Living Love: Avatar, #13

By T L Harris

Each of us embarks on a journey from the moment of our birth, spending nearly a quarter of a century growing, learning, and experiencing life. Just as a garden cultivates an assortment of flowers, our familial relationships nurture a variety of emotions and issues - not all of them fragrant. Our eyes wander to the skies as we daydream about our future; we invest decades understanding who we aim to be. From our first dwelling to our dream house, the search can span months or even years. Creating a legacy or achieving financial freedom takes equally as long, if not more. Yet what about the crucial relationships that shape us professionally and personally?

 

Are you primed for these significant encounters? Have you prepared yourself for the intricate dance of partnership? The adage holds true - it takes two to tango. Are you conversant with the steps? Do you know the qualities that a suitable partner or significant other must possess to match your rhythm?

 

While this book is a brief read, its insights can be life-long companions. Much like financial planning - easy to grasp in theory but a lifetime's work to master - my book provides an essential framework for identifying and nurturing the relationships that define you, and preparing you to meet them with open arms.

 

It offers guidance for your personal journey and for those accompanying you - particularly that special someone who could change your life. The aim is simple: to enable you to transform your current relationships into the profound, life-altering connections you've always envisioned. Grab hold of the tools you need to create the relationships you desire and make your childhood dreams a reality. 

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: T L Harris
• Release date: Nov 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223973140

Book preview

Table of Contents

I. Introduction Page 7

Relationships Defined Page10

Relevance of Relationship Page 12

Major Life Tool Page 15

For Exusting Page 18

Looking For Page 19

Purpose of the book Page 21

II. Getting to You Page 22

Identifying personal values and boundaries Page 27

Value, You are worth millions Page 30

Your Careful Voice... Or not.  And the TOOL Page 36

Valuable discussion Page 37

Compared Values Table Page 40

III. Can it Be Fixed Page 41

A Bridge too Far Page 43

OOOPS and Oh No Page 45

Repairing the train after the wreck Page 47

No One Gets It Perfect Page 48

Tool to Define Page 51

Ancestry and other forms of chaos Page 55

Communication skills for relationships Page 58

What is a defining personal relationship? Page 61

Waking up to you! Page 67

A cautionary tale. Page 74

Absolute Attraction Page 79

Resolving conflicts constructively... Or can’t we all get along

Page 94

IV. Building and Maintaining Trust Page 98

Trust Score Table Page 99

Dealing with trust issues page 102

HOW !?!? Page 108

V. Intimacy and Physical Touch Page 109

Physical touch in relationships Page 117

Finding, Maintaining  Physicality in relationships Page 119

Maintaining a healthy sexual relationship Page 132

VI. Managing Expectations and Boundaries Page Page 137

Setting realistic expectations Page 142

You are stepping on My side of the room Page 147

VII. Negotiating Changes and Expectations Page 153

A Dose of Real page 155

Common challenges in relationships 162

The importance of regularly checking with each other 178

Keeping the spark alive page 180

VIII.  Rock Solid Relationship Page183

Setting the tone Page186

IX.  More thoughts on relationships Page 193

When to seek professional help Page 194

Protecting Dreams, Love, and Success: Page 196

What if the Magic was real? Page 199

The value of investing in relationships Page 205

key takeaways from this book 206

Too Close... or To Close page 212

The Empowerment Process Page 216

In My Experience Page 225

Help where you can find it  Page 226

Positive aspects of Informal Support  Page 228

The invitation  Page 229

General discussion on source material  Page 231

Introduction

Everyone existing on earth has the 12 areas of human existence. They have the drives that correlate to each of those areas. But, does that make a life that is worth living? Your relationships with others are the sweetness and sometimes, pain that makes an existence worth living.

For many individuals, relationships with others are indeed an essential part of their lives, bringing both joy and challenges. Relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners can provide a sense of connection, support, and belonging. However, there are many other factors that can contribute to a meaningful life, such as personal growth, achieving goals, experiencing new things, helping others, contributing to society, and finding a sense of purpose.

Very few events can be a stand alone happening. We need others to make those moments stand out. From birth to death, we have people involved in our existence and those people are who we have relationships with. Relationships have ingredients or elements.Like a great discovery or meal,this means the blending of those elements. So this book is created to introduce you to the recipe of finding relationships that define you, and help create a life that you love to live.

It is understood that relationships are an integral part of human existence and can have a significant impact on our well-being and overall satisfaction with life. While some events may stand out on their own, the connections we make with others can often enhance and enrich those experiences. Relationships do indeed have elements that can contribute to their success and fulfillment. Some of these elements include trust, communication, empathy, shared values and interests, mutual respect, and a willingness to work through challenges and conflicts. When these ingredients are present in our relationships, they can help create a sense of connection, support, and fulfillment.

However, it's also important to recognize that relationships can be complex and nuanced, and there is no one-size-fits-all recipe for finding meaningful connections. Each person's journey in building relationships is unique, and it may involve trying different approaches and learning from both successes and challenges. Ultimately, the recipe for finding relationships that define and fulfill us is a personal one, and it may involve a combination of self-reflection, vulnerability, openness, and a willingness to engage with others in meaningful ways. By nurturing and investing in these connections, we can create a life that we love to live and cultivate a sense of purpose and meaning.

Try to  imagine having 12 areas of your life that fulfill every emotional and mental need because of the relationships we have with other people in our lives. The 12 areas of human existence can play a significant role in fulfilling our emotional and mental needs, as they cover various aspects of human life, such as physical health, emotional well-being, social connections, intellectual growth, and spiritual development. However, as social creatures, we also rely on the relationships we have with other people in our lives to meet many of these needs.

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Through our relationships with family, friends, romantic partners, fellow students, co-workers and other social connections, we can experience a sense of belonging, support, and love that can contribute to our emotional and mental well-being. Our relationships can provide us with a safe space to express our emotions, share our experiences, and receive feedback and guidance. They can also challenge us to grow, learn, and develop in new ways, which can contribute to our overall sense of fulfillment and satisfaction with life.

The question is– how? Some of us luck into the right family life or are born with a high ability to connect... Can this Relationship magic be learned?  Can you learn to craft relationships in which you give, get and share a mutual life that is worth loving to be in?

The ability to form and maintain healthy and fulfilling relationships is a complex skill that involves various factors, including personality traits, upbringing, life experiences, and social environment. While some people may seem to have a natural talent for building relationships, the good news is that relationship skills can be developed and improved over time. One important aspect of building strong relationships is self-awareness. This involves understanding your own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, as well as how they may impact your interactions with others. By becoming more aware of your own strengths and weaknesses, you can identify areas where you may need to improve and develop strategies to enhance your social skills.

Another key aspect of building strong relationships is effective communication. This involves expressing yourself clearly and respectfully, while also being open to hearing and understanding the thoughts and feelings of others. Effective communication also involves active listening, asking questions, and clarifying information to ensure that you and the other person are on the same page.

Everyone wants a good relationship. That should be really easy to understand.  You can learn this kind of empathy. Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others, which can help you build deeper connections and show that you care about their well-being. You can practice empathy by putting yourself in another person's shoes and trying to understand their perspective and experiences.

Ultimately, building strong relationships takes effort, patience, and a willingness to be vulnerable and authentic. By investing in your own personal growth and developing strong social skills, you can create and maintain relationships that are fulfilling, supportive, and worth loving to be in.

This book certainly will help you by showing you how to build and nurture healthy fulfilling relationships. Communication is a skill that can be learned and developed over time. While some people may have a natural ability to connect with others, it's important to remember that social skills are not fixed, and with practice and effort, they can be improved.

Relationships are an integral part of human existence, and building healthy and fulfilling connections with others can contribute to our emotional and mental well-being, as well as our overall satisfaction with life.  Building healthy and fulfilling relationships is a skill that can be learned and developed over time. It involves various factors including, self-awareness, effective communication, empathy, and social skills. While some people may have a natural talent for building relationships, everyone can improve their social skills and enhance their ability to connect with others. By investing in personal growth, practicing effective communication and empathy, and engaging in social elements and activities in all 12 areas of your life, you can build strong and meaningful relationships that contribute to a life that is fulfilling, enjoyable, and worth loving to be in.

Relationships Defined

A relationship is an emotional connection between two or more individuals that involves mutual affection, trust, support, and communication. Relationships can take many forms, such as romantic partnerships, familial bonds, friendships, and professional connections. The nature of a relationship is shaped by the individuals involved, their shared experiences, and their expectations and boundaries. A healthy relationship is one in which both parties feel heard, respected, and fulfilled, and in which they are able to communicate openly and effectively with one another.

The definition I provided was based on the idea of a healthy, positive relationship. It's true that not all relationships are healthy, and some may be characterized by negativity, conflict, or abuse. However, the goal of many relationship books and resources is to help people build and maintain positive, fulfilling connections with others. That's why I framed the definition in terms of mutual affection, trust, support, and communication, which are all hallmarks of healthy relationships.

Not all relationships, at work or in person, are perfect and almost all relationships require some introspection on each person's part in order to Perfect it. Relationships, whether at work or in personal life, are complex and dynamic, and they often involve a lot of give-and-take from both parties. No relationship is perfect, and even the healthiest relationships can experience challenges and difficulties. That's why it's important for individuals to regularly reflect on their own behavior and communication style, and to work together to address any issues that arise. By being proactive and introspective, individuals can strive to continually improve their relationships and build stronger connections with others.

My advice implies wisdom of self is the key component to having or creating the best relationships. Self-awareness and emotional intelligence play a critical role in building and maintaining healthy relationships. By understanding our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we are better equipped to communicate effectively with others, set clear expectations and boundaries, and navigate conflicts in a constructive way. When we are able to regulate our own emotions and respond to others in a calm and empathetic manner, we build trust and create a foundation of mutual respect that can strengthen our relationships.

In this sense, the wisdom of self is an important component in creating and maintaining the best relationships. By taking the time to reflect on our own behavior and motivations, we can work to continuously improve and deepen our connections with others.

There are several steps that individuals can follow to analyze and improve their relationships:

1. Reflect on your own behavior: Take some time to think about how you interact with others, including your communication style and any patterns or habits that may be impacting your relationships negatively.

2. Communicate openly and honestly: Encourage open and honest communication with the other person. Share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns in a respectful and non-judgmental way. Listen actively to their perspective and try to understand their point of view.

3. Set clear expectations and boundaries: Make sure that both parties have a clear understanding of what is expected in the relationship. This may include discussing expectations around communication, intimacy, and other important topics.

4. Practice active listening: Make a conscious effort to listen to the other person and to show empathy and understanding. Avoid interrupting or being defensive, and instead, focus on hearing their perspective.

5. Address conflicts constructively: When conflicts arise, work together to find a solution that is acceptable to both parties. Avoid blaming or attacking the other person, and instead, focus on finding common ground and working towards a resolution.

6. Prioritize intimacy and connection: Nurture the emotional and physical connection in your relationship. This may involve spending quality time together, sharing experiences, and being affectionate and intimate.

7. Continuously evaluate and adjust: Regularly check in with each other to assess the health of the relationship and to identify any areas that may need improvement. Be willing to make adjustments and to work together to maintain a strong and healthy connection.

Remember that relationships are complex and dynamic, and that it takes time and effort to build and maintain healthy connections with others. By following these steps and being proactive and introspective, individuals can strive to continually improve their relationships.

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Relevance of relationship

The 12 areas of human experience are Emotional, Mental, Spiritual, Physical, Family, Intimacy, Social, Occupation, Education, Financial, Gifts and Calling. These areas wholly or partially involve interactions with others.  So, how important is the subject of relationships?The subject of relationships is extremely important, as relationships play a significant role in many of the 12 areas of human experience listed. Relationships can impact our emotional well-being, mental health, spiritual growth, physical health, family dynamics, every area of intimacy, social connections, occupational interactions, educational growth and application, financial stability, gifts we offer and living your calling.

In almost all of the 12 areas, our interactions with others have a direct impact on our happiness, satisfaction, and overall quality of life. For example, strong relationships with family and friends can provide emotional support and help us to feel connected and valued. Intimate relationships can bring a sense of physical and emotional closeness, while social relationships can help us feel connected to our communities and provide opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment. In our careers, positive relationships with coworkers and superiors can help us to feel valued and motivated, while financial relationships with partners and lenders can affect our financial stability and future prospects.

In short, relationships are a central and integral part of our lives, and they can have a profound impact on our overall well-being and happiness. That's why it's so important to invest time and energy into building and maintaining healthy relationships with others.

There is someone for everyone! This statement is a common belief and is often used to offer hope and encouragement to individuals who are looking for a romantic partner or seeking to improve their existing relationships. The idea behind this statement is that there is someone out there who is compatible with us and who will be a good match for us in a romantic or intimate relationship. There may be some individuals who, due to a variety of circumstances or choices, are not able to find a romantic partner who meets their needs and expectations. In such cases, it's important for individuals to focus on building healthy relationships in other areas of their lives, such as with family, friends, and in their community, while still looking for their someone.

It's important to remember, however, that finding a compatible partner takes time and effort, and that the journey may not always be easy. Some people may face challenges in finding a relationship, such as a lack of social opportunities, personal insecurities, or past experiences that have impacted their ability to trust others. Others may find it necessary to make the choice to not have a long term relationship. However, by focusing on self-improvement and maintaining a positive attitude, individuals can increase their chances of finding a fulfilling relationship. With a global population of 7 billion people, it's unlikely that there isn't someone out there who is a good match for you. However, finding a compatible partner requires effort and introspection. By focusing on personal growth and self-improvement, individuals can increase their chances of finding a fulfilling relationship.

It's important to remember that the journey to finding a fulfilling relationship is a personal one, and that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. However, by focusing on self-improvement and working to understand your own needs, values, and communication style, you can increase your chances of finding happiness and fulfillment in your relationships.

Taking a piece of paper and folding it into 12 sections, can be a useful tool for self-reflection and goal-setting. This can be a way to identify areas of your life that you would like to improve, and to set realistic and achievable goals for personal growth. By regularly evaluating your progress and making adjustments as needed, you can continually work towards becoming the best version of yourself and increasing your chances of finding a compatible partner. The mine you have to dig in is you and here is your first tool.

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Major life tool

Fold a piece of paper into thirds and then fold that column of paper into half, then into half again that should create 12 sections once you reopen the folded sheet. Then write the 12 areas, one into each box as shown. You may want to make a couple of copies of this.  It is not difficult to remake, but it may be convenient to have.

Concerning your future relationships; Whether this is for business or to find your lifelong LOVE Partner, write a number from one to ten (1-10) next to each one of the area words to indicate how important this area is to you.  If you went through and wrote ten on each box, that would be impractical because no one can be a 120% person. If this brings up issues, you need to process those areas so you can get your sanity back. So, go back and make sure that the total number of used points, in all the area squares, doesn’t equal more than 100 because all anyone can be is 100% of themselves.

For example, Intimacy may be very important in a personal relationship but not in a business one. Physical strength and health may not be as important as emotional health to some people.. You will have to adjust these as needed.

Next, on this sheet or another one, put in your numbers from one to ten where you think you are.  Apply the same rules.

Sometimes our expectations of a future relationship are more than we can live up to... Our expectations for relationships can sometimes be shaped by media, friends, family, and past experiences, and these expectations can sometimes be unrealistic or overly idealistic. When our expectations are too high, we may be setting ourselves up for disappointment and frustration.  ...There was a man I was working with that was constantly pursuing romantic interests that were ⅓ or ½ his age.