Battle Royale: An Unofficial Fortnite Adventure

By Mathias Lavorel

Paul’s a normal teenager: he likes sports, junk food, and action movies—he even wants to be in one someday. But what seems like Paul’s big break, his very first acting role, quickly takes a turn for the worse. One minute he’s on a festive bus heading for a new life of stardom, and the next, he’s hurtling toward the ground and certain death. Though saved at the last minute by an unexplained parachute, things don’t get any easier when Paul lands: he’s lost on an unknown island, he’s unable to speak, and every time he sees someone else, he hears strange noises and then blacks out . . . before falling from the sky again. But when a girl inexplicably saves him (and spray paints him) instead of attacking, Paul starts to learn the survival basics. Bit by bit, he must explore his surroundings, build structures, evade violent storms, unlock the mysteries of his strange island prison, and maybe—just maybe—find a way out.
 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
• Release date: May 28, 2019
• ISBN: 9781524854416

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This edition © 2019 by Andrews McMeel Publishing

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Published in French under the title Balade Royale

© 2019 404 éditions, a division of Édi8

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ISBN: 978-1-5248-5440-9

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contents

Cold Shower

Here We Go Again

Which Way to the Exit? (Small Island)

Where’s the Exit? (Big Island)

You’re in the Storm: Run!

Third Door to the Right

The Green Screen of Hope

Building a Better World

Gut Feeling

The Big Game

Grocery Cart Icarus

The Angel of Death

Sign Language

Everyone Wins

Everything Makes Sense

Voyage to the Center of the War

Falling from High

The Exit is This Way!

   1   

Cold Shower

No . . . no . . . no . . . noooooo . . . Aaaaah . . .

No way! This is impossible . . . No, not right now . . . It’s too soon!

I’m Paul. In less than one year, I’m supposed to turn eighteen. But, instead, I’m about to die.

I’m free-falling, like a rock pushed off a cliff. Every second that passes, I get closer to the hard earth below. It won’t be long before I hit the ground and splat into a million pieces.

Gulp . . .

A bug or something just got stuck in my throat. Great! For the rest of my fall, no one will hear my screams anymore.

My eyes are burning, and the wind is trying to rip through my body as I somersault, head over heels, like I just found a spider in my underwear. If only I could go back in time to make the most of my last moment.

Urghhh . . . Aaaah . . . Umpph . . . Aaaah . . .

With one last effort, I manage to position myself like an airplane. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean I’m actually flying. At least I look more like a secret agent in a James Bond movie than my little sister’s blankie after she’s chewed on it during a two-hour car ride.

Dying so soon is awful; I won’t even get to visit the big island stretching out before me. It’s so beautiful with color scattered everywhere, including a lake and a desert. I can see towns, buildings, farms, a soccer field, and even swimming pools. And I love sports . . .

What’s even worse is that, just a few hours ago, I landed my first acting role ever. A walk-on part, true, but it was in a blockbuster! I was going to make a name for myself, I just knew it. Now, this rising movie star is plunging toward his death at top speed. A career is falling flat before even getting started.

It’s hard to imagine, but during a free-fall, the ground closes in really fast. The landscape becomes more detailed, kind of like zooming in on a picture on my phone. I think about doing a countdown, but change my mind, deciding that would be too morbid. What if I could aim for a big tree, a lake, or the sea —could I possibly survive? Aaah, it’s all happening too fast! I’m doomed!

Ten minutes before

I really don’t trust this bus. But in a few minutes, I’ll finally be on a movie set, and I’d do anything to get there! I don’t know what engineer designed this mechanical nightmare, but there is one thing for sure: he was absolutely insane. He attached a turbine with a balloon to an old bus to make it fly. Hey, guys, when are you going to realize that not every childhood dream is meant to be brought to life? To hide the creaking of the metal, all the driver could come up with was to play music at full blast. That way, when this contraption crashes, not only will we be dead, but we will all be deaf, too. Great! I’m being negative, but we all have our own way of dealing with problems. Personally, when I have to face my fears, I like to think things through. There are about one hundred people with me, each stranger than the next. It’s a miracle that we all fit in here. For now, I’m going with the flow, but I really hope someone shows up soon to tell me what to do.

All of a sudden, everyone gets up and heads toward the back of the bus, then jumps out into the open in groups of ten or fifteen. My stomach does backflips; I start shaking all over. What in the world are they doing? I press my face to a window to watch them tumble downward. OK, they must be stuntmen who are practicing. I’m sure this is normal when filming a blockbuster. Honestly, they gave me a backpack when I arrived, but I never thought it had anything to do with parachuting out of the sky! Now, I’m one of the last people onboard, and this doesn’t look good. I’m starting to regret not reading the fine print in all the contracts they had me sign . . . Oops!

Hang on, just a little bit longer.

A guy near the exit waves me over to him. He’s not very friendly looking. In fact, he barely manages to smile at me. As I walk over to him, I think about the last time I ate ice cream. An acting trick to make me seem calm and relaxed. Once I’m within his reach, he lifts me up by the collar, like a mother lion carrying her cub, and, wham, he tosses me out into the open without a word. I look up at the sky and start screaming.

WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU TO SAY GOODBYE?!?

But actually . . . no. Not a single word comes out of my mouth. But it’s not because I didn’t open my mouth wide enough.

So, here I am, hurling through the open sky.

Crunch . . . Whoosh . . . Zip

I don’t really understand how, but the backpack they gave me before leaving opens with a thunderous sound and turns into a sort of glider! I want to yell at the top of my lungs or laugh like a crazy person. I’M FLYING! I have no idea who decided to save me, but it looks like today is my lucky day! Drumroll, please; the rising star is back!

Splashhhhhhhhh

It’s freezing cold! I landed . . . well, more like belly flopped down . . . into a pond about as deep as the shallow end of a swimming pool. Before that, I had forgotten that gravity was still doing its job and I’d let go of all my troubles. I look down at my pants. I touch my legs, arms and shoulders, head . . . I feel the pressure of my hands on my body, but no pain. It looks like I’m ALIVE! And soaking wet. But alive, after all.

Wading over to the shore is hard and takes longer than I expected. I’ve barely set foot on the ground, and the surface of the pond is already as smooth as glass. With a quick glance, I realize my clothes are already dry. That’s weird . . . But I can’t tell if it’s really hot or really cold. Maybe I wasn’t that wet after all, and I made a big deal out of it in my head. To top it all off, whatever I was using as a parachute has disappeared. Don’t panic; there has to be a logical explanation. My backpack is as light as a feather, so the material must have landed somewhere not far away, at the bottom of the pond. OK. Everything is fine. I’m still in shock. I’m starting to worry for no reason. I just need to stay calm and everything will be OK.

CALM DOWN! I’m in shock. Yes, that’s it, I’m overthinking. I can’t help it. That’s all over, in the past. I take a moment to slowly breathe in and out to release my stress. Breeeeeeeeathe in sloooooooowly through the noooooooose . . . Hummmmmm . . . Out through the mouth . . . Whooosh!

It’s something I learned from a YouTube video. After doing this three or four times, I already feel a bit better. Not being able to talk isn’t a big deal; I can just act things out. With one last exhale, my shoulders and muscles relax.

What do I see here? Behind me, there’s a farm with several barns. I won’t go that way: I don’t really like the country. More accurately, it doesn’t like me. Between the poison ivy, wasps, thorny bushes, and everything in nature that makes you sick for the rest of your life, the message is clear: Stay inside if you don’t want any problems! Which works out because that’s where I’m happiest. I’m not opposed to a short outing, unless the local guide shows up in rubber boots carrying a pitchfork. A cowboy hat and piece of straw sticking out his mouth, that’s fine. But, with a guard dog lunging at everyone who walks by, no thank you. So, I’ll save the farm until later. If I remember correctly, during my free-fall, I saw a gas station close by. I would rather press my luck with gasoline fumes. Maybe the people there will be more inclined to help me. Besides, I’ll be able to buy some candy, chocolate, or a nice treat. After that fall, I deserve it.

There must be a film crew somewhere, and I’m gonna find them. A blockbuster about superheros with villains from outer space bent on taking over the world; it’s going to be a big hit! I absolutely have to be in this film. That’s what I signed up for, after all! With all those papers they had me sign, one thing is for sure: they have my name, and they know I’m coming! They must already be looking for me. First, I have to climb to the top of this hill in front of me, and then I’ll decide what to do next. By getting a little higher up, I’ll have a better view so I can get my bearings.

Strangely, I feel great. I’m bouncing around like a little kid. Hop, hop, hop, I jump here and there while I make my way up the side of the hill. OK, I admit that wasn’t the longest climb ever, but I don’t feel tired at all. It