I Am All Mad Here

By Morgana Blood-Moon

After surviving the horrors of childhood trauma, Tarrant's mind tries to protect him in unexpected ways. His strange behavior leaves him abandoned in a rundown mental asylum. Tarrant loses large chunks of time and is often seen acting like another person all together. As he introduces his alters to the doctor and the staff, we meet the inhabitants of Wonderland. The young boy faces even more trouble as the Dr Cheshire administers ancient and tortuous methods of treatment to try to cure his mental illness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Warrioress Publishing
• Release date: Mar 27, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224370702

Book preview

Prologue

When Small Minds Snap

"Do you think we’ll live forever, Trent?" Tarrant asked his brother.

"If we believe hard enough, we can accomplish anything," Trent teased.

The two boys were lying in the grassy field outside of their home. The boys watched the clouds twist into shapes. Tarrant always tried to name the shapes. Trent never saw what Tarrant was talking about. Cloud Watching was a common pastime of the brothers.

They spent a lot of time outside. But this here… is how they relaxed.

Look, Trent! I see a giraffe, Tarrant pointed to a strange-looking cloud.

You’re absolutely bonkers, Tarrant. That looks like a cloud,

Trent said in a wise-ass manner.

All the best people are bonkers, Trent, Tarrant replied with a massive grin.

Stop your bullshit, Tarrant,

The smile on Tarrant’s face faded. He hated it when his brother was mean.

It’s not bull…poopy, The eight-year-old replied.

It’s just that, Tarrant. Bull…shit

Trent got up and walked away.

They had played together all day, and Trent always got cranky with Tarrant. Tarrant was five years younger than him. That usually causes strife between siblings.

Tarrant watched as his brother stomped further off into the field. He sighed as a tear rolled down his face.

He just wanted to make his older brother smile.

Big Meany, He muttered to himself.

Tarrant got up to follow his brother; he noticed a van in the distance. He saw his brother freeze like a deer in headlights. Tarrant could barely make out the gun pointing out the window. The floating gun beckoned Trent to get into the vehicle.

Trent obeyed. Tarrant ran for the van; he wanted to save his brother…but was too late. Trent was gone.

The dust kicked up from the vehicle, speeding off and caused Tarrant to choke. Dirt was also flung in his eyes.

Tarrant broke that day. Nothing in the world could take him back to the bubbly young boy he once was. He lost his best friend, his world. The small red-headed boy ran home as quickly as his chunky legs would carry him. He could hardly breathe by the time he approached his mother. He told his mother the terrible things that happened between heaving breaths and garbled sobs.

The police took mere seconds to arrive. They searched day in and day out for Tarrant’s brother.

They didn’t seem to have any luck at all.

Tarrant was getting restless. He had been feeling very lonely since his brother was taken. He began to write a series of letters to his brother’s kidnapper.

As if the kidnapper would ever get them…

Dear Terrible Man Hoo Stowl My Brudder,

I don’t understand why you tookeded Trent away. I know he wuz meen sumtimes but he was my bestest fwend. He means everything to me. He teached me all that I know. We loved playing piretts together—and hide and seek. Cops and robbers was his favorite game. He wuz always the robber. I don’t know if I want to be in this family without him. Please give him back. Why you didn’t take someone else instead? Where is Trent? What did you do to him? The cops can’t find him…

He’s not under my bed, he’s not hiding in my clozet…he’s just gone.

Signed,

A Very Angwy Tarrant

Years passed, and Tarrant was losing hope of ever finding his brother. He was twelve now, which had to make Trent seventeen. Tarrant harbored much anger for a young boy. He just wanted his sibling back. But the case had gone cold. Nobody could find Tarrant’s brother, Trent.

He was bullied at school for being the odd child. His hair was bright red, and his skin was pale white…almost too white. Tarrant had large brown eyes and was often told his eyes made him look crazed.

His wicked laugh didn’t help any, either. He was always laughing at the worst times.

But he wasn’t at fault. He had no idea what caused this. He had a loud laugh that ricocheted off the school walls. Although he was made fun of for it, people backed away out of fear of being hurt.

Young Tarrant wouldn’t hurt a fly.

He wished his brother was here to save the day. Trent would know what to do. Trent always knew what to do. Tarrant didn’t.

One day, after a difficult time with the kids at school, Tarrant sat down to write to the person he was angriest with. Profanity poured from the tip of his pen.

Dear Shit Head,

You have ruined my life. Watching you drive away with my brother did things to me that I cannot explain. I don’t understand why you did what you did. What was the point? Sometimes, I find myself laughing at inappropriate times. It’s fucking embarrassing, and I don’t know how to control it. Most things I laugh at, I don’t even find funny—at all. But here I am, laughing like a maniac. This scares everyone at school. My maniacal laugh turns heads, and I get all the wrong attention. The negative kind. Ha—Ha—Ha.

My mother doesn’t know what to do with me. She is confused by my uncontrollable laughter. Sometimes, I think I scare her, too. YOU broke me, and this is unfair. My broken pieces lie bare for the world to see. I feel like my family is falling apart. Is my mother going to abandon me?

The Person Who Hates You Most,

Tarrant

Time droned on; Tarrant was becoming a young man. He was at the ripe age of sixteen. Hormones raged inside of him, and acne scarred his ghostly face. The poor kid had never been touched by a girl. He felt he was the only virgin in school, and his horrifying laugh repelled all humans away, not just the girls.

Nobody understood poor Tarrant.

He was failing school miserably, and he was the disappointment of the household. He felt as though his mother had forgotten Trent. This made him angry.

Don’t you remember your OTHER SON?

He screamed at his mother.

"Do you even love him at all? Why don’t you try to find him anymore? Are you going to get rid of me, too?"

Tears filled the redhead’s eyes; he was broken. His mother smacked him in the mouth out of shock. His behavior was unsettling. She jumped when he started to cackle. She would never get used to this.

She didn’t know how to respond. So, she didn’t respond at all.

Over the next few years, Tarrant started acting erratically. His mood jumped all over the place, and his temper was unpredictable. His mother found that sometimes he acted like someone else altogether.

He rambled about being late to tea, mentioning some place called Wonderland.

Tarrant would wake up in random places and not remember how he got there. When deeply confused, he would sit and laugh for hours. His hair-raising laughter could be heard reverberating through the house.

This scared his mother. She feared what would come of her beautiful son, Tarrant.

His Mother knew something terrible had happened to him, but she didn’t know how bad it was…until now.

Tarrant’s mother peeked around the doorway into his room. She was terrified when she found him rocking back and forth, laughing maniacally, and talking to himself.

Tarrant was terribly ill, but his mother tried to brush it off. He would be just fine… right?

Dear Kidnapper,

It has been years since I’ve seen Trent. I can no longer hear his voice in my mind. Sometimes, I feel I have forgotten what he looks like. I wish I knew how he looked now. I wish I could see him now. I feel like I am losing touch with the things around me. Nothing seems real. If you never took him from me—I might be okay.

I am starting to feel like chunks of time are missing. I wake up in random places without memory of how I got there. The snippets I can remember make me think that maybe I was someone else entirely.

I laugh randomly every day; I am growing tired of this. I want my brother back. Where is my brother? Is he dead?

My Mother is scared of me……

The Now Insane,

Tarrant

Tarrant was no longer the young boy his mother once knew. He found himself waking up in random places. He knew he was somewhere else previously but had no idea what was happening or where he was.

Greetings,

I find myself laughing as I write this. Ha Ha Ha. I am an anxious wreck, and nothing makes sense. I try to help people, but they back away like they are scared. I am always jittery, and my mind is everywhere. My laugh scares everyone around me away. I don’t know why I am like this. I think I am mad. I feel that way, anyway. Things are chaotic here in Wonderland. My best friend, the White Rabbit, is late for our tea party. I just want some tea. I think I need help. Welp, back to making hats it is for me. My father taught me well.

Adieu,

The Mad Hatter

P.S. Who is Tarrant? Why did you take his brother?

Tarrant’s mother could hear him yelling from his room. He was calling for a rabbit that wasn’t there. He kept repeating that he just wanted some tea. Tea Time never seemed to come.

Hi,

I do not know who I am writing to, but I found a bunch of letters addressed to you. My name is Alice, and I am an eight-year-old girl. I bumped into this rabbit and fell into Wonderland. The rabbit had this stopwatch he kept looking at. He was late for some tea party or something. He mentioned the Hatter. I don’t know who the Hatter is. He sounds scary. The fall into Wonderland was very scary, and I don’t know how I would ever escape. My sister has to be worried sick looking for me.

Wonderland is such a strange place. Have you ever heard of Wonderland?

I read that you kidnapped a little boy. What would make you take a kid that wasn’t yours? You are an evil, evil man.

Who is Tarrant? Do you know Tarrant?

A Confused Little Girl,

Alice

Tarrant’s mother was confused to hear of a little girl who fell