112 Minutes of Miracle

By Rachel Brown

We often speak about stewardship in the context of parenting, more specififically, in the context of carrying and cherishing a child whose life on earth will more than likely be limited. ThThe Browns have embodied this concept beautifully in their journey with Anna, stewarding her story and stewarding their journey with beauty and authentici

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Dec 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9798890411938

Rachel Brown

Rachel Brown is foremost a wife, a mother, and a Christ follower. After walking a road of loss, she poured much of her heart into a God who loves, gives, and takes away. She's decided to give back in the form of writing, believing that life's purpose is to bring God glory from the smallest details to the larger design (1 Corinthians 10:31).

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112 Minutes of

Miracle

Rachel Brown

112 Minutes of Miracle

Trilogy Christian Publishers A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Trinity Broadcasting Network

2442 Michelle Drive Tustin, CA 92780

Copyright © 2023 by Rachel Brown

Scripture quotations marked BLB are taken from The Holy Bible, Berean Literal Bible, BLB. Copyright ©2016, 2018 by Bible Hub. Used by Permission. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. www.berean.bible. Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.TM Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc. TM Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without written permission from the author. All rights reserved. Printed in the USA.

Rights Department, 2442 Michelle Drive, Tustin, CA 92780.

Trilogy Christian Publishing/TBN and colophon are trademarks of Trinity Broadcasting Network.

Cover design by: Sierra Deyoe with photography from Rachel Brown

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Trilogy Christian Publishing.

Trilogy Disclaimer: The views and content expressed in this book are those of the author and may not necessarily reflect the views and doctrine of Trilogy Christian Publishing or the Trinity Broadcasting Network.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN: 979-8-89041-192-1

E-ISBN: 979-8-89041-193-8

This book is dedicated to my one and only daughter, Anna Roan, and my precious Jesus. I strive to love You and know You more and more.

Acknowledgments

Above all, I want to thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for breaking my chains and setting me free.

Anna, I want to thank you for everything you’ve taught me. I’m a better mom and Christ follower because of you. You’re my precious girl, and I love you.

To my husband, Andrew, the rock of our family. I not only love you dearly but admire your strength, courage, and gentleness. You hold our family together, and I’m so grateful to do life with you.

To my parents for their unending support in my life. To my mom for her sacrificial love and to my dad for being a spiritual example. You both have made my life so much better. Now, as a mother, too, I see how it wasn’t always easy.

To my pastor and friend, Larry Petton, I want to thank you for teaching me so much through your sermons and your kind and gentle example, and also for the support and comfort that you and Rosanne have given me.

To Andrea. You are an amazing friend and stepped into a role that I so desperately needed without hesitation. Your generosity is something I marvel at. You have been a literal God-send in my life.

Ashley, you’ll always be my friend, and I love you dearly. Thank you for sticking by my side all these years.

To my friend Jessy, I want to thank you for being there when I needed you and for being a Godly example.

I want to thank my best friend, Deborah, for being the sweetest and kindest soul to me. Becca, your music and your heart for Jesus are so beautiful. I’m glad to know you and call you a friend. Thank you, you’re such a blessing.

Thank you to Abel Speaks for coming alongside us and providing for us in a much-needed way.

To everyone who came alongside me and helped me in one way or another, thank you; no deed was too small or overlooked.

And last but not least, thank you to all those who held us up in prayer.

Foreword

I have the privilege of serving as the Senior Pastor of Rachel Brown and her husband, Andrew, at Cross Pointe Community Church in Springdale, Arkansas.

I am so thankful that Rachel allowed her story to be told because it is a story of redemption that brings hope to the hurting.

I walked through this story with this godly couple, and I know that what you are reading is true. I was there in the hospital delivery room with them as the baby was born, and I saw a little life pass before me. I saw a mother weep with tears of joy and sadness. I saw a speechless young father hold a lifeless child in his arms for hours as he gave his daughter to Jesus. It was a deep moment in my life and ministry.

I don’t believe in accidents, and I believe that you are reading this book because God has a specific word to say to your heart from the story of Anna. May God richly bless you as you listen to His voice.

I look forward to seeing Anna fully healed on the other side in the presence of the Lord. I have been so touched by Rachel’s utmost desire to bring glory to the Lord in her story when it would have been possible for her to succumb to a spirit of bitterness. I am thankful for her and thankful that you decided to take this journey with her.

Thanking God for you,

Dr. Larry Petton

Introduction

I started writing as a way of processing everything. I’d written my daughter a letter, and it was a way of connecting with her. I started that while she was still alive and kicking in my stomach. Afterward, following her death, the grief was heavy. I needed to express my feelings, and writing enabled me to do that.

So, for me, personally, written words were more healing than talking to someone. It enabled me to process her death, reflect, and embody what she meant to me. My hope and prayer is that this book touches someone else who may be going through something similar or dealing with loss. God has a plan. I’ve learned a lot about deep sorrow and pain but also about faith and trust. My Jesus walked me through it all. I know He can do it for you, too.

Chapter 1

Finding Out

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His Word;

Just to rest upon His promise,

Just to know, Thus saith the Lord!

Louisa Stead, 1882

I begin each day with a cup of coffee and my Bible. It’s my ritual. I then write a short letter to God in my prayer journal. That’s something new I started this year. I enjoy writing and being able to look back on what I wrote. You’d be surprised by how much you can forget. But I often look back at the prayer I wrote the day my life changed forever. Let me tell you about it.

I lay in the ultrasound room, making small talk with the technician as she did the anatomy scan on our baby. Every few seconds, I’d look over at my husband, Andrew, then back to the ultrasound screen. I was eager to find out the gender. In my heart, I felt like I knew it was a girl, but I was excited about the confirmation. I joked with the technician, I don’t care what we have as long as there is only one baby in there. She chuckled and affirmed, Yes, there is only one.

She did her measurements before finally saying, Are you ready to find out? Yes, I answered quickly, I’m ready! It’s a girl, she announced. I looked over at Andrew and reached out for his hand, repeating the words, It’s a girl! My heart filled with joy as I squeezed his hand.

I was thrilled; it was a literal dream come true. I’d always wanted a daughter. I had already picked her name out and everything! Anna was the most beautiful and perfect name to me. It was a name that I’d loved for a long time. I liked how it was rooted in my husband’s name, Andrew, and my middle name, Leann. It complimented us both and was also Biblical. Which, for me, made it even more perfect.

Of course, I would’ve been happy with a boy because I love my twin boys, Liam and Noah. But for some reason, I always imagined myself with a daughter. I’d hoped it was a girl from the moment I saw two pink lines on our home pregnancy test. Therefore, this affirmation filled my heart with excitement and gratitude.

I asked the technician before she left the room, Does everything look good? She replied, The doctor will be in to go over the results. The tone in her voice had me worried. Then, not a minute later, the doctor came in, and I immediately felt something was wrong. In a very calm manner, she said, We’ve got some concerns about the baby.

I couldn’t breathe. I had to sit up. Suddenly, the room felt like it was closing in on me. She spoke again and said, What I have to tell you isn’t going to be easy to hear. I tried to breathe and exhale slowly to calm myself. She continued, There’s something going on with the baby’s heart, and I want to have a closer look.

So, she had me lay back and began to move the ultrasound wand across my stomach. I held back tears, and I looked back and forth from a picture of tiny newborn feet on the wall to the screen that had my baby’s ultrasound image. It seemed like forever that she didn’t say anything at all. She continued her examination, at times clicking buttons on her keypad. I could hardly bear it. I was so scared, not knowing what was wrong. Is this really happening? My mind was reeling. My emotions changed so quickly from joy to fear. Intense fear! I tried hard to fight back tears.

Then, I heard an audible voice inside my head. I will be glorified in this. I knew God was with me. I don’t recall even praying. I just remember being scared.

At last, the doctor, in her heavy foreign accent, began explaining, The baby’s heart is enlarged and has fluid around it. She turned her screen towards me and pointed at Anna’s heart as she held the ultrasound wand on my stomach. There is also a hole at the bottom of the heart. There may also be one at the top. I’m having trouble seeing it, she explained as she pointed at her screen. There’s more, she said. The cerebellum looks underdeveloped. It is part of the brain that controls motor functions. It’s a small part at the back of the brain."

What does all of this mean? I asked. We will need more testing to verify what is going on. We can do some genetic testing with amniocentesis, she offered. What do you recommend? I asked. I’d do the amniocentesis," she replied with a nod. She went on to explain the procedure a little.

We don’t see anything else wrong, though, the doctor added before she left. Oh, just her heart and brain. I sighed, Just the most important parts!

My heart was broken. I left that day with no definitive diagnosis and very little hope. Some of the heaviest news a mother can receive at an ultrasound appointment. Squelching my hopes and dreams in an instant.

Andrew held me up as we left the office. I remember clinging to him all the way to the car. My body felt weak, like it may crumble from the weight of it all. Not only that, but I needed his strength at that moment.

He opened my car door for me, and I sat down. As he walked around to his side, I looked down at my hand that clutched her ultrasound pictures. They got the perfect profile picture of her, and she looked absolutely perfect. I said to him after he got in the car, She’s beautiful; just look at how beautiful she is. How can this be? I cried.

Afterward, we had to go pick up our kids from my mom’s. I felt despair as we drove to her house. I slumped in my seat and stared out the window.

My mom had been waiting to hear from us on the gender. When we reached her door, she opened it and, with a big smile, asked, Well, boy or girl? I buried my face in Andrew’s shoulder. I couldn’t speak. What’s wrong? she exclaimed. There’s something wrong with the baby, Andrew answered as he put his arm around me. Oh, no, my mom gasped. We stepped into the house, and I choked back tears as I said hi to my boys. I felt awful, as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders. It was hard not to completely break down trying to relay some of what they said to us back to my mom.

Later that day, I came home and recalled God’s word to me and wrote in my prayer journal. I’ll share with you what I wrote.

Excerpt from Rachel’s Prayer Journal

May 10th, 2022

I’m not sure what to pray right now. I’m not sure the outcome, but I do know You’re in control. The power of God surpasses all my fears, all my worry, and all my grief. I know You hold me in the palm of Your hand. You are guiding and shining Your light in my life. You truly are an awesome God. I will be glorified in this, I heard You say. Thank You, God.

Looking back, I’m a little surprised at what I wrote. Awesome, God? When I just found out the baby I was carrying may not live?

WORD OF TRUTH

I was one of those kids that believed every Bible story I ever heard. I never struggled with the validity of those stories, even when I got older. I didn’t have to