If I Only Knew

By LaMont L. Troupe

Book Synopsis

If I Only Knew is a collection of poems and short stories focusing on seven lives. Two stories have an early 1980s backdrop, but the remainder take place from 2001 through 2005. Some of the characters lives are intertwined as those particular stories reflect.

Allen Scott is a father raising two daughters after the death of his wife. He deliberately has little time for anything but them. After finding solace in his grief, suddenly someone comes along that knows his pain. Will he continue to mourn or will the possibility of a connection give him hope again?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 29, 2008
• ISBN: 9781462826476

Book preview

Copyright © 2008 by Lamont L. Troupe.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

52961

Contents

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

PROLOGUE

OVER

JAYSON HARRIS

SINCERE RODRIQUEZ

RESTLESS SOUL

TERRY SADDLER

IMMERSION

TREY TEAGUE

SLICE OF THE MIDLIFE

DR. LANGSTON BERRY

BOOT ON YO NECK

MARRISSA SADDLER

LEGACY

ALLEN SCOTT

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to thank my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. I thank God for the gift of writing and for the patience it takes to get my thoughts down on paper. I want to thank my Mom, Ethel Marie Brooks, for inspiring me and showing me I could accomplish anything and be anything I wanted to be. My brothers, Jason and Bill . . . I’m almost in tears writing this. I simply don’t know life without you two and both of you have shown me so much without knowing it. Jason, I look forward to learning how to care for my children the way you do and I hope to become the father you are as Autumn turns two years-old this year. Bill, you are my favorite person to talk to about the world because you know something about everything! We don’t always agree but that’s what makes it fun. I am constantly amazed at your ability to adjust to every environment that you encounter. My cousins, Abner and Byron, thanks for the wisdom B. I’ve learned more about life in one night talking to you than I would ever have on my own. Abner, stay focused! I’m proud of you and just keep on that path and you’ll be tight. To my Auntie, thanks for giving me one of the only whippings I ever got. After that I didn’t need anymore. Uncle James you are the Man. You give me a great role model and I hope to become the man you already are someday. Special thanks to Sleep and Adub for listening to me talk about my ex wife until I got her out of my system. I know y’all got tired of hearing about her. We have been through a lot together and I love how we always reach out and stay together. Look forward to seeing y’all grow old. To my ex, I guess I have to thank you also for doing what you felt you had to do. I don’t hate you and I forgave you long ago. I pray that you are happy with your new life. Last but certainly not least I have to thank my wife, Wyleia Troupe. Where do I start? I can accomplish any and all things with you by my side. We make such a great team and I will always be grateful to God for bringing you to me. You have brought the risk taker out of me and I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to write this book without you pushing me. I love you and I look forward to our future as we nurture our Autumn in the name of our Lord. I want to give a special thank you to Dr. Means for helping me to understand myself a little more. This book couldn’t have happened without your help. I would also like to thank any family and friends not mentioned. My people from Cortland and Linwood. My cousins across the way in Windsor and Ypsilanti. I must thank my spiritual family, the Rices, as well as all of our spiritual brothers and sisters in our bible study group. May God continue to richly bless you and your families. I also must thank the South Lyon Writer’s Group for their feedback and support. There is nothing like having a great sounding board to a writer and you guys have been great for me. Thanks again to everyone for their support and remember to give God the praise he deserves.

I want to give a special acknowledgement to my late brother-in-law, Chatu Benjamin Poole. We miss you and we love you always. You have stayed in our thoughts while Mya is raising your nephew, Cordaro and Leia and I are raising your niece, Autumn. You will never be forgotten!

PROLOGUE

Well, its finally time. I have to let go of the stories and poems that have helped keep me sane over the last six years and release them for the world to see. The title of the book, If I Only Knew is about listening to your inner child, your inner self. As children, we dream anything is possible as we imagine what our lives will be like when we get older. Our innocence allows us to explore the possibilities outside of our environments. Rather rich or poor growing up, most people always seemed to want more of something else. Maybe it was more money for shoes or clothes or more attention from their mom and dad. As children, there would always be something to drive our imaginations from the places we knew to the places we hoped to know. We as adults do little of that because we now have responsibilities. We can’t allow ourselves the time to imagine what our lives could be like because we have to manage the way our lives are right now. These poems and short stories represent our collective inner child. The one that says anything is possible because we never know what’s waiting for us around the bend. Imagine if you only knew then what you know now as they say? Make no mistake, much of the subject matter has very adult themes but nothing else influences how adults handle life the way childhood experiences do. Some of the stories are from personal experience and some aren’t but I wanted to create characters anyone could quickly identify.

Building on the childhood/adult theme I also selected both poems and shorts that would somewhat tie together. Each poem that precedes every short story gives a mindset as to the emotions, experiences and/or questions that are to be explored in the story following it. I wanted them to resonate on their own and also as a collection. Rather I pulled this off or not will be determined by each individual reader as every person will draw something different from each work based on their own childhood and adult experiences. Before reading the book, ask yourself one question: If I knew what my future would be like as a child, would I listen to that same voice when it came time to make some difficult choices as an adult?

I wanted to base some of the subject matter in the recent past to gain insight on some decisions that the characters had made. Visualize the year 2005. After 9/11 of course but before Hurricane Katrina. Much has taken place since that time but our characters reflect the times they inhabit and we can judge their choices with a little hindsight now. Remember, there is nothing new under the sun!

Each chapter is named after the protagonist of that particular story. I thought it was a simple way to introduce the characters as you take a short but informative view into their lives and the people that inhabit them. It was a pleasure and a challenge to write each word of the book. It was a learning experience to construct every sentence but I look forward to doing this for the rest of my life.

OVER

DAYDREAMIN STREAMS OF CONSCIOUSNESS MY THOUGHTS PROVED OMINOUS AS I THINK OF YOU LEAVING ME

BAD ENOUGH SINGLY MY BODY GREW TINGLY AS THOUGHTS TURNED TO YOU DECEIVIN ME

TRYIN TO HYPOTHESIZE THE LABYRINTH OF LIES YOU HAD GIVEN ME

IF YOU WOULD’VE FLIPPED THAT WORK YOU DEVISED TO SCHEME RUN AND HIDE IT COULD’VE STILL BEEN YOU AND ME

I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP KNOWING THAT LIFE GOES ON

I STARED IN THE MIRROR IN DISBELIEF OH MY GOD SHE’S GONE

THREE YEARS LATER I’VE FOUND CLOSURE BY NATURE

AND MY WOUNDS ARE ALL HEALED

THANK GOD UP ABOVE AND OPEN MY HEART UP TO LOVE IS HOW I NOW FEEL

NEVER BROKE MY VOW MUST LEARN TO RECONCILE

CAUSE HATE FOR YOU I CANNOT HOLD

IT’S IN THE HANDS OF THE FATHER