Rags and Riches

By Susanna Elliott-Newth

Life is an intricate tapestry of emotions: moments that tug at our hearts and instances that leave us in stitches. Every day, we navigate the quirks and peculiarities of those around us, choosing to either embrace the humour or let annoyance take the reins. Why not revel in the comedic interludes hidden within life’s juxtapositions?

In Rags and Riches, Susanna invites readers into a delightful collection filled with laughter, wit, and true tales. From whimsical articles to heartfelt poems, she captures the essence of real people and the memorable moments that have shaped their lives. Many stories bring to life the eclectic guests that have crossed Susanna’s threshold, while others shine a spotlight on the charming exchanges she shares with her vivacious granddaughter.

‘One of her guests, a specialist medical doctor, laughs, “Susanna, you know I’m known as ‘The Cleaner.’ One weekend I was asked to be the medic in charge of a small hospital of nineteen patients. By the end of the weekend, sixteen of them had died.”

“What did you do? One look at you and they all decided their lives weren’t worth living? Seriously?”

“Yes, I’m that girl!”

“Now when any hospital needs to move patients on – they know who to ask.”

“Yes, the cleaner!”’

Articles used to be written on rags, which would be posted around the towns for people to read. They looked forward to their weekly rag. The book title includes ‘Riches’ because stories enrich our lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Mar 28, 2024
• ISBN: 9781035806003

Susanna Elliott-Newth

Susanna Elliott-Newth lives in south of Sydney, Australia, where she works as a specialist teacher of students with learning difficulties. She also writes professionally as an author of educational resources in literacy areas for teachers. Throughout her teaching career, she has worked as a classroom teacher, school principal and Senior Education Officer. Susanna has a passion for teaching, a career that spans more than fifty-five years, which combined with her love of writing affords her a busy, but highly rewarding lifestyle. Living so close to the south coast beaches, Susanna’s inspiration for her writing comes from the beautiful coastal and mountainous environments on her home doorstep.

Book preview

About the Author

Susanna Elliott-Newth lives in south of Sydney, Australia, where she works as a specialist teacher of students with learning difficulties. She also writes professionally as an author of educational resources in literacy areas for teachers.

Throughout her teaching career, she has worked as a classroom teacher, school principal and Senior Education Officer. Susanna has a passion for teaching, a career that spans more than fifty-five years, which combined with her love of writing affords her a busy, but highly rewarding lifestyle.

Living so close to the south coast beaches, Susanna’s inspiration for her writing comes from the beautiful coastal and mountainous environments on her home doorstep.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my friend, Patrice, for allowing me the privilege of sharing a brief interlude of time with her.

Copyright Information ©

Susanna Elliott-Newth 2024

The right of Susanna Elliott-Newth to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781035805990 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781035806003 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published 2024

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®

1 Canada Square

Canary Wharf

London

E14 5AA

Acknowledgement

I would like to thank my talented artists.

Cover art by Joshua Brown

Book illustrations by:

Cally Brown

Joshua Brown

Gary Heap

Cathy Stait-Gardner

Preface

Blogs

Blogs are interesting articles written to express an opinion, provide information or raise an awareness of current issues. Deriving from the term, weblog, this form of internet article writing coincided with the growth in usage of web publishing tools in the 1990s.

Since its inception, it has changed from initially serving a single platform to developing as a single and multi-authored communication outlet for media groups and social networking forums. Blogs can be any form of writing from short, informal texts or microblogging chats, to lengthy, academic theses.

As with all my stories, I try to see the humour in life’s little situations. One never knows how the slightest little slice of idiosyncrasy can emerge as an entertaining blog. I have called this book of blogs ‘Rags and Riches’ because the newspaper articles prior to 1870 were written on rags and reading stories enriches our lives. People enjoyed reading ‘their weekly rag’.

The blogs in this book are not written in themed order, but rather as events as they happened. Many of the issues raised relate to the house guests who stayed with me during 2021 and 2022, as well as to the impact of Covid-19 on school education programs and community life. I am not critical in any way in raising any of the issues I present—I merely try to find that modicum of humour.

Please enjoy reading my rags and riches.

Making Your Acquaintance

I made your acquaintance quite suddenly

And unexpectedly when you needed

Somewhere to stay and someone to chat to.

I have made my acquaintance with others

Similarly in need of company,

Someone to chat to—share a quiet drink.

These others have come and gone in the night.

Like spectres of light, they have disappeared

Never to be seen or heard from again.

Before I met you, I had walked night’s rain,

Outwalked so many highways and byways

In search of what was missing in my life.

I had gazed down upon the saddest sights.

Ralph McTell’s lonely, London characters

Had taken my hand—made me understand.

It’s not busy that makes the difference.

It’s not having money or possessions

That is truly important in our lives.

It’s finding that essence of happiness—

That euphoric state found in true friendship

Where in silence lies rich conversation.

My thoughts stand still and stop the sound of feet.

My eyes gaze away too shy to explain

The reasons for our sudden encounter.

Prologue

As the old year closes its door, Susanna wonders what the New Year will bring her. What changes will occur in her life? Will this new door open her into an easier lifestyle or will she once again become embroiled in arduous toil, toil that is not fully appreciated—only accepted as given freely and willingly? It’s not that she has become embittered about her lifestyle choices over the past three years, it’s more that she is seeking a fairer and more just remuneration for her efforts.

Changes

Every door holds surprises.

Whoever enters must be brave enough

To face the consequences.

Every door holds secrets.

With its metal frame,

Latch and barred window

It spies on all who enter.

After saying farewell to her husband in 2018, Susanna chose to work as a teacher in a learning centre, teaching primary and high school students. Since retiring from her full-time teaching position in a school, Susanna worked in many learning centres, all boasting their tutors to be trained teachers.

No, Lion, they lied.

There is a big difference between a tutor and a teacher. Tutoring is assisting students to understand their core curriculum work that links directly with their school lessons. The students determine the work they wish to understand and bring this to the session. Teaching is about teachers identifying the skills the students need to learn, breaking down these skills into teachable components (task analysis) and then providing modelled instruction and guided practice until mastery of each skill is acquired by the students. Susanna is the master craftsman at this. Well, craftswoman!

These centres wanted to charge high fees, which was why they boasted qualified teachers. Tutoring fees are significantly less than those paid to qualified teachers.

Susanna enjoys the challenge of teaching and she especially likes working in her current learning centre, but she has become disgruntled by the lack of meaningful remuneration for the lengthy hours she is required to work. She has been looking for a change and has been offered a full-time teaching position in a high school.

Lion, I get the pun—but you spell ‘lion’ with an ‘i’.

If I accept, I won’t leave for good. I’ll still do some lessons when I can.

Hippo, I’ve been offered a country high school. They want a specialist support teacher, but the hypocrisy is, that they don’t really. They just want someone to secure funding for students who are not eligible for such funding.

Yes, Lion. And it’s against my professional ethics. The other ironic aspect of accepting a position back in a school again is that I must be a first-year teacher under the new regulations of the teaching service. My salary will be the baseline rate for a Graduate Teacher and I must work my way up to the Proficient Level within 5 years.

I will be supervised by teachers far less qualified and far less skilled, which to be honest, animals, is somewhat humiliating. I’ve been a Senior Education Officer and School Principal, who has taught for over 55 years. My supervisor at this school will not boast such accreditation.

Yeah, alright! Thanks for listening animals.

Blog 1: Weight a Minute!

To kick off the New Year, I’ll begin with this blog, Susanna thinks about those extra little kilos that she has put on over the Christmas period and smiles. Christmas is a social time and it’s holidays, so why not indulge a little.

Susanna is always on the lookout for those idiosyncratic moments that make good storytelling. She never has to look too far folks—this one is right on her doorstep.

The New Year has opened her curtain to let in the sunshine. This welcoming gesticulation gladdens everyone’s hearts and inspires an appetite for fun in the sun, especially after La Niña’s erratic weather patterns that caused so many early summer storms and cooler temperatures. Today, the skies are a paintbox blue with not a cloud anywhere to be seen. With temperatures set to soar above 27° Celsius, it is no wonder the beaches are packed with both locals and holidaymakers today.

Like any self-reflecting and analytical person, Susanna always sets herself New Year challenges and resolutions. Well, why not? she asks herself. If one doesn’t make any attempt to make changes in one’s habits and routines, then what’s the point? Laziness takes its greedy hold and is then difficult to shake off, especially those unwanted pounds that we all acquire during the cover-up months when we enjoy slouching around the house in loose sweats and baggy trackies. No, we just don’t notice those little kilos growing around our midriffs.

Most people put on weight during the Christmas season. We all indulge in delights we forbid ourselves the rest of the year. Well, why not? Susanna smiles, thinking about the delicious meals she has prepared for friends and family over the 12 days of Christmas. But—crunch-time! Standing naked on her bathroom scales—not a pretty sight—and watching her body’s weight increase beyond her tolerance for weight gain, she firmly resolves to lose her Michelin tyre.

So, armed with an armful of swimmers, towels, flippers, goggles and joggers, Susanna heads for the surf on New Year’s Day. She will continue to swim and run each day until the end of summer and those unwanted pounds are no longer found in her surrounds.

Sunday, 2 January 2021

Gosh, this is the first time I have written the date this year.

Susanna always takes notice of the first time she writes the New Year date. It’s a reminder that she is getting older. Getting older, though, does not mean getting fatter! Sadly, this does not seem to be the case with many people. As a child, she was the tallest in her class and the heaviest. At ten years of age, she stood 5’4" tall and weighed 10 stone (UK measurements for 162.56 cm/63.5 kilos).

At 16 years of age, she still stood 162.56 cm tall but only weighed 58 kilos. By this time, most of her friends had overtaken her height and were beginning to increase their weight, so Susanna did not stand out as being overly tall or overly overweight. By the time she finished her teacher training, majoring in Physical Education and Health Sciences, she still stood 162.56 cm tall but only weighed 52 kilos.

Heading off today for her daily run and swim Susanna cannot help but be anything less than unimpressed by the sights that meet her eyes. The local beach is jam-packed with holidaymakers and locals all keen to get as much sun into their bodies as possible. Every square inch of the sand is strewn with tents, sun-shelters, umbrellas and deckchairs—none of which are being used, as their owners lie untidily on open sand, soaking up the sun’s rays.

Kicking away the mountainous accumulation of cans, bottles, paper cups and sandwich wrappers, Susanna makes a mental note to return after sunset with garbage bags to clean up this detritus. Why are people such slobs? she sneers in the direction of a family of ten, who have obviously left the mound of rubble she has just bounded over.

No, they are not locals—they don’t care! She shakes her head in annoyance.

This annoyance, though, is quickly dissipated as she slips easily into the surf to relish frolicking in the fresh, ocean swells.

"The water is beautiful, she thinks, but it’s not conducive to swimming laps. I think I’ll head off to the ocean pool."

Jogging around to the large saltwater pool, Susanna is surprised by how few people have chosen to swim here. After the fresh, ocean water the temperature of this pool seems like a bath. Ah, so delightful. How lucky am I? She swims her laps easily and is surprised by how much of her fitness she has maintained, not having done any serious exercise in over three years.

My New Year’s Resolution is going to be easy to keep, she smiles as she heads back to the surf.

The jog is a fair distance, but one that she enjoys as she takes in the ambience of the late afternoon sun and dwindling campers heading off home or to campsites. As she rounds the bay, her gaze is attracted to a developing situation on the beach about a hundred metres in front of her. Oh, how she revels in such hilarity! She wonders if anyone else is observing the humour in what she is witnessing. She doesn’t think so.

Suddenly, Susanna hears the sharp sound of a whistle blowing. The sound is repeated several times, but no one seems to be heeding the signals. A group of youngish people have ventured into the rising swell of the turning tide and seem oblivious to the lifeguard’s concerns for their safety. When the group takes no notice and instead heads deeper into the ocean’s depths, the lifeguard’s cart is seen careering close to the water’s edge.

This cart, a four-seater jeep-style vehicle, houses two occupants, both young girls of around 22 years of age. Parking her vehicle, the driver leaps out to continue shrilling her whistle and then to wave frantically at the group to come ashore immediately.

By now, Susanna is almost adjacent to the cart and can clearly see a back-seat occupant. When the swimmers continue to shun her off-sider’s signals, this girl attempts to disembark the cart but then realises she is firmly wedged in. Due to her size, she cannot get out of the vehicle to help her colleague. Hence, the title of this blog, ‘Weight a Minute’.

Classic irony, Susanna laughs to herself as she waits to see what happens next. Finally, fortunately for her, the errant swimmers realise the whistle-blower is talking to them and immediately move to exit the water.

Well, they are all safe, Susanna muses, but how is this young girl going to get out of her predicament?

She looks at the two lifeguards. They are both about the same age and are wearing the familiar yellow shirts and red shorts of the local surf-lifesaving club attached to her local beach. The driver had not experienced any difficulty in exiting her front-seated carriage and wondered why the backseat passenger had not opted for the more, roomy front seat. Susanna usually sees a young gentleman patrolling this beach on a surfboard, but today he is nowhere to be seen.

Well, I’m keen to get back into the surf, Susanna talks to herself, but how can I leave this little farce, which she giggles, is better than any Brian Rix comedy play?

Settling herself comfortably into a shaded corner of the dunes, she prepares to enjoy herself. Oh, how she loves these unexpected moments of comedy bliss—those absurdities that just happen.

Oh, this is so funny! Susanna openly sniggers. The girl cannot get herself out of the cart, no matter how much her friend tries to push or pull at her.

Parking the vehicle at the far end of the dunes and out of the usual tourist route, the girls at first find the situation amusing and giggle hysterically. Susanna too, finds herself not disinclined to laugh at the poor young girl’s demise.

"How embarrassing, though she thinks, to be stuck because you’re a little overweight, is a fact not one to be proud of."

Exhaustion setting in after fifteen minutes of unsuccessful evacuation techniques, the first lifeguard calls for help. Within minutes, another lifeguard appears to lend his assistance. He too, at first, cannot help sniggering and grinning broadly at the ridiculousness of the situation. It is only when the poor, trapped girl begins crying that he takes affirmative action to free her, which he does by forcibly lifting her upwards and then sideways out of the open window section of the vehicle.

Wow! Good on him! Susanna smiles.

Heading off for her swim, she thinks how lucky she is that she is a strong enough swimmer not to need these lifeguard services.

Her swim is delicious.

Sitting sipping her wine later that night, she thinks about the many people she saw today on the beaches who are immensely overweight.

How do they get that way? she asks herself.

She teaches some children who are eight to ten years of age, are smaller than her and yet weigh double her weight.

If they are this big so young, what will their weight be in ten years’ time or twenty or fifty? Will they make 50?

Is Covid-19 lockdown to blame?

During the 2020 lockdown, people had more leisure time to walk, cycle and run. Cycling became a craze, with many people opting to buy bicycles. But—did they also have more time for television, computer games and takeaway meals? Yes, of course, they did.

Throughout the lengthy 2021 lockdown, it became apparent that people were consoling themselves with gastronomical delights at home, even to the point of astronomical proportions—comfort foods—they couldn’t eat at restaurants, so the restaurants came to them, especially when so many people benefited financially from government assistance during this time.

Yes, people had money to spend, time to spend and weight to gain.

Oh, wait a minute—how will this all weigh up in the future? Susanna shudders at the thought of the accommodations that will need to be made for the ever, burgeoning populous. Think of it folks—bigger beds, larger, sturdier lounges, wider doors and shower rooms.

Think about the impact on the health services—huge demand for hydraulic lifters, wider wheelchairs and certainly greater nursing-home care capacities to facilitate care for people unable to manage themselves at home. Think also about the medical service provision, already stretched because of Covid-19, which will unequivocally escalate in the future.

Hey, wait a minute, let’s not think about all this—it weighs too heavily on my conscience. Instead, what’s my weight after four days of New Year Resolution?

Standing on her bathroom scales once again, she smiles:

No weight gain, therefore, no pain, yay!

Good luck folks with all the New Year’s Resolutions you make.

Blog 2: The Specialist

As the working year welcomes returning employees, Susanna welcomes a newcomer to her house. She enjoys the company of her lodgers and this two-day-a-week lady and herself became good friends and great wine-drinking buddies.

After moving into Susanna’s spare room, she fronted for work the next day at the little community hospital south of Wollongong, NSW. Appointed as the newly, trained pain specialist in the Illawarra, she made her appearance.

The curtains twitch.

The blinds crinkle ever so slightly.

Patients wait patiently, medics hold their breaths and orderlies file in an orderly fashion awaiting the arrival.

She’s here! one of the nurses whispers eagerly to one of her elderly charges. Both ladies smile gleefully, as they watch the newly appointed Pain Management Consultant cruise into the little, parochial cottage hospital, situated in the southern suburbs of Wollongong amidst the ambience of the Port Kembla Steel Works and the many franchised mining sites.

Everyone was on high alert and on their best behaviour, as the new, recruit circuited the carpark compound in search of the main doors. Candidly finally entering the building, was she aware of just how many eyes were eying her every move? If she had been, would she have been more nervous than she was?

Well, it wasn’t every day that a big wig came down from the big smoke and this little gem of a hospital was going to make sure it didn’t disappoint this lady.

A flurry of handshakes, lashings of gushes, a few courteous curtseys and a myriad of shy smiles welcomed the newcomer.

"Let me show you

around," the warm smile of a particularly handsome gentleman caught the lady’s attention, at the same time as his offer was made.

Yes, that would be wonderful, came back the eager reply—but not too eager as to indicate too keen a response.

And so, the day began.

Having seen the sights, which didn’t take long, located the nearest coffee outlet, which didn’t take long and found somewhere to park her handbag for the day, the lady settled in.

Wondering how she would spend her day, she didn’t have to wonder for long—

Blog 3: The Psychologist

Recently Susanna decided to rent out rooms in her house to people in need of short-term, affordable accommodation. She was initially approached by two middle-aged gentlemen, who lived in Newcastle but had been offered employment in the mining industry in the Wollongong area.

When these two gentlemen returned home, the rooms were let by two ladies this time. The first lady (Patrice) to take up residence was the newly appointed pain specialist for the local health area, working from Port Kembla Hospital. She and Susanna became instant friends, being very similar in personality and professionalism.

The second lady was a young girl, who had accepted work as a counsellor at a Women’s assistance centre (pseudonym Iris). From the time that Iris entered Susanna’s house, Susanna’s pen had run hot. Not a day passed without Susanna being more than amused by the idiosyncrasies that she witnessed in this girl’s behaviours. She had even asked Patrice how it could be that people who train as counsellors seem to be the ones needing the counselling. Patrice had laughed and agreed.

So, let’s roast her. Let’s have some light-hearted fun, Susanna had smiled gleefully at her medical bunker buddy one night.

Ooh, let’s—sounds like fun! Patrice had smiled. She’s just young. She doesn’t know what she wants.

Susanna had then thought about these wise words.

Well, let’s look more closely at what she wants, Susanna rubs her hands together with glee, as she collects the wine before the pair settle down to share their observations. How she loves to get her teeth into a good story—every issue is fodder for her sagas.

Iris, an attractive and very slim young girl in her early thirties, enquires of Susanna by email, Susanna, can I rent a room in your house? I’m sleeping in my car and it’s getting chilly now that Daylight Saving has ended.

Susanna ponders this rationale. This analogouses the arguments used by the country folk when Daylight Saving was first introduced. These folk in their droves had said, ‘Our cattle don’t know when it’s milking time and the extra sunlight is fading our curtains.’

Folks, we don’t actually move the Sun when we begin or end Daylight Saving! The