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    RED FLAGS
    RED FLAGS
    RED FLAGS
    Ebook79 pages1 hour

    RED FLAGS

    By DSO

    5/5

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    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDad Starting Over
    Release dateJun 5, 2020
    ISBN9781087888002

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      Book preview

      RED FLAGS - DSO

      RED FLAGS

      BY D.S.O.

      www.dadstartingover.com

      Red Flags by D.S.O.

      http://www.dadstartingover.com

      © 2020 D.S.O.

      All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permissions contact:

      dso@dadstartingover.com

      Cover by D.S.O.

      Introduction - Dave’s Story

      Dave reached out to me a week before our first scheduled Skype conversation. He found my website, dadstartingover.com, read all of my posts, listened to all of my podcast episodes, bought my books… and he was now ready to take things to the next level. He wanted to have a real one-on-one chat with yours truly. I’m flattered, maybe even a little embarrassed by his lengthy and glowing emails to me.

      My work has obviously struck a nerve with Dave. He truly thought he was completely alone in the god-awful life situation he finds himself in. He felt helpless and more than a little afraid for what else life had in store for him after his marriage ended so abruptly. Thanks to one fateful late-night Google search, Dave discovered there was a website out there completely devoted to men in situations EXACTLY like his. This was both a relief and an exciting discovery for him. As he saw it, somebody out there had a treasure map that would lead to the end of his suffering and he was determined to follow it step-by-step, come hell or high water.

      Dave was almost manic in his newfound energy. For men that have been giving an unexpected glimpse at the chaos and awfulness that life can sometimes dish out, hope can be a very intoxicating thing, as I have come to learn over the years.

      Dave is like a lot of men that pay me to chat with them. What was once a teary-eyed Google search at 2:00 in the morning is now a full-blown obsession. He is trying desperately to prevent the damaged cruise ship of his life from sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic. I get it. Been there, done that.

      Dave is determined to figure out exactly what went wrong in his life and how he can turn things around. The more he tells me about his life, the more the ill-fated Titantic metaphor seems appropriate. For years, he saw dozens of icebergs in the water and he willfully ignored them all… and yet, he can’t figure out why he’s suddenly taking on so much water. In his mind, he just doesn’t deserve the awfulness of dealing with a wife who one day said, You know I love you… but I’m just not IN LOVE with you anymore. I just don’t feel like I used to. I’m sorry. Dave, like most men who hear some variation of those fateful words, would later uncover his wife’s infidelity. He was beyond crushed.

      The entirety of Dave’s world was turned upside-down. What was once comfortable and familiar is now scary and chaotic. He wants desperately to regain a sense of control over his life. He NEEDS to gain control over his life. If not, the world as he knows it just became a VERY scary and chaotic place. He will be the first to admit that he doesn’t have the coping skills and mental framework necessary to navigate such an awful and unexpected set of circumstances.

      As Dave tells me his story, he does what all men in his shoes do. He skips right over the most important piece of the How did this happen?! puzzle. He jumps past the actual CAUSE of the problem and goes right to what is front and center: His suffering.

      She just told me she doesn’t have feelings for me. Just like that. We come back from taking our youngest kid to the zoo, we put him to bed, she walks into the bedroom and says, ‘We both know this isn’t working anymore.’ I had no idea. Seriously. I’ve looked back on our years of marriage and I don’t see what happened. Yes, we had fights like anybody else… but nothing THAT bad. I was a really good husband to her. Eighteen years of marriage and two kids mean NOTHING to her. Nothing. She told me we were over just like she was talking about the weather. I don’t understand how somebody can be so cold and so cruel. The exact same shit happened to my brother, too. Last year his wife left him and screwed around with a guy from her office. He told me that all women are like this, but I didn’t believe him. Now I see I was the stupid one. I’m never going through this shit again. What’s the point of marriage? Why would any man do this again?

      I stop Dave’s current train of thought and turn things in a new direction. Before we go down the road of marriage, cheating, etc… tell me about your wife. What was her life like before meeting you? How about her childhood?

      Dave laughs. "Oh, man. You just had to go there, didn’t you!? Ha. Yeah, her family is a wreck. Her mom married four times. FOUR TIMES! She cheated on two of them, one died of a heart attack, and the other she’s still with… but she treats him like shit. I don’t know why she keeps getting married. She has a problem with men and keeping them around. My wife’s biological dad was her mom’s second husband. He’s a pretty good guy. We don’t talk to him much. Just around holidays, mostly. He

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