Let Me Go

Written by Helga Schneider

Narrated by Barbara Rosenblat

Helga Schneider was four when her mother suddenly abandoned her family in Berlin in 1941. This extraordinary memoir, praised across Europe, tells of a daughter’s final encounter with her mother, who had left her family to become an SS guard at Auschwitz.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Blackstone Audio
• Release date: Jun 26, 2005
• ISBN: 9780786134090

Reviews for Let Me Go

[alisony-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I deliberately sought out this book after some of my earlier reading on WWII. I had a lot of questions in my mind about Nazi Germany - what did regular Germans think of the Nazi activities? Why did people sign up to the SS - was it propaganda, were they naturally evil anyway?I'm not sure I got all the answers I was looking for from this memoir, but it was an interesting (although not enjoyable) short read nonetheless. The author's mother abandoned her when she was 4 to work as an officer in the SS, and they had only met once previously, a disastrous visit in 1971 which left the author feeling more abandoned and repulsed than ever. Yet 27 years later she agrees to visit her mother one final time, as she is now in her 90s.Her mother volunteered to go to work at Birkenau, which gives you an idea of the kind of character she was. Her total lack of remorse made for some difficult reading. She totally bought into the Nazi ideology, and felt that the Jews were responsible for anything and everything that was wrong with Germany, from the country's loss in WWI to ongoing defeatism. Her thoughts about the adults extended to the Jewish children who were murdered as well, which was horrifying to read.Schneider understandably goes through a spectrum of emotions when she meets her mother. On the one hand she is repulsed by her character, disgusted that she is totally unrepentant about the acts she committed, and that the ideology meant more to her than her own children. Yet despite everything she still has the invisible tie of mother/daughter with her, which made for some very confusing emotions.Reading between the lines, I felt that Schneider still carries a lot of her own guilt about the war too, even though she was just 7 when it finished. Her stepmother's sister was Goebbel's secretary, and the children were invited into Hitler's bunker and also met him. Clearly the children were in no way responsible for their parental connections, yet it's very apparent that the author wishes to play down any such events that she partook in.3.5 stars for an interesting, if difficult, insight into the horrors of Nazi Germany.

[abigailadams26 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Some books are difficult to read because their subject matter is so disturbing that the reader feels traumatized by the horrific events she sees chronicled before her. And some books are difficult to read because they were obviously difficult to write, every word an agony for the author. Such books are written with their creator's blood, and the reader, who is literally consuming the suffering of another human being, feels queasy in the process. Helga Schneider's memoir, so engrossing as to be almost hypnotic in its effect, is both kinds of difficult...It took me two hours to read this riveting memoir, which I literally consumed during my train commute to and from work yesterday. It was fascinating and repellent, emotionally visceral in a way that made me feel that I was a voyeur. Written in the first-person, and frequently addressed to her mother, Let Me Go is a chronicle of Schneider's attempt to come to terms with the mother who abandoned her to become an active participant in the Nazi Final Solution. A prison guard at the Ravensbruck concentration camp, where she assisted in horrific experiments on "human guinea pigs," Schneider's mother eventually volunteered to undergo "dehumanization" treatment, in order to become a camp guard at the Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp.The author, who met her mother only twice after being abandoned at the age of four, is haunted by her mother's atrocities, and torn by her conflicting emotions and desires. On the one hand, she longs - like all abandoned children, I would imagine - for some sort of connection to this woman she never knew, and for the "mother-kindness" that was denied to her. On the other hand, she hates everything her mother is, everything she believed in and stood for, and longs for the strength to truly sever the bond between them. Struck with pity, on her second and final visit, for her mother's old age and isolation, Schneider is also disgusted by her mother's non-repentance, her amorality, and her dishonest manipulations.I have read over thirty Holocaust memoirs over the years, but despite my interest, both in this specific topic, and in the more general questions of human evil and human suffering, I had never before read any biographies or memoirs devoted to any of the perpetrators. I think, upon reflection, that I have been afraid to delve too deeply into that "banality of evil" of which Arendt writes, afraid that some fleeting glimpse of humanity might evoke an unwanted sense of fellow-feeling. Because no matter how honestly we may acknowledge that seed of evil which lies in all of us, no one wants to look into the face of depravity, and see any part of themselves...How much more terrible and inescapable this question of human evil, and our connection to it must be, when the face of depravity is one's own mother! I commend Schneider for her bravery in writing this book, for exposing her personal anguish and shame to the world, in her effort to further the discussion of these important questions. How unbearable sad it is to me, that her sacrifice does not bring her, or her readers, any closer to understanding such incomprehensible hate...

[akblanchard_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I don't think Helga Schneider's mother would have been a very nice person no matter when or where she was born. But, unfortunately for a lot of people, she was born in Austria in the early part of the twentieth century, which meant that she was in the prime of her life during the Nazi era. A true believer in the ideology of Aryan racial supremacy, she left her husband and two young children when the state called to what was she considered a plum job--concentration camp guard at Ravensbrück and later Auschwitz. In this capacity she beat prisoners, sent children and their mothers to the deaths, and participated in heinous pseudo-scientific experiments. Her psychopathy and complete lack of empathy found their perfect outlet in this position. After the war was over, Helga's mother was convicted of "minor war crimes," and served a brief prison sentence, but never reunited with her family. She saw her daughter Helga only once, in 1971. In her old age, Helga's mother convinced herself that both of her children were dead.In 1998, Helga was summoned by her mother's only friend to visit the now-frail old woman. Let Me Go is the harrowing story of Helga's visit to her mother's nursing home. Despite periodic dementia, her mother hasn't changed much; she alternates between wheedling her daughter into calling her "Mutti", and defending her wartime actions. She tells her daughter, "When I saw the littlest ones going into [the gas chambers] all I could think was: There's a few less Jewish brats; there are some kids who will never become repellent adult Jews" (p. 159). The visit forces Helga to remember parts of her own past she had long repressed, including her own complicity in brutality against Jews and her visit (along with a group of other schoolchildren) to Hitler's bunker, where she met the man himself.Needless to say, this book, although short, is very disturbing to read.

[sandra.k.heinzman · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

An interesting holocaust memoir. I listened to the audio version.

[raizel_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A memoir about a woman who attempts to come to terms with the fact that her mother belonged to the SS and, as a concentration camp guard, participated in the "medical research" torture of Jews. When the author, Helga Schneider, was four year -old, she was abandoned by her mother, Traudi. As an adult, Helga, with her young son, met her mother once and, discovering some of what Traudi had done, had no interest in maintaining any relationship with her. Now, 30 years later, her mother is ill and her memory is fading, and Helga and her cousin visit Traudi for one last time. Helga would like her mother to admit that she was wrong, as a mother and as a person; and she is driven to find out the details of her mother's crimes. Traudi, whose memory and ability to focus are sketchy, remains stubborn and certain that her actions were justified. Both mother and daughter probably want to feel loved by the other, but too much has happened and not happened.The book also contains memories that Helga has fo her wartime experiences. She met Hitler. Her relatives worked for highranking Nazi officials. Regretfully, she joined with a mob attacking a Jewish couple. And she suffered from hunger and cold. I will admit that my sympathy for her, an innocent child in a world not of her making, is not as deep as it is for her mother's victims.There was an interesting quote: She looks at me with an expression of apparently genuine regret. "If you hoped I was going to change my mind, I'm sorry to have to disappoint you. I'm staying the way I was." And she concluded: "I've told the truth, the whole truth. The truth you wanted." The truth I wanted... ... Has she been truly sincere, or has she said what she thought I wanted to hear---something that would help me to hate her definitely, to free myself from her once and for all?Part of me---the part that wants everyone to be nice---wants to believe that Traudi says what she thinks will help her daughter. But the rest of me believes that Helga would really prefer to have a mother that feels remorse than to feel unambiguous hatred and what must Traudi be like if she thinks her answer is satisfying?

[bookalover89 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Short book, but powerful.

[tallydi · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

On a simple level, this is the story of a woman's visit with her elderly mother in a nursing home. On a deep level it is that woman's effort to come to terms with a mother who abandoned her children in order to become a guard in a Nazi extermination camp. Compelling. Disturbing.

[smithsj01_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It's hard to tell who this is about. As it was an autobiography I expected to read more about Helga's life; instead the focus is on her mother Traudi, making it more of a biography of her life. Very interesting to read and at times it makes for uncomfortable reading. Nevertheless this is a worthwhile experience. I had expected it to be even more detailed that it is actually is, so it was somewhat of an easier experience than anticipated. Overall it is well written but occasionally it drifts and it can be confusing as to whether you are reading the present or the recent past. The setting for the book is a visit to where Traudi is staying. She is 90 years old and it's just before she dies. Traudi left Helga and her brother Peter when she was 4; choosing her job for the SS over her children. Helga then met up with her again only once more before this visit. The relationship between mother and daughter is fascinating. I don't know if I hated her as much as Helga kept saying she did whether I would have stayed and suffered the abuse she was still dealing out at 90. It is both fascinating yet frank. Helga takes her cousin Eva with her on the visit and facts are revealed that Eva finds distressing; adding to Helga's discomfort and concerns. Being quite short at 149 pages it means you can read it in one sitting which might be better as there no actual chapters. Instead there are suitable places to stop reading should you need to. Worth a read but I don't know if I'll read the prequel 'The Bonfire of Berlin'.

[caymil · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is a facinating, sad, and painful rendering of a German family torn apart by political alliances during Hitlers reign. The author paints a vivid picture of the forgotten victims of this era. Helga was abused and then abandoned by her mother who had ties to the Nazi party and was dedicated to the Nazi agenda. Helga grew up with the legacy of a mother who was a guard at Auschwitz and participated in subjecting prisoners to unimaginable experiments, and killed untold numbers of people. This book tells the story of her final visit to her mother after a lifetime of separation and decribes the raw emotion, disappointment, and saddness involved. There is no happy ending here, only reality told from a point of view that we don't often get to experience.

[yjeva · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

A disturbing book of memoirs by the daughter of a female guard at Auschwitz - I kept hoping for just a glimmer of a happy ending but there was none.

[MissX KP · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Very emotional. It's painful reading along and knowing how much the author wants validation from her Mom (as all children do,) yet in the end, at least she got closure.

[pauntley · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This is an account of a daughter’s merciless interrogation of her demented mother, more than half a century after her Nuremberg conviction for the crimes she committed when she was a concentration camp guard at Sachsenhausen, Ravensbruch and Auschwitz-Birkenau. The book is deeply troubling in its evocation of some fundamental issues of moral responsibility.In 1941, when she was just four years old, Helga Schneider was abandoned by her mother who joined the Waffen SS as a concentration camp guard. She enlisted with enthusiasm and never wavered in her belief in Nazism. She was convicted with other camp guards at Nuremberg and served two years of a six year prison sentence. Helga’s father re-married but her stepmother was cruel and she endured a miserable childhood of neglect and harsh institutional care. Mother and daughter met again in 1971, three decades after she was abandoned. Helga, by then married with a 5 year old son Renzo, sought out her mother and discovered her past as a camp guard, her participation in sadistic medical experiments, her unwavering antisemitism and her commitment to the ‘final solution’. Their 1971 reunion was scarifying. Her mother tried give Helga bits and pieces of gold jewellery stolen from prisoners murdered in the gas chambers of Auschwitz as if to compensate her for a lost childhood. She displayed a complete lack of interest in her little grandson, Renzo. Mother and daughter parted in acrimony and they had no further contact until 1998, when Helga received a letter from a faithful friend of her mother, informing her that ‘Traudi’ was nearly 90, confined to a nursing home and likely to die soon. The name ‘Traudi’ is a pseudonym, adopted in the book to safeguard her mother’s identity. Helga prepared herself for the confrontation with her mother by reading her criminal record, the trial testimony of Rudolf Hoss, Commandant of the Auschwitz concentration camp, and other accounts of the sadistic medical experiments and murder of prisoners in the camps where her mother worked. At the nursing home she was assured by staff that Traudi had an uncanny capacity for lucid recall of the war years but would be unable to recall any conversation she had with Helga on the following day. Her extended report of the interrogation that followed, over a period of two and a half hours, resembles an exorcism of the unclean spirits of Nazism rather than an attempted reunion or reconciliation. When they met in the nursing home Helga was carrying a teddy bear taken from Traudi’s now deserted apartment, the sole relic of their brief mother daughter relationship. Traudi refused to recognise Helga and insisted that her daughter was dead. She did recognise the teddy bear, snatched it from Helga and refused to give it back. Their squabble over the bear ended when Traudi accepted Helga’s offer of a lipstick in exchange for the bear. Helga’s initial, reluctant feeling of ‘infinite pity’ for this frail irrational creature was soon followed by unqualified dislike. During the time they spent together Traudi behaved like a capricious and manipulative child. In the course of their meeting Traudi came to accept that Helga was indeed the daughter she had abandoned in 1941. The mother-daughter relationship, once established, became arena for conflict. The conflict was a central element in Helga’s endeavour to evoke Traudi’s experiences as a Waffen SS officer. She was unwilling to answer questions about her participation in the medical experiments and executions by gunshot and gas chamber. Helga’s interrogation was designed to evoke her mother’s Nazi past. Prompted by ‘a demon somewhere inside’ she used flattery, threats and false promises to cajole Traudi into a celebration of her role as a concentration camp guard. She resorted to ‘blackmail’ to overcome Traudi’s reluctance to talk about Ravensbruch; she promised to return the following day with ice cream and yellow roses in order to elicit an account of Traudi’s participation in the medical experiments. The ‘demon’ makes several more appearances when Traudi was unwilling to go on with her recitation. Helga felt a ‘kind of fever…an intense craving’ to elicit further admissions. Later in the afternoon after Traudi accepted that Helga was really her daughter she wept and demanded to be called Mutti. Helga refused unless Traudi told her more about the Auschwitz doctors, Mengele and Viktor Brack and the gas chambers. When Traudi could be induced to speak of her past, Helga presents her as lucid in recall, clinical in her extensive coverage of details of her work and without apparent shame or remorse. It is unnecessary to repeat the details; information on the medical experiments and murders is readily available elsewhere. Helga’s interrogation ends at last when Traudi affirms her belief that the extermination of the Jewish race was necessary:‘I had a duty to obey, without argument, orders from above, and it those orders meant the gassing of millions of Jews then I was willing to collaborate. Which is why, believe me, I could not allow myself even the slightest weakness over mothers or children….I was convinced of the rightness of the Final Solution, and so I carried out my tasks with great commitment.…even during my detention I never stopped feeling proud and worthy to have belonged to the Germany of our great Fuhrer…Did you know I read Kant in Birkenau?’At the end of their meeting, when it was time for Traudi to join the other residents for lunch, she wept inconsolably until Helga promised to return in the afternoon. Subsequent interviews with Helga reveal that did not return that day or ever again. A publisher’s note, inexplicably absent in the Heinemann edition, says that Traudi died some years later in 2001 and confirms that her participation in the extermination programme of the camps is documented war crimes archives. This is an account of an exorcism by proxy. To rid herself of her mother’s malignant spirit, Helga makes her recite the horrors of her unforgiveable participation in the Holocaust. One may doubt that Traudi, in her advanced state of dementia, was capable of the detailed recall and coherence of the account she is said to have given of the work she did at Ravensbruch and Auschwitz. Helga interpolates testimony from the Nuremberg trials at strategic points in the text to reinforce their horrific nature. I suspect that much of what is attributed to Traudi is a paraphrase of those sources. We are meant to assume however that the things Traudi said in the nursing home, whatever the accuracy of the transcription, are consistent with her original voluntary commitment to Nazism. As Helga leaves however, she asks herself a strange question: ‘Were you really an inflexible Nazi, mother, or did you say all those horrendous things to help me to hate you’. Helga’s question reflects the ambiguity of the plea that became the title of her book, ‘Let me go, mother’. Traudi had let her daughter go, finally and definitively, when she was a very small child and she made no attempt to renew the relationship with her daughter when the war was over. The initiative came from Helga. Her mother’s ‘absence was a presence’, a continuing obsession that had always obsessed her and induced her to arrange their meetings in 1971 and 1998. The obsession ends with an exorcism. As she leaves the nursing home, Helga complies with Traudi’s child-like demand, calls her Mutti and kisses her with feigned affection; her mother’s physically diminished ‘presence’ has been transformed to an ‘irrevocable absence’. There is a residual question of fairness and potential transgression in the use that Helga makes of her demented mother in the course of liberating herself from her malignant spirit. She was assured before questioning her that Traudi would remember nothing of their conversation on the following day. Perhaps she would revert to the belief that her daughter died years ago. At all events, Helga was told that she could do no harm by asking her mother questions about her Nazi past. There remains however a sense of transgression apparent in Helga’s confession that she felt driven by her own demons to overcome her mother’s resistance and exploit her childlike vulnerability. It is evident that Traudi in dementia was incapable of any adult response to her daughter’s interrogation and equally incapable of repentance or remorse. She was an instrument on which a persistent and well prepared exponent could evoke an old and loathsome music.

[lisa2013_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I finished this unsuual memoir in less than 24 hours.Sparse, powerful, and compelling.I finished it the evening before Holocaust Remembrance Day, which is fitting. (The internationally recognized date for Holocaust Remembrance Day corresponds to the 27th day of Nisan on the Hebrew calendar. It marks the anniversary of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. In Hebrew, Holocaust Remembrance Day is called Yom Hashoah. In 2020 the date it falls on is April 21.)This is a raw first person account. The crux is the last meeting a daughter has with her mother, a mother with whom she has had very little contact, a mother who is a Nazi war criminal. A daughter trying to get something (perhaps some motherly love, perhaps some understanding) and who’s also trying to pull away, wanting finally a conclusion, an ending. I was grateful that this wasn’t just about this last meeting between these two women. It was a better account because it included memories of the author’s and stories that had been told to her. Otherwise it wouldn’t have felt like a full book to me.Understated horror. This is not a comfort read. Nothing was comfortable. Not Helga’s upbringing after her mother abandoned her, nothing about the only two meetings she had with her mother as an adult, nothing about her mother during the conversation or her mother prior to it, including her times in the camps, and nothing about the Holocaust details.I’ve read probably hundreds of Holocaust books but none quite like this one.For me it was too short and I wanted more details. I’m glad I read it though.It was good, important. I “really liked” it.