Chasing Seagulls: A story of faith, love, and the power of choice

By Lauren Christopher

A foster child who was once told she would never amount
to much by her third-grade teacher, goes on to travel
a road of self-discovery and personal growth despite
facing challenges of child sexual abuse, physical abuse, transient
home life and the foster care system which then led to a 25-year
dysfunctional marriage.
This memoir recounts the narrative of a life searching for
peace and meaning in the face of tribulations beyond fiction. A
series of daily stories are revealed to the author’s daughter over
the course of an advent season each depicting part of the journey
that had a transformational impact and provided opportunities
to reach towards the light of faith and love over the darkness of
hopelessness or despair. In this unfolding she is encouraged to think
deeper into how we perceive our world and more importantly the
experiences we have in our journey, along with the sovereignty
we each are gifted to frame those experiences as we choose. In
that gift lies our freedom and legacy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Oct 29, 2023
• ISBN: 9798765245200

Lauren Christopher

Lauren Christopher is the author of the Lavender Island series, which includes The Kiss on Castle Road and Love on Lavender Island, as well as the Sandy Cove series, which includes The Red Bikini and Ten Good Reasons. She has been a 2015 Holt Medallion finalist and a 2012 Golden Heart finalist. A professional writer for more than two decades, she has worked on projects ranging from NASA video scripts and restaurant reviews to feature stories on the origins of Santa Claus. A graduate of UCLA with a degree in English, she resides in Southern California with her husband and three children. She loves to hear from readers! Visit her at her website to say hello and learn more about her books at www.LaurenChristopherAuthor.com.

Book preview

Day 1

"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every

man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of

which all men have some." – Charles Dickens

24679.jpg

T here are those days when things don’t unfold the way you think they will. I have had a lion’s share of those, so much so, that I’ve come to expect the unexpected. A blessing really. Still, I went to watch the movie Instant Family yesterday expecting it to be comedic. I didn’t find it terribly funny unfortunately. I felt quite sad. What I had thought would be a fun film about adoptive parents finding their feet, turned out to be a story about the impact of foster care on three siblings. As you already know, I could empathize all too well.

I spent five years in the system right after my parents divorced. I was five and had just begun kindergarten. They were hard years full of anger, confusion, fear, and a feeling of abandonment. I don’t think I can adequately explain what it feels like to have a social worker who was a total stranger show up at your grandma’s house and tell you she’s taking you to live with a foster family. My parents were nowhere to be seen and I felt abject abandonment.

I didn’t even understand what that meant then, but I can still see the picture of that day in my mind.

I am five and halfway through kindergarten. I’ve been sleeping at my grandmother’s for some time and a don’t really understand why. A visitor knocks on the door which my grandmother answers. I am standing across the living room as I watch a young women enter. I hear her asking me if I know why she is here, and I tell her I don’t. I see the surprise flash briefly across her face. She explains she is here to pick me up to go stay with another family for a while. I don’t understand at all. She is saying something about my grandmother can’t handle me all by herself. I ask where my mom is, but I get an answer I also don’t understand. I feel confusion fill my body and sadness too. I feel sad that I am too difficult for the adults in my world and they need to give me away as a result. I wonder about all my toys and stuff and my little sister as I am herded out of the apartment. I feel utterly lost. Rejected. Abandoned.

This vivid imagery is a testament to the impact it had on my life and perception of the world as a young child. Moments like this change you and even at 5 I knew life had just taken a sharp detour. I would carry the title too difficult for the next 50 years with me like a brand.

I know how those children in the movie felt and can easily identify with their bouts of acting out, yet hunger for a sense of safety. Moving from home to home, never sure how long you will be there and never feeling quite like you belong, yes, I get that. I had lived in 3 foster homes before I was six.

Liz says upon her arrival at the new home, You know a foster kid by their trash bag. Their whole world fits in it.

So true. It’s a kind of hallmark thing for foster kids. Many don’t have many possessions or time so what they do have is typically carted by garbage bags. No Samsonite found here. This was true for me as well. What I had moved with me by bag or by box.

I moved multiple times in my short span in the system and I can still remember clinging to my bag like it was the only thing I could count on. My bag, my stuff, my world. This was all I knew between five and ten. I was lucky of sorts. My mom came back for me. Many aren’t so fortunate and what Liz describes concerning kids who age out of foster care is quite true: Far too many end up homeless, addicted or dead.

I don’t share this for your pity. Don’t feel sad for me. Neither is there any shame in my experiences. It is what I do with those experiences that matter and why I have chosen to live out loud here. I have lived a life of abundance but it’s just that my abundance has come in the form of contrasting experiences. I think that makes me fortunate because it is so much easier for me to find gratitude. As a mom I sometimes worry that I have given you both too much and, in that privilege, made it more challenging for you each to easily find your own points of gratitude.

It may sound counter intuitive, but with struggle and perceived lack can come with unique perspectives that give us opportunity to be grateful for what we do have. However, when you already have so much, I imagine it might be harder to remember that gratitude each day. Brene Brown has said that gratitude is what makes the difference between privilege and entitlement It’s okay to have privilege but what you do with that privilege matters.

With this little part of me shared, I am going to spoil a bit of your Christmas surprise and tell you both that today I bought each of you a piece of luggage. It is my hope that each time you have cause to use it you remember two things. The first is that no matter how much it feels like this world is beating you down, you can always find reason to feel gratitude. For every hardship you face, another faces one you can’t even image. At the very least, you will never know what it means to carry your world in a trash bag.

I know sometimes life feels impossibly hard or unfair or especially as a young adult it can feel scary and unsure. However, no matter what path you choose, you will travel with a suitcase knowing you are not alone, you have much, and your parents are there for you. Keep gratitude close to heart because this is the secret to happiness. One cannot exist without the other. As your mother, it is my greatest hope that you each find your own way to happiness.

Day 2

"Nobody is more worthy of love in the entire

universe than you. I wish I had reminded

myself of that more." – James Altucher

24682.jpg

Y ou might have noticed yesterday that I mentioned there were two things I hoped you’d both remember when using your new luggage. Today I would like to share with you the second.

There was a point in the movie Instant Family when the social worker has to explain to the new foster parents what it means to be a foster child on an emotional level. The children have moments that seriously challenge the adults. The eldest, Liz has become an angry, distant, untrusting child and with good reason. As the social worker explains, they need a consistently safe, loving home to begin to reach them. It isn’t until the very end of the movie that Liz even allows the mom to hug her. That touched me deeply because I could relate.

I didn’t have issues with touch when in the system. I probably really needed affectionate touch such as hugging but I didn’t get that there nor did I get that from my biological parents. Neither of them was very warm and fuzzy during my formative first five years that I spent with them. Nor were they in the years after. I still remember my first hug because it left such a strong emotional impression.

I was 20 years old the first time I recall someone hugging me with warmth and affection. One day, I was standing in the driveway at your dad’s house in the outlying suburbs. We were saying goodbye to your grandma. I think it was a Sunday and I was heading back to college. She just walked up to me, wrapped her arms around me and said she loved me. She actually meant it too because one can tell such things.

Nobody had ever done that, and I was stunned. I literally didn’t know what the proper response to that was. I think I halfheartedly hugged her back from some reflexive response one’s brain generates during such unfamiliar moments, but that one hug stayed with me all day. It stayed with me for years. It is still with me today. Sometimes I think I married your dad because of that hug. I so desperately wanted a loving mom too and at the naïve age I was, I thought maybe I could marry into having that kind of mom. Of course, as you have witnessed, you can’t.

By the time I was twenty, I was starving for love. Don’t misunderstand, my parents did the best they could by me as I have done for you. However, unfortunately, like the character Liz, I had long since given up believing I was worthy of what is truly a basic need. Unlike Liz, I didn’t have a white knight family show up to teach me otherwise. I had to learn