Menopause: The Horror, Humility, and Humor of It All!!!

By Colleen McIntosh

I have been journaling about my Menopause and aging for many years because I was the only one who would listen to my ranting and raving. I've finally reached an age—at 64—where I'm ready to reveal my battle scars. I decided to create an instructional, humorous guide that goes one step further into the abyss of my menopausal years and my aging carcass. I also wanted to make Menopause a conversation and debunk the myth. Yes, hot flashes and mood swings are real!
This book exposes the truth of many menopausal stages affecting and ravaging the aging female body. Menopause is inevitable, and I hope to educate you just a little bit of what's potentially to come—because no one told me! I also felt that illustrations would give you a much-needed chuckle. I believe that humor is the essence of life, right up there with breathing. I could not have made it through menopause without it. I hope that writing this book will make people sit up and pay attention to every woman they know and meet. If you laugh a lot and cry a little while reading this book, then I've succeeded in my quest. I hope all my efforts comfort you in your transition into aging. You are not alone.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9798350904611

Book preview

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Menopause the Horror, Humility, and Humor of It All!!!

Text and Illustration Copyright © 2023 by Colleen McIntosh

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the written permission from the author.

Illustrations by Colleen McIntosh

Published in 2023 by BookBaby

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available.

ISBN# 979-8-35090-460-4 paperback

ISBN: 979-8-35090-461-1 ebook

To the Love of my Life

Ed

and to our Furballs who silently observed

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 : Periods!

Chapter 2 : Hot Flashes

Chapter 3 : Mood Swings

Chapter 4 : Sleeplessness

Chapter 5 : Hormones

Chapter 6 : Memory Loss

Chapter 7 : Weight Gain/Depression/Lethargy

Chapter 8 : The Arid Desert

Chapter 9 : Sex (Less)

Chapter 10 : Elasticity

Chapter 11 : Gravity

Chapter 12 : Hair

Chapter 13 : Age Spots/Skin Growths

Chapter 14 : Inner Plumbing

Chapter 15 : Fashion

Chapter 16 : Denial

Chapter 17 : Positive Changes

In Closing

Author Bio

Acknowledgments

Introduction

I started writing this autobiographical booklet on a long layover in the airport. I was being ignored by the 13-year-old bartender and pissed off because I couldn’t get my breakfast wine. I was just so disgusted at the indignity and occasional pain of it all—and wanted to put it down on paper to share with anyone who walked by. This began during my 50s. I then tested the saga with my family and got the reaction I wanted—tears of laughter and horror.

The narrative continued for the next 14 years of adding to my journal of menopause and aging. Revisions occur to this day. There is always some new tidbit of hell to add for the next generation.

I know there are books on menopause with medical advice and big words—but I decided to create an instructional guide that goes one step further into the abyss of older women’s later formative growth cycles—a personal account of my aging carcass.

I am not a doctor and have absolutely no professional knowledge of perimenopause, menopause or post-menopause—or even what continues after that—Death? Apparently, menopause never really ends.

Based on what my GYN, GP, Optometrist, Dentist, Dermatologist—i.e., doctors, so sagely told me, You’re Getting Old or You have OLS—Old Lady Syndrome. What do they know—that was the pat answer to every question I posed. A thoroughly inadequate explanation!!! I told my GYN that if she said it one more time, I would slap her.

In the past, women were considered hysterical and put in on holiday facilities (asylums) to privately recondition them of