The Underlying Meaning of it All

By Al Lucas

This book deals with the peregrinations of a seventy six year old man who still lusts for life as he debates with himself the value of it. He has become spiritual in his old age. He also celebrates his twenty second year of sobriety that has enabled him to salvage from the ruins a misspent earlier time. He wonders if he should be overly remiss regarding himself in light of the politics of public opinion these last six years. In fact so unbelievable is it, he wonders if he isn't imagining it all.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: May 9, 2024
• ISBN: 9781304491855

Al Lucas

This is the original 1st person version called High Steppin' off da Crack, first submitted as a 3rd person account under the name of simply Hi' Steppin' years ago. This 1st person version is more in keeping with an autobiographical style while still using fictional names as characters and was created before the 3rd person version, but lost, only to be found later after the 3rd person publication. It opens with an emaciated man standing on the day of 9/11 in the VA lobby, awaiting hospitalization for crack usage. One bizarre incident after another occurs leaving his sanity no longer in question. Being a Vietnam-era vet, he is screened and then followed up by two psychiatrists of Oriental persuasion who treat him rather realistically, to his chagrin. He is discharged with a nursing plan to attend Avon Park, a renowned dual diagnosis center in Sebring, FL, but first must go to SafePlace, a transitional housing facility in Tampa to protect him from the dealers while he awaits an opening in Avon. First, however, Paul decides to go home and have one more bout with crack, to get the high he never had, using his car as leverage. It doesn't work out so well. He thus attends SafePlace without a car. It should be noted, he has read to one of the psychiatrists his ongoing novel and continues to read or have read to any and all its contents. One person, a roommate, at SafePlace is so moved, he blows his brains out. At Avon, he is assigned a class coordinator, Manfred Mundane, an ex-military pilot, who is unsympathetic about Paul's writing skills. Getting kicked out for bumming cigarettes, Paul comes home with new verve. He will in fact attend AA and does. He fights his way out of bankruptcy and foreclosure blindly with no help from family or friends and miraculously incurs twelve years of clean time. The book ends with a surprise, reserved for the reader. It should also be noted, the narrative weaves between Paul's acid days in Morocco and his current plight. His journal is in the past tense; the book's outcome, in the present with both coming to an end in Paul's bedroom where reality merges in a sexual farce.

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The Underlying Meaning of it All

By Al Lucas

Copyright © 2023 Al Lucas

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

978-1-304-49185-5

Imprint: Lulu.com

The Step Series:

The First Step, Hi’ Steppin’

The Second Step, A Step Down

The Third Step: The Smoking Gun and the Coughing Nails, a Real Read Herring.

The Fourth Step, Running to Dream Big

The Fifth Step: The Last Job, to Sweep the Heavens. 

The Bon Mot Series:

Mister Bon Mot and the Election of 2016

Mister Bon Mot and The Meaning of Wife

Also:

Pan and the Pandemic

Al

Force Feed, Colors of the Cerebrum

Rhetorical Questions, the Socratic Method

Dwindling Supply, the Art of Aging

A Menagerie of Metaphors

A Baby Formula with the Silken Approach

The Last Refrain Played by the Book

The Underlying Meaning of it All

Table of Contents

The Problems of Love

The Laundry List

Worldly Considerations

The Big Screen

The MRI Machine

Weak Kneed

Theory

Internet Block

The Bubble

Making the Scene

The Cries

ACA

The Pad

Different Times

Duped

Reassignment

Redemption

Salvation

The Work Ethic

Her

The First NIght

The Aftermath

The Second Night

The Third Morning

The Morning Meeting

Back at the Crib

Vacation

Swinging

The Cerebral Circle

2024

Tears of Joy

Trumpism

Protesting

A Broken Record

Prosperity

The Humiliation Tunnel

The Ego of Reality

The Guided Meditation

Guns

Extinction

Features of the Future

What Do I See?

Foothold on History

Social. Sexual and Survival

Blending In

The Lunker

Inner Logic

The Spirit of the Spirit

His Medallion

Guided Meditation Again

Perfection

Reality

Analysis

Substance

Boiled Egg

The Contract

The Underlying Truth

ENJOY

The Problems of Love

The issue is reciprocation. Does the other party give what you give? Is there parity? The mind qualifies it. It knows just what its body brings to the table. Convincing it that top quality meat is here is the first step in dining and socialization and sex.

Paul was not dining. He had been residing alone in his mold filled crib, as he liked to call his studio apartment next to the river, for thirty years. It wasn’t until he realized he could have done better, did the issues of love become so urgent. He had nothing to offer, his body was used up. Life is a smorgasbord of individualities, each sampling the other’s pleasures if the participant is up to it. It was bad enough that Paul thought bad of himself. The problem was thinking of others in a good way. 

As far as pleasures go, some folks test for compatibility via unawarenesses. Paul wanted continuity of thought, none of this empty-headed bullshit, simple flesh without ownership was tasteless. 

He was bummed. High hilarity had dissipated when he dumped alcohol in favor of sobriety twenty-three years ago. The subject of life now was how to be sober. Of course, the real issue was financial backing. Just how practical was love to a welfare recipient of which he was foremost? Was there honor in taking the last tidbit on the table?

And further, are there kids nibbling?

He needed a refueling of spirit to get his head straight. Going it alone was for the birds, but he didn’t want to be henpecked either. It would be nice to have another star to reflect off of, some bright beacon who could brighten his day. He knew artificial intelligence was a short way off and machines would soon be in rubber Playtex to be purchased as sex dolls. Rub a dub dub.

Sluts, whores… he was one himself. Time to get down with some honorable loving. Ah, the goodly goodie issue. Since he had violated every spiritual law in favor of simple sex, he was inclined to measure the worth of those experiences rather disdainfully. He owed them and God an apology.

Where was the woman who had experienced the fall of alcoholism and was treating herself to the Twelve Steps like him? Paul was a man of AA and an author of AA follies. He carried the load as far as he could. He could joke about himself only so much. He was not going to break his neck or his back with a heroic effort, although at this point, it seemed appealing. One step at a time, he thought. A loving man could give and give such as a loving woman could. So, what was the beef? Was there something wrong with his beef?

The beef was that he was unsatisfied with the spirit of love. He was too old. He had only heard of Viagra and Cialis, not inclined toward their usage.

Was he destined to love only the TV news anchors like Stephanie Ruhle, Nicole Wallace or Alex Wagner of MSNBC taking their show with him as he stepped the Twelve Steps to bed. 

The Laundry List

He had no concern about an inner child or a critical parent. He only wanted a babysitter. No, he wanted a nurse. Better to have no wife than one with nagging tits. His breasts slumped, so where did he get off? Getting off was not the question. He was off almost all the time. How far off did he need to get? Was it better to have a prenuptial agreement in writing or confidence in sex?

A wife can do many things a man can’t, bearing children being one. So, at age seventy-seven, what realistically was the impetus behind any romantic notions? There was none. It was just sex. It was to enjoy his objects of passion. Of course, that was extremely exhausting, there being so many news anchors. At seventy-seven, he had matured. It was time for the babysitter to go home and an author to freelance for himself. 

The problem was timing. Things were coming together cataclysmically. The earth was spinning out of control. The wind, the rain. He couldn’t bear leaving anything behind for fear the ice cap might melt it. He was a writer. He had written sixteen books; sixteen, each uniquely qualified and happily concluded. And happily, unappreciated.

Many books are written but not read, but his were testaments of local talent, disconnected from what is really happening across the nation in DC, New York and LA, and in the studios of MSNBC. 

Once he passes on, they might be discovered. Acknowledgement among the masses was still possible. But the books were not designed for the masses. They were for the hippies. He at least had something he had sired without alimony as a flower child. A bouquet.

He uses the term, laundry-list, borrowing it from ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics. Because most love problems are head problems, they require fine tuning. Tweaking. There are always breakdowns of overfamiliarity that burden the everyday experience. 

Just how far out on the limb was he? At the breaking point. It was the limb or him. Either hug the tree