Damn You, DNA

By TM Holmes

I was 43 years old when I was brought to my knees by some spit and a tube.

This is my story. The raw, unfiltered shit-show behind my shocking DNA results. So, buckle up buttercup, you're in for a ride.  

• Language: English
• Publisher: TM Holmes
• Release date: Mar 31, 2024
• ISBN: 9798218397371

Book preview

1

Inquiring Minds

Most of us know, shit-shows are a fabulous array of events that occur in our lives, usually one right after the other within a certain time parameter. You either have simple or complex shit-shows. Either way, it’s still a shit show. Shit-shows are never planned, are almost always an inconvenience, and will show their ugly faces when the time isn’t very, timely. Or, they come out of left field, just when you think you have your shit together. Ah, there's my shit show. Right when I believed everything in my life was honky dory.

My shit show began when my son decided he wanted to take a DNA test to find his biological father. Listen up, and I'm going to only mention this once in this book, this is a judgment-free zone. Trust me when I say, that not knowing who my son’s father is because I got knocked up at 18 and liked sex a little too much can be compared to a Happy Meal to the rest of this book you picked up. So, if you’re super sensitive to unladylike, questionable behavior, put this book down and go crochet something. No, seriously, you won’t be able to handle anything past chapter 11.

Anyway, as I was so eloquently saying, yes, I was a ho way back when. So, my son bought a DNA test for himself right after Christmas 2021. My son was very excited to start his journey. He never really held me accountable for not knowing who his father was. Now that doesn’t mean to say that I hadn’t carried this guilt for the first 23 years of his life. I always knew the day would come when he would want to find out the truth.

Now, if you have never taken a DNA test before, just know this isn’t a wham bam thank you ma’am process. No, this is a fight with the app to download, conjure enough bodily fluids to fill a test tube you swear is the size of a football field, package said bodily fluids properly and then mail it off to an unknown location praying someone doesn’t use it to commit a crime and your found guilty and find yourself sitting next to Joe Exotic in cell block six.

Then you wait. And wait. And wait. Six damn weeks for your results. And depending on what you are wanting from said results and what you may get are two different emotions! Most want to find someone to complete the family puzzle. This was my son’s case. His results came back. No match was found about his biological father. It was a blow of disappointment to him; I could read it all over his face. On the plus side, he had found three dozen new family members. Both on mine and his father’s side. It was awful trying to figure out who’s side is who on, as the app is not user-friendly.

My son went through all the family members listed, none of whom he recognized. Some from my side and some from his father's. Unfortunately, his leads came up cold as his DNA results pulled a lot of third to fourth-cousins. And he tried his best to contact everyone. Either some didn’t respond to his invitation to link up, messaged him, but offered no clues, and some have not been active for over a year. Unfortunately, as of the print of this book, no answers and just more questions for my son.

But what he did find was a family member that made no sense. His DNA said that he had an aunt on his mother’s side named ‘Salvia’ (listen, we’re gonna try to do some anonymity here throughout this book, for we’ll say, OBVIOUS reasons). Umm, a small problem. I only have one sister, ‘Kerria’. Mom, I think you need to take this test. My son said to me in shock. You fucking think kid?

2

WTFFFF

So here I am, with a thousand questions running through my head. Did my mother have a child before me? Hell, after me and put it up for adoption? And what was with the last name? It’s not mine.

I did the only thing I knew to do. I called my sister Kerria. The sister I’ve known my entire life. I tried to calmly explain the current situation. Words like, What the actual fuck, holy fuck, fucking shit, and no fucking way, man flew freely out of my mouth. Trying to get through the conversation without the roller coaster of emotions was also a trying moment. I told her what was going on and Kerria just sat in shock. As did I. What do you say when you find out maybe you have another