Shoot the Moon: Essays On Living

By Jack Sparacino

These essays reflect much of the essence of my life and thinking about what it means to exist on this planet. I hope they resonate with readers, as I put absolutely everything I had into them. That said, I still love chatting with people on the street, and fishing remains a passion after sixty years.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 2, 2024
• ISBN: 9798889825470

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Introduction

1: Happily, It's (Practically) Never All Bad

2: Saddle Up

3: Hamm-Handad

4: In Search of Yahoo

5: Keep On Truckin' (Especially When Wet)

6: Pins and Needles

7: Time Benders

8: Kudos to Next-Door Neighbors

9: Jalopy Blues

10: Holes in the Sky

11: Man About Town: Part 1; Hold Your Horses

12: Man About Town: Part 2; Ain't No Zombie

13: Speaking of Horseshit

14: Soda Pop Psychology

15: Nailing It

16: Better Days

17: Fat Chance

18: Loose Screws

19: Contrails

20: Rotten at Both Ends, and We Are All to Blame

21: More Great Peeps, Even after Easter

22: Slow Walk

23: What Do Teenage Girls Really Think About?

24: Don't Know Much About His-Tor-Y…

25: Make 'Em Laugh (or Smile?)

26: Cat's Eyes

27: How Long Will That Take?

28: Spin Cycle

29: Is You Is or Is You Ain't?

30: Compared to What?

31: A Dad for the Ages: A Son's Thoughts on Father's Day

32: Rescue Bound

33: Two Peas in a Podcast

34: A Little Paranoia Goes a Long Way (or Does It?)

35: Off the Rails

36: Shirley

37: Endgame

About the Author

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Shoot the Moon: Essays On Living

Jack Sparacino

Copyright © 2023 Jack Sparacino

All rights reserved

First Edition

Fulton Books

Meadville, PA

Published by Fulton Books 2023

ISBN 979-8-88982-546-3 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88982-547-0 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Introduction

In the words of the great Groucho Marx:

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

As W. C. Fields noted, I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Here are some of my other favorite quips:

I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. (Marilyn Monroe)

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. (Mark Twain)

And from the inimitable Will Rogers:

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock. Hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.

There are three kinds of men: the one who learns by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Now just sit back and relax as we explore these pearls of wisdom and many more.

1

Happily, It's (Practically) Never All Bad

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

—George Burns

Most of us bewitchingly blissful souls, miserable wretches, and those in between seem to spend a soul-withering amount of time focused on happiness, both our own and that of others'. Even back in my academic days, the science of human happiness was built on often intriguing research.

That research has continued for decades. One solid finding concerns money. Can more of it buy greater happiness? Well, sort of. Up to about $75,000 a year, the answer is yes, as we all need enough funds to support health care, feed, clothe, and shelter ourselves…with enough extra for a few frills, maybe a night out with the gang. After that $75,000, though, having more money contributes little to additional happiness. Had someone confronted me with that fact when I was still a struggling student, I might have laughed out loud. That kind of money seemed almost beyond reach, and finding a five-dollar bill, enough for a rack of ribs in Chicago, would have made me ecstatic. More on ribs shortly.

Enter Harvard. They've identified some twenty habits that facilitate happiness. These include showing gratitude, such as for the everyday details like pretty flowers or sunsets and the sometimes battering affection from your dog; warm, dependable friends; continual learning; doing what you love (sure, easier said than done); living in the present; laughing a lot; being grateful and optimistic; and doing good. Actor Henry Winkler put a comedic spin on much of that wisdom when he noted recently in Vanity Fair magazine that his idea of perfect happiness was "the entire family being healthy, being on the set of [the HBO dark comedy series] Barry, and a rainbow trout on my line."

With the woeful daily news depressing enough to bring American Pharoah up lame on a fast track under Victor Espinoza, I've been on extra alert for happy, kind, supportive, and helpful people, those who seem wired to bring a smile to your face and make you happy. Happily, several of these folks have brightened my life lately when good fortune seemed a bridge too far, such as when I triple-fractured my wrist. Here are a few of my recent favorites, some of which you are welcome to leverage or just plain swipe.

When I say ribs are a big deal to me, I mean it. Recently, this was reinforced close to home—my own backyard—when I slipped on a wet surface and fell face-first onto the ground. In the 1/1,000 of a second I had to avoid hitting my head, I scored a grand success that was badly offset by my ribcage bearing the brunt of the crash. Nothing broke, but the pain only grew for days as routine tasks turned herculean. For a week or so, all I could think of was ribs.

Enter Island BBQ Grill, a small takeout cookery at 526 Sea Island Parkway in Beaufort, South Carolina. Their ribs are as good as any I recall from my years in Chicago when finding that $5 bill for such a treat meant they were forever unforgettable. This was back when a hot dog cost a dime and a Polish sausage with the works fifteen cents, so you can imagine how infrequently the ribs won out.

Offsetting the sweet, smoky air and the highly responsive service, Island BBQ Grill is a bit short on amenities like parking but long on great food and friendly service. The delightful owners are Gigi Moore and John Singleton, and unlike many of those old Chicago joints, they also feature excellent sandwich, seafood, and dessert selections. The bread pudding I tried was the best I can remember. John and Gigi can be commended for offering up some soul and heart-warming fare that is highly competitive, even if you arrive from the boonies in a Winnebago or Airstream. To John and Gigi, my warmest and smokiest regards…and can we get an extra napkin or two next time? My rib munching etiquette seems to have declined a bit over the years.

Speaking of food, the employees at Publix nearby remain the friendliest and most helpful that I've ever encountered at a grocery store. A special shout-out to my friend Joe, who had the sartorial good sense to compliment me on my ESPN T-shirt. It was a gift from my brother, who worked there after a long run with Reader's Digest. Getting a similar shirt for Joe made me feel especially good for days on end, and may he wear it in good health.

Then we have the many pharmacy workers around Beaufort, whose focus on customer satisfaction is an extra godsend when you're hurting. One of my absolute favorites is Tamira at CVS in nearby Port Royal. Seeing me banged up recently, complete with a black eye, brought out a positively medicinal response. While she wears a name tag, I don't any longer, but she remembered my name, and for a glorious moment, she acted like the sister I never had.

Here's another one from the vault. My recent injuries prompted me to explore alternative transportation. There may be thirteen thousand taxis in New York, but I'd bet even money that none are more gratifying than the whole hustling team at Happy Taxi Cab Company. A call often connects you with their ace dispatcher Mike, who answers the phone with a reassuring "Yep, you've reached the right place, taxi." A quick determination of your destination and timing and out goes a call to his blue-ribbon—dare I say happy?—team.

I drove many times with David Northrop, about my age, who reminds me of those shows that feature people who have worked nearly every sort of job on the planet, including two cab company gigs. One of his great loves in life is music, and he keeps his radio tuned to old rock and seems to know all the words and could play along with his guitar, if he had it handy and a few extra arms. His previous jobs have included power line maintenance, commercial fishing, and cement work on top of numerous bar bands. No easy work on that rustically handsome man's resume, but he somehow remains true to his company's name. His four children and eight grands no doubt add to his cheerfulness recipe.

Last but not least, I had the pleasure of meeting Theresa White, Happy driver overnight and founder and CEO of the Pan-African Family Empowerment and Land Preservation Network Inc. (longer names evidently weren't available). Her website (https://www.pa-fen.org) is well worth checking out as it explains the invaluable work involved in helping financially struggling African American families stay in their homes in the face of daunting taxes and fees. On a personal level, Theresa is delightfully charming, even at three on a rainy morning.

Happiness may seem elusive, and understandably so. Like sleep, the harder you chase it, the faster it seems to run away. On the other hand, many roads—and people—lead there. Best of all, happiness is as contagious as the flu, and there are few vaccines on earth that can prevent it.

Nineteenth-century American writer Nathaniel Hawthorne had it right: "Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."

Happy trails, everyone.

2

Saddle Up

I was so reduced and debilitated, [early 1800's sea captain James] Riley recalled, that I could not support even good news with any degree of firmness, and such was my agitation that it was with the utmost difficulty I could keep on my mule for some moments afterwards.

—Dean King, Skeletons on the Zahara: A True Story of Survival

When in distress, go back to basics. Garden, fish, play cards, see a show. Hey, take mule-riding lessons. Or maybe chat with someone you've known since stamps cost a nickel (um, 1965). My fine friend Kent, a small-town, large-brain, and kindred-spirit attorney in Minnesota, kibitzed with me after 2016's deplorable election. We noted that sadly, some 43 percent of eligible voters decided they had better things to do than vote. This after millions of Americans gave their lives to preserve our democratic right to vote. Well, it's also their right to cop out, though they do so at a huge cost to society—and to themselves.

So, Kent, old timer, where were we after this deplorable election? I read