A Life Of Grace Through The Eyes Of An Undeserving Man: Learning To Follow So I Can Lead

By Matthew Mark

I was born into a Christian-Catholic family, and over the years of my youth, I had turned from God to atheism due to ignorance. This is the story of the redemption I went through when Jesus brought me back through a very unlikely struggle. The struggles I endured are much like many people who misunderstand their purpose and the calling for their lives. Over the years, I lost friends and loved ones, dealt with massive depression, and struggled with suicide. I had enemies and dealt with drugs, gangs, and relationships like most of you.

Yet there was even still chaos, violence, fear, intimidation, and all manures of sin in the house growing up. This should go to show you that there is no perfect family, there is no perfect life, and there are no fairy-tale endings. However, there is one truth and joy you will need to turn to in order to survive this world and succeed at it. This book is to help you find the way there. This is not for my glory but the glory and honor of the Author of Life.

Throughout this story, I will guide you through my life and point out all the areas I missed and should have realized sooner what was going on. The point of this book is to have those who are not sure if God is real or how to trust in God to have something they can take as a reference, and see God at work as a witness to His glory and grace far beyond comprehension.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 17, 2024
• ISBN: 9781685704056

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A Life Of Grace Through The Eyes Of An Undeserving Man

Learning To Follow So I Can Lead

Matthew Mark

ISBN 978-1-68570-404-9 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88943-999-8 (hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-68570-405-6 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Matthew Mark

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Note to Readers

Chapter 1

Doubt Is the Greatest Sin!

Chapter 2

It Started in Trial

Chapter 3

The Pushing of Juveniles

Chapter 4

A New Beginning for the Worse!

Chapter 5

Depression and Puppy Love

Chapter 6

Darkness Comes Before the Dawn

Chapter 7

God Steps In

Chapter 8

Love, Happiness, and a Little Chaos

Chapter 9

Death to the Flesh So My Spirit Can Live

Chapter 10

The Light Pierces through Hell

Chapter 11

God Replenishes What You Have Lost

Chapter 12

Still Learning to Walk

Chapter 13

The Unrelenting Darkness

Chapter 14

A Homecoming to Remember

Chapter 15

My New Life Started with a Prayer

Chapter 16

Beating Me but Not My God

Chapter 17

The World in Chaos

About the Author

To my beloved son who died so I could find life! We love you and can't wait to be united with you in heaven.

Also to my loving wife and three sons from whom my love and faith manifested and showed me what true love is!

And to all my friends and family who offered strength and inspiration when I was lost. Truly God puts those in our path that we need for the right seasons of our lives.

Acknowledgments

First, I would like to thank God for His hand in this story!

I would also like to acknowledge my wife from whom this story would not have manifested if she had not been the power and source of my faith when I had none!

Also, a very special thank you to the Christian World Ministries with Bishop Michael Sides and Pastor Jason Sides along with the Elders who had the vision and fortitude to teach and engage true faith to me and my family!

Also, not to forget the Mighty Fortress Ministries with Pastor Sammy Lopez, where I started my walk back to Christ. This journey would never have started without you.

Note to Readers

Please note the names have been altered to respect the privacy of those involved with this story. This is a testimony to the life given to one sinful man who was not worthy of God's mercy. Yet he received it and has come to love God and now wants anyone who has doubts to come and see for yourself how to stand in the faith of Christ and overcome anything that comes your way. Do not let the enemy take ground from you without fighting back and know that in your stillness, God can move beyond your capabilities. For greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world. For no weapon formed against you shall prosper, not by your power, but by the power of the name of Jesus Christ!

Chapter 1

Doubt Is the Greatest Sin!

Once a lawyer asked Jesus, Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets' (Matthew 22:36–40 NKJV). This seems simple enough, yet it is harder than expressed due to the nature of the flesh to hate, judge, and boast! Yet there is one thing you must know before you follow even these most important commandments. Something that will hold you back from ever experiencing the joy and love of God! This is known to all true Christians. This one thing is the key to unlocking the power that lies dormant within you. Did you know that the same power that Jesus held is in each of us?

I was taught this for several years as a child, and still, I missed the message and nearly paid for it with my life on several occasions. This is what held back several of the disciples even when Jesus was walking among them! Even when they saw the miracles He performed, they struggled with this. This simple fact can save lives, heal the sick, and even cure cancer whether you are suffering from leukemia, are a paraplegic, a thief, a cheater, a bad parent, a bad spouse, or even a felon. The enemy will do anything possible to keep this fact from you and make you doubt it at every chance he gets.

Justly my Lord and Savior is the same as yours whether you choose it or not. No matter your thoughts on the matter, or even what you believe! This is truly the greatest news ever, and this message is for you! Our Lord is more merciful than imaginable, and our savior is more faithful than we can fathom. For these reasons, and these reasons alone, you have a chance to claim the power and glory God has granted for your life. We do not deserve it, nor can we earn it. Jesus Christ gave His life for it, and God Himself raised Him back to life to prove it. The Holy Spirit came because of it, and it is still the only way to keep the enemy out of our lives.

This one fact can change your life for the better and marks the beginning of the rest of your life! This one thing is greater than religion and more powerful than any ministry can ever hope to be. This is what all ministry was meant to teach and the only chance for salvation. I speak of belief! Faith in the unseen! Peace in chaos, hope in hopelessness! It's all based on one truth! Jesus Christ was killed and hung on a tree as stated in scripture: Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, ‘Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree') (Galatians 3:13 NKJV). He then rose from the grave after three days! This has been documented and tested ever since it occurred, but there is no denying the truth! Jesus Christ is Emmanuel! Don't be fooled by the doubt of what our Savior, Jesus Christ, has done for each of us!

Interesting fact, even one of the disciples doubted the truth. Jesus said to Thomas, Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed (John 20:29 NIV) after Thomas doubted His resurrection, and he said, Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe (John 20:25 NIV). Jesus showed mercy to Thomas and allowed this to happen so his testimony may be a model to us all who can't touch and see the wounds for ourselves. All to show that His mercy is capable of saving all of us. You simply have to accept it as truth. He didn't give up on Thomas, and Thomas felt like a fool for ever doubting our Lord. How many of us fall into this role today? Don't be a doubting Thomas!

I tell you that I too had doubted my Lord and fell away from belief to the point that I even became atheist. The Lord allowed the enemy to pick away at me for several years until I repented and begged for God to forgive me and take me back under His wings. I'm not proud to say it, but for several more years, I let doubt still play a role in my faith, which kept me from reaching the mercy that was planned for my life. I wasted so much of my life, trying to find truths that I already knew and was taught when I was a child. However, I thought religion was for children. You know, like a story to keep you moral. A series of events to show how moral behavior was demonstrated.

I always remembered the golden rule, Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. I made this my foundation for moral grounds. I thought I'd be able to reach great heights through morality. Human behavior was the truth as to why things happened, and coincidence was just random luck. I thought I just had really bad luck; in fact, I believed that without bad luck, I wouldn't have any at all. I'm sure this sounds like many of you, but did you ever wonder why? I thought, Surely there is more for my life than this! Yet no matter how hard I tried, I could not get over the obstacles of life. I'd try harder and hit a wall that would set me back several notches, yet I lived through them even when I hoped I wouldn't.

I'm not proud to say that suicide was a frequent thought and filled my dreams as a hopeful escape at times. Sounds crazy, yet I know I'm not alone in these thoughts. Depression was a laughable matter at times. I thought if I was just depressed, I would have been lucky. I always seemed to let those who I cared about down and even thought of myself as useless and incapable of success. I was at the point of having no feeling left but emptiness. This may be where you are now. I was zealous for success and void of the ability or the true knowledge of happiness. I always fell back on unplanned jobs and random dumb luck.

People would tell me how lucky I was that I was so talented, yet I failed at anything I tried. I was an inventor with failed ideas, a poet who wasn't worth publishing, a singer who couldn't sing, and a renaissance man who wasn't an expert at anything I did. I had no direction, and yet somehow, I knew I was meant for more. Maybe because my parents told me so and taught me about the love of Jesus growing up. I started in faith but was never baptized in my faith. My family stopped attending church when I was about eight years old due to the pressures of life and getting busy with unimportant tasks.

Don't get me wrong. I love my parents and don't blame them for my shortcomings. After all, I would never be where I am now without the foundation they started me off with. However, as many Christians do, I fell away and went down the path of destruction. Luckily, God never let go of me, even when I definitely deserved it. At times I cursed Him beyond belief and hated the life I was given. At times I wished it was just over so I could move on or cease to exist. As a famous country singer once said, Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

I spent many nights under the neon moons and yet never tasted the addictions so many fell victim to. I also tried my luck at drugs. I wasn't very good at that either, but I tried. I thought, surely my final failure was coming soon. When it didn't, I thought I'd try more risky stunts and wanted to sky dive so badly. I thought maybe the parachute wouldn't open, and I'd finally be free! Then I heard how rare this sort of thing happened and thought I'd save the money for something better.

Needless to say, I was mixed up pretty bad. I didn't even realize how crossed I was and couldn't figure out why. I was a father and husband to a beautiful family, yet I was still so empty. I pretended to be happy and always portrayed a good man with hopeful thoughts. Yet