A Journey of Hope: One Woman's Struggles with Mental Illness

By Mary Connolly

The silence was shattered by a deep, thunderous man's voice. It sounded like it came from a place of great power. Commanding yet reassuring, it said, "This is a message from God. You are my chosen one. You are going to do something extraordinary with your life."

After hearing this voice, Bridget suffered a series of life-altering events that left her unable to perform simple, rote tasks, caused her to avoid all contact with everyone but her immediate family, and led to her being admitted to a psychiatric unit for two nights. Follow along to see how she embarks on her journey of healing, from seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist to finding the right balance of medication needed to get her back to where she was before hearing the voice.

This book explains what bipolar disorder is, outlines medications that work to combat it, describes Bridget's journey with God, and talks about how the stigma of mental illness has been somewhat alleviated but that there is still work to be done.

Bridget hopes the book brings comfort to people with mental illness and helps them feel less lonely. The book, hopefully, will provide peace and inspiration to others who are going along the same journey--a journey of hope.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 12, 2024
• ISBN: 9798888518595

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Chapter 1: The Chosen One

Chapter 2: Happy Valley

Chapter 3: Dreams Shattered

Chapter 4: The Early Years

Chapter 5: The Freight Train

Chapter 6: Definition of Bipolar Disorder

Chapter 7: A Break from Reality

Chapter 8: Frog

Chapter 9: Ten Years Later

Chapter 10: Letters to God

Chapter 11: Medication Alternatives and Therapy

Chapter 12: The Journey of Hope

Chapter 13: A Long Way but Not Enough

Chapter 14: Inspirational Quotes

Chapter 15: Personal Reflections

Bibliography

About the Author

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A Journey of Hope

One Woman's Struggles with Mental Illness

Mary Connolly

ISBN 979-8-88851-860-1 (Hardcover)

ISBN 979-8-88851-859-5 (Digital)

Copyright © 2023 Mary Connolly

All rights reserved

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind.

Mahatma Gandhi

Chapter 1

The Chosen One

The room was dim, the windows were steamed, the mirrors were fogged, and it was as silent as an empty church. The smell of vanilla wafted up from the water, which was scalding to the touch.

Bridget's safe haven was the bathtub. It was a quiet retreat, a place of solace, peace, and comfort, free from the demands of a busy household and the stress of thoughts about work.

Bridget was lying in her safe haven one evening, surrounded by candles, when something happened that made her question her sanity. There was no warning; it just manifested out of the blue. No amount of foresight could have prepared her.

She was suddenly drained completely of energy and felt as if she were in a trance. An otherworldly, ethereal feeling transfixed her as the candles began to flicker, rainbows appeared at the top of the flames, and images took shape on the walls. The room became lit up like a Christmas tree.

The silence was shattered by a deep, thunderous man's voice. It sounded like it came from a place of great power. Commanding yet reassuring, it said, This is a message from God. You are my chosen one. You are going to do something extraordinary with your life.

Bridget was overwhelmed with emotion. Her tears formed rivulets in the stillness of the water, and a chill ran down her spine despite the warmth of the room. She was scared and confused, but she felt an intense strength that she was at a loss to explain. She asked herself, Whose voice was that? Where did it come from? What's going on?

Alarmingly, she also found herself replying out loud. She said in a calm voice, What are you doing here? What do you mean I'm the chosen one? How would you know that I'm going to do something extraordinary with my life? You don't even know me! Frustratingly, there was no answer.

Then as suddenly as the room had been transformed, the candles returned to their normal strength, the rainbows and images faded, and the room was dim once again.

She wondered how long she'd been in the bathtub. It was long enough that the water was tepid now, and her skin was wrinkled like an old man's hands. There was a knock at the door; it was her husband, Jim, asking if she was okay. I thought I heard you crying. Are you all right? The door's locked. He sounded alarmed.

I'm fine. I'll be right out, she reassured him. She was surprised, though. She never locked the bathroom door. How did that happen? she wondered. As she dried off, she tried to put the whole incident out of her mind, thinking she must have imagined it.

Bridget heard the dog whimpering as she came out of the bathroom. She joined her family for dinner and tried to continue the normal course of the evening. She told Jim what had happened as soon as the kids were out of earshot. He brushed it off and said she must have imagined it. She tried to believe this was true, but she wasn't able to carry on a conversation during dinner. She soon excused herself, telling her family that she wasn't feeling well.

She tossed and turned all night and finally settled into bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure it out. She thought, Why am I hearing voices? Why was he calling me the chosen one? But she had no answers.

In the morning, she felt terrible. She was still confused about what was happening to her. She spent the day vacillating between feelings of anguish and hope that she had simply imagined the voice.

She didn't have to wait long for the next incident. That night, she smelled vanilla, saw the flicker of candles in her mind's eye, and felt what seemed like strong hands pushing her back to the bathtub. She felt great trepidation as she entered the bathroom and started running the water. She didn't light the candles or put any vanilla in the water. She left the lights on. She was terrified of hearing the voice again. But she convinced herself that she was strong enough to get into the tub.

The moment she was settled, she heard the voice again, this time more urgently, telling her, Something is going to happen, and it will change your life. You are special, and you must learn and stay strong. You will be called on to do something different, something far outside what you have been doing, and it will affect a lot of people. You must embrace your destiny rather than question it.

Bridget finally had no choice but to believe the voice was real. She asked herself, Who has the power to transform the room like I saw? Who has the power to tell me the things I heard? Only God has that power. She resigned herself to believing the voice was coming from God, as she could imagine no alternative. It was a visceral reaction.

But the idea that she heard God's voice telling her she was the chosen one was scary and confusing. She spent a lot of time pondering what it could mean.

Anyone who said they were the chosen one must think they were God's gift to the world. She wasn't that arrogant and didn't think she was all things to all people. Could she just be the chosen one for her family and friends? She believed she was already chosen to be there for them in good times and bad.

She didn't have long to think about this because her thoughts turned alarmingly to something much more grandiose. She began to think that she might truly be God's chosen one, in the same form as Jesus Christ or the Holy Spirit sent to spread the word of God. She started thinking that maybe the water in the bathtub was like holy water, cleansing her of sins and anointing her so could help the world be free of hatred, judgment, and preconceived notions of people.

Could she be God's representative to teach others that he was looking through everyone's eyes, hearing through their ears, speaking through their voices, and helping through their hands? She thought that perhaps she had been chosen to teach others about God's message and lead them out of darkness.

She asked herself what it could all mean, and she began to think about what else God had told her. God said something life-changing was going to happen. I can't imagine anything more life-changing than what happened in the tub. She wondered what her destiny was and how she could embrace it. What would she be called on to do that was so different from what she was doing now?

She started thinking about what she would do when she grew up, and it reminded her of something that happened when her son was in first grade. The room had been filled with moms and dads with expectant looks and cameras at the ready and fidgety students waiting in chairs for their turn. What do you want to be when you grow up? her son's teacher asked the class.

Bridget's son was the most adorable, innocent young boy, with fire-engine red hair and wearing a Michael Jordan jersey. He replied without hesitation, I'm just going to stay home with my mom. The room erupted in laughter. Bridget herself felt torn between tears and laughter.

To the same question, a beautiful girl with a ramrod posture and a devilish smile responded, I love dogs, and I love to walk. So when I grow up, I'm going to be a dog walker. Bridget would never forget her answer. How heartening to hear someone who knew definitively what they wanted to do with their life. Bridget thought she had that kind of clarity, but now she was faced with figuring out what her destiny was. She tried to imagine what she might be asked to do that was so different because she loved her current life and had no intention of doing anything else.

She was still feeling overwhelmed by everything that was happening, and she asked herself, Why is this happening to me? What does it mean? How can I explain it to people? She was afraid to go near the bathtub, but when she forced herself to do so, it was just an ordinary bathtub in an ordinary bathroom. How could something so extraordinary have taken place there? She was at a loss to answer.

Bridget and Jim racked their brains over how something as strange as hearing voices could have happened to her after she lived such an ordinary, happy life. They were wrapped up in Bridget's struggles, but the answer wasn't clear. Finally, after contemplating the question for a while, they realized it was really quite simple.

Chapter 2

Happy Valley

Bridget grew up in an idyllic town. She called it Happy Valley. She lived on a cul-de-sac where children played outside until it was time for dinner, homework, and showers. It was safe to ride your bike and play kickball on the street. It was the kind of place where you could leave your bike in the driveway overnight or forget your basketball outside, and it would still be there in the morning.

It was a time when there was no such thing as playdates. There was always someone outside wanting