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187:  Stuck in a stagnant rut, Mirror emotions, More detail on agreeableness

187: Stuck in a stagnant rut, Mirror emotions, More detail on agreeableness

FromBeat Your Genes Podcast


187: Stuck in a stagnant rut, Mirror emotions, More detail on agreeableness

FromBeat Your Genes Podcast

ratings:
Length:
58 minutes
Released:
Sep 19, 2019
Format:
Podcast episode

Description

Questions for tonight's show are:

1. Why am I so stagnant? Despite doing poorly in practically all the dimensions of my life (romantic, social, pursuit) I don't take any effective action. I've done an immense amount of therapies from various modalities, worked with many therapists, including numerous other things to no avail. I stew and rage but don't do anything and I don't know why. I also like to feel like a victim so as to not feel the pressure of responsibility.

2. Your explanation of anger and guilt being mirror emotions really struck me.  Do you think there is always a mirror emotion like anger and guilt? Or is it rather mostly a spectrum like your explanation of depression and boredom, when related to stress? I would be curious to hear about more on categorizing emotions.

3.  I am a bit confused about when disagreeableness is seen as a negative and positive trait. You said agreeableness is a highly valued trait, and while it is clear that one would want a disagreeable lawyer, you also said that charisma basically comes down to disagreeableness, and when most people think of charismatic people, they certainly don't think of pushiness and anger. I am probably ~75th percentile disagreeable (but pretty stable) and generally try to beat my genes by hiding it, but, not contradicting people, avoiding confrontation, for example with groups of friends. Am I right to do so, or could I win more friends/esteem by being more "assertive"?

4. I'm trying to work on it, but I feel I have an issue with agreeableness. I'm too agreeable, to the point that I feel bad about myself for disappointing others, like turning down a job offer or rejecting a potential partner when it's obvious that those situations won't work out. How do I get past this, "trying to please all of the people all of the time" mentality?
Released:
Sep 19, 2019
Format:
Podcast episode

Titles in the series (100)

Let's look at life through the lens of our ancestors. Our instincts were shaped by their struggles in an environment much different than our current environment. Our instincts haven't changed much but our environment has changed dramatically. We blend the science of evolutionary psychology with the clinical experience of Doug Lisle, PhD to explore common problems and stumbling points in our pursuit of happiness. New episodes come out Wednesdays at 8:30 PST. If you have a question or comment, or maybe even a complicated situation that you'd like some advice on, feel free to call us and leave a voicemail at (714) 900-2601 or send in a question through www.BeatYourGenes.org