I hope you take the emotional risks and dance this beautiful dance of life! We all get hurt, some more so than others, by others in life. Don't let that stop you. Get up, brush yourself off, love and value yourself enough to get back in the dance. You only hurt yourself and miss many beautiful opportunities in life when you decide to sit down and stay down instead of engaging and adding your contribution to life. Go into all situations so wholeheartedly that you will feel devastated if it doesn't work out. If it doesn't, take some time to catch your breath, then get up and go into the next situation with the same goal!

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Show outline:

The subject was emotional walls and not being willing to try again because of past painful experiences has come up several times in my conversations recently.
In February 2014, I wrote an article for a friend who declared herself "done with men!"

LifeThought: Go in with the goal of being devastated if it doesn’t work out.


Go all in! Give 100% of yourself to everyone and everything you do.
How high are the walls you've built around your heart?

We build walls as a defense mechanism to prevent getting hurt
We build them intentionally and quickly in response to pain
We build them unintentionally, so slowly that we don't recognize them


We start new relationships with enthusiasm and excitement and vulnerability

When things don't go well, we feel pain, and we don't want to experience it again
Walls are emotional barriers we put up to keep people from hurting us again


When we get hurt, we sometimes declare ourselves "done" and we never attempt that thing again.
Sometimes, we try again, but with the poison of the previous relationship still inside us

We are suspicious and on the alert for any behavior that resembles the previous relationship
We push people away the minute we become uncomfortable


We move from love/vulnerability to bitterness, anger, resentment, cynicism, or skepticism.

This sets the other person up to fall into one of your emotional traps, which isn't fair to that person


Boundaries are healthy, but walls keep everyone out and keep you in prison.

It will be hard for someone to fall in love with you if there are walls, snares, meant to keep them out.
It is unfair to the other person if you are hiding part of who you are behind a wall.


Love yourself so deeply and so unconditionally that you have a very high self-worth

Having a high self-worth gives you the ability to engage in life and take chances
A high emotional bank-account allows you to have disappointments that don't destroy you.


If you've been hurt, take the time to heal, but resolve to get back in the dance as soon as possible

Go in again with complete transparency. Give 100% to the effort.
Go in with the goal of being devastated if it doesn't work out.
If it doesn't, be devastated, but, as soon as you can, go back in with the very same goal.
Never settle for less because you are afraid of being hurt!


If you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I HOPE YOU DANCE!

Mentioned in this show:

Bruce Van Horn - LifeThought: Go in with the goal of being devastated if it doesn’t work out.
Boundaries - Dr. Henry Cloud
The Forsyth Institute #Miles4Smiles Boston Marathon 2015 Team
EPISODE SPONSOR: Udemy.com - Start learning today!

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