In this holiday season while we are putting more effort into being forgiving, cheerful and jolly I thought I’d go over some of the reasons why you might want to continue the effort throughout the year…at least until it doesn’t require as much effort. We’ve all needed to vent at one time or another. The pressure builds inside of us and we need to release it to a close and trusted confidant. The mistake I see some women make is bringing that behavior into their professional life assuming everyone they are talking to is on the same page as they are. They voice their grievances indiscriminately and without any commitment to create change for the better. Another reason I’m doing this episode is as a reminder to myself to always be mindful of the impact I have on others. I’m generally known as a positive person but I have my moments of negativity and I’d like those moments to be fewer and farther between in the future. Also, if you are a win-lose kind of person I can tell you when you go negative in a relationship you lose. The person being the most negative appears to be the more immature, unstable person and thus will appear to be the source of the problems. Protect your reputation and your peace of mind by being aware of what comes across as negative and work towards keeping a more positive frame of mind. Obvious ways we tend to go negative Complaining about another person, especially when framed in a way to make yourself look good. This is also a form of gossip and it is as damaging to the other person as it is to you. You may not realize it but you are sending a message to those you are talking with that you don’t know how to handle conflict, that you are not capable of resolving issues. While you may find people who agree with you and validate your position you also make yourself look weak and untrustworthy. Those around you will believe you to be the type of person who will sell them out as well should you get mad at them. Instead, find a way to resolve your conflict with the source. If you need to talk through your strategy with someone first, find a trusted confidant who will listen objectively and keep your conversation confidential. Talking at length about how hard you have it Everyone is going through something. No one has it easy. It’s okay to share with your friends and close associates an update on some challenges you have to let them into your world and possibly brainstorm some solutions. If the conversation is focused on finding a solution it can actually be energizing, especially to those who love problem solving. And before you share your challenges, weigh whether or not it is even worth sharing. You’ll be surprised that if you are able to let some things go and not focus on them by engaging in a conversation about them, fewer things will bother you. We all have things to be grateful for, share those instead. Saying anything snarky It’s unprofessional. I’ve seen people try to be snarky in mixed company thinking that it was a good joke but instead it landed like a lead balloon. Sarcasm is easily misunderstood so outside of the private conversation with your other sarcastic friend, avoid it. It’s not worth taking the chance. Subtle forms of going negative Disagreeing with everyone’s ideas without expressing any alternatives or offering to help in the solution It’s okay not to agree with others but when you shoot down other people’s ideas and don’t have a logical reason for it or an alternative you run the risk of looking contentious. Rather than disagreeing outright politely ask questions that would help the other party see the gaps in their plan or reveal information that would help you to see the validity of the idea. Expressing your opinions without being asked for them. Have you ever been around someone who was constantly blurting out, “I don’t like that”? Oy! When asked for your honest opinion it’s okay to be honest, just hold back from laying it on thick. Moping This passive-aggressive tactic is us