EFT for Introverts

By Peta Stapleton and Celina Tonkin

Introversion is not a condition from which you need to recover. Many introverts try to become extroverts and in the process lose themselves and lose sight of the powerful positive traits introverts possess. If you are an introvert, you are in good company: the list includes Leonardo da Vinci, Gandhi, Einstein, and Charles Darwin. Self-proclaimed introverts of today include Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, and Barack Obama.
EFT for Introverts, by psychologist Peta Stapleton, PhD, and EFT practitioner Celina Tonkin, offers a quick and easy technique for:
Reducing the discomfort of typical situations that are stressful to an introvert
Overcoming the limiting beliefs you have about being an introvert
Releasing the innate talents and abilities of your introversion
Elevating you to embracing yourself as an introvert.
By using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques, or "tapping"), you harness the power of one of the most potent self-help tools ever developed. This frees you to be more effective in every area of your life, from career to relationships to health to money to well-being.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Energy Psychology Press
• Release date: Sep 18, 2018
• ISBN: 9781604152715

Book preview

1

So You’re an Introvert

There may be a number of reasons why you have been attracted to this book.

You might be an introvert who knows clearly that you are one but doesn’t know exactly what impact introversion has on your life.

You might be confused as to whether you are an introvert or not.

You might identify a great deal with introverts and believe, like many others in the Western world, that being introverted is something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about—something to fix. Maybe you have even tried to become an extrovert.

You might be living with an introverted family member and would like to learn more about what makes that person tick.

You might have, like many of us, picked up the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain (2013) and were fascinated and enlightened by it, but now you don’t know which direction to go to or what to do with the information.

EFT for Introverts provides valuable information and practical solutions to address, clarify, and resolve all of these issues related to introversion. In this book, you will learn exactly what introversion is, how it is different from extroversion, and the benefits of introversion. You will read cases of people with shyness, loneliness, withdrawal, public speaking panic, and more and how tapping helped them with these difficulties. Above all, this book offers you a way to ease these feelings quickly and begin to enjoy the advantages and gifts of being an introvert.

Try Tapping Now: A Quick-Start Guide

Here’s a very simple way to do EFT for the first time that will give you a sense of what it can do. It’s going to take you less than two minutes. I’m going to keep it as simple as possible, and I’m also going to give you a practical tool to measure whether or not EFT is working for you.

I’d like you to think about a memory or something that happened in your past that still bothers you a lot. Pick a memory that’s safe to work on, one that you know from past experience won’t send you into a tailspin. Pick an event that took five minutes or less to occur, and one that you can label with a title. If it were a movie, what would the movie title be? Keep the title simple because you are going to have to repeat it. Some examples would be: The Day Everyone Stared at Me, That Public Moment, or When I Couldn’t Speak.

Rate how bad it still makes you feel now from 0 to 10, with 0 being no distress whatsoever and 10 being emotional agony or the worst you could feel. In EFT, we call this rating your SUD or Subjective Units of Distress score.

Write down your movie title and your SUD score.

Movie title: _____________

SUD score before doing EFT: _____

Use the following illustration to locate the first tapping point on the side of your hand, called the side of the hand (SH) point.

Side of the Hand (SH) Point

Lightly but firmly, tap there with the fingertips of the other hand while saying:

"Even though I experienced [say your movie title here], I deeply and completely accept myself."

You don’t have to believe this statement, since EFT is not dependent on your level of belief. Simply say the words.

Keep tapping, and repeat the statement two more times.

Then tap on all the points in the following illustration with two fingers of either hand 7 to 10 times, on either side of the body, while repeating the title of your movie.

You don’t need to count the number of taps; just say the title of your movie. Tap from top to bottom, beginning with the point by your eyebrow (EB). The points after that are the side of the eye (SE), under the eye (UE), under the nose (UN), chin (Ch), collarbone (CB), and under the arm (UA).

EB, SE, UE, UN, Ch, CB, and UA Points

After tapping on all these points, tune back in to the event or movie. Rerun it in your mind and see how it feels now. Write down your new SUD level.

SUD score after first EFT round: _____

The chances are good that your SUD level is much lower than it was before. It may not be at a 0 yet, however, so let’s apply EFT once more.

While tapping your side of the hand (SH) point, say:

"Even though I still have some distress about [movie title], I deeply and completely accept myself."

Repeat this two more times while tapping that same point. Then repeat your movie title while tapping on each of the other points with two fingertips. Really tune in to the details of your movie while you do this.

When you’re finished, write down your new SUD level.

SUD score after second EFT round: _____

The likelihood is that your SUD is now much lower than before. Perhaps it’s even down to 0. If it’s not entirely gone, no problem, since you’ve just tried the most basic form of EFT. As you tap more and more, you’ll get better and better at applying it.

Let’s turn now to the topic of this book, and perhaps the reason you picked it up. Either you have an interest in learning how to use EFT for aspects of being an introvert or you know someone who is introverted and might want to share this with them. But first, let’s have a look at what we mean when we refer to someone as an introvert.

So What Is Introversion?

An introvert is usually thought of as a shy, reticent person. A new movement has arisen in the world, however, promoting introversion for what it is: a normal personality trait, just different from extroversion.

Introversion is not a condition from which you need to recover. In fact, our aim is to enable you to embrace yourself as an introvert. Many introverts have been trying to become extroverts and, in the process, have lost themselves completely and lost sight of the powerful positive traits introverts possess.

According to numerous studies, introverts have a highly reactive nervous system that makes them acutely sensitive to their environment. Hence, they need to withdraw to recharge their batteries. They might appear to others as shy, aloof, or not liking other people, when in fact they just have a physiological need to be alone for a while.

Psychology Today (Whitbourne, 2014) outlines nine signs that you might be an introvert. Here is a summary:

You enjoy time to yourself.

You think best when you are alone.

Your best leadership occurs when those you are leading are self-starters.

When questions are asked in a group situation, you are the last to raise your hand.

Other people seek your opinion.

When in public, you often wear headphones.

You try to avoid engaging with people who seem angry or upset.

Unless otherwise required, you get more phone calls, texts, and emails than you make.

You do not initiate small talk in casual situations, such as with salespeople in a store.

There may be more signs than this, but it is a good starting point. The main thing is that none of these signs mean anything negative. They are just characteristics that might describe your preferred way of being. It doesn’t make you wrong, nor do you need to change.

Introverts can find themselves feeling overwhelmed, however, and in need of ways to manage their emotions. That management is what this book is designed to offer.

What Is Extroversion?

You may be surprised to learn that the differences between introverts and extroverts are mainly neurobiological. Our preferences are shaped by the way our brains respond to the world.

The terms introvert and extrovert originated with Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology. He first described introverts as needing to withdraw from people to recharge their batteries and extroverts as the opposite, needing to be with people to feel more energized.

Extroverts have a nervous system that needs stimulation and they will go out and look for this from people around them. Extroverts appear to have a high degree of activity in the reward system in the brain, with higher levels of dopamine (the feel good neurotransmitter) available for release. They really enjoy the feeling of being rewarded and they commonly seek money and status. By contrast, introverts are relatively immune to the lures of wealth and fame.

Tools to Understand and Embrace Introversion

This book presents an easy-to-apply relaxation tool called Emotional Freedom Techniques (or EFT). It is often called tapping as this describes the technique (tapping with two fingers on certain acupressure points on the body while focusing on something you want to change).

EFT can enable you to deal with any issues you have about being an introvert. (The next chapter details exactly what EFT is and gives you further information on how to use it.) We believe EFT is the perfect tool to enable introverts to get out of hiding and self-criticism and show up in the world fully self-expressed, all the while feeling safe and calm.

Research suggests that introverts have a highly excitable amygdala, which is the part of the brain that signals a stress response (Rizzo-Sierra, Leon-S, & Leon-Sarmiento, 2012). The amygdala instructs your body to release the stress hormone cortisol, which can cloud your thinking and result in your mind becoming blank. Too much cortisol on an ongoing basis, as occurs in chronic stress, can actually lower your immunity (which will affect your health). The good news is that clinical trials have shown that EFT can significantly decrease cortisol levels.

A landmark study published in the prestigious Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, the oldest peer-reviewed psychology journal in the United States, found that EFT lowered the major stress hormone cortisol significantly more than traditional talk therapy or resting. The results showed that cortisol levels in the rest and therapy groups declined by an average of 14%, while the EFT group declined 24% (Church, Yount, & Brooks, 2012). Thus EFT can be a remarkable tool for dealing with stress.

In addition to its abilty to alleviate stress, EFT can help you accept aspects of being an introvert that you may have formally rejected, freeing you to use your talents fully and achieve your highest potential. Consider that, as an introvert, you are in good company. Some of the most admired people throughout history have been introverts. These include Leonardo Da Vinci, Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, and more, and all have given humanity its most treasured and loved art and scientific findings. Some notable present-day self-proclaimed introverts are Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, and Barack Obama, as well as many other leaders in politics, finance, and technology.

Peta’s Story

I am a self-proclaimed introvert, although because I am a lecturer and presenter in my career, many people find this hard to believe. However, these skills are just that—skills I have learned. If I give a four-day workshop or training, at the end of every night and certainly at the end of the event, I love nothing more than to sit in silence, be alone, and maybe catch up on sleep.

As a child, I was described as shy and aloof. It wasn’t social anxiety or generalized anxiety disorder, and it wasn’t due to a lack of interpersonal skills. In fact, even as a young child, I could get up on stage, act in plays, and give speeches, and I was very witty and humorous in my delivery. That shocked a few people.

As a child, though the eldest of four children, I enjoyed my own company and read a lot of books (still do). While hindsight suggests I may have struggled with some anxiety and overthinking as a teenager, when I embarked on a career in psychology, it was the first time I realized you can control and change your own thoughts, and then of course your feelings.

When I was in my 20s, a colleague introduced me to EFT and, though EFT was outside the box at the time, I was open to any therapeutic technique that worked. My clients tended to be sufferers with eating disorders (my speciality) and EFT rapidly became the go-to technique to help calm their nervous systems around food and body image issues. Of course, working with clients using EFT meant I was doing a whole lot of tapping myself.

I then started researching the technique in clinical trials (mainly in weight issues) and have now become a world leader as a researcher and trainer. When you think of it, research and running clinical trials and writing papers are introverted activities.

I still like to work in dead silence when writing or creating.

Celina’s Story

I have a confession to make. Up until March 2017, I was determined to become more outgoing. I was frustrated by my reluctance to talk to people about my business. I saw myself as too private, not being able to promote the business effectively. I was frustrated because that meant my business could not reach its full potential. I was receiving fantastic feedback from my clients; they loved the results they were achieving, which were a direct result of our sessions. I was not feeling fulfilled as a businesswoman, however.

I did not like this private side of my character. I felt it was holding me back. Though I didn’t see it at the time, I was disowning my introversion.

I didn’t understand that introversion is primarily a physiological phenomenon. I was actually fighting and resenting my physiology. Rather than respecting it, I was trying to operate on top of it. Needless to say, this lack of acceptance often left me feeling disempowered, tired, and frustrated; and I still was not like my extrovert friends who would speak freely of their business to everyone. They could not understand why I was reluctant to back myself because they knew I was an effective EFT practitioner.

It’s not that I wanted to be an extrovert; I just wanted to behave more like one. Not realizing my thoughts at the time, I simply assumed I had a legitimate desire to be an empowered businesswoman.

I was at the end of my tether. The more I tried to change, the more embedded I became in my mindset. Finally, I gave myself an ultimatum: either be more forward with my business or give up my business.

I picked up the book Quiet by Susan Cain and was amused by her description of introverts. I definitely recognized myself in these descriptions. At that stage, however, I still unconsciously viewed introversion as a weakness and was determined to rectify it.

But then, like so many times in my life, serendipity stepped in.

In traveling through Europe, I ended up at Freud’s apartment in Vienna. I was mesmerized. I read about his collaboration with Jung and Jung’s personalities types. As soon as I set foot back in Australia, I picked up the book Quiet again. Susan Cain states in the book that the brain chemistry of introverts is different from that of extroverts.

The penny dropped. I AM AN INTROVERT. I looked around me. Many people—my clients, fellow EFT practitioners, and others in business—were dealing with the same issues I was. Introverts existed, disempowered and frustrated at not being able to contribute fully to the world the amazing skills they possessed, disowning their introversion and trying to turn themselves into extroverts. The prevailing culture applauds these efforts because, as Susan Cain says, in the Western world, introverts are treated like second-class citizens.

In one of my conversations with Peta, I said, This is it, I am a true blue introvert, and the answer for me is not to fight introversion or try to become an extrovert but to embrace the introversion fully and completely and fully own all the weaknesses and strengths of it.

With EFT as a tool at my fingertips, I was now ready to do my first workshop for introverts, How to Be a Successful Introvert.

Peta then suggested that we write a book, and the rest is history.

Overview of This Book

As mentioned, the next chapter will teach you the EFT technique, and present more information about where it originated and the research that is now available about its effectiveness.

Chapter 3 will teach you how to use EFT for stress. The stress hormone cortisol responds very quickly to EFT and thus we are going to start with this topic. The chapter will talk about typical situations that may cause an introvert to feel stressed (e.g., speaking in public, social situations) and give you many case studies to read about how to use EFT for this.

Chapter 4 details how to use EFT for other people’s opinions (affectionately known as OPOs). OPOs include the idea that you are cold and aloof, shy or inept. They might also include the notion that you need too much structure or are highly sensitive. All of these topics are covered here and practical tips of how to use EFT for OPOs is included.

Chapter 5 is all about using EFT for success—mainly, clearing any internal blocks you have to achieving it. Blocks might include that it is safer to stay hidden, your focus keeps changing, or you need to find courage and vision. Here, too, you can learn how to use EFT to overcome past failures and find your own voice in a noisy world.

Chapter 6 explores the use of EFT for dealing with people every day, on a practical level. This includes how to make eye contact, how to talk on the telephone, and how to handle interactions with extroverts. This chapter also covers emotions such as guilt and the common problem of over-responsibility. Again, there are case studies illustrating how other people have used EFT to address these issues.

Chapter 7 explains how to use EFT for positive things. While we traditionally use a technique like tapping to reduce a negative feeling or level of distress, it can be used to install positive feelings. This chapter will show you how to do that to make the positivity last.

Chapter 8 delves into the world of sleeping better and raising your energy levels. EFT is an excellent tool to calm the body for sleep and even help you fall back asleep if you wake during the night. EFT can also increase your energy, as it releases the energy you’ve been using up on stress and stored negative emotions.

Chapter 9 will show you other ways to do EFT, especially if you need to be discreet. You may want to do EFT when you are in a public or social setting, and there are ways to do this without drawing attention to yourself. We will talk about less noticeable acupoints you can tap on and other discreet ways to complete your tapping.

Chapter 10 details what to do if you feel like EFT isn’t working, for example, if the rating out of 10 stays high or you feel worse after tapping. We will discuss how to get to core issues, points to consider, and when to seek expert help, as well as a list of commonly asked questions.

EFT for Introverts wraps up with what you can do next, now that you have learned how EFT can help you. There is an extensive list of resources and further reading, as well as practical tips for learning more about EFT. We truly hope you enjoy reading this book as much as