Secret Ceremonies: A Mormon Woman's Intimate Diary of Marriage and Beyond

Written by Deborah Laake

Narrated by Meredith MacRae

A pioneer in the Mormon exposé , Deborah Laake recounts her strict Mormon upbringing and two disastrous Mormon marriages that left her a pariah in the church. Laake chronicles her life from innocence to full initiation. Married at 19, she describes the voodoo-like rituals and behaviors revealed to her on her wedding day— and the male dominance, strange teachings, and “ divine” revelations characteristic of her religion. A Mormon Woman's Intimate Diary of Marriage and Beyond is an insider's look behind the facade and a story of courage and bravery at a time when no one dared speak out against the church.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Phoenix Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 1, 1999
• ISBN: 9781597779944

Reviews for Secret Ceremonies

[altheaann · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This non-fiction autobiography purports to be an expose of the Mormon religion, but is really just an expose of one woman's unhappy life.

I haven't learned anything I didn't know about Mormonism from this book, but I have learned more details than I really ever needed to know about a stranger's sex life!

The book isn't very well written, either, but it has the same weird appeal as that of a daytime talk show, where you can't really figure out WHY the guests want to reveal these sordid and intimate details of their lives to the general public.

And Laake does pretty much admit that the messes she gets herself into are her own fault... she's just pretty spineless. For example, she marries a guy she doesn't love - but it wasn't an arranged marriage or anything - the guy pursued her, she didn't have the guts to break up with him or tell him no, and she *assumes* that her family would want her to marry him. Of course, the marriage doesn't go well. But it wasn't her church that got her into the mess. After the divorce (which her family supports her through), yes, church elders treat her pretty badly. But you know what? No one's forcing her to go to counseling with male elders who are weirdly obsessed with the details of her sex life. No one's even forcing her to be a Mormon!

In the end, the moral you can take away from the story is that trying to live your life by what you *think* are other people's expectations for you will only make you miserable. Reading Laake's story, I keep wanting to say "Stick up for yourself!" and "Get over it!"
But, I read on salon.com that a while after this book became a bestseller, she committed suicide. While I disagree with many aspects of Mormonism (and of pretty much all religions - I'm an equal-opportunity atheist!), I don't think the religion she was brought up in was really responsible for her unhappiness in life. After all, plenty of people leave a religion without letting it ruin their life! The problem was her personal inability to decide what *she* wanted from life, and to go out and find it.

[marlene9nl · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

on Wednesday, March 01, 2006 I wrote about this book:

Read this in a couple of hours. I was shocked to learn that the author had commited suicide a couple of years after this book was published.

It was a very interesting read. Not the best of writing but an interesting view on the Mormoms church.

[turtlesleap · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Disturbing account of Deborah Laake's young womanhood in the Mormon Church and her direct experience with the role of women in that church. It should be understood that this is Laake's very personal account and may be offensive to some readers.

[libraryscat · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Laake's story of her young adulthood as a Mormon is very easy to read although the content is somewhat disturbing. Her religious aspirations to be pleasing to God found their earthly home in bad marriages which assured her way into heaven and damning her when they failed. In spite of oaths that would require bodily harm if she shared any information about the secret ceremonies, Laake allows her readers to join her in the Temple ceremonies which bound her to her first husband in this life and the afterlife. In the introduction, the author says that many times she gave up on writing this book. Finally, I think it was cathartic for her to tell her story - the years of turmoil in the Mormon religion. I was surprised that polygamy was not the main issue here. However, it was very interesting to think that, even without the dreaded polygamy, Mormon females remain in a position of inferiority and submission.