The Complete Passionate Retribution Series

By Amy Shannon

The Passionate Retribution series spans over several years. Each story is standalone, but to fully understand the characters, it is recommended to be read in order. Introducing Carly Edwards, a former NYPD Detective, who is on disability in book one, due to a severe assault on her person. Eventually, she becomes a Private Investigator that collaborates with both NYPD, FBI and even Homeland Security. Carly is estranged from her father, and her mother died. Her only sibling is her brother, Terry, with secrets of his own. Carly’s best friends are Derek and Peter, a couple that she’s been friends with almost forever. The reader learns of Carly’s relationships with Robin, her former boss, her former partner, Elliot, and a new connection with Leo, an ex-cop who owns a martial arts studio. To top it all off, in book one, a lover, Tyler, from the past comes back to the city to revisit their relationship.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amy Shannon
• Release date: Oct 16, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215936573

Amy Shannon

Amy Shannon is an author, professional book reviewer and literary consultant. Amy is republishing and publishing some for the first time, her MOD Life Epic Saga, which has over 67 volumes, and 9 bonus books.

Book preview

The Complete Passionate Retribution Collection

Amy Shannon

Essence Publishing

Ballston Spa, NY 12020

Essence Enterprises

Passionate Retribution

Passionate Retribution 2

Passionate Retribution 3

Passionate Retribution 4

ISBN: 9798215936573

2023 Digital Edition

Copyright © 2023 by Amy C Shannon

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permissions of the author, except by a review who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a newspaper, magazine, or journal.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

Credits:

Cover Illustration Copyright © 2023

Cover design by Amy Shannon

Contents

Passionate Retribution

Passionate Retribution 2

Passionate Retribution 3

Passionate Retribution 4

Introduction

The Passionate Retribution series spans over several years. Each story is standalone, but to fully understand the characters, it is recommended to be read in order. Introducing Carly Edwards, a former NYPD Detective, who is on disability in book one, due to a severe assault on her person. Eventually, she becomes a Private Investigator that collaborates with both NYPD, FBI and even Homeland Security. Carly is estranged from her father, and her mother died. Her only sibling is her brother, Terry, with secrets of his own. Carly’s best friends are Derek and Peter, a couple that she’s been friends with almost forever. The reader learns of Carly’s relationships with Robin, her former boss, her former partner, Elliot, and a new connection with Leo, an ex-cop who owns a martial arts studio. To top it all off, in book one, a lover, Tyler, from the past comes back to the city to revisit their relationship.

Passionate Retribution

1

CARLY EDWARDS SLAMMED her fist down on the metal table. Dammit! You’re telling me there’s nothing you can do!

I’m sorry. We just don’t have enough evidence. He won’t get convicted, Detective Marshall said.

Do you understand what you have done to me?

Carly, please sit down. Let me explain.

Why won’t the DA file charges? After what that monster did to me, Carly threw her hands up in frustration and turned toward the wall.

I wish I could do something, Marshall said, as he stood up and attempted to embrace her. I’m really sorry.

She shuddered. Don’t touch me! she said to the wall. I’m sorry. Elliot, I’m sorry, she hugged her thin body and turned around to face the detective. I’m so sorry. Please, just don’t touch me.

Carly, please sit down, he nervously ran his hand through his thick, brown hair.

I didn’t mean…

Carly, we’ve been friends for so long. You were my partner. I still think of you as my partner. I know you. I wish I could help. I want to get him almost as much as you do. We just don’t have enough. What we do won’t convict him. Unless we get a confession, it’s his word against yours.

I used to be a cop! Doesn’t that count for something? She anxiously ran her hands through her long auburn hair.

It’s not about your word, Love. I feel terrible about this, but you have to realize there’s no physical evidence to prove what he did.

That’s because of what he did. He was smart enough not to leave a trace of himself. God, Elliot, I couldn’t stop him. I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t strong enough. I wish I could’ve stopped him.

Carly, please don’t relive this anymore. It’s been over six months.

I live with this each and every day. I can’t get it out of my head. It’ll always be with me. It’s part of me now.

Why don’t you just go home?

And do what? Sit in the dark? Wait for him to come after me?

Do you want me to come with you?

No. Elliot, don’t worry about it, she said calmly.

I’ll keep working on the case. I just wish I could get him off the street, his green eyes saddened.

There’s nothing you can do. But, I’m not going to sit around and do nothing, she sighed, as she stood up.

Carly, don’t do anything rash. I know how you get when you’re hurting. Remember, you’re a cop.

No, Elliot. I used to be a cop. I’m just a tired, broken woman. I have nothing. I am nothing, she walked out.

Elliot ran after her. Carly, please wait.

She turned around and crossed her arms tightly as her eyes met his. Elliot, I need to go home.

Please, take care of yourself. I care about you. I just hope you realize that.

Carly walked out onto the street and took a deep breath as she hailed a cab. The corner of Hadley and Robinson, please, she said, as she got in. Soon, the cab pulled in front of a large apartment building. Thank you, she said, as she paid the driver.

She walked up the front steps and then took the elevator to the tenth floor. She looked up and down the hall before she unlocked her apartment door. She sighed heavily and walked inside.

She plopped on the white sofa and stared at the ceiling. How do I stop this? How can I make this go away? She stood up, walked over to the window, and gazed at the skyline as the sun lowered behind the buildings. Nothing’s safe or sacred anymore. I need to get my life back, but how? He’s out there. He can do this to someone else. He will do this to someone else. He could be watching me right now and I wouldn’t even know it.

Carly slowly sat up, as there was a knock on the door. She dragged herself over and looked through the peephole. She shook her head and opened it. What’re you two doing here?

Carly, we’re worried about you, Peter Barker said.

Very worried, said Derek Walters. We knew you were going to the station and wanted to see how you were doing.

Carly smiled slightly. I don’t know what I’d do without you two. Come on in, she said, as she led them to the sofa.

So, how’d it go? Derek asked, sitting down.

Carly shook her head. Not good. They can’t do anything. It’s been six months, and they have nothing.

Can’t Elliot help you? Peter asked. He was your partner after all.

No. He’s the one who told me. I don’t know what to do. I lost everything because of what that monster did to me. He can just do whatever the hell he wants! She curled her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs. I hate being afraid. I hate not being able to punish him for what he did to me. My body aches with fear. I don’t know how to move on. I have this large pit in my stomach that won’t go away. How can I let the pain go?

We really wish we could help you, Peter said.

I’m sorry. I’m not great company right now.

No worries, Derek stood up and glanced around the room. What you need is a less-sterile environment.

What I need is my life back.

I just meant that this place is just, so, well, um, white and stark. You even dress white and stark. I don’t mean to sound rude or anything, but what happened to the things you used to wear? You used to be so rough and tough. Now, well, you’re kind of a femme.

A femme? You’re calling me a femme? she laughed slightly.

I’m sorry, but, yeah. I didn’t mean to sound…

Derek, do you want to redecorate my place?

Well, I’d love to. You know you could use a new wardrobe, too. One thing at a time, though. I just want to help you in any way I can. I’m not a police officer or anything very important. I want you to be happy. I care about you. You’re not the same anymore. You’re so important to us. We love you very much, he said, as his thin body stood over her.

Derek, sit, Carly said. Derek sat down next to Peter, and she took their hands. You two are my best friends. I love you both. Just you being here is what I need. You two are the most important people in my life.

Ki-Ki, you know we love you, too. You were there for us when we told Derek’s father about our relationship. You held our hands. We just want to help you, Peter said, flashing his friendly, crooked smile.

I hate it when you call me that, she laughed slightly as she brushed her fingers through his sandy hair.

I know, Peter smiled. We love you, Ki-Ki, he said, as he hugged her.

Derek kissed her cheek. Yes, Ki-Ki. We love you.

It’s funny. You two are the only men who I’ll let touch me.

It’s not funny. You just know we’d never hurt you, Derek said. We know you can never go back to who you used to be. You have changed.

And, we’re not saying it’s bad. We’re just saying you’re a new person, Peter added.

Sometimes I just want to curl up and die. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what kind of person I am. I can’t be a cop. I can’t even be a wife anymore.

Have you heard from Ted lately? Peter asked.

No, just from his lawyer. I should be getting the final papers any day now.

Well, it’s his loss. Any man, who would leave you when you needed him the most, isn’t worth it.

Carly touched Peter’s freshly shaven cheek and smiled slightly. He wasn’t cut out to hold my hand, she said, as she stared at the wedding ring that haunted her finger.

Forget about Ted. You need to focus on Ki-Ki, Derek jumped in, his blue eyes smiling.

Carly laughed. I’ll focus on Carly. How ‘bout that?

The men smiled. Yes. But, how are you going to do that? Derek asked.

Carly stood up quickly. You know, Derek, you were right. This place is way too white for me. What do you think about touches of gold and red?

Kiddo, that would be perfect. I have so many ideas. I could go on forever, his excitement sped up the words coming out of his mouth.

He will go on forever, Peter said. Are you sure you want Derek to redecorate?

Yeah. Why not? I’ve gotta figure out what to do with my life. Maybe a new look in this apartment, this hospital-esq apartment, will help, she paused. I don’t know how to do anything but be a cop and a victim. Oh, I just wish I knew what to do.

The first step is removing that ring from your finger. You have enough reminders of being hurt. You don’t need any more, Peter said.

It’s so hard, she twirled her ring. I just don’t know how to take it off.

Please, Derek whispered. Give me your hand, he kissed it gently and slowly pulled the ring from her finger. Over and done. Take care of Carly, please, he handed her the ring.

She looked at the ring in the palm of her hand. Thanks, Derek, she smiled slightly.

If you need anything from us, we’re right next door, Peter said, as they stood up.

Carly stood up and hugged them. Thanks. I really needed this. Derek, go shopping and let me know when you’re ready to start. In the meantime, I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.

We’ll see you later. Bye, Ki-Ki.

Carly closed and locked the door behind them and then looked around her large apartment. He’s right. Besides, it’s Derek. Anything he’ll put together will be beautiful. I need a change. This isn’t even who I really am. Who am I really?

She opened the desk drawer and placed the ring carefully next to her wedding picture. She gazed at the picture for a little while and smiled. Good-bye, Ted, she whispered.

She plopped down on the sofa and put her feet up. Am I a new person? Yes, I guess I am a new person. What kind of person am I? Where’s Carly? She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Elliot’s words played repeatedly in her head. I wish I could do something. I’m really sorry, her mind flashed to the monster’s face. She jumped up with a start. I can’t let him do this to me. Eric James will pay for what he did to me! She stretched out her left hand as if it were a gun and mimicked a shot.

She shook her hand. Dammit! I can’t even do that. I can’t even hold a gun anymore. Let alone pull the trigger, she stood up and walked into the bathroom. She ran the hot water over her left hand. Some detective, she whispered, as she looked in the mirror. Can’t even hold a damn gun!

I’m the only detective on the force who is left-handed, but I could shoot better than any man could with his right. I always teased Elliot at the shooting range because he had to use both hands to steady his shot. Now, I can’t even hold a pen.

She dried her hand off and walked into the kitchen. She poured a glass of white wine and walked into the bedroom to lie down. She turned on the television and impatiently flipped through the channels until she found a program that interested her.

2

CARLY SLOWLY CLIMBED out of bed, walked into the bathroom, and removed her pajamas. She stared at her thin body, covered with hammer-claw scars, in the full-length mirror. She touched the long scar around her throat. I’ll never forget as long as these are here to remind me.

She turned on the hot water, stepped inside the tub, and washed her long auburn hair. She got out of the shower and put on her robe. She dried her hair with a towel as she walked into the kitchen and turned on the coffee pot.

She opened the door to retrieve the paper and noticed a man walking down the hallway. She closed the door quickly. As soon as she closed it, he knocked. She looked through the peephole. Who are you?

I have a package for Carly Edwards-Richardson.

Can I see some ID please? The man held his delivery company ID up to the peephole. Sorry ‘bout that. You can never be too careful, she said, as she opened the door.

Not a problem. Please sign here, he pointed to the clipboard.

After she signed her name, he handed her the envelope. She closed the door and sat down on the sofa. She opened the envelope, even though she already knew what the contents would be, the final divorce papers. She read the documents and threw them on the floor. She opened the smaller envelope and pulled out the letter.

Dearest Carly, the letter began. I know you hate me and the last person you’d ever want to hear from is me. This is the end for us. I’m sorry I left, especially when you needed me most. I guess I wasn’t used to you needing me to take care of you. You were so strong and independent. When I found you, I didn’t recognize the battered and broken woman. Even when you healed, you weren’t the same. I hope you can forgive me, though, I’m not asking you to. I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I hope someday you can just let it go. Ted, she crumpled up the letter, threw it across the room, and stormed in the kitchen.

Her hands shook nervously as she poured a cup of coffee. Battered and broken? Yeah, I guess that’s me, she sipped her coffee and stared out the window. How do I change? I’m reminded every single day, she closed her eyes and thought of the monster’s face. I need help, she whispered, as she picked up the phone and dialed.

Law office, how can I help you? the secretary answered.

Yeah, hi, Agnes. This is Carly. Is Abby available?

She’s in a meeting right now. Can I help you with something?

Does she have any openings today? I know this is last minute, but I really need to speak with her.

Yes, actually. She just had a cancellation. Is one o’clock OK?

Yes, thank you. I’ll be there, Carly hung up the phone, leaned back in the chair, and sighed. She turned on the television and then went to her room to get dressed.

While she was buttoning her white blouse, there was a knock on the door. She hurried to the door and looked through the peephole. Elliot, what’re you doing here?

I’m sorry to stop by without calling, but I was worried about you. I needed to see how you were doing.

Come in and have a seat. Don’t mind me. Just a late start today, she said, as she finished buttoning her blouse. Not that I have a job or anything.

That’s why I’m here.

What’re you talking about? The disability’s OK. I can almost afford my place, she laughed slightly.

Why can’t you come back to the force?

Elliot, you know why. There’s no way I can shoot a gun. My left hand is useless. Besides, you can’t do what I did and come back.

Carly, it’s not all about shooting a gun and that other thing’s almost forgotten.

How can I defend anyone when I couldn’t even defend myself? Carly raised her voice.

Carly, what he did to you was horrible, but you survived. Not many people could survive that kind of attack, but you did. You were and still are strong. You’re the strongest woman I know. No. You’re the strongest person I know. I’ve seen firsthand what you can to do criminals.

All my training didn’t protect me! She spat.

He hit you in the head with the hammer claw. How could you fight back if you were unconscious?

Carly stared at him. But, he still overpowered me enough to do that.

Partner, you need to forgive yourself. None of that was your fault. It’s been six months. Don’t you think you should give yourself a break?

I don’t know how. I just don’t know how. If I was awake, I could’ve stopped him.

His voice rose slightly. You need to stop this! You’re blaming yourself for the attack and blaming yourself for being knocked out. I know how badly he hurt you. I can’t stand seeing you suffer like this. Carly, I care so much about you. You’re my partner and I want my partner back. I need my partner back. Please, try to help yourself, so I can help you. It’s a damn good thing you weren’t awake. After what he put your body through, you do not need to remember every single blow he inflicted on you.

I don’t need to remember. I see the scars every single day. How can I not blame myself? I let my guard down.

You have to get someone to help you realize it’s not your fault.

Elliot, my husband left me because I was NOT strong enough. Can you imagine what Ted felt when he found my battered and bloodied body in the middle of the bedroom? That’s why he left me.

You’re not responsible for Ted. He obviously didn’t love you enough to help you. I was there. I took care of you. You don’t owe Ted anything. Stop feeling guilty over Ted leaving you! He doesn’t deserve you!

The problem is more that I don’t deserve anyone. I really don’t blame him for leaving. I know he just loved me enough only for me to take care of me, she turned to the window. At least that’s finally over.

What do you mean?

I got the divorce papers. And lucky me, I was honored to receive a good-bye note from Ted. Wasn’t that sweet of him? she asked sarcastically.

I’m sorry, Love. I just want to help you. Before I can, you need to help yourself. Carly, when’s the last time you cried?

I don’t cry! she spat, as she turned toward Elliot.

That’s part of the problem. You need to let it out or you’ll explode. Please, it’s the only way to help yourself.

How do I do that? All I know how to do is shoot a gun and kick the crap out of people. What good’s that when I couldn’t stop him? Tears formed in her eyes. I couldn’t stop him. Damn, I just couldn’t stop him! I can’t take the pain anymore! She dropped to the floor and cried harder.

Finally, Elliot sighed. Please, Love, just let it all out. You’ve been keeping it bottled up for so long. Just let it all out, he kneeled beside her, careful not to touch her.

Elliot, what am I supposed to do? I can’t move on with my life because it’s just not the same, she cried.

I’m here for you. You need to know that. Whatever you need, I’ll be right here for you. I’ll always be here for you.

She wiped her eyes and caught her breath. You have your own family to worry about. Maggie needs you, too.

Maggie loves you and you know it. You’re part of our family. She’s as concerned about you as I am.

I never wanted to be burden to you or her.

You’ll never be a burden, he looked into her green eyes. Carly, we love you. I told you I’d get him. I let you down. I wish I could’ve done more.

It’s not your fault, Elliot, she managed a small smile. Without the evidence, it’s just not possible.

I’d love to wrap my bare hands around his neck and…

Don’t. He’s not worth it. With your strength, you’d snap his neck in two, she said, as she stood up and faced him.

I just wish I could hold you right now. I wish I could touch you, his voice broke. I wish I could take away all your pain.

I’m sorry, Elliot. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, she sobbed. You’re my partner and we’ve been through so much. I wish I could let you.

I understand more than you know, Love. You’re very important to me, he wiped an oncoming tear from his eye.

I think I’m feeling a little better now. Go on to work, please. I’ll be all right. I promise, she walked him to the door and hesitantly kissed his cheek. Um, you really could use a shave.

His eyes lit up and he smiled. I’ll see you soon, he said, as he left.

Carly sat down on the sofa and curled up with the pillow. I’ve gotta be OK. I just have to be, she laid her head down and cried.

After a little while of just letting the tears flow, she walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She looked in the mirror at her red eyes and smiled. I don’t remember the last time I cried. Thank you, Elliot. Thank you, partner.

She ran her fingers through her hair and shook her head. She opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the scissors. Time for a change, she whispered, as she grabbed an area of hair and cut it. She kept snipping and cutting until the hair was shoulder length. She brushed her hair again and smiled. After she cleaned up the piles of hair that fell to the floor, she put on her jacket and left.

Carly walked to Abigail’s office, which was located a few blocks away from her apartment. She walked into the large office building. She waited until an empty elevator was available, headed for the fifth floor, and made her way to Abigail’s office.

Hi, Carly said to Agnes. I’ve got a one o’clock appointment.

Agnes smiled. Yes, Mrs. Richardson, your aunt will be with you in a few minutes.

Thank you. And it’s now Ms. Edwards, Carly replied.

Oh, I’m sorry.

Don’t worry about it. Divorce just came through.

Agnes smiled and nodded as she pushed her glasses up and continued reading the schedule for the day. Carly noticed how Agnes, who was almost 90, always seemed pleasant and happy. Carly wished that she’d not only live to be that old, but also just be able to be that content at some point in her life.

Soon, a tall woman with short black hair walked into the waiting room. It’s good to see you. Come in my office.

Carly stood up and shook her hand. Thanks, Abby. I know it’s been a while, she said, as she followed her into the office.

Abby closed the door and faced Carly. Wow. I like your hair. It makes you look so different. Honey, what can I do for you?

Carly took a deep breath. I need help.

What kind of help?

I’m sorry to bother you. I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to go.

Caroline, tell me what’s wrong?

Please, Abby, it’s Carly.

I know, but you’ll always be Caroline to me, she smiled. Now, tell me what’s wrong?

They don’t have enough evidence to arrest Eric James.

The man who attacked you?

Yes. I just found out that even after six months, they still can’t even arrest him.

I don’t know how I can help you. I really want to.

I really don’t know either. I guess I just wanted someone to talk to. I need to put my life back together and I just don’t know how. Abby, I lost everything that day. My job, my husband, and even my…

Your father? You were going to say your father, weren’t you?

You know how he is. He doesn’t want a weak daughter.

You’re not weak. You’re still alive.

Jack would prefer that I was a dead fighter rather than a live coward.

Caroline, you know how your father can be. He loves you. He just doesn’t show it very well.

Yeah, Mister high and mighty fire chief doesn’t want a daughter who isn’t tough, like him and his perfect son.

I can talk to him, if you want.

Abby, you’re only his sister. He won’t listen to you, either. He made his mind up about me long ago and he’ll never change.

Abby leaned back in her chair. Yes, my brother can be so obstinate. I love him, but I’ll never understand him.

His family is the boys at the station. He’d rather have Ted in his life, than his own daughter. He already told me, well…

What did he tell you?

He said he has his own family, which includes Ted and even Eric.

You’ve gotta be kidding.

No, I’m not, she sighed. Enough about that. I have Elliot, Derek, Peter, Terry, and you. You’re all the family I need. What I’ve gotta do right now is to figure out how to put my new life together.

Abby stood up and walked over to the window. How come you don’t just go back to work?

Abby, I was a lead detective. I just can’t do my job because of my hand and because, well, you know, the other thing. I just can’t be a cop anymore. I’d love to be a cop again, but I just can’t go back there.

Abby smiled as she turned toward Carly. Well, I have a proposition for you.

Really? Carly asked with surprise. What is it?

Why don’t you become a private investigator?

Wouldn’t I have to carry a gun?

Not at first. I could use you for some low-level investigations on small cases, she said, as she sat down on her desk.

I can never shoot again. What do you mean at first?

You’re what? Left-handed?

Yes. I can do a few things with my right hand. I’m not good at writing with it, but I’ve been working on it.

If you can train your hand to write, you can train it to shoot.

Carly smiled. I never thought about that.

Abby stood up. You’re right. You need to get your life back. Don’t worry about Jack or anyone else. You just need to decide what kind of life you want, she stopped. I know from personal experience a little bit of what you’re dealing with. You’re the only person who can decide what to do with your life. If you just sit back and do nothing, you’re letting him win all over again. Please don’t let him win. You’re so much stronger than that.

It’s so hard to forget. Every single day, when I get dressed, I see the scars, as plain as day, all over my body. I don’t know how to forget about it.

I’m not saying to forget, because it’s not possible to ever forget. I’m just saying don’t let him win. Get your life back. Do what you have to in order to feel better about yourself and your life, she smiled at Carly. Please, think about what I said. You just have to apply for your license. Agnes can give you the paperwork you need when you leave.

Carly stood up and hugged her. Thanks, Abby. I have a lot to think about. I’ll let you know when I get the license, Carly said, as she left the office.

Carly walked toward home. As she passed by the fitness club, she watched the men and women inside doing their workouts. She just shook her head and kept walking. As she got closer to home, she noticed Travers Martial Arts Training studio. It must’ve just opened, she whispered, as she looked through the window and watched the children’s class that was taking place.

She stood there a while, when an older man walked out of the building and approached her. Um, excuse me, can I help you? he asked with his deep, confident voice.

She jumped slightly. Oh, I’m sorry. I was just watching, she looked at the man. Do I know you?

He smiled brilliantly. You’re Detective Edwards. Aren’t you?

I used to be.

He stretched out his hand. I’m Leo Travers. We worked a joint case together. I think, with you and your partner, Elliot Marshall. I used to be the captain at the 21st precinct.

She went to shake his hand but pulled back before she touched it. Sorry. Captain Travers? Oh, yes. I do remember you. How are you doing?

It’s Leo. I’ve been pretty good. A year ago, I was injured in the line of duty. I had the choice of a desk job or doing something else. So, I opened a martial arts studio, he nervously ran his fingers over his salt-and-pepper mustache.

I’ve been watching the kids in there. They’re pretty good.

So, how’ve you been?

Well, I’m not a detective anymore, she sighed.

Oh, I’m sorry, he smiled sadly. Would you like to come in and watch the kids? They’ve got a lot of talent.

Carly smiled. I’d like that, she said, as she followed Leo inside the studio.

Leo walked to the head of the class and finished teaching. When the class was over, Leo walked over to Carly. So, are you up to it?

Excuse me?

Are you up to taking a class?

I don’t know. I used to be pretty good, but…

But what?

It’s a long story. I just don’t know if I have the strength anymore. I’ve lost the dexterity in my left hand, and I happen to be left-handed. I can’t hold a gun or even a pen, she put her head down.

Is that why you aren’t on the force anymore?

Yes. I just can’t do it. It’s so painful. Besides, it doesn’t work anyway, she sighed with frustration.

Leo sat down next to her. You could always train your right hand.

I was thinking about it. I can write a little. It’s not comfortable and my handwriting’s terrible.

Detective, I know we don’t know each other very well. I think I could help you but only if you wanted my help. I don’t want to intrude on your life, he ran his hands through his dark, graying hair.

Please, it’s Carly. And that’s quite OK. If you think you could help me, I’d appreciate it, she smiled. Thank you, Leo.

I think I can do that. I’m not as old as I look, he laughed. Come back tomorrow around three, if you can. We can put together a plan on how to proceed.

She stood up. I’d like that. See you tomorrow.

Her feet felt a little lighter now as she ran up the stairs. She walked down the hall toward Peter and Derek’s apartment.

Derek answered. Ki-Ki, how are you? Derek asked, as he hugged her. Oh, your hair. It’s beautiful. I love it.

Thanks. I needed a little change. I’m doing much better today. Where’s Peter?

Oh, he’s still at the office. You know an accountant’s work’s never done, he smiled and waved her in.

No, that’s OK. I just wanted to tell you both that I think, yeah, I think I’m going to be OK.

Oh, come on. What happened? I know something happened. You have to tell me everything. I can see it in your eyes.

It’s nothing really, she teased.

Ki-Ki, spill it.

How about this… she smiled. When Peter comes home, why don’t you two come over and we’ll have dinner? I’ll tell you both then.

Well, if I’ve gotta wait, I guess so, Derek frowned.

She kissed his cheek and rubbed her hand lightly on his bald head. Honey, you know I love you. I just want to tell you both. Together.

I’m sorry about that. It’s just so good to see you smiling right now.

Don’t ever apologize for that. It’s one of the things that have kept me going. I love that about you. Please, don’t ever change, she walked down the hall toward her apartment.

As soon as he gets home, we’ll be over, he called down the hall.

She waved behind her. See you soon, she opened her door and walked in the apartment. She went into the kitchen and rummaged through her cupboards to figure out what to fix for dinner.

She set up the table and started to prepare a linguini and shrimp dinner for the three of them. After she finished preparing the dishes, Derek and Peter walked into the room.

Her eyes smiled when she looked at them. I just have one thing to say before we eat.

Derek and Peter smiled as they sat down. What is it, Ki-Ki? Peter asked.

I’m taking my life back, she sat down and smiled brightly.

3

CARLY LOOKED IN the mirror as she yawned. It’s a new day, she whispered. It is a new day, she opened her closet door and stared at all of her clothes. She tugged on a blouse from the back of her closet. It’s time to get back to basic black, she pulled on her black jeans and buttoned her blouse. She gathered her hair back into a ponytail. She sat down on the edge of her bed and stared at the rest of the clothes in the closet. She grabbed item after item and threw it on the floor. She moved the clothes from the back of the closet to the front. Much better, she thought.

She grabbed the pile of white, and pastel-colored clothes and walked next door to Derek’s apartment. Ki-Ki, what’s this? Derek asked, as he opened the door.

You were right. I love you and this is my symbol to you. I’m being what I need to be, not what he made me become, she handed him the clothes. Do what you want with them. I don’t need them anymore.

Derek smiled as she walked back to her apartment. Ki-Ki’s back, he whispered.

Carly grabbed her purse and jogged down the ten flights of stairs to the main floor.

She took a deep breath as she walked into the studio. Is Leo around? she asked a young boy sitting behind the desk.

Hold on, he smiled at her. DADDY!

Leo ran out. What’s wrong, Jeff?

Jeff pointed at Carly. Pretty Lady.

Leo smiled at Carly. Sorry ‘bout that. You’re a little early, aren’t you?

I’m sorry. I know we had an appointment at three, but I guess I was a little anxious.

Don’t worry about it. Carly, this is my son, Jeff.

Nice to meet you, Jeff, Carly shook his hand.

What happened to your neck, lady?

Carly anxiously covered her scar with her hand.

Now, Jeff. That’s not nice, Leo said.

No, that’s OK, Carly managed a smile. I had an accident. That’s all.

Sorry, Jeff said, as he got up from the chair and ran into the other room.

I’m sorry, Carly. He’s at that age. You know, seven going on thirty.

Carly laughed, Don’t worry about it. He’s a cute kid.

Thanks. He has his mother’s looks. Why don’t we go into my office? Carly followed Leo into his large office.

She looked around. Not bad, she said, as she sat down.

Thanks. It’s not much, but I like it, he leaned back in his chair. So, what brings you here so early?

I want my life back and I want it now, she said bluntly.

Is there something you want to tell me?

No. At least not yet, she paused. I want to be as strong as I used to be.

OK. The first thing you need to do is show me what you’ve got, he stood up and walked out.

Carly hurried to catch up with him and found him in front of a body opponent bag. What’s this?

I know you said you wanted to train your right hand to do what your left used to do, he smiled. But, I want to see what you can do right now. Show me what you’ve got.

She curiously looked at Leo. I’ve never fought a dummy on a stick before.

He laughed. Just look at him. Focus on him. It’s either him or you. Who’s it going to be?

She touched the dummy’s head and stared into the blank face. It’s time to pay, she whispered.

Before she realized it, she kicked and punched the dummy, harder and harder with every blow. Leo stood back and watched her swing her legs around. After a few minutes, Carly dropped to the floor exhausted. Not as in as good of shape as I hoped to be.

Not bad, he said, as he handed her a towel. How long has it been?

Too long, she muttered, as she wiped the sweat that dripped from her forehead.

How’s the hand?

Actually, not too bad. The punches didn’t hurt. Mostly hurts when I grip something or stretch out my fingers.

Let me take a look at it, Leo attempted to touch her hand and she pulled away quickly. I’m sorry. I just wanted to see something.

Carly stood up. It’s me, not you.

I won’t touch you. Just turn it palm side up.

Like this? She cautiously held out her hand.

Yes. Now make a closed fist, he instructed. Good. Now, turn it on its side and stretch out your fingers.

Carly complied and then winced in pain. Hurts too much.

Carly, what exactly happened to your hand? I see a scar in the middle of your palm. What happened?

It was injured, Carly turned away.

OK. You don’t have to tell me what happened, Leo walked around and faced her. I think I can help you. Your hand’s strong and useful, but right now, the fine motor skills are out of the question.

What do I do now?

We’ll work on two things for a little while. The first thing is to strengthen your right hand enough to get it comfortable.

What’s the second?

You need to focus your energy better. That’s why you got so tired after only a few minutes. Whatever anger you have built up inside you, you need to learn how to focus it and your mind.

How do you know so much?

I’ve trained very hard as a police officer. I earned my way to Captain. When I lost my left hand in the line of duty, I had to learn those things myself.

You lost your hand? I didn’t even notice.

I wear a prosthetic. Actually, it’s a computerized prosthetic. My nerves are attached to it. I had to train my brain how to use my new hand, he held it out to her.

She carefully touched his left hand. It feels so real.

He smiled. Even my wife couldn’t tell the difference.

I guess I do have a lot to learn, she said, as she sat down on the bench and stared at the dummy.

It’s OK, Carly, Leo said, as he sat down next to her. Decide what you want to do next, and then just do it.

She stood up and confronted the dummy again. Eric James, you’re going to pay for what you did to me, she thought. She shook her head, no, Carly, you’re going to get your life back. She composed herself and then attacked the dummy with full force. She kicked and punched the dummy. Each swing was more graceful, yet forceful, than the previous one.

Carly worked out at the studio every day for three hours. She trained with Leo on the body opponent bag and did hand strengthening exercises for both her left and right hand. Every day she walked in with a new goal to accomplish and every afternoon when she left, she knew there was still more to do. She was finally feeling like Carly again.

She walked into the studio and prepared for her next session. Leo walked into the gym where she was warming up. Good morning. What goal do you have set for yourself today?

Carly smiled. Jack’s going down today.

Jack?

Yes, she said, as she pointed to the dummy. I named him Jack. I got tired of beating him up without a name, she laughed.

Leo just shook his head. Usually, we just call him BOB.

Jack suits him more, she said, as she tied her laces. He reminds me of my father.

You want to beat up your father?

Sometimes, she grinned.

Whatever works for you. Why don’t you recap what we went over yesterday?

Not a problem, she took her fighting stance and began the review of previous session.

Good. Now, try the upper body kicks.

Carly worked hard. Every kick gained her more focus. She felt even more focused and skilled now than all of her years on the force.

Leo’s eyes lit up as he watched her train. Very good. Now there are a few new things I want to show you, he paused for a moment. Your stance and impacts are great. Your offense is perfect. You do need to work on defense, though.

Carly sat down on the floor. What do you mean?

I know I can’t touch you and I won’t try. Is there anyone you feel secure enough to do that?

She shook her head. Not really.

There’s no one?

Well, there’s Derek and Peter. But Peter works all day.

What about Derek?

She laughed slightly. He’s not the, um, kind of guy, that could do this kind of thing.

What’s wrong with him?

Nothing, nothing at all. He’s one of my best friends. His partner, Peter, and I’ve been friends since we were two years old.

Oh, I see. Why don’t you have him come anyway? I just need you to be comfortable enough to be touched. You won’t have to kick the crap out him or anything.

I’ll see if he’ll come with me tomorrow. So, what do I do now?

Darts.

Darts?

Yes, I’ve got a set in the other room. I want you to try to shoot darts with both your left and right hand. It’ll help with dexterity.

I’ll do whatever I can to get these hands working, she said, as she stood up and followed him.

He handed her the darts. Move as close to the target as you feel comfortable. I’ll mark the spot with tape. Each day, we’ll work for about 15 minutes on this and each day, you’ll take a step back.

Seems easy enough, she said, as she walked up to the target and then took three steps back. Leo marked the floor with tape. She tried several attempts with her right hand to hit the target, but the aim and precision was off.

Don’t get frustrated. This is only day one, Leo smiled. Try with your left hand, now.

She tried to grip the dart. I can’t do it. It hurts too much.

He handed her the squeeze ball. Remember, squeeze this a few times, and then try.

She complied and then gripped the dart again. Still hurts.

Focus on the target, not the pain.

She closed her eyes, threw the dart, and watched as it landed on the floor. See? I can’t do it.

Carly, it’ll take time.

She tried repeatedly. Dammit! she sighed with frustration as each dart hit the floor.

Carly, like I said, it’s only day one with the darts. We’ll continue tomorrow.

Defense tomorrow, right?

Yes. Hopefully, your friend will be able to come.

I’m sure it’s not a problem, Carly said. She went into the locker room and changed her clothes. I’ll see you tomorrow, Leo. Say hello to Jeff for me.

Leo waved to her. I will.

Carly left the studio and headed to the diner on the corner, as usual after her sessions. She sat down at her usual table. Edna looked up from her book, How to make a million dollars, and brought Carly over a cup of coffee.

How are you today, Carly? Edna asked.

Just a little tired, she sighed. I think I’ll have something different.

OK. Do you need a few minutes?

Yes, please, Carly said, as she browsed through the menu.

Edna came back a little while later. Have you decided yet?

Yes, I’ll have the turkey club sandwich.

Edna laughed. How’s that different?

Carly smiled. I guess it’s not. Well, instead of pickles on the side, I’d like some chips.

Comin’ right up. Do you want something other than coffee?

No, thanks. This is good, Carly sipped her coffee as Edna headed into the kitchen.

Carly gazed out the window and watched the people on the street walk by. She noticed a man standing across the street. When she made eye contact, he turned and ran away. He’s following me, she thought. Not ready yet. She watched as Eric ran down the street until he was out of sight.

Um, excuse me?

Carly looked up. Tyler? She smiled brightly.

You remember me? he asked, as his blue eyes sparkled.

Please, sit down. Of course, I remember you. Do you honestly think I could ever forget you?

Tyler sat down. Carly, how long has it been?

Five years. What’re you doing back?

He ran his hands through his thick, black hair. I was transferred to the New York office a few months ago. I work with the FBI missing person’s unit now.

That’s great, she said, as she focused her eyes on her coffee.

Is something wrong?

No, Tyler. It’s really good to see you. I’m just not…

You’re not what? The same person who I fell in love with?

Ty, that was a long time ago. You left me. Remember?

I always regretted that moment, he cleared his throat. I heard you got married.

Married two years ago, divorced a few weeks ago, she muttered.

Sorry, he started to stand up. I didn’t mean to bother you. I’ll go.

No, wait. Tyler, I’m sorry. Please, sit with me, she said, pointing to the seat in front of her.

Edna came over and handed Carly her food. Do you want anything? she asked Tyler.

Just coffee, thanks.

Edna left and came back with his coffee. If you need anything, just let me know, she walked away again.

Tyler looked at Carly. What happened to you?

What do you mean?

A few years ago, you would’ve just let me walk away, he smiled.

I’m not the same person. A lot has happened in the past five years. I’m just not the same. I’m not even a cop anymore, her eyes grew sad.

What happened?

This, she said, pointing to the scar on her neck. And this, she lifted her palm, exposing the one on her hand.

I don’t know what to say.

Tyler, you don’t want to get involved with me. I’m not the Carly you used to love.

I’ve been thinking about you for the past five years. I wish I never left, but you know when duty calls, you have to go.

I never blamed you for leaving. I just was at a point in my life where I couldn’t leave.

You never said it to my face, but I thought you hated me. Especially since I chose the job over you.

Ty, what do you really want?

I’ve seen you come in here a few times this week. It took all the courage I had to walk in here, he sighed. I want the chance to reconnect with you.

I don’t know if that’s possible.

You’re right. I’m sorry. I won’t bother you again, he stood up again.

There you go, always walking away! she spat.

What is it with you? Tyler stared at her.

You need to get a backbone. What do you want from me?

He got close to her face and stared into her eyes. I want the chance to make it up to you. I want to love you again. Is that so hard for you to believe?

She backed away slowly and shook her head. No. I think I can be lovable, when I want to be, she laughed. Ty, I don’t know how to do this. I can’t be any more than I am right now. I could use a friend right now, though, she took a bite of her sandwich.

A friend?

Yeah, she swallowed. You do know what a friend is, don’t you?

Yes, I do. I’m just not sure what you mean by that.

If you can stand to just be my friend right now, I’d appreciate it. I can’t be a lover or anything else right now. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way things are. You loved who I used to be. I’m not her. I’m me. Actually, I’m still working on figuring out who that is right now.

Tyler smiled and attempted to touch her hand, but she quickly pulled away. I won’t hurt you. I swear.

It’s not you. It’s me. It’s just me. I just don’t like being touched. I’m sorry.

Whatever it is, it must be bad.

It used to be. It’s getting better, she said, as she finished her sandwich.

What can I do?

You can walk me home, if you don’t mind, she said, standing up. She left the money on the table, and they walked outside. I only live a few blocks from here.

Oh, you moved?

Yeah, I moved into the apartment next to Peter and Derek’s place about three months ago.

Still hanging out with them, huh?

Of course, she smiled. They walked to her building and Tyler turned to leave. You’re welcome to come upstairs. I can still trust you. Can’t I?

Tyler smiled. Of course. I’m off duty today, so I don’t need to be anywhere right now, he followed her up the 10 flights of stairs. Don’t you believe in elevators? He breathed heavily once they reached the top.

It’s good exercise, she said, opening the door. Oh, my god, she gasped, as she looked around the room.

What’s wrong?

Derek. He did it. He actually did it, as she said that, Derek waltzed out of her bedroom.

Surprise! He smiled.

Oh, Derek, it’s beautiful.

He blushed. Thanks. I did it for you. I’ve been shopping for weeks. I wanted to surprise you, so I waited until you left this morning.

I can’t believe this is my place, she said, as she touched the new burgundy fabric on the sofa.

You said red and gold. So, I covered the furniture and hung new drapes, he snapped his fingers. I knew it. Carly’s back.

She hugged him. Oh, thank you. I don’t know how to thank you.

Derek looked at Tyler. Tyler, is that you?

Hi, Derek. How are you doing? he asked, as he shook his hand.

Derek took Carly’s hand. Come on, kiddo. I’ve got something special to show you. Be right back, Tyler watched as Derek led her into the bedroom. Ta-da.

Carly looked above her bed where a framed, pastel and white colored quilt hung. Carly looked at him. What is it?

Derek laughed. I made you a quilt out of all your old clothes. I wanted you to have something to remember me by. For a while, you were dressing like me, but you need to dress more like Carly. I mean, of course, I like to have a little flashier items mixed in. That’s why the red scarf’s draped across the top.

She kissed his cheek. It’s beautiful. I love it, they walked back into the living room.

Derek looked at Tyler and then nodded at Carly. I think I’ll leave you two alone, he winked at her and skipped toward the door. Enjoy your new home.

Oh, Derek. I need a favor from you.

What is it? You know I’ll do anything for you.

You’ve done so much, but can you come with me to my session tomorrow?

Sure, but why do you need me?

She walked over to him and whispered. I need someone who can touch me.

Just come and get me before you leave, he said, as he kissed her cheek and left.

She turned and looked at Tyler. Have a seat in my new home.

I guess I did miss out on a lot when I was gone, he said, as he took off his suit jacket and sat down on the sofa.

Carly sat across from him in the chair. She remembered the way his muscular arms looked in the dress shirt. She kept rubbing the soft fabric on the arm of the chair so as not to let on. This feels so good.

So, Tyler said. Are you ever going to fill me in?

About what?

I know people change in five years, but something about you is so entirely different. Your attitude, your soul, and your essence have all changed. Please, tell me who hurt you.

I’m not ready. I’m sorry. I just can’t, she said, as she shook her head. All I can say right now is that I’m in the process of building a new life. If you want to be a part of it, you can. If you’re just going to walk away from it, like you did last time, you might as well leave right now.

I’m not going to leave. My position here in New York is permanent. I finally have the authority to say where I want to be stationed for good. This is where I want to be and you’re one of the reasons I came back.

I don’t understand. You said you knew I was married.

I did.

But you came back still thinking that. What did you have planned?

He leaned back on the sofa. Carly, the only mistake I’ve regretted is leaving you. I still remember the look on your face when we said good-bye at the airport. I was hoping after five years, you’d be able to forgive me. I wasn’t counting on it; I was just hoping. I didn’t have a plan to get you back. I thought when we saw each other it would all come back. I guess that plan didn’t work, he smiled slightly.

I forgave you the minute the plane got off the ground. I knew I’d be holding you back if I didn’t let you leave. I loved you so much, so I knew I had to let you go.

Carly, I’m truly and deeply sorry for leaving. I figured you’d move on with your life, as I would mine.

Ty, I did. I married Ted, but it just didn’t work out. I loved him, but it wasn’t strong enough to keep us together. I never, ever loved anyone the way I loved you, the way I loved us. We were good together, but things happened, Ty. People change. We changed.

He leaned forward. I didn’t find anyone else. I guess I compared them to you. I drowned myself in my work. I still love you, Carly.

I know you love her. It’s just not the same anymore. I’m not the same anymore. The old Carly is dead.

Do you still love me?

Ty, I, um, well, I think I’ve never stopped. But it’s different now. I just can’t pick up where we left off. We went through a lot together. I’ve gotta be honest with you. There’s just so much history between us. Some of the things that happened between us made me relieved you were gone.

I’m not asking you to pick things up where we were. I haven’t forgotten how it got between us, he said, as he reached out to her. I lost something, but I’m not the same as I was. I promise. I’ll wait for you. If you need me to be just your friend, I’ll do that. As you know, I’m a patient man.

She smiled and stretched out her hand, but quickly pulled it back. I just need time.

Why can’t I just touch you? You seemed to have no problem with Derek.

I can’t explain it. It’s just the way I feel right now. Derek and Peter are the only ones who make me feel safe. I’m trying very hard to get over it. It’s gotten me in more trouble than you know. All I can do is try. I’m sorry.

I wish you felt safe with me, but I understand. I didn’t mean to pry, he looked at his watch. I’d like to see you again.

I’d like that, she stood up and walked him over to the door.

When?

Well, I have got my training sessions all morning and I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon at city hall. Do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow night, say around six?

Sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow, he walked out.

Carly closed the door and sighed. Of all the people to come back into my life, it had to be you.

Just as Carly sat down on the sofa, there was a knock on the door. She dragged herself up and answered it. Derek, weren’t you just here?

Oh, come on, Ki-Ki. You’ve gotta tell me everything. What’s Tyler doing back? Wasn’t he the love of your life? How long has it been? Are you two…? Derek rattled the questions quickly.

Whoa. Come in and sit down, she laughed. "Sit on my lovely new furniture.