Parenting from Out of Bounds

By Chad Peters

 "Why isn't this in the parenting handbook? I shouldn't have to repeat the same mistakes someone else has made!"

 

Being a parent is busy, beautiful, frustrating, rewarding, magnificent, and absolutely crazy, all at the same time!  

It gets overwhelming!  

I get it. I'm right there with you.  We have 4 kids involved in seven sports, 26 pets, and a hobby of world travel.

 

Although "Out of Bounds" refers to our role on the sidelines, it also encompasses the idea of a world without set rules. Experiment and play with new idea. This is not a "how-to" book.  

This is a compass, helping us, as parents, to find direction and enjoy the adventure.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chad Peters
• Release date: Sep 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9798988733201

Chad Peters

Chad Peters is a sports-based chiropractor by trade.  He has 4 extremely active kids involved in everything they can get their hands on.  With the help of his magnificently talented wife (the muse behind the ideas) they have come up with ideas and philosophies that make for more enjoyment and satisfaction while deflating the stresses involved with insanely active family life, dozens of pets, and a hobby of world travel.   

Book preview

FORWARD

The majority of this book I wrote from my kitchen table.

I don’t know you, and I certainly don’t know how you take care of your house, but there is a good chance your kitchen table may look a lot like mine.  

Currently, my laptop shares space with three cell phones, a set of keys, and various half-eaten breakfasts, including a half plate full of eggs and what I think at one point was a cinnamon roll. There are dog toys, books for all ages, three coffee mugs still half-filled with cold coffee, and a baseball hat.

Oh yeah, my youngest is into fishing. I mean, really into fishing, so there are at least 35 different fishing lures of various sizes and rigging along with the materials mentioned above. My 9-year-old’s default fishing shop is our table.

Yes, it’s annoying. Yes, it’s in the way. Yes, we do clean up. However, this is a fair representation at the end of nearly every night and every school day morning.

Real-life happens. I choose to live in real life, not the fantasy world I see in magazine spreads and open house tours. We’re not heathens. We’re not sloppy. We’re just swamped with the reality of family life and what it takes to stay involved.

As parents, we get to decide where our priorities lie. What things we determine are the most important in raising our kids. As a result, there is a hierarchy of parenting tasks. For example, WE choose how and when to tidy up, what trades we’d make, and what activities take a back seat if we decide that cleaning ranks most important that day.

We, in this case, means you and I. Because, as parents, we’re all in this together.

Nikki and I don’t expect you to live the same life we do. You decide what priorities, boundaries, and spending works for your life. This book is simply my wife and I sharing some tips, tricks, and justifications that work the best for our family. Use it as a barometer for how you do you! I only want to share because we’ve been through it and are still going through it and have made some smart decisions that paid off as WINS.  Conversely, we have also learned the hard way, with experiences that changed our minds in aspects of life we thought we had completely figured out and were mistaken.

We truly live an enjoyable and full life. My family has Amazing Adventures and is involved in everything we can get our hands on. Sports! Travel! School! Careers! Now I want to write a book?

Now look, somewhere early here in the course of this, the idea of writing parenting philosophies gave me a little bit of stress. Because really? Who am I to write a book about parenting?

Believe me. I am a sports-based chiropractor by trade. At work in my clinic, when a client asks, Why weren’t you at work this morning? and I tell them, I’m writing a book. The next question is always, What about?

When you tell someone you are writing a parenting book, there is this tinge of egotistical jerk.

"Oh, I’m some sort of expert. Allow me to tell you how to parent."

This is not that book.

As I lay down each night and think about the day, it becomes apparent that we are living an incredible life. My family does stuff. Our friends and clients often ask, How do you guys do so much? Hopefully, this book gives you an idea of how we can cram it into 16 hours and then wake up and do it all again the next day without losing our sanity.

- the Texas Zoo Crew

Padre Island, Texas.

Chapter 1––––––––PLAY WITH YOUR FAMILY.

THE FLOORS CAN WAIT.

You are either going to get down on the floor to clean it, or you’re going to get down on the floor to play with your kids. That’s a choice you’ll have to make.

- Eunice Wilms - the best parenting advice my mom told me she ever received.

My mom and dad parented this way. They always have. They played with us, included us, and lived with us. Now that my brother and I are both grown and have our own families, her house is spic and span. Thank God she chose to spend her time with us when we were young. Occasionally, I need my parents to remind me that my floors can wait! I’m happy their floors did.

Our family is action-packed! It’s a hectic, fun-filled, emotional, drive all over town/see the world/feed the pets. busy life! But the reality is, you’re busy too. So are your kids, and so are your neighbors and friends. The truth is, we’re all busy – everyone. No one is really any busier than anyone else.  I think the term busy is all just relative. We all have our levels of daily tolerances, and each of our busy relativity scales is very real!

The stresses of everyday life will get to us all. I have four kids involved in dozens of extracurriculars, collectively currently dedicated to 7 sports, and we have 26 pets.

Twenty. Six. Pets.

I have a fantastic wife who embraces this chaotic lifestyle. She loves it, helps garner it, and even nicknamed our family the Texas Zoo Crew. Our house has signs announcing this, and holiday gifts often come labeled: To: The Zoo Crew.

It’s exciting, wild, and fun but also, at times...

Exhausting and, dare I say?...overwhelming.

I called my dad one night, on the edge of tears and feeling like a failure. He told me a story that changed my mindset. This imagery made a difference for me and how I see my family.

When we took you to the fairs and amusement parks as a kid, you always liked the bigger rollercoasters and scarier rides. You wanted the full adrenaline hit and always looked for the biggest and baddest. That’s just you. Well, that’s what you’ve got now. You married a girl who loves adventure as much as you do. Your kids have traveled the planet, even as babies. You live in Texas. Texans love...big! You’ve built a monster amusement park out of your life – You’ve got the colossal rides, the loud music, the clowns, the circus act, the $10 lemonades. You’ve built this life. It’s really enjoyable watching this as your parents. You’re living the dream and riding the big roller coaster. As a parent myself, let me tell you! Parenthood rocks!

That was enough for me. It was well stated and an instant stress reducer. Exactly what I needed when I needed it most. What caused me anxiety one minute gave me pride, excitement, and a feeling of well-being the next.

I wrote him back and told him, Thanks, Dad. I’ll be sure to pass this on one day.

Throughout this book, you’ll hear many anecdotes of the neighborhood kids rotating through the backyard. Playful chaos is what I know. But the goal is more significant: to see my family for who they are. Not just in the sports world but how they (and we) relate to real life, ideas outside of parenting, gaining control of stress, and an overall better perspective.

I’d struggle with that. The whole, Real-Life stuff. I’d shout to Nikki. Why wasn’t that in the parenting handbook?!! Nikki told me one day, Every parent goes through this. Why don’t you just write a handbook so everybody else can avoid these mistakes you keep making!

My family doesn’t get everything right. We’re not perfect, but perfection is an illusion. It’s an impossible standard that only creates stress and anxiety. So no, we’re not trying to be perfect. But we are trying. We are in the game and are having so much fun playing it. I want to share some things that help us get the most out of our family lives and hopefully help you get more out of yours.

Awareness Point

YOU SELECT WHAT ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE TAKE PRIORITY.

Chapter 2––––––––YOU’RE GOING TO GET A LOT WRONG.

We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.

- Bob Ross.

I often tell my kids, There is no failure. You just learned what not to do.

That concept applies to us all. As parents, we are going to fail. Often. Use these opportunities to grow as a family.

Let a kid learn. I once had the privilege of listening to Neil deGrasse Tyson speak at a huge event. Before making quantum physics and the universe’s inner workings understandable and fun, he opened with a story about a mother scolding her children for making a mess in the kitchen.

The kids had gotten a carton of eggs out of the fridge. If an egg fell from the counter, it broke, crack and boom, with yellow and clear goo everywhere. If it fell from the height of their knee, sometimes there would be a mess, and sometimes not. The results changed if the landing was a kitchen towel vs. a dinner plate. They discussed, What if we spun it super fast? "Could you pick up a yolk once the egg broke?’

You get it. They were Experimenting! Everyday fundamental-life type physics. As fun.

But, the mom went nuts upon discovering her two kids. What a mess!

Would you be upset about this?

As NdGT would explain, the point was, Why would you ever punish a child for learning, testing, and experimenting? This mess wasn’t teenagers doing drugs and stealing cars on a Saturday night. It was simply kids’ learning.

The eggs cost about $2, and the cleanup took 3 minutes. It was an opportunity to teach and imagine with lessons learned. The kids even learned to help clean up after they were done—lots of education happening in real time, through a simple carton of eggs.

Instead of a mess, it could be a win! My wife, Nikki, has a sign in our kitchen saying, Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens, and laughing kids. Funny, yes, but also an excellent daily reminder to let the kids experiment and learn.  It’s not because we’ve decided not to care; it’s because our kitchen and house are being used.  To Grow!

That idea or some version of that idea exists in many of our daily circumstances.

One of my favorite podcasts is The Left of Greg. Its security/tactical/self-protection episodes are humorous and, at the same time, deep. Lessons that, when digested, teach ideas much more applicable than security. Brian, one of the hosts, has a knack for teaching concepts with a picture and posing a question about it.  Observe. See. Process.

The co-host, Greg, a psychology and sociology nut, explained during one episode that when a teenager rolls his eyes and talks back to his parents, he isn’t hateful. It’s a basic survival instinct, and although it is a royal pain in the ass, it allows some development and individuality. The kid doesn’t really hate you. He’s creating his own unique personality and striving to make his own decisions.

To test and experiment with their unique inner workings of the universe, teenagers will, by default, try to experiment with the opposite of whatever their parents say. It’s simply verbal jousting.

Our kids may not even realize or believe what they are saying.  It’s simply practice in the safety of their own home and environment. It’s a developmental mechanism to create individuality and a safe way to break from the family tribe. They aren’t talking back as an actual argument (as I often feel.) They are creating their own inner experiments/decision-making/testing. Only, they are doing it out loud, like a debate (agh).

That two-minute explanation on a podcast made me a better parent and changed the way I handled my kids.  It gave me global insight that changed how I take their responses (not as personally) and even helped me digest the minute, such as how and why they decided to dress for school pictures today!

There is a quote, I’ve gained a lot of wisdom because I have failed so often. That’s me. That’s the idea of this book.

Like kids educating themselves with eggs, adults