Ordinary to Extraordinary Mama

By Liza Elaine Montenegro

Ordinary to Extraordinary Mama contains the wisdom, secrets and strategies that can help mothers overcome their greatest challenges.

From broken marriages, childbirth trauma, debilitating social anxiety, shattered confidence, frustration with their life path, mom guilt, to being fully present with their children and passionate with their s

• Language: English
• Publisher: Liza Elaine Montenegro
• Release date: Feb 11, 2024
• ISBN: 9798987787366

Book preview

Acknowledgements

Writing a book is a solitary endeavor, but it is never a solo achievement. Ordinary to Extraordinary Mama has been a labor of love, and I owe its existence to the support, guidance, and inspiration of countless individuals who have touched my life in various ways.

First and foremost, to God for the infinite goodness, wisdom and inspiration I’ve encountered in my journey, even in my darkest challenges. I am tremendously grateful it has all brought me to this point of realization and awareness. My spiritual guides, especially to my most beloved Mother Mary and Jesus, for allowing me to bring this message of self love to the mothers intended to receive it.

I want to extend heartfelt thanks to Alyssa Ella Deguzman for your love and Nga Tran for your example of what Extraordinary Motherhood could be, my countless friends and colleagues who provided valuable insights, feedback, and moral support. To my Coach, consultant and dear friend Timmie Mirza, who was resolute with her unconditional devotion to me and this project. Your willingness to engage in countless discussions and reflections has enriched the ideas presented in this book.

A special appreciation goes out to my editor Gretchen Elhassani, whose keen eye and expert guidance transformed my words into a coherent narrative. Your dedication to this project has been instrumental in its success.

I am immensely grateful to the readers who have trusted me with their time and attention. Writing a book is a vulnerable process, and your interest in my work gives it meaning and purpose.

I must also acknowledge the numerous authors, thinkers, and mentors whose works have influenced and shaped my perspective mentioned throughout the book. Your wisdom has been a guiding light on this path from Ordinary to Extraordinary and the impact I pray it will create for mothers everywhere.

I extend my deepest appreciation to the numerous individuals, men and women, who I have crossed paths with, who through their stories and experiences, have taught me the true meaning of transformation and resilience. Your journeys have inspired the pages of this book, and I am humbled to have been a witness to your extraordinary lives.

Last but not least, to Jay, Sebastian and Elle you are the underlying inspiration for all of my greatest devotion. Jay despite all odds, your vision for our family was steadfast and enduring.  Your compassionate heart for everyone and willingness to serve others exceeds anyone I’ve ever known. My beloved children, every breath and conscious moment of expansion, is for you to sooner discover the truth and light of who you are. I want to express my deepest gratitude to my family, my mom, dad, sister, mama, papa and extended family for uplifting my family in this journey. To my dearest mom, my constant confidant and muse whose philanthropic leadership I aspire to, whose love for journaling and writing prolific love letters, has indelibly permeated my being since I was a child. Your belief in me, even when I doubted myself, has been the driving force behind this book.

To all those mentioned and the countless others who have played a part, whether big or small, in the creation of Ordinary to Extraordinary Mama, I offer my sincere thanks. This book is as much yours as it is mine. I hope it serves as a source of inspiration and transformation for all who read it.

Introduction

The Journey of Motherhood

Before motherhood, I thrived in several fast paced, high-stress career roles because the jobs allowed me to give light and a voice to often unheard and marginalized communities. I am a business owner, previously a Director of a National Nonprofit and had even worked in the political arena but nothing could have prepared me for the physical and psychological fortitude and relentless emotional demands that Motherhood would require of me. For me, it was definitely one of those cathartic and existential, Darkest Nights of the Soul experiences and life changing moments. As I write this, my children are three and four and it has taken me that many years to gain my bearings and step into a clear awareness and more fulfilling connection to the calling of Motherhood. New mothers are made every day, and I know that these new mothers, like myself, will face the same challenges and rapid fire, life altering trials of figuring out new skills, best practices, necessary routines and schedules to live well. All parents want to maximize the mental and physical health, and emotional well-being of their families.

In a 2022 State of Motherhood survey conducted by Motherhood.org, it was found that nearly half of all mothers were unhappy within motherhood for varying reasons from inadequate support and childcare to maternal workplace accommodations. In another study, Maternal Mortality rates continue to rise with the CDC finding that four in five pregnancy-related deaths in the U.S. are preventable with preterm intervention and access to healthcare.

In my own quest for answers, when turning to family and friends, I would often receive well-meaning advice mixed with tones of nostalgia saying, Oh, enjoy those years while they last, or I miss those years, you just FIND A WAY to do it, there is no right or wrong way, but there was a much bigger piece of the puzzle that I seemed unable to grasp. It was frustrating, because it felt as if the answer was staring me right in the face. The enigmatic, ‘you’ll figure it out’, seemed antagonistic at the time, like I was the new fish in the pond and they were all the wiser having already experienced this rite of passage. Having gone through this phase myself, I now understand the puzzle they faced and I’d like to share that knowledge with you.

First, it is almost impossible to explain how to be what you are; it is like explaining breathing: you just do it. Secondly, I was looking for their systems, because I thought by having an efficient feeding schedule and set times for changing, burping, cleaning and tending to the needs of another life before my own, every second of the day, I was sure I would feel less overwhelmed. I did not realize my thinking was all backwards, and by simply turning the situation upside down on its head, I could get at the truth – when we consciously decide to feel less overwhelmed, we will feel less overwhelmed. I will explain this later, but the energy you tap into must always come before your game plan, and once you have this, the solutions to the challenges you face will arrive easily and almost automatically, this is alignment. It is the science and the magic of the heart and mind working synchronistically. I thought the daily anxiety I felt was because I did not know what I was doing but the truth is, no one really knows what they are doing when they first become a mother. It is a part of a sacred and mysterious journey and is the same for anything else in life–no one really knows what they are doing in the beginning. The person that claims to know it all is just fooling his or herself.

We are all ever evolving, learning and growing. It was because I was disconnected from my heart and soul that I found myself constantly fearful and uncertain; but in this magical place of heart centeredness, the problems often had the ability to resolve themselves. That is the beauty of Motherhood, the divine feminine within all women that cannot help but come alive in Motherhood.

Even if the other mothers in my inner circle had provided me with an ideal solution to having the perfect mommy/baby routine, I did not realize I was not allowing Motherhood to unfold before me nor was I giving myself the daily self care, oxygen and nourishment that I needed. Do you know how on the airplane they tell you in the event of an emergency to put your oxygen mask on before assisting your child or anyone else for that matter? I do not know a single mother who follows this rule. Every maternal instinct and biological hormone in our body tells us to preserve our child before ourselves but someone needs to pull us out to remind us that there is no happy, healthy baby without a happy, healthy mom.

Like most mothers, I was trying to insist on my own way, jostling blindly and cramming into a narrowly defined box the performance of ideal Motherhood sold to me by ad agencies, corporations and in the media, and do things in the way that I had always done things in the past, results focused, since that had always served me well.

Motherhood can be such an intimate journey of transformation into this incredible version of yourself you never even knew laid dormant if you’ll allow it. To some degree, it means getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. Forcing the version of yourself that feels most comfortable into the vastness of this calling will surely result in you working against yourself because Motherhood is truly a calling of expansion. It is an opportunity to grow into the transcendent magnificence that is a mother’s essence. All loving, all flowing, unselfish and naturally abundant but it also demands evolving, stretching and deepening into our soul, beyond who we’ve always known ourselves to be. If you’ll allow yourself to GROW there, you will not only change the trajectory of your life along with your family’s, but you will be able to positively affect everyone that comes into contact with you.

As frustrating as it might be to hear that only you hold all the answers to your problems, what I offer is a way back to your heart so you can begin to hear all the answers and the inner voice you may have disconnected from long ago. It never left, it was always there just waiting to be validated, seen and heard. You will unlock the highest version of yourself and easily, almost effortlessly, tap into the solutions and feel the confidence that comes from always making the best decision for you and your most sacred, beloved family.

Recognizing every mother and her style is uniquely different, this book may not have all of the specific answers you seek to all things mother and baby related, this is not that book. But you will be able to filter through all of the information the world has to offer with new eyes and so you can really know what is right for you. There were many times in my journey when I needed a sounding board, someone to give me the wisdom that my sleep deprived brain could not come up with.

Sometimes it feels like even your friends begin to judge and doubt you when you’re worn and weary, after continually coming to them for help. Not that what other people think matters, and it may not have even been the case, but as a new mom, it did make me feel worse. Now, having the wisdom to realize that it was my own feeling of emptiness holding me back, the genuine truth is that it still didn’t feel good or supportive to seek help from others. I hope this little book can be a companion of wisdom, as you journey through your own Motherhood as it unfolds, one where you can feel safe to open up or cry into.

Occasionally, life gives us what we desire, but what a miracle it is when it blesses us with what we need. Sometimes this gift comes in a black, piercing box of challenge and hardship, but if we are brave, we find that they are the best gifts because they help us become who we are meant to be. I have faith that throughout these pages, you will find healing, wisdom, peace, power and confidence that you yearn for. You must be open and begin to develop your own practice of becoming deeply loving and connected to the most important person to your children, you!

Before Motherhood, I was an overachieving perfectionist, driven to do good in this world. I was everything, (and I mean everything: party planner, life coach, business consultant, errand doer, bill payer, researcher, essay writer!), for everyone. I often found myself burnt out and resentful, even though I was the one choosing to put others' needs before my own, depressed and semi-satisfied with the life I had created.

I approached Motherhood with the same relentless pursuit to conquer, succeed and triumph in this new role. My goals were to achieve supreme health via organic homemade (or store bought) meals, at least once if not three times a day, overflowing financial abundance and perfect nap and sleep schedules. When the babies turned two, I added extra-curricular classes to develop my children’s connection to their bodies, creativity and intelligence. To top it off, I wanted a picture-perfect social media carousel to document this new chapter and curious social experiment I had found myself drowning in, because that seemed to be the new standard that everyone now held.

This was the blueprint of what I wanted my Motherhood to look like, so I thought. Wasn’t this what most mothers wanted anyways? And like most mothers, I unknowingly bought into the ideal. Entire industries prosper from bringing to life a shimmery array of products and lifestyle brands that sell a visually captivating dream, but it is a dream that you did not imagine yourself. Without meaning and substance, it continues to leave us feeling empty in our wallets, and more importantly, our souls. I didn’t know I was setting