Beyond The Bleachers: Encouraging Success Without Stress, A Parents Toolkit

By Walter A. Beede

In "Beyond the Bleachers: Encouraging Success without Stress in Youth Sports - A Parent's Toolkit," the author offers a powerful examination of the often-complex relationship between parents, coaches, and y

• Language: English
• Publisher: Beede Baseball Publishing LLC
• Release date: Aug 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088271674

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Introduction

I didn’t get it.

In the fall of 2021, I heard Walter Beede on a podcast I occasionally listened to. So much of what he said resonated with me. He talked about how kids used to play pickup games, play catch with each other, and get their reps without knowing they were getting their reps. I never played baseball, but I swam competitively from the summer I turned six to my senior year of high school. Walter’s words made me think back to my early days in swimming. My friends and I would spend every summer day at the pool, challenging each other to see who could dive the farthest off the starting blocks, swim the farthest underwater, or do the fastest flip turn.

Walter also talked about how the environment adults create should be about fun, and it should be about developing a passion and simply allowing them to fall, get back up, learn, fall, get back up, learn. He was talking about baseball but could have been talking about any sport, and kids are meant to play sports, not work them.

I ordered Walter’s book and soon reached out to him. I’d love to say I was only looking for a mentor for my son. That was part of it. I also wanted to find an edge. As much as I wanted my son to have a more positive, unstructured experience in baseball, I also wanted him to keep up with the other kids. In 2020, he got little playing time on the Little League all-star team. In 2021 he was demoted from the A team to the B team in his first year of travel ball. He was an 11-year-old hybrid of Rickey Henderson and Ricky Bobby on the base paths, but his other skills were still developing. I wanted other people to see the potential I saw in him, which meant he had to produce. I wanted my son to succeed right now. I was doing what Walter had warned about in the podcast I had selectively listened to. I was assuming my boy was a lesson away from producing.

Like I said, I didn’t get it.

I started to get it as my son’s U12 travel ball and Little League seasons wore on. He went through a nine-game hitless streak in travel ball. In town ball, the doubles turned to singles and ultimately to weakly hit balls that barely made it out of the infield. I was making him analyze every play and every at-bat on the drive home from games. What did you see on that pitch? Where was your arm slot on the throw that sailed wide? Walter, with whom we’d developed a relationship, no longer asked for videos, or gave tips. He started saying things like Have fun and Go out and be a competitor. He could see what was happening.

At the end of the season, my son was not asked to be on the all-star team, and he was crushed. Despite the late-season slump, he’d just played his best season of Little League. Walter gave him a call. He asked my son who his favorite player was. After hearing the answer, which he knew from a previous conversation, he said, Ronald Acuña Jr. did not take hitting lessons. Acuña hit bottle caps.

Really?

To develop elite hand-eye, Walter told my son to self-toss Wiffle® balls and hit them with a broomstick. As soon as that conversation ended, my son asked for a broomstick he could cut down to his size. My son spent the rest of the summer hitting balls with his homemade hit stick and inviting friends to play pickup games. When the friends were tired of playing, he taught the girl across the street to throw a Wiffle® ball slider. So, I can see movement, he told me. My son’s pure love of playing was back. It wasn’t about an outcome anymore; it was about playing.

That was when I finally got it.

This journey isn’t about the parents, but it’s about something other than whether our kids play for the well-regarded travel team, start at a high-profile position, have more playing time than their teammates, or make varsity before someone their age. The journey is about allowing them to have a relationship with sports.

On Walter’s advice, and after discussing it as a family, we decided to take a break from travel ball during the middle school years. I’m an only parent with two kids, and our family needed balance. Gone are the travel ball practices that run from November through March. Instead, my son played rec league flag football. Both of my kids take Ninja Warrior classes on the weekend. (If I may brag, my little sister accomplished a one-arm dead hang before big brother.) My daughter has time for guitar lessons. She and I can attend the early mornings, breakfast on the road, port-a-johns with empty hand sanitizer dispensers, and six to eight hours spent away from home that comes with doubleheaders. My son is learning he doesn’t need adults around to play. He can play Wiffle® ball, wall ball, backyard football, or have a catch. There’s still time left over for video games or flashlight tag with his buddies. He’s gotten pretty good at cornhole. After the pandemic lockdown, he’s rediscovering what it means to be a kid, and my overscheduling his time took that away.

I didn’t make all the mistakes Walter covered in Beyond the Bleachers, but I made many of them. There’s still a healthy amount of fear of missing out that I try to keep to myself. It’s challenging to let go of, considering they lost their mom to cancer and missed out on something daily. However, my desire to find an edge for my kids is gone and our family has gained a friend.

Those are the words of a father whose son I mentor. I hope that reading this book will bring about a similar change in you and your child’s relationship around sports. In the following chapters, we will investigate numerous facets of parental over-engagement, including case studies and anecdotes from my time as a coach. In addition, we will examine different approaches parents, coaches, and sports organizations can take to create a balanced and supportive atmosphere that is more conducive to the health of our young athletes. Together, we have the power to ensure the world of youth sports continues to be a place where kids