Men Are Victims Too

By Lance D. Williams

Over the years, I've had conversations with men willing to share their experiences of being victims in different circumstances. I hope that when people read this book, they'll be open-minded and try to understand that just because you're a man, you can be a victim too. Men can be victims of domestic violence. Men can be victims of sexual assault. Men can be victims of false allegations. Men can be victims of many things. Men don't always get fair coverage when those things happen. It's time for people to take it more seriously and show support.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lance D. Williams
• Release date: Aug 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223483755

Book preview

Introduction

Since 2014, I've been wanting to focus more on the topics of men being victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and being falsely accused of these things. I don't feel like it's covered enough. I've seen it so many times over the years, where a man was accused of domestic violence or sexual assault. Their names and characters are raked over the coals for days, weeks, and months. Then it turns out the allegations are false. People and outlets barely spend as much time covering that as much as the original allegations. The person who falsely accused rarely gets raked over the coals or even charged. It's just brushed over, and people move on. I'm not saying all men accused are innocent; that's obviously not always the case. I'm just saying that when it does happen, it should be covered fairly.

I've known for a long time about men getting sexually assaulted, whether in prison, in the military, in frats, or in other ways. It doesn't get as much coverage and support as it does for women. I've always thought it was wrong. Men deserve justice, not judgment, when it happens. People expect men to be tough and not allow those things to happen. When Terry Crews spoke out about being sexually assaulted, I was disappointed to see so many people make fun of him and make light of what had happened to him. People expect the big Black man to be tough and knock out anyone who does that to them. Even if he did that after it happened, it still doesn't take away that he was violated and didn't ask for that. Most people would be understanding if it happened to a woman, but with a man, especially the size of Terry Crews, I guess it's hard for people to understand how he could be a victim. There are many stories of teachers having sex with students. The reaction is usually outrage when it's a male teacher and a female student. But when it's a female teacher and a male student, there's not the same outrage, and plenty of men cheer it on, happy for the male student. They don't look at him as a victim. Even if it's consensual in either scenario, it's just interesting to see how people react when it's a different gender. Let's break the stereotypes and focus more on the specific situations and supporting males when they're victims.

Most of the stories in the book have been edited for clarity and to get to the main things they wanted to share.

Trevor

I had a crazy ex-girlfriend. We used to argue all the time. The cops were called 12 times. I remember one of the times Officer Johnson laughed at me when I told him my girlfriend was beating me up. He said, Look at you and look at her. You expect me to believe she's beating you up? C'mon man. (Laughing). I tried my best to restrain myself from hitting her back, but it's hard when a person keeps coming at you. I have a right to defend myself at some point. If I didn't let her look through my phone, she would start attacking me. It takes less than 30 minutes from my job to our apartment. I'm not kidding when I say if I'm not home in 30 minutes after work, she'll flip out on me. She gave me a warning the first time, when I stopped at the store before coming home. The second time I was late, I walked through the door, and she hit me in the face with a frying pan, busting my nose. There was blood everywhere. She said, I told you, don't be fuckin' late! I was hurt, I didn't fight back. I was also shocked that she hit me with a frying pan. Ten minutes later, she apologized for hitting me and helped me stop the bleeding. I thought it was a spur-of-the moment reaction, so I let it go.

Another time, she put a knife to my penis and threatened to jam it through. I tried to grab it out of her hand, and during the struggle, she ended up cutting her wrist, and we had to call 911. The paramedics and the cops came. I told them what happened, and they acted like I was the one trying to attack her. I had a conversation with a female neighbor, and she saw it. When I came home and drank the Kool-Aid I had on the table, it had a weird taste. I looked at it, and she said, I let my blood drip in it. Don't disrespect me again. I said, Disrespect you, how? She said, Don't talk to other women around me ever again. I finally understood that she was crazy and that I needed to get out of this relationship. I was convinced she would kill me. When I tried to break up with her, she said she was willing to go to therapy and do couples counseling. She sounded sincere in wanting to make our relationship work, so we stayed together.

In the first few weeks, it seemed like the therapy and counseling were working. We still had arguments, but the physical abuse stopped. One day in counseling, she went off on me and the counselor. She couldn't accept that her issues were the reason for our relationship problems. She said to the counselor, Fuck you, bitch! and threw a couch pillow at her. Then she kicked me in the knee. The counselor asked her to calm down. She charged towards her, and I had to grab her before attacking this lady. The counselor called security, and they asked us to leave. It didn't end there; while we were in the parking lot, we were yelling at each other. A few people called the police when we started pushing each other. I had no more patience; I was tired of holding back and didn't care about getting physical with her. The police showed up and separated us. She said I was smacking her around and