How many times do we try to coax our children out of their raging emotions simply because it doesn’t work in our own schedule?  As we talk about building resilience, it’s important to recognize that in order to bounce back, you have to be able to fall.  You can’t navigate emotions you aren’t allowed to feel.  Season 4, Episode 36: Building Resilience  Listen to this episode on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, TuneIn, YouTube, Spreaker or your RSS Feed This week’s episode is brought to you by the Namaste Snapshots - if you are looking for powerful insights into how someone in your life ticks, gift them the beauty of a Namaste Snapshot.  When we dive deeper than the surface and identify our best selves, it’s amazing how it brings people closer, and helps us all recognize how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us. Don’t wait - go ahead and grab one! We talk about all the Facebook awesomeness - The Mama Says Namaste Facebook Page To join the community, hop over to the MSN Facebook Group or the Unschooling Families Facebook Group and introduce yourself! The definition of resilience means we are able to bounce back – but that means we have to feel the fall first.  Remember empathy.   You may not feel the same extreme response, and it may be insignificant to you, but it’s not for your child. Go back to Episode 33 for more of a refresher on Empathy. Allow for Space Give your children space to process and navigate through what they are feeling, without rushing in to their aide right away.  Resilience doesn’t come when we don’t allow our children to process. If you want your child to be resilient, you have to allow them the opportunity to experience the emotion and get through it. CLICK TO TWEET When your child falls, how do you respond?  Do you rush to scoop them up and “fix” it?  Do you give them space to figure out their own reaction? Jules knew I wouldn’t leave her. I don’t play that game. She knew I was watching out for her – that’s why she was working it so hard. But the attention she got was pity from strangers. This did her no good, and, quite honestly, really pissed her off.  Her angst turned to anger as others tried to make her smile. She wasn’t ready to smile, and she didn’t appreciate being told how to feel (hmm, can you relate?) How many times do we try to coax our children out of their raging emotions simply because it doesn’t work into our own schedule? CLICK TO TWEET Instead of feeling resentment about the time it's taking up, set a simple timer.  Just having five minutes to process can be plenty of time for a child to come full circle.  And when you put it into perspective that it's only five minutes, it's not as big of a deal for you to make space for that. When Do We Allow Big Emotion? There is definitely a time and a place for a meltdown…and yet, when do we assure our kids that yes, right now is when they can absolutely lose their cool and collapse? Most likely that doesn’t happen. We see raging emotions and we nip it in the bud. Don’t cry. Don’t rage. You’re okay. That didn’t hurt. You are resilient. When I’m coaching, there are times I work with families who have never experienced actually going through those big emotions.  They’ve rushed to support to the point that a child doesn’t know how to navigate anything on their own.  Or a parent has stifled their own emotions for so long they aren’t sure how to model resilience.  Other times, it may be that the big emotions are so large that there is no getting off of it, and the whole family is getting seasick from the constant waves of large emotions.  What is big in their world may seem insignificant to you, but to them…it’s everything. If It’s Important To You… My mother has a plaque she created to go with her “Creating a Haven of Peace” book that says “If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.” This was a big thing for me growing up. She validated me in my emotions no matter how ridiculous they may have appeared. She met me where I was and hel