Heart's Desire

By Cole J. Powell

Gabriella

Everybody processes grief differently. How am I supposed to move forward when the very soul that grounds me is taken away? I'm lost and confused to the point of all-consuming insanity. Insanity that has me seeing double. His presence both frightens and settles me. Regardless, this man calls to me in ways unexplained and I know to my core this is only the beginning.

 

Drew

Her beauty beckons me.

Her lost soul calls to mine.

I want to wrap her in my arms and tell her it'll be okay, but how can I when I'm as lost?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cole J. Powell
• Release date: Dec 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9780473625337

Cole J. Powell

Cole J. Powell is a New Zealand author who writes fierce heroines and cutthroat alphas. She loves writing books with suspenseful plots and twisted storylines; sometimes those sweet and heartfelt stories sneak in too. She thanks you sincerely for taking the time to read and review her work.

Book preview

Chapter One

Gabriella

By the way my face muscles are contracting my smile must look enormous, it sure feels that way. I’m standing on this spot for a reason; I’ve just mastered a skill I’ve been practising for a long time.

An agonisingly long time.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been extremely uncoordinated, so much so that even the simplest of tasks, like throwing a ball in a hoop, is impossible.

Carter has been patiently teaching me how to play basketball since we were at school. Now we’re twenty-five years old, and I’ve only today managed to score my first ever basket. Believe me when I say I’m reaching for the star’s ecstatic.

I’m currently standing at the top of the key. Arms raised over my head from releasing the ball, frozen in place with the cheesiest grin on my face. Reality kicks back in as I watch the ball bounce to a stop after successfully dropping through the metal hoop. I notice then, much too late to react, Carter running toward me. He reaches me with arms wide and scoops me up in a tight hug only to continuously spin me around in circles.

Holding on for dear life, I squeal and bask in my victory. Our victory, as he has been patiently putting up with my unskilled aim for far too long.

Our movement starts to change as the spinning becomes off-kilter and makes us both dizzy and unbalanced. Before I have a chance to plant my feet to help steady us, Carter’s cussing and we’re tumbling, as a human ball of flailing limbs, and crashing to the concrete. We stare at each other for a minute then both break out in uncontrollable laughter.

I’m not sure which is more thrilling. You finally scoring a basket, or us in a tangled mess.

My body shakes with laughter, but as I grow more and more uncomfortable, I choose this time to start untangling myself from him.

For years we’ve been coming to these courts together. At first, it was as young teens who thought we were the most talented there was; the exception being me and basketball. The courts aren’t far from Carter’s parents’ house, which is a perfect walking distance, especially when we were young. Now we’re all grown up and have houses of our own, it still doesn’t deter us from coming here.

I remember the first time we stepped foot on the court. I was a smug know-it-all who thought Carter was all talk. It didn’t take him long to prove me wrong, even with the rock he found that was just big enough we could challenge each other with.

Of course, he went first, and you bet your dollar it went straight through. A clean shot.

Me on the other hand—well—I tried and failed on my first, second and every attempt afterward until I finally gave in.

Bringing myself back to the present, I look toward the ball and wonder if that shot was a fluke or if I can do it again. I choose the latter and run to retrieve the ball seeing as Carter dropped it when he picked me up for a whirling hug.

Walking toward the top of the key once more, I roll my shoulders in a circular motion loosening them up then stand with my back straightened, feet positioned the way Carter taught me and take a deep breath. On my third exhale, I aim and shoot.

Much to my surprise, the ball goes through the basketball hoop again.

Squealing in delight, I jump up and down, pumping my fists in the air as I once again relish this newfound victory. Yes, yes, yes. I’m still fully charged when Carter taps my shoulder from behind.

Third time’s a charm, he exclaims, holding the ball out with an extended arm, the orange globe sitting prominently in his hand. Reaching out, I accept it then will myself to calm down and concentrate.

Taking a deep breath, deeper than any I’ve taken thus far, I turn toward the hoop and follow all the steps from before one final time.

The difference with this turn is once I’ve taken the shot, I close my eyes and wait.

Time stands still and the silence surrounding me is dreadful.

In the distance, not too far from where I stand, I hear a subtle thud, thud, thud as the ball bounces to a stop on the concrete.

Time and I are alike as we appear frozen. I’m too afraid to open my eyes, so I squeeze them closed even tighter. No matter what I did, I missed the outcome.

I get another series of light taps on my shoulder, and as I slowly turn, I open my eyes just as gradually. Through the tiny slit in my eyelids, I see the whitest set of teeth framed by the widest smile I’ve ever seen. At this moment, reality snaps my eyes into motion causing them to widen in mock horror. This in turn causes a chain reaction as I pinch the skin of my forearm then launch myself at Carter. Wrapping my arms around his neck and squealing in his ear, I thank him over and over for putting up with me for so long.

Finally coming down from my high, I start to pull away while looking in his eyes, whispering, I did it. This is so much better than working an afternoon shift at the restaurant!

Letting go completely before I get carried away anymore, he quietly replies while gazing lustfully into my eyes. I never doubted you, Geebug.

I wipe away the happy tears that are now rolling down my cheek and step out of our embrace completely. Playfully punching his shoulder in reply to using my nickname, I then admit triumph. I’m going to quit while I’m ahead. How about you come over for dinner later to celebrate with me. We could watch the game afterward as well if you like?

Sounds great, Gabs. Hey, listen, I might message some of the guys to come play ball for a while, so you go ahead. I could burn off some more steam. Preparing my own business and having to see out my time at work is no joke. I can’t wait for the day I’m self-employed.

Well then, a drink with dinner will be well deserved for us both. I’ll see you soon.

I start walking toward the car park, then suddenly spin around at Carter’s voice.

Great work today, by the way. I’m really proud of you. Must be some coach if you managed that after say… forever, he quips.

Yeah, all of those online videos definitely paid off alright. I know I’m teasing him, but if he gets to be a smartarse then so do I.

That’ll keep, Geebug.

His signature smirk says otherwise.

Chapter Two

Gabriella

For as long as we’ve been friends, Carter has had mad love for basketball. I, on the other hand, don’t share his passion. I’ll play it with him and sometimes watch it on TV, but that’s as far as I go. I couldn’t tell you what any major team’s names are or the rules of a game; I have no professional understanding whatsoever. I probably sound like a ditz but I’m far from a sports buff. I’m a chef and an adventuress.

When I was younger our school used to pride itself on their athletic development and academics. I never got the hype though and through no lack of trying I could never get into it.

It was in Physical Education that Carter first approached me. We’d been in school together most of our childhood, yet never crossed paths socially—until that moment. It was like torture to my ears hearing our Phys Ed teacher announce we’d be shooting some hoops. You could see my dilemma, uncoordinated meet failed grades. Of course, PE was my weakness in all the classes I’d taken when sports were involved, but at least it was only the practical I failed in, not the theory.

Out of nowhere, Carter came up beside me with a knowing smirk on his face and a cocky attitude. Everyone in class used to mock me, laughing at my failed attempts at most sports. Ball sport was always my worst nightmare. Need help, Gabriella? he’d asked.

Carter never riled my nerves like most of my peers. Maybe you should leave me be, Carter. We both know I suck at this. But thanks, I suppose. I’d looked sympathetically at him because I knew I was a lost cause, and him trying to help was sweet. Even if he thought I was a joke.

It’s all good, Gabriella, we’ll get you there. You’ll be slam dunkin’ in no time with my help. I know it.

My sorrowful fears turned outright mortified at his statement. The thought of befriending one of the most popular boys in our year level scared me more than the basketball in my hands at the time.

He was a thirteen-year-old boy, after all.

A cute boy.

I giggle to myself at the memory while standing at the kitchen bench, slicing and dicing vegetables for tonight’s dinner.

Who would have thought Carter and I would become best friends and stay best friends after all these years? Most of my friends from my schooling days I lost contact with. We all seemed to grow apart, move away, or at the very least lead busy lives. There was still a small group of us girls though, like Elli and Liv.

Some give us a hard time being best friends of the opposite sex. They don’t understand how we haven’t become more. A ‘couple’. But I don’t see Carter that way. Don’t get me wrong, I love him, but he’s more like family. He’s like the brother I never had.

All my thoughts seem very loud tonight.

As I’m making the final preparations for dinner, the man of the hour sneaks up and scares the living shit out of me. Bloody hell, I’m lucky I didn’t cut myself. Or turn and stab you. Don’t do that to me again. I wave my chef’s knife in the air to show him, then place it safely on the chopping board. I then place my splayed hands over my beating heart, willing my breaths to ease my panicked state.

Care Bear, you’re so damn lucky we’re friends or I’d kick your arse out for that. You know how much I hate being frightened!

Carter has the audacity to chuckle. He knows I’d never throw him out. I didn’t mean to, Gabs. You must have been deep in thought. I knocked, called your name and said hello as I walked through the lounge to you. I realise he’s right. Because I was away with the fairies.

Well, I need a drink after that. How about you pour a wine for me, grab yourself a beer and I’ll plate dinner. Then, you and I can talk about what’s really bothering you.

As he helps me out, I ponder over where tonight’s conversation will go. I recall his mention of work and I know he’s been stressed lately. I opt to talk about how the restaurant is going and the menus we’ve been experimenting with before I bring up the tougher subjects, but before then I start with the easy topics. Friends and basketball.

How was your game with the guys? Did you manage to burn some of that unwanted energy or end up at the pub? My little comment earns me the side eye followed by a cheeky smirk. A dead giveaway I’m right.

It was good. We talked some shit, played a few games then went for a drink. He takes a long pull of his beer while I internally high five myself for being right.

Who’s we? Our easy conversation rolls as we eat dinner.

Lucas, Drew, Elliot, Noah, a few others from work. Why’s that?

Being nosey. I think over the names, and one doesn’t sound familiar. Who’s Drew? I don’t recognise the name. I ponder over it longer than necessary but for some reason it’s stuck in my head like I should know it.

My cousin, Andrew. Although he prefers to be called Drew nowadays.

I think over the name and click. Oh yeah, the gangly older guy. I haven’t seen him since your eighteenth birthday when you introduced Lucas to Elli. Good party. Why haven’t I seen him around much since?

You probably have but wouldn’t recognise him now. This is good food, Gabs. Thank you.

The sudden change in topic tells me that the subject is closed. I must ask the girls about him to see what Carter’s hiding from me. The one thing I know best about him is he likes to avoid all conversation of other males—especially guys I’ve dated—unless they’re our friends Lucas, Noah or Elliot, so I follow his lead.

So, you mentioned that your work has been shit, I say on my last mouthful of dinner, finally getting to what I want to know. Curiosity always gets the best of me, especially when it comes to Carter, and he’s told me everything there is to know about his plans to become self-employed. Right down to what his building will look like.

It’s been tiring. My boss is up our arses again. Apparently, the owner of the building we’re working on has been on him about deadlines, and we’re all wearing his frustrations. We’re only one week behind and it’s not even our fault. One week! You’d think that would be okay, but when it costs, and I quote, ‘More than you’ll make in a lifetime,’ then it’s all on us to fix other people’s fuck ups. He’s making us work in some pretty questionable conditions too. First the heat, now this weekend’s forecast for rain and he still wants us out there. I should quit now, he’s such a prick.

Which one, the boss or owner? I frown in response. He mutters under his breath about both, which causes me to silently laugh. He’s kind of adorable when he rants.

Leaving him in thought, I take the empty plates and head for the sink to rinse them off. While loading the dishwasher we continue our conversation.

He’s asked us all to work weekends as catchup. A week! I can’t believe he’s agreed to this.

You need to be patient and wait it out, Carter.

You’re right, but it still pisses me off.

Just think, soon you’ll become your own boss. You’ll make the rules and the hours. You can play at your own hand and take on clients that suit you. Do you still have those two guys interested in working for you? I turn around popping my hip, tapping my index finger on my chin while looking at him in thought. Hearing of his plans, he smiles.

Yeah, they’re still on board. All I have to do is finalise my paperwork to become self-employed, then in a few months I’ll be financially stable enough to officially employ them.

Finishing at the sink, I dry my now wrinkly hands and nod in the direction of the lounge, indicating we’re moving there.

I’m so proud of you, Care Bear. Who would have thought CS Construction! I like how that sounds.

Carter looks at me then. No verbal response voiced. Only his piercing hazel eyes searching mine in-depth. I’m unnerved by what he’s seeking, I’ve never seen this look coming from him before, and I wonder why the sudden change. I really hope I’m misinterpreting his lustful eye as I avert my attention to the TV screen.

That heated stare plays on repeat in my head as I reflect over the years we’ve known each other and the memories we’ve made.

Relaxing into the sofa, I lean my head back and let my eyelids drift closed, letting another memory come forth.

I remember the days we gave each other nicknames and they make my heart full. I distinctly remember the time I called him Care Bear for the first time and his embarrassment of what it represented. I recall his mocking tone being turned on him when he waved the soft toy in the air, out of my reach.

Well, Care Bear, how about a warm juicy hug? I mockingly asked back. We both lost it. Crumpling over, emitting deep and rather painful belly laughs, lost it.

From that moment on, I’d nicknamed him Care Bear, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to change my mind.

Not long after that, the tables violently turned on me. Up until that point, he was the only person who called me Gee. Add in I own a Volkswagen Beetle, much to Carter’s amusement, and he thought it funny to call me Geebug. Honestly, I thought it was an unoriginal, unnatural name, but every time he’d seen me in it, he’d find it hilarious. He tried getting one back on me for saying I looked ‘extra cute’ in my bug.

His words.

We’ve definitely shared some random moments together, but they’re ours.

I know you’re not smiling at the game, Geebug, so what’s got that mouth of yours popping a grin?

I was thinking about how we gave each other nicknames. My eyes are still closed while I tell him this.

The cushion dips beside me then and a woodsy aroma overtakes my train of thought, too scared to face him and find that look in his eyes again. I want to erase it from my mind or shake sense into him for turning the tables on our friendship.

We’ve been friends for so long.

This can’t be happening.

These thoughts quickly get overruled by Carter’s hungry perusal once more. Because that’s what that look was.

A man starved.

Then it happens.

I feel his warm, calloused fingers gently brush a strand of my hair from my face and tuck it behind my ear. His whispered touch sends involuntary shivers down my spine, but they’re not the electric kind a lover would send through with the barest touch.

Internally cringing at my unexpected response and feeling guilty for not reciprocating his oddly sudden change of affection for me, I squeeze my eyes closed even tighter than before. If I can’t see him, it can’t be real, and we can continue without our friendship becoming awkward.

You’re beautiful, Gabs. I’ve always thought so.

Parting my lips to let out an involuntary gasp, I pull his hand away from the gentle caress of my cheek. I need a drink. Excuse me. I abruptly lose contact as I get up and try not to look like a distressed lamb as I scurry to the kitchen.

Not awkward my arse.

After downing two glasses of water to try and relieve my inner turmoil, I plaster on a smile and wander back to the sofa like nothing happened.

Let’s face it, nothing good can come of feelings like these. Whatever they are.

Sitting down, I ignore the glare of confusion from Carter and make work of changing the topic. So, how’s the game?

We won. He beams with pride.

That’s great, I state, my lack of enthusiasm evident.

Listen, Gabs, I’m sorry. I’m not sure what happened tonight. Can we forget it though? I don’t want to lose the friendship between us. I love you, I always will, you’re my family.

Feeling a little guilty, yet relieved, I lean over and hug him. However, his hug contradicts every word he spoke.

Don’t worry about it. And you know I love your funny face too, Care Bear.

He tries to hide his emotion behind his eyes, but I can tell my words hurt a little. I do love him, but I can’t love him in a way that he wants from me or deserves.

Maybe it’s all the hype of today that has me feeling out of sorts. Tomorrow, things will be back to normal, and this will all be forgotten.

Gabs, I should get going. After all, apparently there’s no rest for the wicked. Boss man will need me well rested if I’m to do any work this weekend.

Letting my thoughts and unease go, I give him another little hug and say my goodbyes with a cautioned demand to be careful. He leaves just like any other day with a wave thrown over his shoulder as he disappears around the corner and leaves my house.

Tomorrow is the start of a new day. I’ll be able to carry on not wondering when things changed for him because he said don’t worry about it and I trust him.

∞

Stretching my body and releasing a heavy sigh, I reach for my phone on the bedside table to see it’s 9:05am and give myself a mental high five for sleeping in.

I thought long and hard about what happened between Carter and I last night but kept freaking out over the thought of being more than friends. It took an excruciating amount of effort to switch my brain off so it’s only reasonable I slept in.

Sliding my feet out of the silk sheets and curling my toes through the infinity shag rug, I encourage the rest of my body to follow my feet toward the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

Coming to an abrupt halt, I realise I wasn’t the one to put my coffee maker timer on last night and that the coffee has to have been made by someone else.

Morning, Geebug, I brought you coffee before I head back to work. I thought you’d be up, but it seems somebody slept in. He roams his gaze over my body.

Dressed in my sleep tank and boy shorts, I feel almost naked and uncomfortable in front of him when any other time I’ve been like this it’s never mattered to me.

Accepting the takeaway cup, I inhale the aroma of this liquid gold then take a sip. Humming, I relish in the fresh taste of caramel mixed with coffee.

Thanks, Carter. This is just what I needed. When are you headed back?

Now actually. We took an early break because we started ridiculously early. Our foreman didn’t want us spreading ourselves too thin too quickly since we’re working overtime.

Nodding while sipping on my latte, he lets me finish it in peace so he can head back to work while I silently appreciate his departure because I’m awkward as all hell right now.

Thanks for the coffee, Care Bear, I yell at his familiar retreating back.

He throws up a hand in acknowledgement just as he disappears around the corner like last night, but I know he’s wearing an adoring smile on his face. He always does.

Hearing the door close, I discard the now empty takeaway cup into the rubbish on my way to freshen up with a shower. While I’m letting the water wash the tension away, eerie goosebumps wrack my body causing me to shiver. With only one thing left on my mind, I make a plan for my free morning before more crazy notions fill my head.

First agenda of the day, more coffee.

Chapter Three

Gabriella

Parking down the road from my favourite little bakery, I take my handbag from the passenger seat and exit my car. Tilting my head in the air in appreciation of the delicious aroma wafting in my direction, I make quick work of moving my legs toward the shop.

My spine tingles as the air grows thick, but I refuse to look at the approaching rain clouds.

Hearing the crisp jingle of the overhead bell as I open the door, I search the shop floor for my friends Elli and Liv. Waving as I make my way to them, Liv turns her head as Elli jumps out of her seat for a hug, letting out a high-pitched squeal. Her overly excited response to my arrival isn’t uncommon at all. She has such a bubbly personality with no time for nonsense. Her motto, if it doesn’t matter, it’s not my problem has worked well for her. She never seems to worry about much, but cares deeply.

Liv on the other hand is the quiet one of our group. The silent fixer. She’s also a stickler when it comes to anything money related. If she doesn’t have to spend it, she won’t, which also means she chooses to avoid meetings like this, so I’m surprised she’s here now.

Hey, Gabs, Liv says as Elli finally lets me go.

Hey, Liv, good to see you. But if you’re here and Elli’s all excited like this, then… I drawl, looking in Elli’s direction. I don’t get another word in as she bursts with even more excitement than I thought humanly possible.

I think Lucas is going to propose! Elli barely catches a breath. Enough attention has been brought our way, and although I’m an easy-going person, being the centre of attention when Elli’s involved has everyone knowing our business, so it’s time to settle her down. At least enough that she’ll stop talking like a high-pitched chipmunk.

Hon, take a minute to breathe. What makes you think he’s going to propose? I ask, trying to make sense of this conversation.

I found a ring box in his drawer. She covers her mouth like she didn’t intend to spill the beans so fast. But we all know her, and she couldn’t help herself.

Oh, Elli. I hope you didn’t look in the box. Did you? Liv asks.

No. Of course not. As soon as I saw it, I freaked out, slammed the drawer closed and left the house.

Hold on. You mean you’ve only just found it today? Is this why we’re here? I ask her, feeling a little amused. I know she’s excited, but at the same time she’ll be as nervous as anything. Elli’s also an overthinker so all scenarios will be going through her head right now.

It’ll be okay, hon. Just chill, alright. Take a deep breath. I say to calm her down.

I love my friend and seeing her this happy makes my heart full. She and Lucas have been dating for seven years and are the most loyal and affectionate couple I know; aside from my own parents.

Looking over at Liv, I give her a warm smile. She also has a boyfriend, but we’re yet to meet him.

I actually have something to say as well. Marcus asked me to move in with him last night. But I didn’t give him an answer. Girls, I’m freaking out!

Elli quickly covers her mouth with both hands while my jaw drops to the ground. I quickly right myself so Liv doesn’t get any more worried by my reaction. Liv’s news will definitely take Elli’s mind off her own.

I grab her hand in reassurance. "Oh, honey. What’s going on that made you leave