Present Comfort: Meditations on Modern Loss and Grief. Guide for Individual and Group Study

By Julie Yarbrough

Present Comfort is for those who have experienced loss as well as for those who are at a loss to understand the myriad emotions of grief. It offers compassion and encouragement to those who grieve, and insight for those who desire to share in the heart and language of grief. The hope is that Present Comfort will inspire a deepe

• Language: English
• Publisher: Invite Press
• Release date: Feb 20, 2024
• ISBN: 9781963265033

Julie Yarbrough

Julie Yarbrough is a native of Dallas, Texas, and the author of the grief ministry program Beyond the Broken Heart: A Journey Through Grief and the book Inside the Broken Heart. Inspired by her personal experience after the death of her husband, Dr. Leighton Farrell, senior minister at Highland Park United Methodist Church for many years, Julie established a support group for widows and widowers and began writing articles and books for persons who are grieving. She also is the author of Peace of Mind: Financial Management for Life, an estate planning guide. With over 30 years' experience in business management, Julie currently serves as president of Yarbrough Investments.

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More Praise for Present Comfort

Julie Yarbrough attends to grief in a way that provides for us all. There is personal, private grief over loss suffered alone. There is also shared, collective grief over the large calamities suffered by all. Grief provides us a way ahead, difficult though it may be. And Julie provides us both thoughtfulness and companionship for the journey. These reflections and resources of the spirit reorient and remind us that we are not alone and not without direction.

–Dr. Gil Rendle, Consultant, Author & Sr. Vice President of the Texas Methodist Foundation (retired), Author of Quietly Courageous: Leading the Church in a Changing World

"With the rich resources of Scripture, poetry, and stories, Present Comfort is a marvelous exposition of one of the grand themes of the Bible; that God is with us, especially in the darkest and most difficult times in our lives. This is simply a wonderfully hope-full book for all of us in uncertain and challenging seasons in our lives."

–Tom Locke

"In her newest book, Present Comfort, Julie Yarbrough gives us rich language to understand the complexity of grief. Weaving scripture with personal experience and insights, she invites us not only to face our grief, but to embrace it. In today’s climate, Present Comfort can be just that: a comforting companion for a weary soul, a reminder that we are not alone as we walk through the valley."

–Lisa Greenwood, President, Texas Methodist Foundation

"In Present Comfort Julie Yarbrough eloquently gives voice to the experience of loss, both personal and societal, and provides reassurance of God’s steadfast presence in each moment. Individuals and groups alike will find Present Comfort: Meditations on Modern Loss and Grief a powerful compendium for working through the layers of grief to find a place of trust and joy we thought unimaginable."

–Rev. Connie L. Nelson

"Julie Yarbrough’s extraordinary work invites us to encounter the very presence of God through biblically grounded insights into the nature of grief that engage the mind and touch the heart as she takes us on a journey toward spiritual and emotional wholeness. Present Comfort is an essential resource to help us faithfully and deftly navigate the path of life."

–Dr. Robert Hasley, Founding Pastor of St. Andrew United Methodist Church, Plano, Texas

In this exceptional volume of meditations, Julie Yarbrough has provided a fountain of wisdom, insight, honesty, and hope. This book of meditations can be diligently read as a whole volume or digested in daily doses to renew our reliance on God, who is with us as a present comfort in time of grief.

–Dr. William B. Lawrence, Professor Emeritus of American Church History, Perkins School of Theology, Southern Methodist University and Research Fellow, Duke Center for Studies in the Wesleyan Tradition

"With each turn of page, readers of Present Comfort will come to know Julie as a new friend who has a vulnerable, compassionate, and courageous heart–just like them. They will be informed about new varieties and components of grief in our modern world and will be comforted by hearing the presence of God in new contexts that lead them to live and move and have their being in love that is stronger than death."

–Dr. Fran Tilton Shelton, Founder of Faith & Grief Ministries and author of No Winter Lasts Forever: A Memoir of Loving Bob and Loathing Alzheimer’s

Julie Yarbrough takes us on a thoughtful and sacred journey to the inner recesses of the most fundamental of human experiences—grief. Gently, she encourages the reader to release fear and examine grief ’s complexity as an individual and communal phenomenon. For those of us who have wept the bitter tears of loss, this book is a welcome balm to the soul.

–Dr. Maria A. Dixon Hall, Chief Diversity Officer and Senior Advisor to the President for Campus Cultural Intelligence Initiatives, Southern Methodist University

Julie Yarbrough draws from her personal experiences and her deep Christian faith to offer an excellent resource for one who is living with grief. I commend it to clergy and counselors as they will find rich and helpful resources for their own vocations in working with people who are struggling with grief.

–Bishop Michael McKee, Dean ad interim, Perkins School of Theology, Southern Methodist University

Julie’s newest work is many things: wise, biblical, poetic. But, most of all, it’s truly helpful. There are certain writers who radiate comfort. Julie is one of those. And Present Comfort could not be more timely.

–Rev. Paul Rasmussen, Senior Pastor, Highland Park United Methodist Church

"In her new book, Present Comfort: Meditations on Modern Loss and Grief, author Julie Yarbrough beautifully and masterfully explores the human experience of loss and grief through the spiritual lens of Hope, Grace, and Peace. She invites us to connect with the spirit of who we are and who we were created to be, inviting us to know the everlasting love of those we grieve and that they will always be with us in spirit and love."

–Rev. Caesar Rentie, Vice President of Pastoral Services, Methodist Health System of Dallas

PRESENT COMFORT

GUIDE FOR INDIVIDUAL AND GROUP STUDY

Copyright © 2024 by Julie Yarbrough

All rights reserved.

No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted by the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission can be addressed to Permissions, Invite Press, St. Andrew UMC, 5801 W. Plano Parkway, Plano, TX 75093.

This book is printed on acid-free, elemental chlorine-free paper.

ISBN 9781953495907

ISBN 9781963265033 (E book)

All Scripture quotations unless noted otherwise are from New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition (NRSVue) of the Bible, Copyright © 2021, National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NRSV are from New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, Copyright ©1989, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked RSV are from Revised Standard Version of the Bible, Copyright © 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV ® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the King James or Authorized Version of the Bible, which is in public domain.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked PHILLIPS are from The New Testament in Modern English, Copyright © 1958, 1959, 1960, 1972 J. B. Phillips and 1947, 1952, 1955, 1957 McMillan Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are from The Message. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture quotations marked CEB are from the Common English Bible, Copyright © 2010 Christian Resources Development Corporation. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995, 2020 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations marked ASV are from the American Standard Version of the Bible, which is in public domain.

MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

O God, in mystery and silence you are present in our lives, bringing new life out of destruction, hope out of despair, growth out of difficulty. We thank you that you do not leave us alone but labor to make us whole. Help us to perceive your unseen hand in the unfolding of our lives, and to attend to the gentle guidance of your Spirit, that we may know the joy you give your people. Amen.¹

CONTENTS

Preface

Suggestions for Individual Study

Suggestions for Group Study

Guidelines for Group Study

Suggestions for Group Study Leaders

Introduction

BOOK 1 – STRENGTH FOR TODAY

God Present with Us

Unison Grief

Where Is God?

The Love of Grief

Collective Grief

Poured Love

Collateral Grief

Sheer Silence

Hidden in Plain Sight

No Fear in Love

The Faith of Grief

Perfect Faithfulness

Outcast Grief

Survivor Torment

Other Love

Scrappy Grief

On Being Loving

Troubled Grief

Grief Delayed

Convention

Fatigue

Intermittent Grief

My Life Is a Wreck

Disappointed Hope

A Heart of Stone

Dressing for Grief

BOOK 2 – HOPE FOR TOMORROW

God Present through Us

Inconsolable

Invisible

A New Heart

Reflexive God

Through a Mirror

Compassion

Tender Mercy

Conduit

Waiting

A Level Path

Reconciliation

Living Water

Seeing Eyes

Restore My Soul

The Penny

Center Cut

Thousand-Person Army

Whole Life

Oaks of Righteousness

Green Leaves

The Harvest of Grief

Flying Out in Faith

A Garland

Our Saints in Circulation

Fragile Joy

Notes

PREFACE

When we seek out a book on grief, often our deepest need is for authentic comfort. Until we have experienced the death of a friend or loved one, it is impossible to know what grief is or how grief feels. Even when we are helpless bystanders to an extended illness or the slow demise of one we love, it is not humanly possible to prepare in advance either emotionally or spiritually for the experience of grief. There is a dimension of the heart reserved for grief that waits patiently until we are confronted with the finality of death. This is the place where God is present to our brokenness and tenderly cares for the woundedness of grief, he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). This is the place where God comforts our heartache. This is the place where we experience the love and presence of God.

For most, grief is a solitary experience. Only you know your heart and the depth of your experience of love and loss. In truth, grief is unlike any other experience we will ever encounter in life. Though there are references throughout Scripture to the pain, sorrow, and suffering of grief, grief does not come with an instruction manual, nor are we provided with how-to steps for grieving. In John 16:16 there is the suggestion of a timeline for grief: A little while, and you will no longer see me, and again a little while, and you will see me. We learn from the experience of grief that a little while describes the unknown emotional and spiritual space that lies between suffering and our reclamation of life.

Grief is often referred to as a journey because it is a steady progression, not so much of completing a series of steps or going through so-called stages of grief , but rather a journey of introspection and gradual self-understanding. We can experience the journey within the privacy of our own soul through prayer and listening to God. Or we can share our grief with others within the safety of a compassionate, caring group or spiritual community that offers guidance and direction for grief through the collective wisdom of shared understanding. However we choose to grieve, the end destination of the journey is the resolution of our grief and our restoration to fullness of life.

On the last occasion that my beloved husband was in ministry shortly before he died, he offered this prayer from the pulpit, We have come this far by faith, and we will continue to walk with our hand in yours wherever you lead us. These words would prove to be prophetic for me. Leighton could not have known or imagined how deeply I would grieve his death. His prayer was that we should walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). This is the journey, this is the way through grief.

At the heart of grief, there is a decision to be made. We must choose between passive or active grief. That is, merely coping with grief or doing the work to understand grief. Coping is a static state described by struggle, endurance, and survival. Coping suggests that we are living alongside our grief, powerless to do anything other than wait it out, hoping that one day it will get better and we will be better. Certainly, it is possible to resign ourself to an experience of passive grief. Many people do. Yet the outcome of simply coping with grief is seldom satisfying if the deep roots of cause and effect remain untouched and unexamined.

In contrast, grief understanding is active. We do something about our grief that moves us away from the complacency of coping. A few days after Leighton died, I was sitting in our bedroom, still in shock over everything that had happened in only ninety days to end his life. In that moment, I realized that I was going to have to go through grief, that there was no way I could avoid it. As the floodgates opened and profound grief overflowed into every corner of my being, I surrendered my heart and conceded my soul to the pain and sorrow of grief. Intuitively I knew that grief would preoccupy my every thought until I made sense of what had happened and addressed the questions that troubled my spirit. I knew as well that grief would be my steady companion for many months to come.

Grief understanding, then, is about actively seeking and finding answers to some of the most difficult questions of life and of death. Grief understanding requires us to dig deep into our heart with the courage to ask ourself hard questions. Grief understanding constrains us to be still and listen both to our own steady voice within and to the voice of God.

Whether or not we like what we hear, if we are intent on understanding our grief, we are willing to consider every possibility that suggests spiritual growth and change. Grief understanding moves us from a place of emotional inertia toward hope and new life. Grief understanding inspires us to do better, to be better, to forgive others, and ask forgiveness for ourself. Grief understanding breaks down our resistance to receiving the comfort offered by God and others. Grief understanding teaches us the wordless language of silent presence, of God’s comfort hidden in plain sight.

If we actively participate in our grief, we empower ourself to become survivors rather than victims of the death of one we love. When we commit to understanding our grief, we express our determination to prevail over death and grief, even as we call upon the strength of our faith and our unwavering belief in the grace of God. With the assurance that God is present to us in our lives, we work at grief understanding through soul searching and prayer, Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer (Romans 12:12 NRSV).

To understand grief, there are several questions that you alone can answer. As you read and consider the meditations in this Study Guide, either individually or as a group, reflect on these underlying themes and thoughts:

1. What do I feel?

2. What emotions cause me to feel this way?

3. What can I do to ease the pain of my grief?

4. What can I do to help myself feel better emotionally, physically, and spiritually?

Psalm 116:1-4, 8-10 speaks eloquently to grief understanding,

I love the LORD because he has heard my voice and my supplications.

Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.

The snares of death encompassed me . . . I suffered distress and anguish.

Then I called on the name of the LORD, O LORD, I pray, save my life!

For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.

I walk before the LORD in the land of the living.

I kept my faith, even when I said, I am greatly afflicted.

As you reflect on the meditations in Present Comfort, the hope is that your heart will be opened to the presence and comfort of God, whether you are on a personal journey through grief or reading this study to enhance your understanding of the mystery of life and death and the experience of grief. There are no right or wrong answers to the study suggestions at the end of each meditation. There is no test or grade. Rather, the hope is that the spiritual reward of this study is greater awareness of the presence of God and a closer personal relationship with the living God of love.

In Philippians 4:4-7 the Apostle Paul offers direction and encouragement for our faith journey, Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

In our grief-weary world of discord, strife, and disruption, may we cherish peace, love without fear, and claim joy as our God-ordained legacy in Christ, who gives us the victory over death, But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:57).

SUGGESTIONS FOR INDIVIDUAL STUDY

1. Be quiet.

2. Be still, Be still before the L ORD, and wait patiently for him (Psalm 37:7).

3. Be present to yourself and to God.

4. Ask God to reveal new insight for your life and for your grief.

5. Listen for God’s voice as you reflect and meditate.

6. Read each meditation with an open heart.

7. Read each meditation for spiritual growth and grief understanding.

8. Read the scripture passages as though they were written for you. Discern something personal within each verse.

9. Allow the wisdom of Scripture to speak to your heart and inform your grief.

10. Reflect on the questions at the end of each meditation.

11. Record your thoughts and personal observations in a notebook, personal journal, diary, or daybook. The practice of journaling can be therapeutic and lead to self-discovery in grief.

12. Pray that you will feel God’s presence to you individually and personally as you grieve.

13. Pray that God will comfort your heart.

14. Pray that in the quiet of listening you will discern God’s voice of love, assurance, encouragement, and hope.

SUGGESTIONS FOR GROUP STUDY

1. Present Comfort is a resource well-suited for group study. The book is formatted as short meditations rather than structured curriculum and is easily adapted for study by a broad range of groups—Stephen Ministry, Bible study groups, small groups, Sunday School classes, hospice support groups, chaplaincy support groups, and book clubs, to name a few.

2. Group study requires preparation. The hope is that participants will make an intellectual and emotional commitment to the group experience by reading the meditations in advance