my dad said in a warning tone. He needn’t have bothered, however. I am quite used to Lucy’s disparaging remarks concerning my appearance.

It is all well and good for people like Lucy, whose primary concern in life is not missing a single sale at Club Monaco. I mean, for Lucy, the fact that they started selling Paul Mitchell products in our local drugstore was cause for jubilation the likes of which had not been seen since the fall of the Berlin Wall.

I, however, am a little more concerned about world issues, such as the fact that three hundred million children a day go to bed hungry and that school art programs are invariably the first things cut whenever local boards of education find they are working at a deficit.

Which is why at the start of this school year, I dyed my entire wardrobe black to show that

a) I was in mourning for our generation, who clearly do not care about anything except what’s going to happen on Friends next week, and

b) fashion trends are for phonies like my sister.

And yeah, my mom nearly blew a capillary or two when she saw what I’d done. But hey, at least she knows one of her daughters actually thinks about something other than French manicures.

My mom, unlike Lucy, wasn’t about to give up on me, though. Which was why, there in the car, she put on a bright sunshiny smile, even though there was nothing to feel too sunshiny about, if you ask me. There was a pretty steady drizzle going on, and it was only about forty degrees outside. Not the kind of November day anyone—but especially someone completely lacking in school spirit, like me—would really want to spend sitting in some bleachers, watching a bunch of jocks chase a ball around, while girls in too-tight purple-and-white sweaters—like my sister—cheered them on.

You never know, my mom said to Lucy from the front seat. They might change their minds. To us, she said, What do you say, Sam? Catherine? Afterwards Dad is taking us to Chinatown for dim sum. She glanced at me. I’m sure we can find a burger or something for you, Sam.

Sorry, Mrs. Madison, Catherine said. She didn’t look sorry at all. In fact, she looked downright happy to have an excuse not to go. Most school events are agony for Catherine, given the comments she regularly receives from the In Crowd about her Laura Ashley–esque wardrobe ("Where’d you

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