The Book of James: The Brain Injury, Life, and Legacy of James Carson

By Derek A. Tong

Like a flash of lightning, their twenty-one-year-old son, James’, life changed. Crumpled by a flat-bed truck, he barely survived. In spite of his brain injury, he was an overcomer. His children loved him dearly and did not notice his deficits. They adapted well. They were caring and loving. James’ parents, also, exhibited so much love and devotion, helping in any way they could.
Benny and Daphne Carson were the model family. They had two brilliant children: an attorney and mortgage broker. Both were succeeding in their lives and families…..until one was not. Benny and Daphne’s ten grandchildren added to the vibrancy and happiness in their lives. Never had things been better.
October 23, 2020. Hello, tragedy. Goodbye, James. Their son had left. Death had overtaken him.
May you experience God’s peace and comfort as you read this memoir, The Book of James: The Brain Injury, Life, and Legacy of James Carson. We hope your personal feelings and experiences with grief and loss will be lessened.
This memoir showcases the love and power and comfort of Christ in the face of death. It highlights the opportunities that can unfold in your lives because of obedience, even in the midst of heart-wrenching pain. God is not finished with James’ parents, nor is He you.
May The Book of James point you to the cross and help you live a life of gratitude.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Apr 18, 2024
• ISBN: 9781663261298

Derek A. Tong

Derek is a published writer of journal and newspaper articles. This is his first book. He was a teacher for twelve years. Currently, he coaches golf and researches head injuries and their accompanying neurological deficits. He is a reformed father who enjoys golfing and spending time with his wife and children when not working.

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Copyright © 2024 Derek A. Tong.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

iUniverse

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-6632-6130-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6632-6128-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6632-6129-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2024905479

iUniverse rev. date: 04/11/2024

CONTENTS

Dedication

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Disclaimer

Author’s note

Letter of Indemnity

Preface

Introduction

Section 1 In the Beginning

1 In an Instant

2 Day One

3 Power in the Blood

4 Coping strategies

Section 2 In sickness and in health

5 A new reality

6 Frontal lobe damage

7 Last love

8 Marital insensitivity and disharmony

9 A mother’s love

Section 3 Effects

10 Community support

11 Confabulation

12 Depression

Section 4 True Love

13 James’ mission

14 Takeoff: Heaven (First Love)

Section 5 In our hearts

15 The Memorial

16 Grief

17 Mourning

Section 6 The Psychology of Grief and Loss

18 The Psychology of Grief

Section 7 Reactions

19 Reflections

20 Analogies

21 Community support, take two

22 Dreams

23 Grief diminished

24 Results

Section 8 Legacy

25 Thy will be done

26 What can you do?

27 Joint transformation

28 Legacy of James

Conclusion

Epilogue

Internet description

Suffix

Appendix One

Appendix Two

Appendix three

Appendix four

Appendix five

Marriage Quotes

A note about the struggle

Internet Search Terms

Resources for brain injury survivors

Bibliography

Testimonials

Farewell

Author’s Final Word

Copyright: www.LettuceWrite.com

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This is based on a true story. Names and places have

been changed to protect the individuals’ identities.

Any resemblances are purely coincidental. Please

realize this type of neglect happens all the time.

DEDICATION

I dedicate this to the memory of James and how he touched us all. He was inspirational and influential. Also his parents, Benny and Daphne, true examples of love. Countless interviews, plus their extended family, produced a familial affection with them. Reliving their tragedy was haunting, opening their hearts, struggling with painful memories and all the emotions.

To all those who live with a brain injury and are determined to do more than simply survive it,¹ this book was written. With persistence, you are enduring your challenges. Physicians and nurses, thank you for providing the medical expertise.

Most importantly, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who holds all things together by His power, I dedicate this to Him.

FOREWORD

Interaction is firsthand. Knowledge is secondhand. Of equal importance would be research and study.

James had a tough road. His challenges were many but he did his best with the brain injury. I bring it up, not many knew about it, that’s what Derek has written about. He has provided a thorough analysis of brain injury and its deficits. By no means a comprehensive list but travel his road of insights. If grief is your companion, let this book help alleviate and deconstruct it. It’s a constant battle and a complex subject.

James did his best, he was a great father. The effects of his passing influenced his community. Learn how his parents and others can deal with the pain.

The trauma of loss. The grief of death. The permanence.

Are you ready?

-Dr. Beck Carter

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I am grateful for Daphne, James’ mother. Along with her husband Benny and the rest of her family, she offered insights detailing her son’s victories, virtues, and struggles. James handled them convincingly, truly replicating and portraying Jesus to others. There is no way to fully comprehend his life. Our beloved friend, gone. Yet his testimony lives on. Entering eternity, James heard our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ:

‘WELL DONE, MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL

SERVANT. ENTER INTO THE JOY OF MY REST.’

On heaven’s gates, the inscription:

‘CHOSEN FROM BEFORE THE

FOUNDATION OF TIME.’

Only God could have allowed the publication of this book. All the right people contributed. Benny and Daphne Carson provided their personal thoughts and insights. This was often painful. My dear friend, James, had a dynamic witness despite his burden. His children, Samantha, Gina, Julia, and Chandler, offered their personal perspectives. Lenny, James’ brother, shared memories, plus other local individuals, businesses, and churches. I am grateful for my proofreader, Ted Geesaman; and the Arcadia Print Shop: Miss Lydia and Miss Jessica, who printed multiple copies of the manuscript for me (www.ArcadiaPrintShop.com).

Thanks to the North Fort Myers Subway: Melissa, Davin, and Nikole; and the Arcadia McDonald’s: Miss Melinda and Mr. Troy. I wrote at their locations for months.

Finally, a huge word of appreciation to the various churches and pastors from whom I’ve borrowed quotes and theology: McGregor Baptist Church, Ocean Church, and Cape Christian.

DISCLAIMER

What is a typical brain? If you have your head up, reading this book effortlessly without thinking and doing most other things automatically, you probably have a normal mind. Our brains work fine with no cognitive troubles. The majority of us may not even give it a second thought how easy we have it. Normal thinking powers and capabilities would classify your brain as neurotypical. It functions well, regular thought processes, regular everything…. neurologically typical.

A neurotypical brain functions without inhibition, or normally. People possessing typical neurological development and processes would be neurotypical. An individual who thinks, perceives, and behaves in ways that are considered to be ‘normal’ by the general population.² (Rudy)

The focus of this book will be on how the typical-brained person (neurotypical) can learn to accept and assist those living with a brain injury. Close synonyms would be head injury, traumatic brain injury, brain trauma, and brain damage.

Brain injury as a whole will be dissected. What happens with a brain injury? What are the effects? What part can I play as a friend or loved one? How can I be encouraging and supportive? How can I best model good behavior?

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The content of this book is meant as an informative, generalized guide for neurotypical persons to begin to see the world through the eyes of those who are not. This is not a substitute for medical, psychiatric, or psychological evaluation.

The statistics I have used are based on reliable sources. Some of the figures or estimates vary slightly, due to the resources and date of research.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

I am somewhat familiar with grief. It brings me great honor to share the life story of my friend, James Carson. He contacted me on my website shortly after my debut book came out.

Wow Derek! Please call me.

(xxx)-xxx-xxxx (November 9, 2015, 3:47 pm)

He summarized his ordeal. Strikingly similar mine, his story left me awestruck, astonished that those in an intimate relationship with us would call it quits. It was unbelievable. My fine friend, James, had valiantly carried his cross; but now, four innocent young children left behind.

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I have written and included various devotionals. To hear from the Lord introspectively was profound, and hopefully to you, as well. May they be inspirational and sharpen your belief in God, your trust and your faith, inexpressible and everlasting and eternal.

Some people may seem to have an easier time in life. Others would be challenged to persevere. They may fight through strong odds. Opposition. Hindrances. Regardless the difficulties life has thrown your way, you’ll find your submissive pleas to the Most Holy satisfying. May they be the manna you need. Look the enemy squarely in the face knowing you’ve got this. The Lord is on your side. May your heart be gripped and renewed in God’s omnipotent strength. God sovereignly has orchestrated the events in your life and experiences to now be craving these words of truth. May you drink from the Word of God, be inspired, and on fire for Jesus.

Your story? His story? Let’s read about His story through the lens of history. And James’ story. We want future generations to look back on us and our foundation of faith. It won’t be easy. When the enemy is present in your life, know Someone is always standing with you. God will lead you, guide you, strengthening and sustaining you. He longs to make you an overcomer. Utilize His strength. In the swirling waters and floodgates of life, you will be made victorious. Be comforted. ‘Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.’ Mark 6:50 (NIV)

You’ve made it. You’re making it. Follow along.

Scripture has been taken from the following translations:

Blue Red and Gold letter edition (BRG): BRG Bible Ministries: 2012.

Christian Standard Bible (CSB): B & H Publishing Group: 2017.

Complete Jewish Bible (CJB): Messianic Jewish Publishers: 1998.

ESV Study Bible, English Standard Version (ESV): Crossway Bibles, 2014.

ESV Online: http://esv.literalword.com/: 2001.

GOD’S WORD Translation (GW): God’s Word to the Nations: Baker Publishing Group: 1995.

Good News Translation (GNT): American Bible Society: 1976.

Holy Bible, American Standard Version (ASV): Domain Publishing: 2013.

Holy Bible: Contemporary English Version (CEV): American Bible Society: 1995.

Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV): Biblica: 1983.

www.biblegateway.com

www.biblestudytools.com/niv/Zondervan-Publishing-House.

Holy Bible, New International Version (NIVUK): Biblica, Inc: 2011.

Holy Bible, New Living Translation (NLT): Tyndale House Publishers: 2015.

Lexham English Bible (LEB): Logos Bible Software: 2012.

Mounce Reverse Interlinear New Testament (MOUNCE): William D. Mounce: 2011.

New English Translation (NET): Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C.: 2017. http://netbible.com

New Testament for Everyone (NTE): Nicholas Thomas Wright: 2011.

New American Standard Bible (NASB): The Lockman Foundation: 2000.

New American Standard Bible 1995 (NASB1995): The Lockman Foundation: 1995.

New King James Bible (NKJV): Thomas Nelson: 1982.

New Life Version (NLV): Barbour Publishing Group: 2003.

New Revised Standard Version Bible, Anglicised Edition (NRSVA): 1995.

New Revised Standard Version, Anglicised Catholic Edition (NRSVACE): National Council of the Churches of Christ: 1989.

Revised Standard Version of the Bible (RSV): the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches: 1971.

The Bible. Authorized King James Version (AKJV): Cambridge University Press: 2004.

The Common English Bible, Study Bible (CEB): Nashville: 2011.

The Expanded Bible (EXB): Thomas Nelson: 2011.

The Holy Bible, English Heritage Version (EHV): Wartburg Project, Inc.: 2019.

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Anglicized (ESVUK): Harper Collins: 1971.

The Holy Bible, 21st Century King James Version (KJ21): Deuel Enterprises, Inc.: 1994.

The Holy Bible, The Amplified Bible (AMP): The Lockman Foundation: 2015.

The Holy Bible, International Children’s Bible (ICB): Thomas Nelson: 2015.

The Passion Translation (TPT): Passion and Fire Ministries: 2020.

Devotional 1: Philippians 3:14 (NIV)

Devotional 2: Genesis 1:1 (EHV)

Devotional 3: Hebrews 2:13 (NASB)

Devotional 4: Proverbs 9:10 (EHV)

Devotional 5: Galatians 6:9 (NIVUK)

Devotional 6: Romans 12:12 (NIV)

Devotional 7: Colossians 3:2 (KJ21)

Devotional 8: Joshua 1:6 (ASV)

Devotional 9: Romans 12:3 (NASB)

Devotional 10: Joshua 1:7, 9 (NIVUK)

Devotional 11: Romans 12:9-21 (NIV)

Devotional 12: Romans 12:10 (NASB1995)

Devotional 13: Isaiah 48:18 (NIV)

Devotional 14: John 19:1-3 (NIV)

Devotional 15: Romans 12:9 (NKJV)

Devotional 16: John 14:3 (KJ21)

Devotional 17: James 1:3, 12 (NIV)

Devotional 18: Matthew 21:22 (NLV), Mark 11:24 (NIV)

Devotional 19: 1 John 1:5 (NIVUK)

Devotional 20: Isaiah 40:31 (NRSV)

Devotional 21: John 15:13 (RSV)

Devotional 22: Matthew 5:5 (NIV)

Devotional 23: Ephesians 4:1-2 (NIV)

Devotional 24: John 11:35 (NIV)

Devotional 25: Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

Devotional 26: John 8:12 (NIV)

Devotional 27: James 1:4, 6 (NIVUK)

Devotional 28: Job 1:21 (NKJV)

Devotional 29: Titus 1:2 (NIVUK)

Devotional 30: Psalm 23 (NIVUK)

Devotional 31: Romans 5:6, 8 (NIVUK)

Devotional 32: Hebrews 13:6 (NIV)

Devotional 33: Philippians 4:6 (NIVUK)

Devotional 34: Psalm 27:1 (NIV)

Devotional 35: Job 1:21 (NIV)

Devotional 36: God is on His throne

Devotional 37: James 1:12 (NIV)

Devotional 38: James 5:1-3 (NIV)

Devotional 39: James 5:7-8 (NIV)

Devotional 40: I can only imagine

Devotional 41: Ephesians 6:10 (NIV)

Devotional 42: 1 Corinthians 2:16 (NIV)

Devotional 43: 1 Corinthians 2:16 (NKJV)

Devotional 44: Matthew 5:16 (NIV)

Devotional 45: Romans 12:13 (NIVUK)

Devotional 46: Revelation 3:20 (NKJV)

Devotional 47: Joshua 1:9 (NKJV)

Devotional 48: Matthew 5:3 (NASB1995)

Devotional 49: Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

Devotional 50: Revelation 3:20 (KJ21)

Devotional 51: Matthew 24:13 (ESV)

Devotional 52: Matthew 26:26 (NIV)

Devotional 53: John 9:31 (NIV)

Devotional 54: John 16:33 (NASB1995)

Devotional 55: Matthew 6:8 (NASB)

Devotional 56: Acts 17:31 (NIV)

Devotional 57: 1 John 5:15 (NIV)

Devotional 58: 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)

Devotional 59: Romans 12:11 (NIV)

Devotional 60: James 1:5 (NIV)

Devotional 61: 1 Chronicles 16:11 (NIV)

Devotional 62: Ephesians 1:5 (NIV)

Devotional 63: John 16:33 (NIV)

Devotional 66: John 9:1-3 (NASB)

Devotional 65: 2 Thessalonians 1:5 (NIV)

LETTER OF INDEMNITY

This book details the neglect that can occur in any relationship; in this instance, marital, specifically involving one with a brain injury. For good and valuable consideration, by no means do we find one party culpable. Facts are presented and strategies outlined which help persons cope in the various dimensions of a relationship. Countless spouses prey upon the brain injury survivor’s ignorance in neglecting to facilitate and understand productive marital unions, unions being destroyed left and right, little by little. Depression, directly or indirectly caused, cannot be excused.

We will not apologize nor be held liable for the innocent, forthright, content of this book, whose intention is to embolden and empower other current and future relationships. No one can or should mercilessly suffer. Dina Carson is a fine woman. However, it saddens me her choices were such.

No one may directly be at fault, but can one’s behavior be induced or influenced by another? The absence of love can be such a cruel, cruel foe. We will be called to account for our deeds one day, whether or not we operated with love, support, and encouragement. It is not the purpose of this book to point fingers or impugn guilt. There was no attempt to disparage any of the individuals mentioned. Just know the power of your words and actions can promote or inhibit life.

PREFACE

There is no way to adequately sketch every detail of James’ life. James Carson had been tested with fire, juxtaposed from his normal life. Grievously injured, his brain presented him with numerous difficulties. It affected everything. James’ new mind viewed things differently. Differently, operating in a state governed by brain injury. Folks often do not take into account that your brain controls everything about you.

James had a remarkable and miraculous life. Every new day was a gift for him. He endured trauma, the cross God had given him which he faithfully carried.

He realized his suffering was incomparable with that of our King, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. James knew for our sake He had endured magnified torment and the cross and wanted to be faithful.

He knew he had been blessed and was grateful for life. Every chance he had to spread the love and message of Jesus, he took it upon himself. James knew humanity’s days were numbered. Perhaps he had a revelation his were, as well. He had counted the cost, living his life for others, and desired, above all else, to be faithful.

Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.

Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14 (NASB1995)

‘Be strong and courageous….and I will be with you.’ Deuteronomy 31:23 (NASB)

‘When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you.’ Isaiah 43:2 (GNT)

The Lord will guide you continually and provide for you. Isaiah 58:11 (CEB)

‘Be still, and know that I am God.’ Psalm 46:10 (RSV)

We were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well. 1 Thessalonians 2:8 (NIVUK)

Have a big vision. God is going to supersize it. Pastor Josh Hall

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (EHV)

I would rather stand with Jehovah and be judged by the world than stand with the world and be judged by Jehovah. Anonymous

‘This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.’ Matthew 3:17 (ESVUK)

And He said to them all, ‘If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.’ Luke 9:23 (KJ21)

‘Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.’ John 20:29 (NIV)

Until God opens the next door, praise Him in the hallway. Nicky Gumbel

If the stars were made to worship, so will I. Hillsong Worship

"Do not let mercy and kindness and truth leave you….Write them on the tablet of your heart." Proverbs 3:3 (AMP)

Pray continually. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (NIV)

And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a multitude of sins.’ 1 Peter 4:8 (NKJV)

See! God is my salvation. I am confident and unafraid. Isaiah 12:2 (CJB)

INTRODUCTION

James contacted me shortly after my debut book was published, Till Death Do Us Part. Unfortunately, its title did not live up to its name. He told me a similar story of marital bitterness.

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Life was wonderful for the Carson family. Benny and Daphne’s children had started to branch out, having lives of their own. Several changes had come into their lives over 43 years of marriage. Most were expected. James’ accident was not. Their family had grown and adjusted.

The Book of James: The Brain Injury, Life, and Legacy of James Carson showcases some of the unintentional behavioral quirks by my dear friend and brain injury survivor. James encourages us to press on with fortitude and be more like Christ. Never give up. Just do it.

Death would affect us all, death has touched us all. People all react and respond differently. It may depend on how close you were to the individual, their relationship with you, age, and how significant they were. When you think about it, this really should not be. A life is a life is a life. And death would be its removal. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21 (ASV)

Buckle up and get ready for the ride of your life. May James’ adventures of grace and faith encourage you. Thank you for reading this.

"For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith." 1 John 5:4 (NKJV, bold added)

The idea of overcoming is always fascinating to me, because few of us realize how much energy we have expended just to be here today. Maya Angelou

Expect obstacles and face them head on. They are going to come up so the way you handle them is what makes all the difference. Lance Dale

Throughout our lives we are faced with a variety of challenges. It is in these moments that the wisdom of others who have walked the same dark valleys but have overcome prove to be invaluable and sometimes the catalyst for our own personal triumphs and victories. Russell and Sam Evans

Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine. M.F. Hernandez

God never calls us to something we’re capable of. God calls us to do things that are beyond our ability so He gets all the credit. Mark Batterson

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Leo Tzu

You will face many defeats in life, but never let yourself be defeated. Maya Angelou

Act as if what you do makes a difference. IT DOES. William James

If you want, you could find a million reasons to hate life and be angry at the world, or, if you want, you could find a million reasons to love life and be happy. Choose wisely. Cari Welsh

To begin, begin. William Wordsworth

Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does. Max Lucado

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. Albert Einstein

SECTION ONE

IN THE BEGINNING

ONE

IN AN INSTANT

Everything can change at any moment, suddenly and forever. Paul Auster

Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change. Mary Wollstonecraft Shelby

‘The LORD has given, and the LORD has taken away! May the name of the LORD be praised.’ Job 1:21 (GW)

As athletes, we’re trained to play through stuff. And I’ve played through all types of injuries – ankle sprains, shoulders, whatever – and with the brain, it’s just different. Al Horford

Be a wolf. Be a lion. Set goals. Smash them. Be stronger. Be better. Show people who you are. Never apologize for being awesome. Stay positive. Stay the course. If you are persistent, you’ll get it. If you are consistent, you’ll keep it. Pinterest

You can. End of story.

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. John Wooden

Your entire life can be changed in a moment. @punchyquotes

Sudden changes in our circumstances can leave us struggling to cope with the daily routine of life. We miss the routines we used to have. onlinepersonallifecoach.com

January 14, 2000

N ot the best of days. The news stung Benny and Daphne like a million bees. The passenger in the vehicle, James, had taken the brunt of the impact. A flatbed tow truck had slammed into his side of the vehicle. His brain had ricocheted inside his head, causing brain shearing . Brain shearing is a traumatic brain injury that occurs as white matter and white matter connections are disrupted from acceleration-deceleration, or rotational acceleration mechanisms of force. The axons of neurons are disrupted from a biomechanical and, often, also, a biochemical standpoint. ³ Having suffered the brain injury, brain shearing, and left frontal lobe damage, James was trapped, helpless.

Devastation lingered. He just lay there. His world, the life James knew and had known, had forever been altered. His parents grimaced and mourned. This broke their hearts. It looked like he was sleeping. James had been put into a medically-induced coma in the days and weeks following his brain injury. He looked peaceful. Yet, for his parents, Benny and Daphne, can you imagine? They had come undone. Monitors hooked on his head and chest measured their dear son’s remote signs of life. They had no idea what to expect.

In an instant, James had experienced a complicated brain injury no one saw. There would be no escaping this. One invisible challenge after another confronted him. He would have difficulty with grasping, releasing, motion. Running or throwing a ball also was problematic. Things people take for granted. So, unless you were doing that with him, you would have had no way of knowing. In an instant, James had gone from being a normal twenty-one-year-old to one with a grievous brain injury, specifically left frontal lobe damage.

Like an airplane, the Carson’s were immediately jettisoned into unfamiliar territory. They had not heard too much about head trauma. They tried to learn and understand the complex medical jargon and effects of brain injury.

The dethroned brain injury survivor must approach life gracefully. I will point out the difficult realities confronting them each and every day. Look beneath the physical, which sometimes collapses. Look behind the emotions, which often are mixed up. Look further into the behavioral impairments. Look deeper into their eyes. You will realize these many hindrances, challenges – words and deeds – would be unintentional.

An emotional traumatic brain injury, or the emotional trauma of loss, may result in mitigated brain functions. The brain kicks in and protects us from the traumatic experience. It acts as a filter, sensing the threshold of memories we can and cannot handle. One’s brain is especially active in managing the stress of the traumatic loss. People can also grieve when they are adjusting to any sort of a new normal, similar to the occurrence of baby brain. This occurs when one is overwhelmed when bringing a new baby home.⁴ Recovery is dependent on gradually getting the suppressed memories, the emotions and memories we are not ready to face, reconnected. However, disturbing dreams at night or intrusive thoughts by day may still occur. So, find new activities which divert and refresh your mind, such as: journaling, faith-based practices, meditation, seeing a counselor, creative outlets (music, art, dance), or, the outdoors.

James felt like no one really understood. Constantly, he struggled. People had no idea what he was going through. He tried his best at everything. Most people do not comprehend my difficulties, how I have been shaped and refined by the fire of brain injury and trauma!

This had changed his whole world and the way he dealt with reality. Not the reality normal people face, but the harsh grip of brain injury. He had been forced to confront it head-on at twenty-one. No one could see his symptoms. They resided within – so, so vexing for the survivor. Nobody cared to ask about his cognitive deficits. When others would not rationalize that he needed more time to understand things, it perplexed him. He could not remember well, his short-term memory compromised. No more could he process information rapidly. It seemed like yesterday when he could think and talk at ease with anyone. People did not understand his getting so easily frustrated at things, zero to a hundred in a quick minute. Simple things, things that in the past he wouldn’t have cared about, now these had become huge things.

Nobody would understand the angst in Daphne’s soul watching her beloved son. James had functioned rather well to the outside world, despite the uniquenesses. Yet she fathomed the future implications of his diagnosis. In her soul and the privacy of her bedroom, she wept bitterly. She knew he would never be the same. His mind had been helplessly ramrodded and his personality changed. People who are in a coma or minimally responsive state are examples of those likely to have permanent brain damage (Glass, 1).⁵ ⁶

She loved him from the beginning, truly. What a delight it was having James with her. Daphne had grown familiar with his shortcomings. He was not the same person. This was not something he could help. A brain injury is a brain injury is a brain injury. Brain injury is the last thing you think about until brain injury is all you think about. Brain-injured individuals wish for a day, an hour, even a moment, normal people could live in their shoes. They long for others to briefly experience their unique, albeit, injured, reality.

A brain injury is an invisible disability; invisible, for no one can see your mind. Those with a broken leg, something visible, usually are offered more mercy and grace. This frustrated James so much. Challenged, disadvantaged, disabled….or the word used in this book, injured. His mother and father, Daphne and Benny, were completely devoted. They loved him through and through.

Brain injuries do present various challenges and can overwhelm those whose lives have been complicated by this taxing medical (pre-existing) condition. Approximately 1.7 million Americans acquire a traumatic brain injury (TBI) per year. Close to 1,365,000 people nationwide are treated for TBI’s and released annually. 5.4 million people in the nation live with a disability associated with TBI.⁷

Brain injury, traumatic brain injury, and closed head injury all are more or less synonymous and being used for that purpose in this book. Brain injuries present themselves in varying degrees of impact or effect. Just like the Glasgow Coma Scale. These, plus the varying effects and deficits, will be discussed in subsequent chapters. James was more than a survivor and overcomer. He carried his cross silently.

There are diverse characteristics of brain injury, not specific to all, but many applicable to some extent. Many survivors must overcompensate to get by (that is, they like being loud and talkative, while some are quiet and bothered by noises.) Most have no filter when they are speaking; some people don’t know how to deal with it. All of this is unintentional.

‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)

Not everyone would be able to handle this. Brain injuries can be a curse depending on