The Darcys Give a Ball: A gentle joke, Jane Austen style

By Elizabeth Newark

While Jane and Lizzie plan a lavish ball at Pemberley, the Darcys' second son falls in love with the Collins' daughter, first-born Juliet Darcy is almost lured into an elopement, and Georgiana's timid daughter Lucy is the new target of Miss Caroline Bingley's meddling.

The Darcys Give a Ball is a charming and very amusing imagining of the next generation of Jane Austen's beloved characters from Pride and Prejudice and other novels, where all the young people come together for a surprising and altogether satisfying ending. Sons and daughters share the physical and personality traits of their parents, but of course have minds of their own, and as Lizzie says to Jane: "The romantic attachments of one's children are a constant distraction."

"Jane would be proud of you." —Juliet McMaster, Professor of English, University of Alberta

"A tour de force." —Marilyn Sachs, author of First Impressions

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sourcebooks
• Release date: Mar 1, 2008
• ISBN: 9781402233234

Elizabeth Newark

Elizabeth Newark (San Francisco) is the author of seven children’s books and has written poetry, essays on Jane Austen and Charles Dickens, and a sequel to Pride & Prejudice. She is a member of the Jane Austen Society. She was born in London and now lives in San Francisco.

Book preview

Copyright © 1997, 2008 by Elizabeth Newark

Cover and internal design © 2008 by Sourcebooks, Inc.

Cover photo © Bridgeman Art Library

Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

Published by Sourcebooks Landmark, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.

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Originally published in 1997 as Consequence, ISBN 0965914704

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Newark, Elizabeth

Darcys Give a Ball : a gentle joke, Jane Austen style / Elizabeth Newark.

p. cm.

Originally published as: Consequence. San Francisco: New Ark Productions, 1997.

ISBN-13: 978-1-4022-1131-7

ISBN-10: 1-4022-1131-7

1. Bennet, Elizabeth (Fictitious character)—Fiction. 2. Darcy, Fitzwilliam (Fictitious character)—Fiction. 3. Daughters—Fiction. 4. Sons—Fiction. 5. Parent and adult child—Fiction. 6. Domestic fiction. I. Austen, Jane, 1775-1817. Pride and prejudice. II. Title.

PS3564.E86C66 2008

813’.54—dc22

2007038043

Contents

Front Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Prologue

Chapter One: Hunsford Parsonage

Chapter Two: Longbourn

Chapter Three: Pemberley

Chapter Four: Whom Shall We Invite?

Chapter Five: The Invitation

Chapter Six: Arrival at Pemberley

Chapter Seven: Interlude

Chapter Eight: Breakfast with Mr. Darcy

Chapter Nine: Opening Steps

Chapter Ten: Cotillion

Chapter Eleven: Fox Among the Hens

Chapter Twelve: Escapade

Chapter Thirteen: Charlotte

About the Author

Back Cover

This book is dedicated to

my daughter, Penelope,

and my son, Hugh,

with much love.

Prologue

Mr. Collins was not a sensible man, and the deficiency of Nature had been but little assisted by education or society; the greatest part of his life having been spent under the guidance of an illiterate and miserly father.

Jane Austen

Hark’ee, Willem, said old Isaac Collins to his son. Jest you wait. It’ll come to ’ee.

He hawked, scraping his throat with an unpleasant retching sound, and spat into the sputum jar resting on the arm of his chair.

Yerss, everythin’ comes to ’im that waits. You’ll get ’un in the end, Bennetses or no Bennetses. Top lofty, that’s them, aspendin’ money that rightly should be mine. But you’ll see. Their blood’s arunnin’ thin.

Young William Collins, standing to one side of his father (out of reach, he hoped, of any sudden blows from the stout walking stick that leaned against the wall), indicated his agreement. Yes, father, he said meekly.

An’ you keep your nose outa them books. Book-learnin’ never did no-one no good.

Yes, father.

The mills o’ God grind slow, but they grind exceedin’ small, croaked his father. ’Appen I won’t live to see the day. Arrr, I’m not long for this world. But you’ll get ’un. He sniffed long and hard, then blew his nobby and reddened nose with a discoloured kerchief and gazed at the result. Now, you get me a posset and don’t ’ee be asparin’ o’ the wine. Off with ’ee, boy! he yelled, suddenly raising his voice and snatching at the stick. Rouse that lazy ragbag in the kitchen. Time she earned ’er keep.

Y-y-Yes, Father, said William Collins.

Chapter One

Hunsford Parsonage

...and considering Mr. Collins’s character, connections, and situation in life, I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state.

Poor Charlotte—it was melancholy to leave her to such society—But she had chosen it with her eyes open.

Jane Austen

Mrs. Collins?

Mrs. Collins? Mrs. Collins!

As his voice rose, Mr. Collins struggled to his feet. The letter he was reading slid through his hands and he snatched at it as it fell to the floor. His chair tipped over behind him unnoticed.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that to be heir to an estate is eminently less satisfying than to be in possession of that estate. Mr. William Collins, the Rector of Hunsford, had lived with his expectations throughout a good part of his lifetime. At first, the expectations had been those of his father, and had arisen once it became apparent that Mr. Bennet, the owner of Longbourn (the estate which was entailed on the older Mr. Collins), and the father of five daughters, was unlikely to be presented with a son by his wife. The senior Mr. Collins, an illiterate and miserly man, had inherited a quarrel with the Bennet branch of the family, which he continued to enjoy, gloating on occasion to his son over the fact that the quarrel would be finally resolved on the day the Longbourn estate became his. An eye for an eye! snarled the father. So perish the ungodly! (Young Mr. Collins had no idea of the cause of the rift or what, if anything, made these quotations appropriate.)

The son, raised in subjection and humility, had as a means of escape chosen the Church as his career, spurred on perhaps by his father’s quotations from the Scriptures. Shortly after his ordination, he had by a most fortunate chance been recommended to Lady Catherine de Bourgh at a time when the living of Hunsford, which was in her gift, was vacant. The respect he felt for her high rank, and his veneration (nay, near adoration) of her as his patroness, had filled the shell of his personality left empty by his father’s constant belittlement and, as a result of her approbation, he had arrived at a very good opinion of himself, of his authority as a clergyman, and of his right as a rector. He became a curious (to some people insufferable) mixture of pride and obsequiousness, self-importance and humility.

Lady Catherine, for her part, found him exactly to suit her requirements. Veneration (nay, near adoration) she felt to be her due.

On his father’s death, when Mr. Collins in his turn became heir to Longbourn, he began to feel a certain curiosity regarding those five cousins he had never seen, the daughters of Mr. Bennet. The father’s contempt for the son had taught him in his youth to feel unworthy; the sudden boosting of his self-esteem by his early success in obtaining an excellent living drove those feelings underground; they emerged afresh as a feeling of guilt towards his cousins, mixed with a strong and somewhat prurient interest in them as females (his mother had died shortly after his birth and there had been little exposure to the gentle sex in his life). To assuage this guilt, he sought a reconciliation by letter with Mr. Bennet, telling himself it was his duty as a clergyman, but he had another aim: he had a wife in view. His father’s effect on Mr. Collins was such that, even after the father’s death, the son felt uncomfortable about seeking a reconciliation. He bent over backwards to conciliate both Mr. Bennet and his dead father’s shade. He wrote as follows:

The disagreement subsisting between yourself and my late honoured father, always gave me much uneasiness, and since I have had the misfortune to lose him, I have frequently wished to heal the breach; but for some time I was kept back by my own doubts, fearing lest it might seem disrespectful to his memory for me to be on good terms with any one, with whom it had always pleased him to be at variance.

Thus advancing and retreating as if taking part in a country dance, Mr. Collins moved towards his goal. It was Mr. Collins’s misfortune that when he visited Longbourn for a reconciliatory visit, of the two cousins he settled on in turn as a likely wife, first Jane, then Elizabeth, Jane was being courted by another man, and Elizabeth was of a degree of intelligence and a turn of humor that prevented her taking his offer seriously. Mary Bennet might well have been receptive to his suit but was not given the chance. As it was, Charlotte Lucas, daughter of Sir William Lucas, and close friend of Elizabeth Bennet, knowing herself to have little chance of marriage otherwise, threw herself in his way. Affronted and humiliated by Elizabeth’s refusal, Mr. Collins had not questioned his own good fortune in finding Charlotte Lucas conveniently on his doorstep, so to speak. Like the Hunsford living, she had dropped into his hands; he accepted this gift from the gods and they were married as soon as conveniently possible.

Mr. Collins might well have allowed his resentment toward Elizabeth Bennet to congeal into a new breach with the Bennet family, but this his wife would not permit. And Elizabeth’s marriage to Mr. Darcy, wealthy nephew of Lady Catherine, had confirmed to him that it would be best to be on good terms with the Bennets. At the time of the marriage, Mr. Bennet wrote to Mr. Collins as follows:

Console Lady Catherine as well as you can. But, if I were you, I would stand by the nephew. He has more to give.

Mr. Collins deplored what he had often felt was a certain flippancy in Mr. Bennet’s tone but, on due consideration, he felt the advice to be sound. He therefore, over the years, continued to bow down to Lady Catherine, while taking comfort in the knowledge that his wife was in regular correspondence with her dear friend, Mrs. Darcy.

When finally, twelve years later, the news reached him that the estate was his, he reacted with what can only be termed high glee.

Reviews for The Darcys Give a Ball

[sweetiegherkin · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

As a sequel, The Darcys Give a Ball takes place a couple of decades after the end of Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice. In this book, the reader gets to see some of our favorite original characters along with plenty of new ones -- the next generation, if you will -- as all of these characters have now had several children each. The crux of the story is that Eliza, the 17-year-old daughter of Mr. Collins and Charlotte (Lucas) Collins, and Henry, the second son of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth (Bennet) Darcy, fall in love. Mr. and Mrs. Darcy decide to give a ball purportedly to celebrate their daughter Juliet's 19th birthday, but also to see if Henry will still care for Eliza after her sees amongst his own family and peers. Other pairings are considered amongst the various young people belonging to the families and extended families of the Darcys, Collinses, and Bingleys as well as other wealthy landed gentry. Despite being subtitled “A gentle joke, Jane Austen style,” this book is neither particularly funny nor really in Austen's style at all. It is very descriptive, particularly of bloodlines, clothing, and houses, whereas Austen left a lot of this up to the reader’s imagination, choosing to focus instead of dialogue, characterizations, and plot. There is also very little of Austen’s wit and wry observations, except for when the author drops in occasional lines from the original novel as though that will make this one Austenesque. The author also uses the parenthetical far too liberally, which got a bit annoying at times. Lizzy (Bennet) Darcy rambles more than sparkles with wit, and the other characters aren't always spot-on in their resemblances to the originals either.When the ball is planned, the author thinks it is funny (I presume that is the rationale) to drop all these Easter eggs in the invites. The Darcys are inviting the Bertrams, the Elliotts, the Knightleys, and a host of other characters from Jane Austen’s remaining five novels. But it's just ridiculous to think that the Darcys out in the countryside are going to be acquainted with other families from the complete opposite side of the country. Remember this is set in the mid-1800s when travel was not an easy thing, nor was it particularly necessary for these people with giant estates who have everything they need handy. And let's not forget the nature of these characters -- the Elliotts love Bath and city society not the country; the Knightleys rarely leave their quiet town; etc. The majority of the plot in The Darcys Give a Ball takes place over a few days so the speed is a bit breakneck, leaving little room for anything like a surprise. But it also makes it a quick and pleasant enough read, and this book served as something nice and light to counteract some of the darker things I’ve been reading.

[marthajeanne · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Most sequels by other authors to well-known novels are not worth the paper they are written on. This one is no exception. The characters have lost all definition. The plot turns are almost wholly predicable. There are a few witty bits of prose - all lifted from Austen. The only delightful bit to the book is the way an elopement is prevented.