GOOD DAD to GREAT DAD: Take your DAD skills to the next level

By Townsend Russell

Great Dads are what it really takes to change the world for the better. GOOD DAD to GREAT DAD debunks the myths of Dads and the role Dad serves in the home. This book challenges the narrative that Dads are less important, incompetent, and even unnecessary. While Good Dads are very important, Great Dads have the biggest

• Language: English
• Publisher: 100 Dad
• Release date: Jan 31, 2024
• ISBN: 9798218293895

Townsend Russell

Townsend Russell, founder of 100% DAD and author of THE BEST OF 100% DAD (2021) resides in Saint Augustine, Florida. The Russell family loves the outdoors and enjoy camping, hiking, and just about anything in nature. Fatherhood is an important aspect of Townsend's life and because of that passion when he sold his 3 businesses at age 33 he decided to step out of the business world and dedicated the next 3 years to traveling with his family every single day in an RV exploring the country while creating 100% DAD. Years of interviewing dads from around the country and creating fatherhood content has made Townsend one of the leading Dad Influencers in the country.

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Copyright © 2023 by Townsend Russell

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Bad Dads and Good Dads

Chapter 2: History of Dads

Chapter 3: Kids Need Great Dads

Chapter 4: Shifting from Good to Great

Chapter 5: The Dad Playbook

Chapter 6: Build Your Playbook

Chapter 7: Schedule and Document

Chapter 8: Live for Dad’s Legacy

Chapter 9: Being Great Isn’t Easy—It’s Worth It

Chapter 10: Getting Started

Appendix A

Appendix B

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Bringing Out the Greatness

There is one person who can reduce crime, poverty, suicide rates, behavioral problems, substance abuse, poor mental health, obesity, and teenage pregnancy. Additionally, this person has the power to increase graduation rates, average household income, charitable giving, home equity in the neighborhood, and community involvement.

Superhero? No, this person frequents local grocery stores, gyms, offices, and shops. They mow lawns, cook dinners, stand on the sidelines at kids’ sports games, and roll in the trash cans from the curb. Their presence in a household will increase a child’s chances for future emotional, physical, and financial success. The one person who can create an extraordinary difference not only in the community but also in a child’s life is the original superhero, Dad.

From academic labs to civic organizations, the research is unanimous: when dad is in the home, kids reap massive benefits, and, as a byproduct, the community does, too. It can’t be any old dad, though. To make a difference in the home and the community, a dad must be pretty freaking great. And I’m here to tell you, any dad can become great (including you).

The problem is, for most of recent history, fathers have been given a free pass when it comes to parenting. We told dads to go to work and provide—don’t worry about the rest. But this message ignores the fact that many fathers, now more than ever, want to be actively involved dads. Women may dream of what it will be like to hold a little being in their arms, and it would be wrong to think men don’t have the same kind of dreams. Dads, like moms, enter the parenting world excited to witness their kid’s first smiles, first steps, the first game of catch, and every other first, big or small. Most dads I’ve met express the desire to be present for their kids. They don’t want to just put food on the table and discipline bad behavior. Dads want to be an important part of their child’s life.

No dad sets out to be a bad dad or an okay dad. Most dads aren’t satisfied with just being good either. Most dads feel called to be great, they just don’t know what that looks like today. After decades and generations of parenting being primarily the responsibility of the mother, dads don’t have many role models of great dads. Whether dads like it or not, their relationship (or lack thereof) with their own father influences how they parent. I know this firsthand.

I was born in Baltimore, Maryland, in 1986. My conception was an attempt to fix my parents’ marriage—and boy did I fail my very first assignment in this world. My father left my mom when I was a few weeks old, and I grew up bouncing from one parent’s home to another, juggling stepparents, living with different siblings, and frequenting new schools.

I’d attended thirteen schools by the end of eighth grade, and I was often the new kid who was dropped into a new school halfway through the year. Add to that my red hair, pudgy good looks, and stigma of divorced parents, and I was an obvious target for bullying. My athletic genes didn’t really kick in ‘till eighth grade, I was the red-headed stepchild, and some Fridays I had to take a suitcase to school, ready to head straight to the other parent’s home for the weekend.

By the time eighth grade rolled around, I’d had enough of moving around. I’d had enough of trying to fit in with kids that had already established their cliques and inner circles. I’d had enough of leaving friends I had just made. Of course, in that eighth-grade year alone, I’d attended three schools. By high school I insisted on staying at the same school, even going so far as to move into my friend’s house at the age of sixteen, just to make sure I didn’t have to change schools again.

When my dad picked me up from my mom’s house one weekend in the eighth grade and announced he was leaving Maryland for sunny Florida, I jumped at the chance to go with him, despite never being the type of dad that played catch with me. Despite never having a camping trip. Despite the constant yelling, frustration, and anger at me. Despite the many tears I shed asking my mom why he had to be my dad. I was still a boy that wanted to be with his dad. Sure, I used Florida being a better state for football and pretty girls as an excuse. I think in the end a boy wants his dad to be there regardless of the situation.

My dad didn’t necessarily want to move to Florida, but the decision was effectively made for him. My stepmom and sister went on vacation to West Palm Beach and decided to never come back. She made it clear that my dad could either join them in Florida or file for a divorce—either way, she wasn’t leaving! Rumor has it that this drastic life change was fueled by my stepmom’s affair; apparently, her lover moved to Florida, and she didn’t want to be without him…even if it meant bringing her husband along. If that is true, it’s safe to say that much of my life has been altered by infidelity.

My father broached the subject of moving to Florida while driving us around one day. Our family rarely had deep conversations, but when we did, they usually took place in the car. I think, maybe, the act of driving allowed my father to bypass the awkwardness or intimacy of face-to-face interaction. Serious topics felt more casual in the car. Anyway, he put it simply: he was moving to Florida, and we could go with him if we wanted. He mentioned that football was better in Florida, so if I wanted to compete with the best, then this was my moment. My older sister wasn’t having any of it. She immediately declined, choosing to stay with our mother, who she had always lived with. She had a good, stable life with mom. In fact, she often arranged weekend sleepovers or parties to avoid going to dad’s house. I, on the other hand, wasn’t nearly as clever (or popular), so I was stuck at dad’s alone, cleaning, getting in trouble for my grades, or simply being reminded that I was second fiddle to my little sister.

It’s not that I relished the thought of living with dad, but an exotic place like South Florida did sound exciting. I didn’t really have any deep-rooted friendships to disrupt. Although I didn’t have great relationships with either of my stepparents, I was more confrontational with my stepdad than my stepmom, so that seemed like a no-brainer. I loved my mom, though, and it’s not easy for a 13-year-old to tell his mom he wants to move 1,500 miles away. I think I broke her heart. But a teenage boy is quite good at compartmentalizing and moving on. I wanted to play football, and like most boys, I wanted my dad.

I knew my dad had shortcomings. By that age, I was accustomed to his blow-ups and overreactions. I knew he could be wrong and still stubbornly hold his ground. I didn’t yet know what a narcissist was, but I certainly knew that Dad always thought he knew everything and there was no convincing him otherwise. We’re talking about the guy who yelled at me for fifteen minutes straight because I forgot to turn in one homework assignment, saying I would fail the class completely, even though I currently had an A. Through my tears, I tried to explain how the teacher would average our grades using weighted scoring, but he wouldn’t hear it. He was right, I was wrong. This is the same guy who insisted my football team would never win any games because my coach always ran a wing-T offense. We went to the Florida 3A state championship that year.

These experiences set a few things in stone regarding my future. I wanted to avoid looking foolish to the rest of the world. I never wanted to be the guy who thought he knew everything, while others mocked him behind his back. I wanted to stay cool under pressure, not lose my temper or blame others. I didn’t want to burden my children with the trauma of choosing a parent.

But at the time, I didn’t yet understand any of this. All I knew was that I needed to compartmentalize again, something I was quickly becoming quite adept at doing. I mastered the art of zoning out during my dad’s angry rants, choosing instead to find the good in him.

My dad was not bad. He wasn’t trying to hurt me or make my life worse. I’m sure everything he did, he thought would benefit me in some way. There was love. There was kindness. There was fun. There were life lessons. When he made mistakes, he was doing the best he could with what he had—just as every parent does. His biggest mistakes were thinking he knew everything and not actively trying to be a better dad or even a better person. He never wanted to admit that he could possibly be doing anything better. He would read books on investing and house repair, but not on fatherhood.

The truth is, growing up without a dad (or with a mediocre dad) is not the end of the world. There are plenty of examples of successful adults who grew up without great dads. Many top athletes, creatives, and entrepreneurs came from homes with absent fathers, or even terrible ones. Yet these individuals still reached the highest levels of professional success.

While an average dad is not a guarantee of their kids failing later in life, a dad’s parenting undoubtedly affects their children. The effects might not manifest in a kid’s behavior early on, but they will come out eventually, in one form or another, through how they operate in personal relationships, the work environment, or in the privacy of their own homes. The likes of Adele, Kevin Hart, Andre Agassi, Tiger Woods, Lebron James, Lance Armstrong, and Eminem all grew up with absent, overbearing, or down-right terrible dads—and all have recounted fraught relationships, nearly ruined careers, and poor physical health, despite wild success.

It’s not impossible to move through childhood with an absent-to-average dad. But life becomes far less taxing, for the family, for the child, and ultimately for the community, when dads are great.

Being a great dad is far from easy. For generations, western culture has told dads there’s no need to be involved with the kids—moms will take care of all that nurturing stuff. And for generations, families have believed it. As a result, we have decades’ worth of books filled with excellent advice about how to be a great mom, but hardly any real wisdom about being a great dad.

Luckily, most parenting advice is relevant to both moms and dads. Providing guidance and unconditional love for a child doesn’t require any special training. We just instinctively know how to do it. But the roles of moms and dads are fundamentally different. These two roles require different energies. And for too long society has neglected the unique talents dads bring.

Today, society is slowly recognizing the importance of a good dad in a child’s life. But dads, hungry to be the best they can be, don’t want to just meet the (let’s face it) low-bar of modern expectations. Instead, dads want to be great. And we need great dads. Dads who are present, engaged, and actively trying to be the best versions of themselves. It doesn’t inspire a child to have a dad who does the bare minimum for the family he has helped create. That’s not enough.

My name is Townsend Russell and in 2019, I sold the three businesses I built from the ground up. At 33, I realized I had enough money to retire and do whatever I wanted in life.

I love being a dad. I find real enjoyment in it. It fulfills me at a cellular level. And so, instead of building another logistics company and capitalizing on my business knowledge, I founded 100% Dad. It started as a social media page to share the fathering lessons I’d learned over the years to encourage others to be great dads. We built a custom RV and traveled the country as a family for 3 years. Dad, Mom, and 3 boys ages 3,6,9 crammed into 420 sq ft of living space spent every day together, traveled over 75,000 miles, and visited 42 states. We explored all the amazing things this country has to offer and met tons of dads along the way. Of course, I created content along the way and 100% Dad has morphed into a platform that provides encouragement and wisdom to dads all over the country.

I created memes, posted pictures, and offered advice based on my own trials and tribulations. When we started touring, @100dad had around 200 followers, mostly supportive family and friends. Two years later, we now have nearly 45,000 followers. Traveling the country, I speak to schools, parenting groups, and community organizations about fatherhood and what it means to be not just a good dad, but a great dad.

On top of that I have had the amazing opportunity to speak with thousands of Dads around the country while on tour and learn from them the successes and struggles they experience being a father. Teaching fatherhood and touring 100% Dad became an incredible learning experience for me from guys like you actually being dads in the real world.

I’ve heard from dads that have made 180-degree changes for the better in their lives. These guys have repaired broken marriages to keep the family together. They’ve taken new approaches at work to earn promotions and pay increases. They’ve reassessed their careers to make more time to spend with their families. These men have mended broken relationships and gone from grumpy and uninvolved to engaged and truly fulfilled in life. They have changed their family trees because they realized the heavy significance of how they live their lives and raise their kids.

From humble beginnings, 100% Dad has grown to a vibrant community of dads all over the country, all eager to be great, not just for their kids, but for themselves as well. This book is for anyone who wants to step into greatness.

Good dads have done the hard work of breaking out of the uninvolved, absent father mold. They have smashed the final barrier on the road to becoming a great father. Now my mission is to provide a paved path toward reaching the ultimate goal of becoming a great dad. Every dad, no matter their background, can become the very thing kids deserve: a great dad.

Chapter 1

Bad Dads and Good Dads

Mark sat across the table from me, sipping his coffee. A stranger to me before now, Mark had reached out when he learned I was in town on the 100% Dad Tour. He told me how deeply he loved his own dad. He’d cried when he got the call that his dad had passed away. With every accomplishment Mark made in his life, he wondered if his dad would’ve been impressed. Likewise, every failure made him worry his dad would have been disappointed. Ever since the funeral, he found himself still wondering if his dad was proud of him. 

That’s not what was bothering Mark though. What Mark really struggled with was why he and his dad didn’t do more together before the inevitable happened. He wondered why his dad wasn’t involved with his sports, why they didn’t go camping, or why they didn’t have long talks. It was a different era, but Mark just couldn’t escape the feeling that his dad picked work and hobbies over Mark. 

This dad was there, but dad was busy. Dad had a good career and was respected. He was good at golf and loved the Washington Redskins. He watched every game. Dad had friends and was well-liked in the neighborhood. By many different standards, Mark’s dad was a great man.

As Mark told me about his father, it became quite obvious that his dad was so busy being a hard worker, a devoted fan, a good golfer, and a reliable neighbor that he missed some real opportunities to apply those skills to fatherhood. Mark’s dad invested time and effort into studying, learning, and improving at work and on the golf course. Mark’s dad was invested in being a top Redskins fan. 

Imagine if he had invested the same energy and effort into being a dad. Imagine if he had put effort into improving as a father. Reading books about fatherhood. Making time with his kids a priority, like the Redskins game or his tee time. Mark wouldn’t have grown up feeling like an afterthought. He would