The Manipulation Survival Guide: Effective Strategies to Navigate and Thrive in a World of Deception

By Dr. Philip

In this book, all possible manipulations are described: between leaders and subordinates, men and women, parents and children, teachers and students, professors and students; manipulations in business relationships, trade, and business. The psychological essence of manipulation and manipulators is revealed, a model of manipulative influences is described, and an effective system of protection against manipulations is proposed and demonstrated in action. The publication is addressed to all who are not only interested in the psychology of relationships between people, but also wish to acquire reliable protection from manipulators.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dr. Philip Jackson
• Release date: Feb 9, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224049943

Book preview

From the Author: Why is this book written?

Looking into the world of danger means,

to some extent, stopping being afraid of it.

M. Montaigne

We can all recall cases when we became victims of manipulation. Although, in general, manipulations make up a small part of our communication, they are perceived as very painful and are remembered for a long time. All the more, one would not envy those who have to constantly deal with a manipulator, be it their boss, coworker, salesperson, family member, etc.

How to protect yourself from a manipulator? The answer to this question is the subject of the book you hold in your hands. It presents a universal system for protection against manipulation, describes and analyzes manipulations most commonly encountered in various spheres of our lives.

Protection from manipulation is significantly facilitated by understanding their essence. Therefore, we will try to figure them out, as well as the sources and consequences of manipulation and uncover its danger, both for the victims of manipulation and for the manipulators themselves. In this way, I would like to warn those who wish to manipulate against such actions, destructive for the manipulator and their relationships with their surroundings.

The manipulations analyzed in the book have been observed by me over many years of observation. They all fit into a single model, proposed and justified in Chapter 2.

With respect, Dr. Philip Jackson

PART 1. MANIPULATION AND MANIPULATORS

Chapter 1. The Essence of Manipulation

Definition of the term manipulation

By the present time, more than twenty definitions of manipulation have been compiled by various researchers. So, manipulation is:

Psychological influence that is produced secretly, and therefore to the detriment of the persons it is directed at;

Deliberate control;

Spiritual control, exerted as a result of coercion by irrational and emotional means;

A means of enslaving a person;

A form of spiritual influence, hidden domination, control over people, exercised nonviolently;

The temptation of behavior through deception, or playing on supposed weaknesses of another;

The use of subtle, barely noticeable, or non-physically aggressive means, such as deceit, bribery, or intimidation;

Concealed coercion, programming thoughts, intentions, feelings, relationships, attitudes, behavior;

Concealed application of power (force) contrary to the supposed will of another, well-organized deception;

The striving to control, dominate, lord it over, win at any cost, treating people as things; lying, control, cynicism;

Relating to another as a means, object, tool;

Skilled control or use;

Domination over a person's spiritual state, control over the change of the inner world;

Such structuring of the world (by the initiator) that allows (him) to win;

Deceptive indirect influence in the interests of the manipulator;

A type of psychological influence, skillfully performed, which leads to covert arousal in another person of intentions that do not coincide with their actual existing desires;

By hiding their true intentions, the initiator, with the help of false distracting maneuvers, achieves that the addressee, without realizing it, changes their goals;

A social behavior strategy for personal purposes of the manipulator, contrary to the addressee's interests;

Skillful hidden control to achieve power and domination with a relation to people as objects, things;

Concealed temptation of the addressee to experience certain states, accept decisions, or perform actions necessary for the manipulator to achieve their own goals;

A manipulator is a person who exploits, uses, or controls others in a completely harmful manner.

The most authoritative dictionaries define manipulation as follows:

Sly and often dishonest control and use of someone;

Using or controlling someone or something in such a way as to achieve one's own purpose;

Deception, trickery.

Thus, the common feature of all definitions is as follows:

Manipulation is considered as a specific way of controlling the addressee.

In most definitions, the secret character of the influence on the addressee is directly mentioned (while the rest, apparently, imply this).

In an even greater number of definitions, it emphasizes that the manipulator's benefit is one-sided, and his actions go against the addressee's will and cause them harm.

Thus, manipulation is covert control, whereby the initiator achieves their selfish goals, causing harm to the recipient of their influence. Unlike overt control, where the goal is communicated to the recipient.

With covert control, the recipient is given information from which they themselves make decisions (perform actions) planned by the initiator.

Often, covert control pursues socially acceptable goals. This applies primarily to psychotherapeutic and psychocorrective work, as well as to the process of upbringing. For example, when a parent subtly encourages a child to engage in beneficial actions regarding health, work, relationships with others, etc. Or when a woman, covertly managing a man, helps him get rid of harmful habits. Or when a manager directs the actions of subordinates to the benefit not only of the company but also of the employees themselves. This kind of covert control is commonly referred to as assertive. Assertiveness is the ability of a person to confidently and dignifiedly assert their rights without disregarding the rights of others. With assertive covert control, both sides benefit. From the above, it is clear that covert control can be carried out with various goals and intentions of the initiator.

The prevalence of manipulation

In 2023, psychologists conducted a survey among managers of various levels (directors, chief engineers, heads of departments, etc.). When asked, Have you witnessed manipulation in the workplace? approximately 80% of respondents answered positively. In response to the same question regarding family, 29% of those surveyed (regardless of age) indicated that they often or very often became victims of manipulation (with men more often responding positively than women). Manipulations in other areas of life were less noticeable - only about 13% of respondents noted them. 43% of those surveyed admit to manipulating at work, 28% - in the family. Women manipulate more in the family than men (38% and 23% respectively), and senior managers do so more often than junior ones (48% and 38% respectively).

At the same time, 85–88% of respondents expressed a desire to learn how to manipulate, while 92–95% wanted to defend themselves against manipulation.

Thus, it can be confidently stated that manipulation is a socially significant and widespread phenomenon.

This contributes to several circumstances.

Manipulation as a technology of covert control gives power over people. And power, as is known, is the most potent drug. Imagine that someone - whether forced or purposefully - has conducted a successful manipulation. Let's say they shifted their work and responsibility onto someone else. And now there's new work. Will the successful manipulator rush to fulfill it, or remembering the previous success, try to shift everything onto another again? Most likely, the manipulator will choose the second path. With each new experience, their art of manipulating people will only ... improve, and they will develop a taste for manipulative actions. Especially since each victory provides a sense of power over people and enjoyment of that power.

The author has often encountered situations where initially awkward manipulators, after several years, emerged as true masters of manipulation, which only confirms our assumption.

The prevalence of manipulation is also facilitated by the presence of well-established mechanisms for controlling people.

According to Erich Fromm, another institution that contributes to manipulative tendencies is market relations.

The costs of manipulative relationships

Since manipulations always involve a victim, it is not surprising that such behavior worsens relationships between people. Time after time, winning, the successful manipulator creates a scorched earth around them: having suffered from their actions, people simply turn away or leave. And ultimately, the manipulator suffers a devastating defeat (in their career, family life, love, friendship). Winning in the small, they ultimately lose in the big.

The manifestation of dysfunction in relationships is interpersonal conflicts. Thus, 67% of all respondents in the same study considered manipulation a serious cause of conflicts at work (women more often than men - 70% versus 63%). Regarding conflicts as a result of manipulation in the family, 51% of all respondents indicated (54% of men, 45% of women). When asked, When do conflicts caused by manipulation occur? respondents typically answered: When you realize that you have become a target of manipulation. If the manipulator's intention is deciphered immediately, conflict arises right away. But if the manipulator acted skillfully, the person's realization that they were manipulated comes with the negative consequences of that action. And only then does conflict arise.

Summing up all the above, the following conclusions can be drawn:

Manipulative relationships are a source of conflicts.

The significance of manipulation as a source of conflicts is fully realized by those who have suffered from manipulations.

The presence of adverse consequences of manipulation has been established in studies by psychologists. Their findings: 1) the use of manipulations disrupts relationships between people; 2) the level of marital satisfaction in the studied 30 couples is lower in those families where the tendency to manipulate is pronounced in at least one of the spouses. Moreover, the higher the level of manipulative tendency, the lower the marital satisfaction.

The most destructive consequences for victims of manipulative influences occur when they fall into various religious sects. These are inherently manipulative religions because they make a person believe in their own imperfection, or rather - insignificance. They instill in them distrust of their own nature, after which the person begins to feel the need for external guidance. The founders of sects pursue selfish goals of personal enrichment and domination over people who have succumbed to their influence. In return, the latter receive a false sense of security, confidence in their future, and the correctness of the chosen path.

Chapter 2. Modeling Manipulative Influence

The Manipulation Model

Manipulation is a particular case of covert control carried out by the initiator for their personal goals, contradicting the interests of the recipient of the influence.

The model of covert control was proposed earlier, and then a generalization of this model and its justification for the general case of psychological influence was provided.

Gathering information about the recipient is carried out to detect the bait and targets of influence, create a favorable background for manipulation, and stimuli that encourage the recipient to make a decision that aligns with the manipulator's goals.

Engagement in contact (bait) involves presenting information to the recipient in line with the initiator's interests.

Deciphering the bait emphasizes that the initiator views the recipient not as a person but merely as an object of manipulation and a means to achieve their goals. Baits facilitate the manipulator's achievement of their goal, help draw the recipient's attention to the advantageous side of the matter, thereby hiding the initiator's true intentions. Baits thus contribute to fulfilling a necessary condition of any manipulation - the recipient's lack of understanding that they are being controlled. This could involve discussing what interests the recipient, or the subject of their concern, or what they would like to hear, and so on.

Utilization of Background Factors (Background) involves exploiting the recipient's state of consciousness, functional state, and inherent automatism, habitual behavior scripts; creating a favorable external background (trust in the initiator, their high status, sympathy towards them, etc.).

Targets of Influence are sources of the recipient's motivation. These include interests, inclinations, desires, attractions, beliefs, ideals, feelings, emotions of the recipient, and so forth.

Encouraging the recipient to activity refers to actions expected from them by the manipulator (making the necessary decision, performing an action). Encouragement can be the cumulative result of the influence of baits and background factors or stimulated by special techniques - pushing the recipient to activate the desired psychological mechanism (internal motivation), as well as directly actualizing the desired motive, suitable role distribution (positions), scenario assignment, involving the recipient in corresponding activities or reference groups, subliminal influence, and so forth.

Manipulation of Information

The decisive influence on the recipient of manipulative influence can be exerted by the information conveyed to them. Naturally, the decision they make depends on the nature of this information. By manipulating information - distorting it (by outright lying or tampering with facts), concealing it, or providing only partial information - the initiator can achieve their goal.

In everyday communication, distortion of information is a common occurrence, especially when passing information through third parties. Nevertheless, many do not attach due importance to this fact, although it leads to conflicts and misunderstandings - both serious and not so serious.

Concealment of information involves withholding or hiding certain topics. Much more often, the method of selective presentation of material is used. Sometimes information is presented in such a way that it only creates the appearance of its transmission, whereas in reality, the information is not conveyed at all. An example is answers to questions when a multitude of spoken words merely illustrates the well-known aphorism language is given to the diplomat, to hide his thoughts.

Manipulative Methods of Information Delivery

Some methods of presenting information contribute to the recipient perceiving the message in a way that suits the manipulator's agenda.

The abundance of unorganized information allows filling the message with useless details, complicating the recipient's search for meaning.

Information presented in small portions does not allow for its effective utilization. In both cases, however, the manipulator cannot be accused of concealing certain information.

Closest to actual manipulative influence is the technique of arranging topics in a way that leads the information recipient to very specific conclusions.

The timing of information delivery plays a significant role. The most well-known technique is employed by television - broadcasting at the least (or most) convenient time for viewers. Another way to implement this technique is depending on the order in which questions are put to a vote or items are discussed on the meeting agenda, the outcome of the vote or discussion will differ. This happens due to the influence of the results of previous voting or discussion on subsequent ones. After the preliminary compliance with a trivial request by the experimenter, people become more compliant to subsequent requests. The same psychological mechanism operates as in Socrates' rule (or the rule of three yeses, which states that if you want to get a positive decision on an important issue, ask two short and simple questions to which the interlocutor will easily answer yes).

Another common technique is changing the background. For example, changing the musical theme in the background at the moment when material is presented in the announcer's text that requires the audience's attention. The audience's involuntary reaction to the change in background increases the throughput of the semantic channel as well. This technique is also used in recording monologues (or dialogues) on the radio.

Overloading the message reduces resistance to the information it contains. Pleasant music relaxes and distracts attention. Unpleasant noise accompanies irritation - against this background, information is better remembered!

Another group of techniques consists of methods of simultaneously delivering conflicting messages. For example, a contradiction between words and intonation. The recipient has to choose which nuance of the message to react to. Whatever the reaction, the manipulator can always argue that something else was meant. The contradiction can also exist between words and the situation: I won't waste your time with my trivial problem anymore - such a statement puts you in an awkward position. If the problem is acknowledged as trivial, it simultaneously devalues what you have already done to solve it. If the problem is still considered important, then instead of solving it, you will have to convince your interlocutor of its importance. In business communication, this technique is quite common.

Speculating in the desired direction. This technique is used when, for some reason, it is not possible to directly state something (censorship, the danger of a lawsuit for libel, or an agreement not to attack), but you still want to convey it.

Providing false information. For example, referring to new (non-existent) legislative acts or to the support of (also non-existent) authoritative figures.

Hinting at access to confidential sources of information, secret materials.

Referring to quotations from reports and opinions of individuals to whom other communication participants do not have access.

Avoiding answering a question or addressing an unpleasant topic through jokes, innuendos - with the aim of discouraging or even humiliating the recipient of manipulative influence.

Paralinguistic and non-verbal accompaniment to the conveyed information:

- Confident voice, often louder than usual;

- Fast, assertive speech tempo;

- Reduced distance, hovering over the recipient;

- Smiling;

- Pleading tone;

- Tears;

- Long pauses;

- Prolonged, intense gaze.

Sophisms

In Ancient Greece, professional teachers of rhetoric were called sophists. The attitude towards sophists was ambivalent. Initially, the word sophist had a positive connotation, indicating a talented individual capable of excelling in a particular field, experienced in a certain art. Sophists taught the rules of logical thinking, methods of proof, and refutation. However, very soon their main concern became the selection and application of various tricks to achieve victory over the opponent, to prove any position, no matter how absurd it might be.

Examples of sophisms:

Defense against criticism:

Only those who do nothing never make mistakes.

We make mistakes in order not to make them in the future.

Our flaws are just extensions of our virtues.

Shifting blame and responsibility onto others:

A woman is always the way the man next to her is.

Every nation has the government it deserves.

Psychological pressure

Certain ways of delivering information help exert psychological pressure on the interlocutor:

Universal statements that are inherently unverifiable and therefore not open to discussion; for example, all women are deceivers.

Generalizations (extended generalizations): There's work here for half an hour. But they're old — the hidden generalization: The elderly are unable to perform even light work.

Temporal extensions: always, constantly, forever; for example: You always expect something shady from you.

Implicit reference to a violation of commonly accepted norms: You didn't even close the door behind you exerts more pressure than a simple instruction: Close the door.

Message expansion: Despite their relationship, they were still sent together on the business trip conveys: They have 'such' a relationship. Or other examples: He doesn't even know English!, She studied part-time anyway.

Subject replacement: The management won't forgive us... How do we feel now?

Replacement of neutral concepts with emotionally charged ones and vice versa: second-hand goods instead of used items, or worse — from someone else's shoulder instead of spy — friendly intelligence agent and so on.

False analogy: 'Volvo' — a car for people who think — as if all other cars are made for those who are unable to think.

Thematic switching: Well, did you talk to the boss? — Why do you have that tone?

Implicit assumptions introduced into information exchange: As you understand, I can't do that — something taken for granted.

Omissions: instead of a straightforward answer to the question Will you come with us? — phrases like Where can I go now... or Do I have a choice? — an obvious hint at coercion and, as a result, avoiding responsibility for this and subsequent actions.

Targets of Influence

Manipulators most often use basic human needs, weaknesses, psychological traits, and behavioral stereotypes as targets of influence.

Depending on their intentions and knowledge of the recipient, manipulators have a more or less clear idea of the impact their actions will have.

The broader the audience that needs to be influenced, the more universal the targets used should be.

Specialization and precise targeting of mass influence are possible when the manipulator knows the specific qualities of the group of people they are interested in. Accordingly, the smaller the presumed audience, the more accurately one can tailor the influence to them. In cases where adaptation is impossible for some reason, the same universal motivators are used: the recipient's sense of dignity, their desire for success, material gain, pleasure, comfort, the desire to be healthy, have a happy family, children, etc.

Formation of Targets

When selecting targets of influence, manipulators strive to find structures through which they can achieve their predetermined results. If, according to