FAITH IN ME

By Brittni Shoukri

At a young age, I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor that affected my left hand and left leg muscles to be stiff. I underwent surgery in order to have the benign brain tumor fully removed. As brave and strong as I was at a very young age I got through the surgery with a smile on my face before and after surgery. I was always very active in sports which was always my number one motivation to keep going in life; especially hockey. I always did what the doctors and physical therapists told me to in order to get better which was to stay active and exercise. This has made me a stronger person each and every day. My suffering until this day keeps me going and motivated in life. It is hard, but I will never give up on my faith in God plans for me.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jan 30, 2024
• ISBN: 9798350911534

Book preview

1. Introduction

Tormented by the inevitable brain tumor that ended up suffocating most of what was left of Brittni’s life, her time involved flirting with death in almost every way.

Followed by physical health deterioration, her condition became a life-threatening challenge. For the most, a catastrophe that engaged her family and religion into controversial circumstances.

It all began when Brittni recognized a force of darkness within her emotions, her thoughts, and her feelings. The weight of this gloominess only felt real with time and stuck in her body as a lump that kept growing heavier and needless to say, sometimes noticeable. From a virtual sensation to a physical symptom, Brittni was only 5 years old. She was embracing her childhood when she was struck with constant headaches. A little girl, filled the shoes of a brain tumor victim, unknowingly stepping into the harsh reality of sufferance. She did not know the real meaning of suffering because her family provided her with the most beautiful life. With that being said, she was always very active and having fun as a child by living a normal childhood life. For a child at that age, headaches could not be considered as normal, and hence, upon frequent symptom complains her parents consulted a doctor for further diagnosis.

The day marked as a Holy Thursday, and upon their arrival, the news shattered both the parents that were informed of how their daughter’s condition had officially been identified as a benign level 1 astrocytoma brain tumor.

Not knowing how exactly to respond left her parents speechless. They questioned how something like this could happen to their daughter who is an innocent young girl that is their daughter filled with happiness since the day she was born. Leading to the reports left the parents shocked, as an attempt to process the unfortunate results. Children are the dearest and the greatest liability, and learning about their potential cause of death can only instigate people to question their duration of existence constantly. On top of that, to further trigger a state of uncertainty and unclearness regarding Brittni’s risky medical condition; at the time of the performance of the surgery, the doctor outright categorized her surgery as a challenging and risky one.

Following the day that her brain tumor was diagnosed, it marked as exactly April 5, 1996, around 3:00pm when Brittni’s family checked in for her surgery at Children’s Hospital in Detroit, Michigan. The surgery was performed by Doctor Kennedy, who completed the process until about 10:00pm. A process that involved the removal of the unfortunate brain tumor soft tissues. Although most of the procedure inhibited the growth of another tumor, the doctor successfully cleaned the area concerning the tumor, as a precautionary measure so that the tumor cannot reappear. The treatments observed by Brittni were not entirely harmful or painful, but to avoid side effects, she was treated with physical and occupational therapy to improve her left hand and left leg that indulged in weakness after the surgery. Brittni and her parents are very blessed and thankful until this day that the risky removal of the brain tumor surgery went better than planned. Doctor Kennedy was very careful throughout the seven-hour surgery because Brittni was a young lady at the age of five who was fighting to live through that surgery. Her family and friends all got together to pray the rosary for their daughter to come out of the surgery alive. The one word that Brittni’s family describe her is the word strong!

She was so strong not just in her faith, but also physically and emotionally by not giving up. Until this day, Brittni uses the word strong in everything that she does to remind herself that she does not need to fear whatever situation comes her way. She knows that she will overcome anything no matter how hard the situation is. Brittni’s secret throughout her whole life has been praying.

Although the surgery was a dreadful part of her seemingly playful childhood, Brittni continued to show improvement and progress while growing up. She actively participated in sports, such as hockey, which she enjoyed the company of her brother and her cousins Vincent and Jonathan. This really kept Brittni’s mind off from her suffering and lived her passionate life to the fullest, as a child lighting up the world with happiness and joy. Her growing passion for hockey was primarily because of the Detroit Red Wings. She routinely attended and participated in games, and that contributed to why it became a lifelong passion.

Her lifelong passion for the Detroit Red Wings has helped her get through life until this day after many years of suffering. She is fond of hearing the players’ stories which makes her realize how blessed she is; that people who she would never expect are suffering a lot worse than her in life. She has always felt very fortunate for her family giving her all the tools in her life that would lead her to happiness.

Despite the unfortunate circumstances revolving Brittni, she did not let others see her as a victim robbed of health and happiness and continued to live with energy. This definitely did not mean she was abstained from facing any struggles. Her school life was devastatingly rough in the very beginning by having to adjust, especially because she had to leave early from school. She attended therapy three times a week, but luckily, she dealt with the irregular academic routine and made it through her consultation sessions as well.

Eventually, with time, as she grew older dealing with her medical condition, she did not put her family in a difficult position. To avoid concern and unreasonable worrying, she barely complained about her physical health and bravely confronted her battles herself by praying to God for her physical healing until this day.

As an alternative to expressing her problems with God, she took relief in religion and crossed her heart. She was always flooding God with recovery prayers. She constantly begged the higher power to grant her greater strength and patience to deal with her risky situation. She moved on in her life by the ability to overcome any obstacles that would come her way through the strength of the Lord. Furthermore, she challenged herself to become more responsible with time and gradually began scheduling her own doctors’ appointments as she got older to take responsibilities by making it less stressful on her parents. Brittni engraved a path of her own by following an independent approach and discovered the steps of adulthood. To the extent, she researched online to list down the top ten doctors preferred for her condition that were based in Michigan where she lives.

Upon the results delivered by Google, she picked the one she felt spiritually about and stayed committed to him. Apparently, throughout one of her dreams, Jesus made an appearance. Jesus signaled her towards one of the best doctors, indirectly revealing the Doctor sent entirely for her. Brittni I am inside that doctor, it is Me, were the words pronounced by Jesus himself in Brittni’s dream, convincing her to make a thoughtful choice. While most doctors lacked hope and nearly gave up on Brittni’s case, she courageously took the initiative and sought help on her own. What kept her motivated and patient was her faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ. This role takes a big part in her life in the past and is carrying on in her life forever.

In certain cases, where the Doctors interrogated her with long questions, she complied and answered earnestly. She answered so quickly and never hesitated to ask questions. Nevertheless, she always asked doctors plenty of questions because she always wanted to be prepared for any obstacle that would be coming her way in the near future. Brittni always thought wise and mature when talking to doctors realizing that this is her life and that everything is going to be great no matter what the circumstances are.

Never did she leave any of their examinations unanswered or incomplete. Instead, she cooperated throughout by making sure the doctor had a plan for her each time she had to see her doctor on ways to improve her condition. She reported all her symptoms religiously, and never missed out on any important details or signs that she felt the doctors needed to be aware of. A few of her questions involved asking the cause of the significant pain in her left foot that managed to disturb her sleeping pattern as well. The doctors kept letting her down with all the negative emotions that got into Brittni’s life. She was always hard on herself and was told by many close dear family and friends that she should never get discouraged. Things never go perfectly in any of our lives, and in Brittni’s life, she had a perfect future planned for herself. Things happen unexpectedly in life, but there is always a reason why it happened. We all do not know what the reasons are, but one day we will look back and thank the Lord for taking us on the path less traveled by.

The symptoms she observed were somewhat affecting her daily lifestyle and routine. She made it her duty to inform her doctor instantly. The doctors were definitely fascinated by the sort of enthusiasm and interest portrayed by Brittni in her recovery process. With her active participation, and ongoing research she kept updating herself which made her an interestingly unique patient. She made sure she had the doctors’ right on point with the advice they provided her. Her positive attitude keeps her going in life along with her faith in the Lord.

Although Brittni acknowledged the sort of condition she was suffering with, and the consequences it was to have. She never gave up and prepared herself for the worst. She accepted her condition as a temporary dilemma and continued her daily prayers for instant healing and recovery. She even visited Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, but unfortunately, they weren’t looking forward to a positive result and metaphorically categorized Brittni as a miracle. Even then, she never lost hope and searched for more signs by Jesus. Until one night, he reappeared in her dreams, and from that night forward he would enter her sleep daily. With spiritual purpose, he directed Brittni to various places and signals implying recovery.

Gradually, the connection between Jesus Christ and Brittni became more profound, and those dreams only instigated her to become a better, positive person, also the best version of herself.

You can do anything you want if you put your mind to it were the words Brittni lives by. Knowing how she was living on the edge of her pain and suffering. She never took her life for granted — understanding how God would never put her in a position that she could not handle. She turned herself into a soldier, covering laughter and smiles across her face as a weapon to hide her pain. She perceived life as a pleasurable temporary roller-coaster and flooded it with joy with Jesus on her side giving her no excuse to complain about her suffering.

She endeavored to strive for the best to live peacefully and to never let the pain block her cheerful vibe. Jesus Christ was her savior, and she took refuge in her Lord and wished for him to save her completely. Longed for the day, he will be able to fix her condition and magically abstain her from all evils.

Usually, people have ordinary dreams that mostly have to do with becoming famous or rich, but Brittni’s dreams involved religious sanctity and delivered spiritual implications. She was only 18 years old when she dreamt about her condition being terribly hopeless, especially according to doctors, who confirmed no cure and disapproved of any possible progress at her age. Not only this, but her dreams featured Jesus Christ along with the Virgin Mary guiding her to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, referring her to specialized doctors. The Pope and the Saints also made an appearance, visiting Brittni at family gatherings based on the dreams she witnessed. Although it was unclear as to why her thoughts revolved around pessimism, it indirectly reflected how she was dealing with insecurities joined with fear.

2. Nostalgia

Life seems dark without you… You can make my dark days bright... are some expressions that nearly everyone uses when they miss their nearest and dearest. Also what about those whose lives are in fact dark and gloomy, not for the reason that they are missing some dearly loved, but because they have lost the glow of their lives which is nowhere to be found. In the comfort of the fireplace, Super Mario theme music playing in the background took me to the long era of childhood when my brother and I ganged up with our cousins to beat this game countless times.

Nintendo was the source of excitement and togetherness for us. The most exciting moments of our family slumber parties are still unforgettable. It used to be an interesting and adventurous mixture of the eatery, homemade brownies, video games along with some exciting indoor games. The best part was the inclusion of our parents in different games along with the kids. We were a family that believed in a friendly and peaceful environment. I was spoiled by my father with Baskin Robbin’s ice cream right after going to hockey games and playing hockey with my brother Brandon. It was more likely to be a tournament held in our basement where my cousins and the whole neighborhood participated. These wistful memories of time can become crucial as there is no holding back. My exercises and physical therapy was from one of those few recollections that make me question my purpose in life.

What is this darkness anyway? This darkness means a great deal… It signifies struggling twice as much as other people as the blessings do, striving to conquer the light behind the closed doors. In this obscurity, nobody will ever lend a hand or accompany; just one’s self. On the contrary, my cousin Nancy was a beam of light because we were very close