Island of Misfit Joys: Misfires, Capturing Good and Trying to Make it All Fit

By Paul E. Kotz

Island of Misfit Joys contains stories of inspiration, making mistakes, finding happiness as well as bringing to light anecdotes of deliberate and unexpected kindness. Many times these random encounters have elements of untapped joy, everyday life, vulnerability, and our reactions. Ravi Zacharias stated, "None of us escapes life without some ecstasy and heartache." When you see a baby jumping for joy, splashing water during a bath, or smiling from a hug you just gave them, we rarely question their excitement and enjoy the moment of their ebullient happiness. Not everything fits together perfectly. Sometimes a misfit experience turns into an unexpected joy!

As adults, I find that we often feel guilty, (or are made to feel guilty) if we express our own joy. God has given each of us so many gifts, so that we can choose to build each other up, to keep these gifts latent, or to bring people to their knees with unkind words. I hope your day is a happy one.

Brené Brown reminds us, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change." This book is also about what I observe, react to, and reflect on-often in complete awe. I also hope this helps you to see that there is much good in the world. We just have to look around us, and we have the power to make positive, impactful changes in our immediate surroundings and in bigger circles, too. What actions do you take when no one is looking?

Alison McGhee said, "Every moment of every day you can bring people down or you can lift them up-you, one small person-by the energy you project. We choose what we want our lives to mean, and what we want to leave behind. We have the power to write our own stories. Remember that." It is in this spirit that these stories of inspiration are shared.

I feel a bit overwhelmed by people who express that I am "positive." Someone asked me "What are you on?"

I just realize that I have so much time left, people are generally good, some will not like you no matter what you do, and life is just one big sitcom, so laugh a little or laugh a lot.

Also, I have faced my own mortality a few times, and I am continuing to see that many times you and I are, metaphorically speaking, given a bundle of Christmas lights to untangle. You unravel the lights, plug them into some good power source, and voila, you have some magic before your eyes.

Or, you have a new source of power that you just plugged into, and the lights suddenly short out. Now, you have to find a new way to see the lights again.

I also have witnessed enough horrible and miraculous life experiences that made me strongly consider focusing more on the miraculous, yet everyday experiences and how we can work toward achieving happiness, even if what you thought might happen did not fit. 

Often what we did not see fitting in our own lives often brings us unintended joy!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Outskirts Press
• Release date: Aug 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9781977268389

Paul E. Kotz

Dr. Paul Kotz is the author of Start Late, Finish Happy (2021), with jaw-dropping stories of kindness and inspiration; CIPA Award-winning Profiles in Kindness (2020) and Something Happened Today (2018), stories of mentorship and leadership; and Personality, Gender and Learning Styles – Teaching to Student Aptitudes (2014). He currently directs a Doctorate in Business Administration program and teaches at Saint Mary’s University of Minnesota.  

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Island of Misfit Joys

Misfires, Capturing Good and Trying to Make it All Fit

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2023 Paul E. Kotz

v2.0

The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.

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PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Table of Contents

Preface

Misfits - Aren’t We All at Times?

Ordinary Yet Extraordinary Events

Are You Ever Scared?

So Many Options While Waiting in Line!

The Tube

When Pressure Builds

Struggling in the Cold

When Things Feel a Bit Lighter

We Can Bind Together

Do You Love Her?

Positive to Negative in Seconds

Replenishing Heart and Soul

Moms Provide So Many Ways for Us to Be Better

Growing Up

Retrieving a Water Bottle

A Sincere Compliment Can Make a Difference

Your Knuckles are Turning White

Sometimes There Is More Beneath the Surface and More to the Story

Sometimes a Complex Dream Can Make You Think About Facing the Day Ahead

When You Decide to Give, (Positive) Things Just Show Up

Being Lucky at Times and Throughout Our Lives

You Know My Name

Life May Change What You Expected to Happen

Somebody Has Got Your Back

Being Uncomfortable

Blindsided

Being Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

Stay Calm and Serene or Be Angry?

Stuck in the Muck

Keeping Your Heart Open

To Like or Love? That Is the Question.

Pain Can Serve as a Catalyst for Positive Change

We Have a Responsibility to Be Present

The Power of Teaching

The Need to Feel Valued

It Is Refreshing to Know

Vulnerability and Affection

Do You See Me?

Can You Have Peace with Ambiguity?

Missteps & Countering Negativity

Sometimes It Is Hard to Bear

Trials Make Us Better

Loser

The Joy in Making Mistakes

Losing a Connection

Sometimes You Falter and Stumble

Instilling Confidence

Being a Baby Isn’t So Bad

Possible

Can Being Nice Work Against You?

Time Is Rarely Wasted

How Do You Want to Spend the Rest of Your Life?

Epiphanies

Defining Happiness

Five Years

We All Want to Know We Mean Something

Possibly... It Was a Gift from God

We Are All Ingredients in a Cocktail

The Power of Encouragement

Living on Borrowed Tim

The Capacity for Practicing Good

Trust That You Have a Purpose

I Bet You Have an Enduring Impact on Someone

Begin as You Want to End

Friends Help You See Your Goodness

Desire to Connect

We Want Someone Who Will Inspire Us to Be What We Could Be

Relying on Others

People Will Surprise You and Kindness is Free

A Moment of Grace

Loss Earlier Than Expected

You Make a Difference - More Than You Know

Women Build Our Futures

There Will Be Joy Again

There Is a Place for People Like You

To My Grandson, Ashton

Eight Years

Maybe It Was Time to Connect

The Joy of Impact

Sometimes Bad News Can Be an Opportunity to Refocus

It All Happened So Fast

We All Can Do Exceptional Things

The Need for Empathetic Leadership

Life is a Great Teacher – Listen

Women Are Beautiful

You Can Have an Impact

To Be a Dad with Daughters

Joy Starts with Your Own Heart

We All Have Some Definable Light to Shine

It’s a Great Life If….

Mentorship Matters

Losing Someone to Suicide

Can Leadership Be Taught?

Restoring the Soul

Connecting and Learning from Each Other

Faith, Trust, Hope, Confidence, Attitude and of Course, Love!

Rebuilding a Community - Mayfield

Connected Joy

What Constitutes a Perfect Day?

Building Bridges

What Is Going On in the World?

Our Heart and Soul

Where There Is Life, There Is Hope

Irrefutable Respect

Remaining Open

Thank You

Preface

Welcome to the Island of Misfit Joys!

This book may serve as a possible escape for you.

Maybe it will serve as a way to recharge your batteries, replenish your soul, or maybe gain a new refreshing perspective on humanity.

Sometimes we laugh. Other times we cry. Often we are befuddled, and once in a while we figure out a new aspect of our self or others which somehow makes us whole.

Or at least we can build on what we started.

Life never seems to fit together perfectly, but it does come together somehow.

Some of our interactions go smoothly, but most of the time they are a convoluted set of misfit experiences which challenge us, enliven us, partially destroy us, and rebuild who we are.

My hope is that as you enter this island of stories, you capture more of the joyous aspects of life through these vignettes and see that if you approach this journey from a fresh mindset, you may see that we all can be gifts to this world. Maybe you will see a miracle. They do happen.

Some never figure this out.

But when you do, it is a sublime occasion and a delightful joy to witness.

This book is about love. It is about gifts. It is about feeling and having epiphanies that may change your perspective. We all feel pain. We all experience joyful moments.

Goal: More joy and less pain.

In this book, Life is mentioned 151 times. Good is covered 121 times, Joy 86, Love 84, Laughter 61, Being Positive 31, Feeling Pain 31, Instilling Confidence 30, Being Bad 25, Fear 20, Mistakes Made 17, Being Nice 14, Finding Meaning 13, Listening 11, and Experiencing Failure 9.

This book will take you down paths where there is some tough stuff going on, but may also give you alternatives to change or alter a current narrative for the better.

Misfits - Aren’t We All at Times?

In the acclaimed Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, a 1964 film produced by Rankin/Bass, there is a segment of the show where Yukon Cornelius, Hermey, and Rudolph visit the Island of Misfit Toys.

Amidst the jolly, joyful music, they discover a Charlie in the Box, a doll that has nothing wrong on the outside and looks lovable, a sad yellow scooter, a spotted elephant, a choo-choo with square wheels, a water pistol that shoots jelly, a bird that doesn’t fly yet swims, a cowboy that rides an ostrich, and a boat that can’t stay afloat.

It captured my full attention when I first saw this wonderful show as a very young man. Today, I think I am still taken in by it.

Rudolph discovers–or at least announces–that his travelling pals are also misfits, while Cornelius and Hermey the Elf (who really wants to be a dentist) seem to have found others like them.

I always wondered why the dolly, possibly intended for Sue, was sent to the Island of Misfit Toys. She looked loveable enough to me.

In hindsight, is it possible that she didn’t have the confidence to be loved, and so no one picked her off the shelf at the toy store?

It made me think of all of you beautiful people who do not realize your beauty that is inside and out.

Maybe you lost your mojo from one bad incident, or maybe no one told you how loved you truly are.

To be unwanted is a devastating feeling.

I am venturing a guess, but I suspect we have all been misfits at one time or another.

Maybe you have been there.

Maybe you have found your footing and acceptance in this world.

Hopefully, you have found friendship with at least one person in your life.

If not, please reach out.

Ordinary Yet Extraordinary Events

Are You Ever Scared?

Are you ever scared?

The person said I had a look of confidence, and it seemed to them that nothing made me afraid.

Oh, no. Time to be vulnerable again and tell the truth.

I thought to myself, If you don’t know what you are doing, at least you can look good in the outfit. My wife Jan once said this to me.

Of course you have heard Fake it until you make it.

To the young person who asked me about fear and being scared, I responded:

Well, in fact, I am always scared. That is why I get up and I get things done. Instead of letting fear incapacitate me, as it did many times when I was young, it now serves as a catalyst for helping me face my worries by just jumping into the vortex of uncertainty and possible failure–and trying my very best.

In my Buffalo, New York grade school, 2nd grade, I won a pet chick in a raffle. He was a delightful little yellow bird who ran around the kitchen in little wooden block houses we created. A few times, he got bonked on the head by blocks, but he would scurry around to our delight. In hindsight, he should have had some protective equipment, maybe a small helmet.

Having a pet chick in an urban setting was probably not the best idea. His demise came when someone turned the heat lamp on the aquarium tank (without the water in it) a little too high. We fried the poor little guy we had named Nick the Chick. We were just trying to keep him warm at night. We had a burial service in the backyard for the poor, crispy chap.

For a little while, after that, I was afraid to even have a pet fish. Now, I am a proud dog owner and do a fine job of creating a good quality of life for our four-legged friend in our home, but for a while I was nervous of accidentally or carelessly hurting another living being.

As a child, I failed at skating backward on ice and kept running into the boards, embarrassing myself. It made me apprehensive to skate around others. Maybe going forward is better anyway, I thought to myself, but I still persisted, never fully mastering going in reverse but running into hard surfaces less frequently as time passed.

Continuing with the skating theme, this time with wheels, I scuffed myself up too many times to count because I could never stop going forward rollerblading or utilize the brakes to not hurt or endanger myself or others. I often skated until my wheels slowed and I could catch a tree.

One time, I went to Saints West Roller Rink with the awesome music blasting. I felt that I was in my element.

It’s time for the Snowball! the announcer said.

Here, you ask a young lady to skate with you. Someone has to go forward and the other backward, doing a couples’ skate. Of course I confidently wanted to go forward, only to find during a turn that our skates interlocked, we fell in unison, and my partner hit her head on the rink floor. The siren went off, and everyone paused with all eyes zeroed in on us. Gratefully, she was okay. I was worried.

She didn’t ever skate with me again. Can you blame her? My fear of doing couples’ skating persisted for a while until I faced it, and realized that accidents can happen.

I also dated enough later on to know rejection, and I eventually realized that many things you wanted were just not going to happen. A feeling of fright can arise in your heart when you try to ask someone out after continually experiencing No, thanks, or you got that look from a woman to take a walk and Don’t even ask.

And, fast-forward to the present–I was afraid to be a teacher. I still am.

Teaching has much responsibility, and I often feel like I will fall short and ruin someone’s life by not meeting their needs as a learner, or I will miss a social cue to help them, or I will not respond when I am supposed to and leave someone out.

This doesn’t scratch the surface for the more compelling need to be a content expert and make sure we as teachers meet standards and send people out into the world flying forward in successful endeavors. I have such distress about not meeting expectations.

My unease has been compounded by having seen so many wonderful and horrific things that can happen to the human species and not having true control over what could happen to the living, breathing human in my care or presence.

All that being said, I have grown to see that by facing issues,