Running From Nothing: The Soldier Mentality

By O'Jay Bostic

A young child that grew up in a dysfunctional household reflects on his life which began with a huge life crisis at four years old. His environment was filled with so many negative aspects that never sat well with him, but he had to push through a bad start to life. As the first child for two teen parents, there were many things that should have happened that didn't, but the right people were always around to assist this young man along his journey. He always knew that he would be someone in life even though he came coming from nothing and never backed down from that challenge.

He viewed his childhood as a prison sentence that had a release date on the same day that he would graduate high school. Dealing with so many hectic situations was a challenge, but he never allowed the elements to detour him from the vision that he maintained. He dealt with the conditions to earn his diploma knowing everything from that point on would fall solely on him. As a product of a single-parent household that was never the best relationship, he adapted to the conditions by leaning heavily on himself knowing he desired to operate completely differently from most of the people that he had to deal with regularly. The chaos that he saw earlier in life was always motivation to become a better person. He took a chance with seeing what the US Army had to offer and gained life changing exposures. The structure and formalities were much easier to deal with compared to the pandemonium that he was forced to deal with at one point.

While having lunch one day, he ran into a very interesting child that he would watch grow up. The child is dealing with a hectic environment as well which is the perfect opportunity for him to intervene since he didn't have a male figure that could. He didn't have anyone in his corner, but he could use those experience to change the conditions for someone else. He made sure to share the valuable life experiences that came from several failures which are the best teachers that a person can have. Honestly, there are no failures or losses in life but rather life lessons. As the young man grew, he never changed his perspective which caused a strain on their relationship.

The two parties would mutually agree to terminate their relationship permanently after creating countless memories together. Running From Nothing is a story about facing life issues because they don't go away until you solve them. You can run from them, but they will remain in the same place until they are resolved. You can fix any issue that you truly want to overcome when you push pass your fears and concerns. Once you fully grasp this mentality, it'll transform you into a new person. Change will only come when a person gets tired of their conditions and puts in an honest effort to influence the changes that they desire. You must come out of the darkness to shine just like the front cover illustration shows.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887311739

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

About the Author

cover.jpg

Running From Nothing

The Soldier Mentality

O'Jay Bostic

Copyright © 2023 O’Jay Bostic

All rights reserved

First Edition

Fulton Books

Meadville, PA

Published by Fulton Books 2023

ISBN 979-8-88731-172-2 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88731-173-9 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

This page could really be a book in itself, but I'll keep it short and sweet. I wouldn't be able to share the life tips that I've gained throughout this book if I never came across Mrs. Vanessa Ann Ross Adams aka Miss Van. I remember watching the television show Touched by an Angel as a young kid, but I never thought that I'd be able to be touched by one in real life. Growing up in a hectic household as the only male, I kept to myself a lot and learned how to suppress so much at an early age, which was simply what I needed to do to get by. From the moment that I met Miss Van, it was like a light miraculously began to shine and I was attracted like a magnet. She would always refer to me as her son but it wasn't a hostile environment like the one that I was raised in. When I was able to go to Miss Van's house daily, it was like being on the most peaceful vacation while knowing I had to return to my normal setting eventually.

Dealing with many things that transpired over a decade before we even met was draining but I always felt at ease in her presence. I found myself randomly crashing when I discovered my first place of peace. Falling asleep under her coffee table or any random place meant a lot to me even though it went against her house rules, but I know that she knew it was what I needed. I began to look at life differently. She spoke so highly of all her kids to the point that even being a fraction of what she thought would be a life changing experience. I felt the inclusion which motivated me to try something different. I never wanted to be a disappointment which would have been extremely hard because she always thought so highly of me. I still have a high mark to pursue but I was given the blueprint for success as a teen.

It was a sad day when she could no longer keep fighting a few days after my first daughter's birthday, but she fought like a champ. Great people will always have an eternal affect on this world and she was a great woman. Miss Van, being who she was, made me realize how far a person can go with just someone believing in them, so I am left with the challenge to put my own spin on the way she interacted with others.

This picture below is fitting because she always had my back and showed me the influence a genuine person can have on another person. I know that no matter what, she was always proud of me. I've came far in life, but I don't feel like it has been enough, so I intend to go harder with my goals to ensure she's always felt. Even if her name fades, the love she possessed will not. I was touched by Miss Van, an angel, and even though it was tough seeing her in a casket, she was long overdue for her wings! She isn't my birth mom, but I couldn't have asked for anyone better to call my beautiful mother. You are loved and missed here but we will never forget you. Fly high, my forever angel!

Aye, yo! I'm slipping. I'm falling. I can't get up. Aye, yo! I'm slipping. I'm falling. I can't get up. Aye, yo! I'm slipping. I'm falling. I gots to get up. Get me back on my feet, so I can tear stuff up.

Those lyrics are from the hook to slipping a multiplatinum hit by DMX, whom I have rated as one of my all-time favorite artists. He was an extremely talented man that makes my Mount Rushmore of hip-hop artists and one of the few people that I felt shared similar levels of rage and aggression that I possessed for a large portion of my life. It was very intriguing to see someone who had such a rough life be able to transform those hard times into great music, which attracted many people like myself living in chaos as well as the casual music lovers. This song pretty much paraphrases my life until a certain point, but I began learning how to take full control of life. This powerful move made me realize that I am a champion with no options besides to always get up regardless of the beatings that I may endure in life. Different experiences showed me how life is very similar to boxing, and I refuse to be a loser. One of the biggest attributes to living a successful life is how you view life. Whatever way you view your life will be how you live it. Your actions are simply a reflection of the thoughts you carry presented in a physical form which can change at any given time when change is truly desired.

As I was listening to this hit song, I realized that I was running slightly late, so I began to weave in and out of traffic, trying to make up a few minutes. I was cruising on Interstate-20 Westbound, heading to Atlanta, Georgia, in Big Bertha, which is my 2010 Silver Chevy Impala. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an older lady flick me the bird, which made me laugh as I think about the number of times she's probably done that gesture throughout her life. I planned a nice couple's outing that was set to begin at 5:30 p.m. It was 5:07 p.m. as I passed Panola Road. If you've ever visited Atlanta, then you know how bad traffic can get at a moment's notice, so I was hesitant if I was going to arrive on time. It's pretty bad when you are late for an event that you planned, and that wasn't how I wanted the evening to begin.

It's funny thinking about my effort to show up in a timely manner because at one time, I didn't have a true value and understanding of women due to a lack of exposure to the many great ones that I've met later in life. I have discovered a true appreciation of these unique beings that I now consider as priceless. Many times, when you don't see things, it can be extremely hard to imagine how different things can be outside of the limitations of your current environment, especially when dealing with a bunch of complex issues that began as my first memories of life. The age of a person doesn't make them an adult but rather their characteristics, accountability, values, and ethics. Adults play a huge part in a child's life, but many people like myself have teen parents which can be a struggle.

My personal journey began when a fifteen-year-old mother welcomed her first and only boy to the world. Unexpected pregnancies happen frequently, but there is no restart button to fix what happened, so you either abort the mistake or try to figure it out. In life, there are only two choices—to overcome the obstacles presented in front of you or let them destroy you. We are all some type of statistic, but we should all strive not to be a negative one. When you don't really have much growing up in a poverty-filled community, most people lean heavily on love and family to make things feel better. Life is unique and specific to each person so it's wise to understand how a person was raised to fully understand them. Some people were raised in loving settings while the rest of us were raised to survive by any means necessary. As a child, you have no input on the circumstances that are forced upon you, even though those experiences will become the foundation that you will carry into adulthood. It is not impossible for a person that came up under bad parents to be a great parent but doing this as a teen comes with additional challenges. Parenting is a task that doesn't come with a manual so it may take some people longer to master it, and every story isn't a successful one. A child that has a child will have to receive lots of assistance from the other parent, their parents or some other type of support system. If there is any type of issues throughout this process, it will eventually get exposed.

If there was some type of grading system to assess parents, I would have been raised under two generations of adults that would not have scored very highly, but like many others, I was able to pave my own path in life to be the exact opposite of nearly everything I was ever exposed to. Through life lessons, I've come to realize that the right woman by your side will amplify everything that you have going on, and you'll have your own cheerleader just like in high school but more on a personable level. I feel like it's imperative to not get too comfortable when you are engaged in any type of relationship, especially when dealing with someone romantically. Complacency will always cause issues in any aspect of life but can severely strain or lead to the termination of a romantic relationship because no one is mandated to deal with any person that they don't feel good about dealing with regardless of any titles a person may hold. There are countless people that would love to be in your shoes when you're dating or married to someone. When you put in the right efforts, it's nearly impossible to lose your position unless the other person truly wants something else, but you can only control your actions. Something that you take for granted can be a dream come true for someone else, and there are only so many people and resources that we ultimately share across humanity. The saying One person's trash is another person's treasure is verified almost daily, so you must cherish what you have because the grass isn't always greener. A game changer in life is to not stress the actions of other people or the things that you cannot control. Once you truly learn how to master this skill that's when a person becomes a deadly force. If a person is in a bad mood many times, we allow that negativity to bother us when, honestly, their situation has nothing to do with us. So often, we end up adopting their negative energy, which ruins our moods when the situation had nothing to do with us from the start. Some people will apologize for being in that bad space while others won't, but regardless, we all know that people deal with things differently. It is best to give that individual the space needed to deal with their situation unless your assistance is requested. It is not wise to add items to your plate that you will never eat. Staying in your own lane eliminates unnecessary life issues. Life is so complex that we must all choose our battles wisely. Each person is responsible for their life and their choices. I am not saying don't support someone because we all need it at times, but you must set adequate boundaries to remain in control. This is an individual power that many people give away, but it can be easily taken back when a person truly wants to take it back. The efforts that you put in will normally be matched with what you get back. The kicker to this is that sometimes it may not come as fast as you want it to, and many people are extremely impatient.

It is wise to look at life as a car that runs off fuel, and you want to use every drop possible because you never know what that additional effort could lead to. If you don't use this method to maximize your fullest potential, then you set yourself up to dwell on the things you could have done better later down the road. Your brain may create various scenarios that you'll never be able to validate since you didn't put in the effort. If I practice becoming a better swimmer, could I ever beat Michael Phelps? Absolutely not. But if I can beat someone else due to the hard work that I put in, then that's a huge personal achievement. If you do the best you can do, that's all you can do. You will always look back and know you did everything that you could have possibly done with no regrets. There is no need to possess hate or envy toward Michael Phelps because of his great abilities when you have skills that he doesn't. Sadly, many people don't dig deep enough to capitalize off their natural abilities, and others don't put in enough work to maximize theirs. What's meant for you will always come when the time is right. Many of us want to have full control of life, and it doesn't work out like that. You can only control the things that you have the ability to control.

No human owes anything to anyone but themselves, which should include your offspring as a continuation of yourself. Many people have their own ways of looking at life, so many may not view their children as a continuation, which is selfish in my view, but we all think differently. Some people in life will be extremely selfish, but there's always a story behind every individual characteristic that a person maintains. It is a good practice to properly analyze the people that you allow to get close to you as they are a representation of you while appreciating the great people that love and accept you for being you without wanting anything in return. In many cases, a person will not truly have a love for you but love the things that you do for them. I think we all want to somewhat be accepted, but honestly, that's a childish mindset because everyone is responsible for their own individual life. The input of others shouldn't matter, especially when most people don't truly know why you operate the way you do but still judge you based off their perspective. When you worry about someone that doesn't have the same intentions for you, then you set yourself up to be manipulated and/or used. Many people lack the drive to take care of business on their own will, so they need to trick others to save them. This comes in the form of someone having different intentions than what they may have expressed initally but over time it's not hard to properly analyze the truth. The issue is many people have a hard time accepting the truth. In these situations, a person knows deep down inside that a certain situation may not be fair or productive. Accepting what is right in front of you instead of what you think something is or what you want it to be aren't remotely close in many circumstances. Many people allow their delusional thinking to be a comfort zone as they avoid the harsh reality of a certain event. The raw truth does hurt at times and can be a hard pill to swallow but eventually it goes all the way down.

My Friday evening plans consist of a nice dinner at the Sun Dial Restaurant followed by a courtside game to see my favorite professional basketball team, the Charlotte Hornets, play the Atlanta Hawks. Being raised in rural Coastal South Carolina, I learned to support the local small market teams that include the Charlotte Hornets, South Carolina Gamecocks, and Carolina Panthers at an early age. Any true sports fan knows supporting these teams is not for the weak, and I've honestly questioned why I continue to put myself in the same situations year after year. Honestly, it's how I keep in touch with my inner Carolinian regardless of my location. If the cable was ever cut off growing up, I would have to watch these teams play, and they were not very good during those days. As my tolerance grew, I developed a love for the underdog. I'll always support these teams regardless of their standings, but from time to time, they will put together solid teams, which makes me thankful for not switching up as many people do. It's important to support your team on a bad day as easily as you would on a good day. This method applies to so many aspects of life not just the sports world.

As I pass Candler Road, I begin to push Big Bertha as traffic eases up, and the tunes from my '90s playlist are blasting inside my vehicle, which sets the tone for a great mood minus the Atlanta traffic. I can't help but to drift back mentally to the great memories associated with each song. I was in a hectic period of my life, but these tunes brought up the better memories from that chapter.

Like many others across the country, I was raised in a single-parent household. It is not impossible to have a physical body around while not having anyone there. Many people experience these type of living conditions daily, so even saying a single parent household can be debatable under certain extreme circumstances. There were normally two adult-aged people around, but honestly, there was no one there. My peers and I grew up as the bridge of two completely different eras—one being the traditional old-school era and the modern new-school era. I can recall the first version of the internet back in the '90s. You couldn't use the internet and a home phone at the same time. Cell phones did exist, but they weren't used by so many common citizens like they are now. As a millennial that graduated from high school in 2005, I was one of the kids that watched technology continuously develop until what we use now. It was a different world during the traditional days that we watched change as we entered adulthood.

I am the oldest of the four children that grew up in the same household under a young mom. As the only boy, I've always been the natural outcast, which really benefited me throughout life. Like everyone else that grew up in a poverty-filled neighborhood that we simply just call the hood, you must be hard, or the conditions will just force you to become hard. Living in the hood is all about survival. Many of us have seen things at young ages that we really shouldn't have. If you are too nice or a pushover, people will try to exploit you daily until you adopt the standardizations that are critical to survive in a region filled with drug dealers, thieves, killers, fiends, and low-income workers. Most of these people are great people that are just doing what needs to be done to stay alive. Sadly too many people get used to living in survival mode in their respective hood to the point of being trapped within its vicious invisible magnetic forces, which creates a vicious cycle that is extremely hard to escape, but it is not the physical place that is so bad honestly, it's the mindset. Hoods across America lack the common literacies that are imperative to mastering the American way of life and hopeless habits begin to form. When you're born into nothing, not even a loving or safe environment, as a child, you will have to overcome many obstacles but it's not an impossible task. Any challenge can be solved when you realize there's a problem and begin to format ideas to fix lingering issues. Most people across various hoods in America don't have the time to gameplan a master plan since survival is the priority plus the resources to truly elevate aren't easily obtainable. Being stuck in survival mode without a valid plan to overcome the known challenges becomes the foundation of more reoccurring cycles but this isn't as bad as people make it out to be. Honestly, when you start so low, going up and doing better is the only option. Sadly, many people look at their struggles incorrectly, so it seems like no one is ever winning, but that isn't true. You still are alive, granted it is in survival mode but the opportunity to change your conditions is available if you are still living. Life in survival mode is just like anything else in life that has different modes; it can be shifted when you create a system to fix the lingering issues. When you constantly compare yourself to other people, you will always feel like a disappointment, but that isn't a wise way to look at life. Sometimes you just need to lock into a zone and focus on achieving milestones, which is a task that isn't practiced enough in poor communities across the country. Every day that you have good health and the ability to make things better is a blessing that is overlooked by many people. This small thought of hope isn't really considered to be so significant when it's huge. Life moves fast so it can be hard for a typical person to format a plan due to being caught up in the normal flow of life plus many people lack the correct perspective to overcome known problems.

Many people living in hoods across America limit themselves before they even get a chance to really try to see if they can succeed at their dreams. High goals aren't easily obtainable, so some people don't even waste time with unrealistic ideas. I was one of the young kids that didn't dream outside of the place that I learned to maneuver around and grew to love. I was one of those limited thinkers stuck in a chaotic place, but I knew I would be someone when my time came. Dreams of being a doctor, a lawyer, a firefighter, or anything outside of the 1.5-mile road that I lived off wasn't realistic. There were many others that shared this mentality, but I had a personal goal to finish high school. The ones that didn't care to graduate just dropped out to focus on making money in a place where it was somewhat scarce, and most people aren't very financially literate. Life threw some unexpected situations at me, so what I thought I would be doing later in life didn't happen which led to me exploring the army as an option. Through years of trying to find myself and internal battling I continued to push forward to make things work while trying to discover what I truly wanted to do in life.

It feels good to be one of the few people that was able to escape the matrix, but it feels terrible knowing that so many great people are still suffering inside of some hood somewhere across the country, especially those innocent babies. Some people can easily view and label a person as a ruthless thug without even questioning what drove this person to make their decisions or what kind of crazy story this person has to want to live such a hectic lifestyle. We see many things daily not understanding the events that led a person to do the things we judge them for which is their reaction to something. There's always a story behind each action that can cause hope to deteriorate expeditiously and that's a dangerous place to be. Once the level of hope starts to get extremely low then the aftermath of poor decisions becomes an afterthought. This usually comes in the form of illegal activities to ease the burdens of living in poverty. People only do these activities to provide a way when options seem limited, even if it means harming a neighbor, killing a fellow citizen, indirectly destroying your community, and many other negative aspects that haunt poor neighborhoods. Poverty has a way of restricting people because it takes money to make money in the US. If you don't have it from the start, it's not irregular for people to do nearly anything for money as poverty literally takes over your brain. Many situations that could have been