The Sensuous Casino Dealer

By Leonard Lipkin

A brilliant, fictional, hilarious comedy romance story, with plot twists and characters so bizarre, you will be laughing so hard you might just overlook the fact that Ernie Forrest is a real live, non-fictional casino dealer at a major Las Vegas Resort - and tells the true story of life in the casino business, in between chapters unraveling the craziest , strangest romance wrought with characters so bizarre but heart warming, that you will long remember. The 23 page free preview section includes a "GOAT", which stands for Glossary of Abbreviated Terms, as well as a synopsis of the Leading Cast of Characters. This free preview section will best set the stage for what the reader is in for.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 28, 2013
• ISBN: 9781626759800

Book preview

plot.

THE SENSUOUS CASINO DEALER

PART ONE

....No amount of training, experience, or combination of any and all personal attributes are of any value whatsoever without the indispensable element of true ambition and work ethic. Ever so unfortunately, that characteristic is unteachable, untrainable, and un-osmosis-able. Either you got it or you don’t. If you don’t, your life will be so much less full – and you will never know why or believe that is what happened to you. But others who have been blessed with that will know you were short-changed that critical attribute and will still try to make allowances. Still, in the long run, you will never outrun that short coming, and you will not even realize that your life will never be the same as if you were not dealt that short coming....

Without passion...there is nothing

Dookie, 2013

Chapter 1

My name is Ernie Forrest. Not my real name. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. But I chose the name Ernie because the degree of uniqueness is similar to that of my real name. Throughout my life that has often been an asset. Just leave a message that Ernie called, and you don’t really need to say your last name, as there is probably only one Ernie they know. Besides, it is so much easier to cry out: ERNIE! during orgasm than, say, Barnaby, Jeremiah, Kubula, Broderick, or Mohammed. Especially if you are all alone.

This works well in my position as a casino dealer. The name on my badge is just ‘Ernie’, and customers remember it easily, and since they love to play at my table, they can just ask any pit boss or cocktail server where Ernie is tonight. And if I have to call the Scheduler (THE PENCIL), even though he is juggling hundreds of dealers and floorpeople in the moment, I can just say Hey Harry, this is Ernie and my game just closed. I’m in 20 (minutes from my last break). Where do you want me to go? And right away he has a mental picture of me, what games I deal, my temperament and appearance that night, and the freshness of my skibbies. Fast, clean, and easy – with no hunting, fumbling, stumbling, or otherwise wasted time and effort.

So ERNIE it is. Along with the name’s uncommonness comes the date stamp. As with my real name, you could correctly peg me as being in my early 60’s, although everyone is surprised by that as I look like I am in my late 40’s and act like I am in my early 30’s.

Without fail, when I saunter up to a table, a guest will read the name on my name tag and ask me if I want to be called Ernie, Ernest, or Ernesto. I almost always reply: Studmuffin. This helps set the tone I want to establish – that they had better be prepared to have fun if they plan to spend time playing at my table. (Usually a guy will proclaim that he just can’t call me that, but then when he begs for a specific card to make his hand, and I deliver something close to that, he agrees to call me any moniker of my choice.)

And oh – I have so much fun with the age thing. Really, I do loath the silly game of Guess My Age. I do not share that insecurity so many middle aged folks embrace. If it never comes out, fine and dandy, for what is the point? But when it does come out, it is in the context of how youthful, energetic, and genuinely fun my dealing personality is. I seriously have a blast at work, often leaning on one elbow, on the right side of the table, much in the style of a piano bar crooner – totally at ease with and part of the audience, laughing easily and often. It would be a great travesty not to. My philosophy is that if I am not having fun at my table, then no one else possibly can, as I am the MOOD CAPTAIN of my table – my domain. If I am laughing, then and only then can my patrons laugh, and with my genuine, self-deprecating, youthful and devilishly keen sense of humor, I do successfully set the stage for laughter and gaiety. And folks, this is a large portion of my compensation. I have FUN at what I do. I PLAY for a living. I do not dread going to work. I charge up to my table with vigor and bounce and a twinkie in my eye, and I pity my co-workers that don’t feel this way, as almost all of them don’t. Conversely, in the rare event I am in a grouchy mood, or just plain don’t feel good, it is inevitable my guests will inherit that mood, and their gaming experience will be greatly diminished, regardless if they win or lose.

up on the table and perform my Chippendales dance. So get those dollar bills ready. I said this last night, and a guy said, Good. I was already turned on by the chest hairs sticking out of your shirt." So clearly, the mood had been set for a party at my table.

GOAT - GLOSSARY OF ABBREVIATED TERMS

Chapter 2

Epilogue

(just kidding)

THE WIKI-WIKI RESORT & CASINO

The hotel where I deal Blackjack and Roulette is a fabulous Hawaiian themed facility built in 2011, about 2 blocks north of the fictional Hotel Montecito, made famous on a popular but defunct TV series, built chronologically toward the end of the so-called theme resorts. It all started in the late 60’s with the extremely popular Roman themed Caesar’s Palace. Then we added resorts paying tribute to New York, the Arabian Desert, an Italian Lakeside Village, The French Riviera, Paris, a Medieval Castle, San Francisco, Venice, an Egyptian Pyramid, The Circus, a Casablanca Experience, A Des Moines Theme, North Little Rock Theme, and the BFE Hotel now in the final stages of design. (The Podunk-Podunk Resort & Casino sells out every weekend.)

Anyway, throughout the years of concept, design and development there has been talk that the consuming public was becoming overwhelmed by all the silly themes, and that all they really want now is just plain sophisticated elegance. Along came Steve Wynn and gave them that in the way of his two resorts named after him, but not before developing a Pirate Themed Resort and the aforementioned mentioned Lakeside Village Hangout. But smart money was saying no more silly themes at the time the WIKI-WIKI RESORT & CASINO was being shopped, so the skeptics were downplaying the concept.

What no one could anticipate was the degree of elegance and steamy, sultry sensuality that went into every detail of the concept. From the tropical fragrance piped into the air – the sizzling and sensational scent of a boudoir that has just witnessed extreme, insanely intense orgasms, to the incredibly titillating uniforms of the dealers and cocktail waitress, to the actual selection of the faces, complexions, and every sensuous detail that moves the hedonistic appetite and the operating forces that drive men and women crazy with subliminal lust – it was all expertly planned and executed.

The designers of the WIKI-WIKI RESORT & CASINO had it in their minds to create a one of a kind experience. Something never before contemplated at this level; so grandiose that it would be the talk of tourists and travel agents all over the world. Up until now, the crowning glory went to Steve Wynn – and very rightfully so. He was the King of Opulence, Luxury, Detail, and Disney-esque Imagination. I still marvel at the dancing fountains. I could never stop going there – in any season – and watch the fountains sway and shoot up to the rhythm of great music on an incredible sound system. And the conservatory and lobby areas are goose bump awesome. In his time, he had set the standard for superiority. But in the late fall of 2010, a new casino opened with an incredible 3 story chandelier, housing numerous bars that offered varying types and configurations of seating possibilities and multi level night clubs within the chandelier. Over 2 million crystals. The envy of the trade and talk of the town. But top able. And topped.

There are over 3500 gambling establishments in the United States alone. In order to remain competitive, our fabulous city must reinvent itself perpetually. Despite the horrific financial collapse of the Great Recession, we must always anticipate several years out by planning our expansions, remodels, and awesome new endeavors based on a projection of future economic conditions. To stand still is to create your own demise via the self-fulfilling prophecy. There is no such concept as standing still. You either go forward or you go backward.

If you can build a 3 story chandelier – and that new casino did – what about a 3 story indoor tropical waterfall, housing not only the obligatory bars and eateries, - but alas - a huge blackjack, craps, and roulette pit on the middle level – actually built on a landing and part of the waterfall. Not just above and below you, but under and around you, touching and caressing your lower extremities, bathing you in foaming warm, seductively scented liquid sex. Tropically scented mist spray occasionally reaching your flaring nostrils. Sounds of Polynesia caressing your twitching earlobes. Ever changing visuals tantalizing your fluttering eyelids.

the laundry is piling up

You arrive at this landing through an inner connective series of water stairs, water elevators, and water escalators that have beverage stations at each landing. Free, and premium brands at that – served up by the most sensational looking bevertainers imagined. Thundering waves of turquoise blue-green tropical water cascading under the players, coming from the level above and crashing to the level below. Swirling and creating new formations with every new burst of foamy water, perpetually changing color and hue at their own whim. Always a different landing pattern because the ever changing formation of players continually creates different blocking patterns and water lanes, so no two events on the bottom landing are ever the same. (In the unlikely event of a prolonged stagnate player formation there is the ability to manually change up the water pattern, but this has almost never happened.) The goal is to create a longing to return often as no two moments are ever alike amid a perpetually changing dynamic and ever evolving show. If you’ve experienced it 10 times, you’ve never experienced the 11th time, and you simply don’t want to miss that.

Yet the casual observer would be totally unaware of the centerpiece of this engineering marvel, for it is totally invisible and its success comes in the form of its obscurity. It is the sound deadening system. You would think with all this water movement you couldn’t hear the person next to you shouting. But all you hear is the gentle lullaby of beach sounds, tropical music, and a greatly subdued representation of what you would expect to hear in the middle of a thundering waterfall. Plus, the mixed in sound effects appropriate to the setting, like ship horns, passing rain stormlettes, children barking, dogs laughing, birds chirping, wind chimes chiming, and the surf ebbing and flowing. While competing casinos all up and down the Las Vegas Strip throw at you so many deafening decibels of noise pollution from more directions you knew existed that you don’t even realize the line has been crossed that takes you to irritation, the sound atmosphere at the WIKI-WIKI RESORT & CASINO is mellow and soothing.

The lighting effects are also a show in itself. Again, computer generated changes brighten and soften the mixture of hues so as to enhance the sensation of being in a tropical paradise. No two moments in time the same, with a coordinated effort with the computer programs that generate the waterfall, scent, and sound effects.

With technological advances (and perpetual obsolescence) comes a limitless opportunity for hedonistic exploration. This is a great time for right no

Chapter 3

The player’s club at the WIKI-WIKI RESORT & CASINO was named the WIKI-WIKI WOW REWARDS CARD. You get points added to your account for money spent on drinks, dining, shows, shopping, night clubs, golf fees, hookers, rooms, and – of course – your money invested in the casino, calculated by the average size of your bet and the length of time working that investment. The cards were offered to players based on their spending pattern, with 5 tiers:

1. Virgin White

2. Delicious Pink

3. Passionate Purple

4. Luscious Lilac

5. Raging Red

The qualification to partake in the pleasures of the waterfall casino paradise was that you had to be at least a mid tier player’s card holder, which is Passionate Purple. Naturally, to get to this level, you would have already demonstrated your credit worthiness and your gambling pattern.

The table limits are kept at a reasonable constant $25 minimum, to keep the games relatively full of players and hence maintain the teasing and inviting changes to the lower level of the waterfall, thereby tempting players to want to advance to Passionate Purple status. But there are no stated maximums. Anyone can bet as high as they want – provided they are somewhat consistent. No wild swings from $25 to $25,000 then back to $25 because the card count suggests a turn of the cards and the advantage. There is a hint of the percentage one could vary, but that is kept secret and it fluctuates at higher tier levels at the discretion of management. In fact, it all varies with different shift managers and hosts and their relationships with their whales (top players), as well as the size of their breasts, especially if they are a woman.

Chapter 4

The executive committee was about to embark on an extremely aggressive endeavor to design, create, and install the most incredible marquee sign ever imagined. To that end, they contracted with the 3 top sign companies that dominate the Sign Capital of the World. They had to pay them each a design fee averaging about $750,000, and that fee was not to be applied to fabrication and installation, even if they were to win the contract. The bids came in at $452,613,857, $613,892,913, and the highest bid came in at a whopping $816,412,906. However, that last bid was from the company that had the most trucks all over town and the best reputation in the industry. So the executive committee took that bid of over $816 million and instead offered them an even $1.5 billion, including a rework of the design, all blueprints, licensing, and permits. All the committee asked for in exchange for the additional sums offered is that the design be advanced further toward the 22nd century, with all rights for the technology to be exclusive - locked in and protected for the next 50 years.

my mother made the best chopped liver!

The sign at the WIKI-WIKI RESORT & CASINO has animated water waves that turn into real water and spill over onto a collecting pool at sidewalk level. The evolution of outdoor features, including signs, on the Las Vegas Strip is staggering. In 1989 we first saw erupting volcanoes. Then pirate ships getting attacked. The aforementioned dancing fountains. Not to paint a rose on Steve Wynn’s ass, but the marquee sign for his newest property - named after Himself - was beyond the latest in innovative technology and creativity. Was, not is. What the creative geniuses of the Wiki-Wiki did was so far off the charts one cannot even fathom the impact of its awesomeness on the tourist, the employees, and the entire industry. It made everything else done to date look like the garish neon signs of the 50’s and 60’s by comparison.

Today’s technology for sign making goes way beyond the scope of this book. To greatly simplify the equation, today’s prism color displays offer 100% digital, 19 bit processing, with 18 bits per color, 10 bit (1024 levels) dimming capacity, 18 quadrillion color display, 262,144 levels of red, green, and blue, 30 frames per second animation rate, 60 frames per second video rate, power steering, power brakes, radio, heater, white wall tires, padded dash, and a power trunk release. Not only is this summation greatly simplified in layman’s terms, it is probably obsolete – from the time of this writing to the time you are reading this or seeing it in a movie.

The importance of great signage cannot be over estimated. The Las Vegas Strip is jam packed with viable alternatives for the driving or walking tourist. As well, the competition for the visual attention of the casual observer is endless. In the old days the seductiveness of the message had to do with loose slots, cheap buffets, cheaper lounge shows, in-room coffee maker, free ice, color TV, a pool, an attached coffee shop, a vibrating bed, and free local calls. There are only so many ways to say in a print, radio, or television ad that you really need to come in here. So a really terrific, nifty, and dandy sign must really pull the customer inside. As in ‘HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY PASS BY AND NOT CHECK THIS OUT, YOU FREAKING IDIOT!!’ And there are only so many ways to say with mere words what is inside the property. So the WIKI-WIKI RESORT & CASINO marquee has animated waves that segue into actual real water cascading out of the marquee into a collecting pool, accompanied by like sounds coming out of a speaker system that would make the music at the Bellagio Fountains sound like 8 track cassette technology in comparison. The animation produces brilliant images under any ambient lighting condition, has wide viewing angles and multiple dimming capabilities and can be programmed to produce an infinite variety of brightness levels and hues. As with the inside 3 level waterfall centerpiece, no two moments are alike, and one can watch the signs presentation for a very long while, come back and watch it again, and never see the same thing twice. And as with the indoor waterfall feature, the sound effects, and the lighting effects, even management and all the technicians do not know the next sequence of the presentation on the marquee - only the computer does in the instant it is doing it, but not beforehand.

Of course, the point of a great marquee is to get the people inside, and not just gawking at the production outside. After the live waterfall feature of the presentation has ended, it reverts back to animation and shows the indoor 3 level waterfall and directs the viewer to the moving pathways leading to the interior. By this time sensory overload must be softened with a few tropical cocktails, and the very lovely waitresses with brilliant smiles wider than the Grand Canyon and soft, glistening eyes will simply not allow an empty drink holder or an empty hand. A cocktail must be offered to the guest within 49.3 seconds of arrival or heads will roll. Premium brands, of course. Served on trays covered in rich Corinthian leather. Complimentary, with no tipping allowed.

Chapter 5

This incredible marquee sign and the fantastic 3 level waterfall centerpiece are only but a slice of the total package. They are indeed the crowning glory, but what envelopes the entire property and surrounds the waterfall at the base must all be of equal appeal. All throughout the property the tropical theme prevails, in all its superlative splendor, each nook and cranny of such creative design and execution it would take a whole book to do it justice. And there is virtually no duplication. The tiniest, most obscure area is treated like it was the main focal point. You just don’t want to miss an inch of this splendor. You will never again see anything like it. Anywhere.

brief heavy tropical shower, with sparsely interspersed lightning effects. Computer generated and totally random. Clouds of all types that come and go, creating shadows and varying degrees of pretend sunshine. The most realistically created artificial environment – you have to struggle to remember you are indoors and even that reality slips away with the soothing, scented, sensuous music. How can music feel scented? All senses are a delicious state of mind, and when so many of your senses are so seductively titillated, the perceptions expands exponently. And the air motion machines – creating soft, tropical trade winds that come and go as they please. There are signs that warn of incoming tides and UV level warnings. A tsunami warning sign. The piece-de-resistance is the pool butlers that lavishly spread sun screen on the opposite gender. Again and again. No visible body parts are safe. Those parts not yet visible remain left to yearn. And yearn they will, with the extreme sensuality of the pool butlers and butlerettes

Chapter 6

I, Ernie Forrest, absolutely LOVE eating pussy. Old pussy, Asian pussy, Black pussy, Hawaiian pussy, Indian pussy, South-of-the-border pussy, Russian pussy, Italian pussy, Eskimo pussy, Idaho pussy, Arkansas pussy, Himalayan pussy, Your sister’s pussy, Aunt Gertrude’s pussy, Millie the Librarian’s pussy. Just not Florida pussy, or Nancy Pelosi. Scotch has its limits. (This makes 3 out of the last 5 years that moth balls have failed to make my top 10 list of favorite aphrodisiacs.) But other than that, P-U-S-S-Y !!! Delicious and creamy soft, dripping so wet with anticipation. Not clean shaven – the stubs are irritating to the upper lip and mustache area. Stick my whole mouth in it and lick my way back to the yummy lips.

I think it is one of the most underrated recreational activities of all time. Children’s summer camp should offer it as an elective. Many say I have a way with words, but many others who know me up close and personal say I am simply a cunning linguist.

And I believe that with a couple in love, the sexiest thing 2 people can do is talk. Endlessly. Laugh, plan the future, and reminisce about the past, drink, laugh and talk. Maybe even play a little cards. That is very sexy. With 2 people that are not so much in love, the second sexiest thing two people can do is kiss. Deeply and oh so sensuously. Wet, deep kisses, tongues interlaced.

Devouring every lip particle and tongue sucking. Wherein the softest part of the lips are exploring one another’s. Sweetly, slowly, lovingly, and with no thought that it is only part of the process - for it is an end unto itself, made even more pleasurable if not perceived as merely foreplay, but deeply appreciated for just what it is. Awesome. Kids call it making out. Getting to first base. Youthful innocence – it’s mostly about impressing their friends, or feeding their ego, and they will not get that it is a home run until they are much older and wiser.

Having said that, eating pussy is far and away not necessarily a prelude. For me, it is endplay, not foreplay. I get much more satisfaction from an infinitely prolonged pussy eating session then the middle-aged-shortened act of intercourse – not that I don’t seriously love that also. And I don’t prefer the ‘69’ position. I have a somewhat Jewish nose, and I don’t like mixing my tastes with conflicting scents, if you can lock in the visual. So the simple Lady-On-Back-Man-Slithering-And-Kissing-His-Way-Up-Her-Legs-Muff-Diving-Position (LOBMSAKHWUHLMDP) is my position of choice. My biggest frustration in this fabulously yummy endeavor is being cut short of time because the lady (or sheep) is overly stimulated and just can’t take it anymore, or is so turned on she just wants to move on to the next phase. All I want to do is just plant myself there for a very, very, very long time. Like til a week from next Tuesday.

Another reason I don’t prefer the ‘69’ position is that I absolutely crave and adore deliciously soft, exquisitely textured thighs against my facial cheeks, and the likewise soft part of the arch of the foot against my side, shoulders, or butt cheeks. The delicacy of the skin texture of these 2 Favorite Female Parts (FFP) is so heavenly exquisite. It’s not just that they are soft. It’s all about texture – an undervalued, often overlooked, little understood and seldom even noted separate quality than mere softness. That is why, you were wondering, I was never much for creative positions on a billiard table. All you get is basic penal stimulation. Not necessarily so awfully bad – but only a small fraction of the pleasures derived from full contact and friction with these fabulous additional body parts. Oh – and I also love to invest a little time on the belly rise. No Twiggies for me. I want to experience the creamy softness of the belly rise against my bare midriff – and of course, my face, as I head South.

Many FFB get shortchanged because clumsy, impatient men are in too much of a hurry to rush South and advance directly to insertion. This is not ‘making love properly’, and this great deficiency will be dissected throughout this great novel, and then again in the movie, and then again in the sequel that wins the most votes.

So let’s take inventory of some of the Favorite Female Parts (FFP) that others let go wasted in the useless pursuit of creativeness in obscure sexual positions: (Get pencil and paper)

1. The upper inner thighs. There is no unit of time to describe how long I want to spend loving on this. Think light years. No fabric is so soft, no Spanish leather so supple, no butter so creamy, no mashed potatoes so delicate, no baby’s tushy as sweet as this area. However, a fair comparison of the quality of the skin texture of the upper inner thigh would be the quality of the texture of my doggie Sam’s jowls.

2. The belly. A creamy, sweet, soft mound of delicious flesh, with its own designated delicious texture, distinguishable for its own specific fabulousness – yet so often unappreciated. Kissable and tongueable if Naval Defense Plan (NDP) not activated.

3. Feet. I am not a fetishist in the strictest sense. I do not want to suck yucky toes. And not all women have soft feet, but those that do – they really do. If they usually walk barefoot or have flat feet, they are probably rough. While I do not begrudge a woman for not having soft feet, if they make sandpaper feel smooth in comparison, my peepee becomes ingrown, and may require tweezing to extract. However, if they have high arches and take care of themselves, the texture of the middle part of a woman’s feet really turns me on, and I want as much contact on whatever parts of my body are convenient to have them touch. Especially my shoulders, butt cheeks, or the sides of my legs, because that probably means I am eating pussy.

4. The palm of one’s hand and one’s fingertips. This is sensuous in and of itself and does not necessarily have to be sexual. This will be described in detail when I discuss Cocktail Server Tip Receiving Techniques (CSTRT).

Their eyes. A woman’s eyes can be the sexiest organ they possess, as they are the Window to the Soul (WTTS). ALL sex appeal is a state of mind and exists only in the heart, soul, and peepee of the beholder. This is why one woman can stop one man’s heart and yet barely affect another’s. The way a woman focuses her eyes on you can take you to so many exotic places and be so much more of a turn on than how she uses any other part of her body. Are you buying any of this?

6. Their elbows. Not so much.

7. Notably absent from my top 6 are tits, but they do get honorable mention. One of my favorite things about tits is that many women have them. According to Map Quest, they are often the starting point for the Great Journey South (GJS). For many women, they are more of an erogenous zone than they are for me, and for that reason I enjoy licking, nibbling, caressing, and sucking them. Sometimes I even read to them. If it moves the purring from moaning then to groaning, it gets my endorsement. Otherwise, they don’t matter so much to me, as I enjoy woman munching in the same manner as I devour fried chicken. Thighs over breasts. And I leave no crumbs with either. But tits can be either notably awesome or notably stupid. Notably awesome tits would be perky, with soft, supple, pouty, perfect nipples that require gentle tugging with ones lips and continuous tongue circling. Notably stupid tits would be Grapefruit Tits (GT). Too big and nippleless. No important place to nibble even if you wanted to. Overcrowded bra like the fat chick in the B.C. comic strip. Pointless both literally and figuratively. Stupid tits should be illegal. Even in Arkansas.

Environmental concerns and the Green Movement being what they are, any square inch of upper inner thigh not being nibbled on at any point in time is so sadly and shamefully wasteful. For a man to jump on a woman and grind away without extensive thigh nibbling is the same travesty of justice as is a 5 star restaurant discarding leftover Kobe steak. And there are way more unsatisfied horny men in the world than underfed souls, so let’s just get our priorities straight, okay?

And by the way, I do not like unnatural scents. No flavored douches for Ernie. If I wanted to taste strawberry, I would have had a fruit salad. Oh yes, I do want it recently showered, (two days) but I just want to have the delicious natural love juices running down my chin. (A light workout prior to THE EVENT will enhance natural flavor.) My favorite thing is to have a lady climax in my mouth several times (think 10), then beg me to move on to intercourse, then do that until she cums again, but before I explode (obviously), withdraw and slither back down and eat her some more. Devour her – with more fervor and urgency than ever. Lick, suck, munch, caress, inhale, intake, eat, eat, eat, lick. LICK. Then the delicious natural taste is really so much more intense, more from deep within her very essence. I love to wallow in that for a while, like til a week from next Wednesday, then go back up and finish. As I am completing this love act, I am torn between looking into the eyes and soul of the beloved prey beneath me as we are both reaching for the heavens in climatic ecstasy – that, or kissing, caressing, nibbling, sucking, pulling