Changes: The Fragile Line Series, #5

By Sarah Dawson Powell

Changes

The Fragile Line Series- Book Five

 

Engaged and newly sober, Sadie is ready for her new life to begin. She quickly finds out life isn't the same sober, especially when everyone and everything around her is changing. When she finally gets the chance to make a worthwhile change and be in control of her life, she feels more lost than ever.

 

Jenny tries to navigate her new relationship status while finding a place in her daughter's life. So many changes make it hard for Jenny to move forward and she finds herself left behind once again.

 

The two friends find themselves closer than ever and make a major life decision together, just to have their hearts punctured by changes they didn't anticipate.

 

Content warning: drug/alcohol abuse, domestic violence, terrorist attacks (9/11/2001), pregnancy/abortion/miscarriage, mention of sexual assault, suicidal ideation, child neglect, swearing

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sarah Dawson Powell
• Release date: Jan 1, 2024
• ISBN: 9798223082149

Book preview

Dedicated to everyone, everywhere, who has ever struggled with addictions.

And to those who don’t, please understand that addiction is a disease. It takes most addicts multiple attempts at sobriety before they are able to finally abstain for a significant amount of time. They will always be at risk for relapse. Some will never relapse; others will lose everything to addiction. Please, keep this in mind as you read.

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Content warning: substance abuse, domestic violence, terrorist attacks of 09.11.2001, pregnancy/abortion/miscarriage, suicidal ideation, child neglect, swearing, mention of sexual assault.

Copyright © 2022 by Sarah Dawson Powell

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permission requests, contact [e-mail].

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

Second edition 2023

Contents

1.terrorists

2.you know what it is

3.you lied to me

4.i needed to commemorate that

5.i don’t get sad

6.you’ve got me

7.something different

8.on my pillows

9.scared to death

10.very casually

11.not without you

12.stupid little band

13.i’m here to help

14.cowboy hat and some boots

15.good memories

16.take me to the hospital

17.you know me way too well

18.little razors on her heart

19.his heart bled

20.snort coke and then quote the bible

21.five years of hell

22.i’m used to being let down

23.psychotic and insecure

24.not now

25.merry christmas

26.i’m new at this

27.do I have to ask you again?

28.she left me

29.it was like a dream

30.diagnose yourself

31.i wasn’t ready for this

Author's Note

Playlist

About the Author

terrorists

It started like any other day. The sun rose in the east, illuminating the back yard with its golden hue. The clouds were sporadic, few and far between, large and fluffy. Birds sang their sweet melodies; their own language used to express themselves.

Normal people, ones with jobs, got up and went to work, not expecting this day to be unlike any other Tuesday. Kids went to school, carrying backpacks and sack lunches. Parents filed in front of schools to drop their little ones off or kissed their foreheads at bus stops.

Sadie Montgomery, however, lay still in her bed. She didn’t have a job or any kids. No real reason to get up at any reasonable hour. Her new fiancé, Ryan, had gotten up a while ago, and judging by the lack of sound in the house, he’d likely gone to the garage where he had a home gym. This was fine with Sadie. The solitude was something she enjoyed.

Lying on her side, she stared at the large diamond Ryan had placed on her left hand last night. It sparkled against the navy sheets, the sun streaming through the mini blinds made it gleam, sending little rays of hope into her heart.

She should be happy. Last night she was. For years, all she could think about was the day when Ryan would want to marry her. But for the last year or so, more often she dreamt of the day she would tell Ryan goodbye. Yet, when he smiled at her, reminding her how perfect he could be, and tossed the little jewelry box at her last night, she’d gotten lost in the moment, forgetting who Ryan had become.

This ring had been earned. She and Ryan had been together for five years almost to the date. But even before that, their lives had been woven together tightly into a mess of memories that could be summed up in one word: Forever.

As children, they had been playmates, living without reserve or humility. As adolescents, they held firm in their convictions, determined to be the best they could be. When they moved into their teens, they confided in each other, talked about how they wouldn’t fall prey to the growing pressure from their peers. God had been great back then, guiding them in their every step.

Sadie had fallen first, she supposed, but Ryan didn’t shun her. She never told him about the things she did with Tyler, her high school boyfriend. But Tyler was Ryan’s best friend, and she knew he told Ryan what they did. She could see the sadness in her friend’s eyes after that. Or maybe it was her own sadness reflected in the eyes of someone who knew her well. Ryan fell later, and likely only because everyone else had, too. They never talked about how much they let themselves down those last two years in high school, but they both knew things would be different today if they’d been stronger, able to stand their ground.

Then they were apart. Every other thought Sadie had was of Ryan. He’d been so perfect back then. Not only in the way he looked, but in what he did. He’d graduated valedictorian of their high school class, leaving three weeks later for a military career with the Marines. Sadie had gone to college and made decent grades, but the majority of her time revolved around obtaining booze and drugs, sometimes using unspeakable means.

Yes, Sadie had earned this ring. She held it up to her neck, compared it to the ring she wore on a fragile gold chain around her neck. The stones were the same size.

She had given up so much for Ryan. She had sacrificed a future she would never know for him. Her love for Aaron Lorenzetti, and his love for her, had been traded in on hopes Ryan would change.

She’d sacrificed her future, but that wasn’t all. She’d sacrificed herself, her self-esteem, her self-respect, her heart, her mind, her body, her job, her relationship with her parents, and people who used to be her friends. Everything she was, everything she had, every piece of her, she’d given it all to Ryan in exchange for this ring.

He’d been telling her for years that he owned her. Now he’d branded her, putting his ring there so everyone could see she was his property.

Still, on some level, she was happy. If he decided he loved her enough to marry her, then maybe he loved her enough to stop hurting her. He hadn’t hit her in months, and though words hurt more than fists, they were easier to shrug off. He cared deeply for her, this she was sure of, making her stop drinking. That was something he should have done years ago, and she wondered why he hadn’t.

Her drinking was his excuse for his life falling apart. This was true. As long as Sadie was drunk, making a mess of everything in her path, Ryan had a reason for why nothing in his life went right. But now, he was on the verge of something big with his band, Mile 258, and Sadie couldn’t mess it up. So she sacrificed again for him, allowing her to be stripped of her ability to pretend things didn’t matter.

Sober, life was bleak.

Her parents wouldn’t be happy about this engagement. Them, along with everyone in Ryan’s family, had been opposed to their relationship from the start. They all agreed Sadie wasn’t good enough for someone like Ryan. And when she caused his discharge from the Marines, it solidified their presumptions.

How would Jenny, her best friend, feel? And Trevor? Oh, man. Trevor. He wasn’t going to be happy. She’d been leading him on for months, letting him think they could be more than was possible. Sure, he was sweet and caring, gentle, but he wasn’t Ryan and he never would be. He was impossibly good looking with his soft green eyes, but he wasn’t strong enough for her. More of a passive kind of personality, he rarely spoke his mind, just agreeing with whatever anyone else wanted. If Sadie told him to jump, he’d ask how high.

Over the last few weeks, since all of this back and forth between home and Los Angeles, Trevor had become clingier, as if he knew she was pulling away. But she was pulling away because he was making this into something it wasn’t. He said he loved her and wanted her to love him, too. But she didn’t, not like he wanted her to. She loved what he did for her, how he made her feel, but nothing more.

Trevor would be heartbroken; no way around it. But Sadie doubted that would stop him from trying.

She sighed aloud and rolled to her back. Ryan was inside now. She could hear him in the living room; he’d turned the TV on.

Maybe she’d try to make pancakes this morning. Ryan had showed her how a few months ago.

Holy shit, she heard him say from the living room.

Sadie got out of bed and went into the bathroom. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, studied her eyes. What did others see when they looked at her? Did they see someone broken behind her sky-blue eyes? Or did they just look at the surface and see her physical beauty and not worry themselves with what was on the inside? Did Ryan look at her and see the innocence that had once been there? Did Trevor look at her and see the sum of all her deceit?

After using the bathroom, she returned to the bedroom and dressed in gym shorts and a tank top.

In the living room, Ryan watched the news.

Good morning, fiancé, she giggled.

He didn’t look away from the TV.

I was thinking about making pancakes.

He didn’t answer, so she sat beside him on the tan couch in their little living room.

The picture on the TV showed two tall buildings on fire. Sadie listened to what was being said, tried to read the words on the bottom of the screen.

Where’s that at?

New York, Ryan answered her solemnly. The World Trade Center.

She stared at the images on the screen, wondered how a fire started in each building. As she was about to ask, the footage changed, and the newscaster explained that this had been the scene earlier.

In this footage, only one of the towers was on fire, and to the left a plane approached and crashed into the other tower. There was an explosion and now the second building was ablaze.

Sadie covered her mouth with her hand and let out a small gasp. Oh, my God.

Ryan glanced at her. That’s what happened to both of them. A plane crashed into them both.

How?

He looked back at the TV. I don’t know. At first, when it was just one, I thought it was an accident. But now, I don’t know.

Were there people on the planes?

Yeah, I think so. And people in both buildings.

Sadie stared at the screen, the images of terrified looking people running down the city streets, debris and ash falling around them. Fire trucks racing toward the fires. Sadie thought about how much they had been flying lately, and that they could’ve been on the planes. I’m so glad you came home last night.

He looked at her again, put an arm around her shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze. Neither plane was from LA or Chicago. They were headed to LA, but started on the east coast.

But still.

They sat silently for a while watching the horrifying images on the screen. People could be seen jumping from the towers, and Sadie’s eyes brimmed with tears. This is horrible, she whispered. Who would do something like this?

Ryan sighed. Terrorists.

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Corey Renier toweled off after a long swim. Since he didn’t have to work anymore, now that he was a full-time musician, he spent hours swimming each day while his girlfriend Jenny was at work. It was eleven in the morning now and he’d been at Fit World for about three hours. Jenny would have her lunch break in an hour. Though he hadn’t told her, he planned to pick her up and have lunch together.

It wasn’t that long ago that everything was uncertain with him and Jenny. She’d been torn on deciding whether or not to trust her heart or hang on to her past. Trusting her heart, she’d chosen Corey. He wasn’t sure exactly what happened when she saw Alex, her ex-boyfriend, but he didn’t really care either. All that mattered was that Jenny was back with him.

In the locker room, he gathered his clothes and headed for the shower. He picked up his cell phone to call Jenny and let her know he’d be there at noon. Surprisingly, she’d already called him three times.

She answered the phone at Tresses, the hair studio where she had worked since they met nearly two years ago, on the second ring. Her voice was apprehensive.

Hey, it’s me, he said. What’s wrong?

Corey, she breathed. Don’t you know?

Know what?

Oh, my God. Where are you? Terrorists or something are attacking our country.

What? There was no way. Not the United States.

Where are you?

Fit World. I’ve been swimming for two hours, at least.

That’s why you don’t know. Go out to the gym.

In his wet swim trunks, Corey darted through the locker room, forgetting about needing a shower. Ten or twelve people were gathered around the big screen TV. Corey stood behind them and took in the scene on the screen. A cloud of dust and smoke, identified by the words at the bottom of the screen as the World Trade Center in New York City, was the focus of everyone’s attention.

What happened? he asked.

People looked at him as if he’d been living under a rock.

They flew a plane into each tower. Jenny said over the phone. And the Pentagon. Another plane crashed in Pennsylvania. They say it was headed to the White House.

Who’s doing it?

They don’t know exactly. Some kind of terrorists.

Holy shit.

The scene on the TV changed, playing earlier footage of the towers crumbling to the earth. Corey felt sick to his stomach.

Please tell me everyone got out, he said.

Someone, a woman about his own age, faced him with sad eyes and shook her head. At the same time, Jenny said, I don’t think so.

What the hell, he said quietly. I’m gonna come over there. I’ll be there in ten minutes.

Ok, Jenny said. I love you.

Love you, too.

Corey returned to the dressing room and quickly changed into his jeans and shirt. Running his fingers through his wet hair, he put his towel and wet trunks in his bag and left.

Less than ten minutes later, he was walking into Tresses. Jenny was sitting in her spot at the front desk. She looked up at him, her beautiful brown eyes full of fear. Hey, she said, barely a whisper.

He tried to smile. Hey.

Jenny’s eyes were glued to the TV, and Corey watched too. The expressions on the faces of the people in New York and at the Pentagon were terrified, which scared Corey. Even the seasoned newscasters seemed uncertain. Over and over, Corey glanced at Jenny to see how she was handling it.

For forty-five minutes, they stared at the TV, neither saying a word. By noon, Corey had learned how the events of the morning had unfolded. The footage of the plane crashing into the tower, the burning buildings, the debris sifting aimlessly to the ground, a portion of the Pentagon in flames, ruble and destruction in a Pennsylvania field, the towers cowering as their structure weakened, and then seeing them fall, one by one, as if they were never made from anything more than the ash they now were.

Corey couldn’t take any more.

Let’s get something to eat, he said to Jenny.

She walked behind the wall that separated her from the stylists, probably telling someone she was going to lunch, and then reappeared.

How many people you think died? she asked as they walked outside.

I don’t want to think about.

Thousands? A million?

He looked at her furrowed brow, her frightened eyes. I don’t know. A lot, I’m sure.

They got into the vehicle, a new Ford Expedition. Can you imagine what those people are thinking? Their families?

Corey didn’t want to think about it. No, I can’t.

I just can’t believe this is really happening.

He reached over and took her hand as they pulled out of the parking lot. After a few moments of silence, she said, I need to check on Angel. Let me see your phone.

Angel was Jenny’s three-year-old daughter. She lived with Jenny’s sister, Jackie, downstate. Corey handed her the phone.

Jenny dialed the numbers and waited. Jackie, she said, relieved. How’s Angel? Jenny nodded. Don’t you think you guys should leave Springfield? It’s the state capital. Maybe come up here? Why not? Really? You think so?

She looked at Corey. Jackie thinks Chicago is more likely to be attacked than Springfield. Maybe we should go down there.

Corey blinked once. He hadn’t thought of that. They didn’t live in Chicago, but nearby in the Joliet area. If someone attacked Chicago, they would be fine. But if the plane got off course and crashed near Chicago…. What do you think? he asked her.

She shrugged. I don’t know. I’m scared, that’s all I know.

They’ve grounded all planes though. Don’t you think we’ll be ok?

Her eyes went wide. What about bombs or something? Remember Oklahoma City?

Corey didn’t know what to say. He hated seeing Jenny so scared. Whatever you want to do, Jen.

She nodded. I’ll call you back, ok? Yeah, this is Corey’s cell phone. I know I should get my own. I’m just not sure I can afford it. Ok. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you, too. Give Angel a kiss when she gets home. Bye.

While they ate lunch, Jenny talked about the pros and cons of staying here and going to Springfield. Corey only half-listened. He couldn’t shake the horrifying images from his mind that had been on the TV. And with all the flying he’d been doing lately, he was glad to be home.

I need to call Trevor, he said suddenly. Trevor and Sadie were likely still asleep. With Ryan in Los Angeles, the two of them lived like he didn’t exist. Not that it mattered to Corey if Ryan existed or not, but what Trevor and Sadie were doing was getting out of hand.

Hello? his friend said, his words slurred.

Are you still sleeping? Corey asked.

No. The word came out clearer.

Am I interrupting something?

Trevor sighed. Ryan came back. She went home with him last night.

Oh.

Yeah. And she was so happy to see him. I just don’t get it, Corey.

Man, I told you. You’re getting in over your head with her. She’s not gonna leave him.

Trevor sighed again. I don’t want to believe that.

Maybe you need to.

There was silence on the other end for a moment. Then Trevor said, You heard about that shit in New York?

Yeah, I have.

It’s sick.

That’s one way to put it. Corey waited for Trevor to say something, but he didn’t. You ok, man?

I’ll make it. It’s just that everything in my life revolves around her now and I don’t even know when I’m gonna get to see her again.

Wow. The United States of America was under attack and Trevor’s biggest worry was when he would see Sadie again.

I know she loves me, Trevor continued. Why doesn’t she just break up with him? I’ll protect her from him.

Corey looked at Jenny and rolled his eyes. She gave him a curious look. If she left Ryan for you, what would that do for the band? Jenny rolled her eyes, too.

Man, I don’t even care about that and you know it. If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve quit that shit a long time ago.

That was true. But now they had a contract to make an album and one of the best managers in the business. Cory and Ryan had quit their jobs when they received a hefty advance, plus there was steady income promised to come. Trevor however, had given Fit World substantial notice to give them time to find a new manager.

I know Trev, but you can’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Trevor let out a short laugh. A little too late for that.

Why are you so in love with her? With all you know about what she’s done? Don’t you think that even if she left Ryan for you, that she would just cheat on you like she does him?

No. I would never treat her that way. She wouldn’t have a reason to cheat. He let out his breath slowly. She says that I make her feel loved. And that if Ryan could make her feel that way, then everything would be fine.

Corey bit his lip. Ok, but has she ever told you what she needs you to do to make everything fine with you?

She needs me to be there and not let her go.

Corey shook his head. You’re an idiot.

Trevor ignored him. Did she ever tell you stuff like that?

The last thing Corey wanted to think about was the eight months Sadie had cheated on Ryan with him. She told me some weird stuff.

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Did you think she was gonna be with you, too?

God, no, Trevor.

Then what?

This isn’t the time or the place.

Oh. Jenny with you?

Yes.

Trevor sighed. Alright. I’ll talk to you later.

It’ll be fine, Trev.

Sure.

When they hung up, Corey told Jen, He’s more worried about Sadie than all this stuff going on.

Figures. She’s like a virus. She gets in your blood, and you practically need a transfusion to get rid of her.

Corey laughed but felt a twinge of guilt. Jenny knew about the affair he had with Sadie. It was before they were together, but she still didn’t like it. Jenny was jealous of Sadie and Corey didn’t understand why. Though when you think of Sadie as a virus that gets in your blood, and how Corey knew he still couldn’t resist her when given the opportunity, her jealousy made sense. Trevor was the only person who knew about his mistake last month, and Sadie and Trevor both promised not to ever tell Jenny, even though he and Jen had been broken up at the time. He hadn’t spoken to Jenny in over a month when Sadie finally got him to cave. He’d been adamant with Sadie until that night, insisting he didn’t want her, when he knew he did.

Maybe he needed a transfusion, too. A virus. That’s good. He smiled weakly at Jenny. Maybe we should set Trev up with someone. What about your friend from work?

Mindy? Jenny asked with a nod. That might work.

After he dropped Jenny back off at Tresses, he drove to the apartment he supposedly shared with Trevor. He hadn’t stayed there at all in nearly a month, either sleeping at Jenny’s or being in LA. On his way, he called his mom, his brother, and his sister. Something about the tragic events of the day made him want to be in touch with them.

At the apartment, he half-listened to Trevor whine and complain about Sadie. And Ryan. He watched his friend drink too many beers. This had been him not too long ago, whining and complaining about Jenny. But somehow, he couldn’t find it in himself to be supportive.

Around four o’clock, Trevor’s cell phone rang, and Corey saw that as his escape. He gave a wave to Trevor, but he didn’t notice, so Corey waited.

No, I haven’t seen him, Trevor said. You’re scared? Why?

Corey shifted his weight.

Yeah, of course I’ll come over. Trevor hung up the phone a moment later and looked at Corey.

Corey narrowed his eyes. Sadie?

Trevor stood up. Yeah. Ryan took off and won’t answer his phone and she’s scared with all these plane crashes and stuff. So I’m gonna go over there.

Corey took his cell phone from his pocket and held up a finger to Trevor. Wait, he said. He called Ryan’s cell phone and got no answer. Hey, he said into the voice mail. Sadie’s looking for you. She’s worried. Give her a call, ok?

Why’d you do that?

You don’t need to go over there. Just let it go.

Trevor took a step closer to Corey, drew his eyebrows together. What’s your problem, Corey? he asked, his voice raised. This is my life, and if I want to fuck it up, I will.

Corey stepped back and shrugged his shoulders. Whatever, man. Have at it. Trevor’s anger didn’t bother Corey. He was way too even tempered to really get mad. In fact, Corey’d be willing to bet that by the time Trevor got to Sadie and Ryan’s house that he’d regret yelling at Corey.

Trevor turned away from Corey and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

you know what it is

As Trevor Dixon approached Willow Grove, the little town outside Joliet where Sadie lived with Ryan, he started to feel bad about raising his voice at Corey. He’d think Corey, of all people, would understand how he felt about Sadie. Corey spent over a year and a half waiting for Jenny to break up with her boyfriend. He never gave up. He said he did all the time, but never really did. Corey would still be waiting for her now, even if she had stayed with Alex.

When he pulled onto Drury Lane, he could see that Ryan’s black Camaro wasn’t in the driveway. This calmed Trevor slightly. Anymore, whenever he knew he was about to see Sadie, he felt this uncontrollable