Youth Sports:: A Parent's Guide

By Betty Ann Santi

 Youth Sports: A Parent’s Guide

This book provides information designed to encourage and equip parents  of young athletes as they navigate the complex culture of today’s youth sports.  Through the use of anecdotes, relevant information and research this guide provides insight, as well as

• Language: English
• Publisher: Betty Ann Santi
• Release date: Jul 29, 2019
• ISBN: 9780578474663

Betty Ann Santi

Author Biography Prior to retirement, I was employed as the athletic director of a pre-K through 6th grade independent school in Nashville, TN. The school has a strong emphasis on Christian values and academics with an enrollment of over 500 students. This was the culminating experience I had in youth sports and provided a profoundly different perspective as I worked to establish an athletic program there. My earliest experiences in youth sports began when I was a young middle-schooler playing basketball for my school team. I played throughout high school, where I received All-City Honors. In professional school at the University of Tennessee College of Nursing, I continued to play basketball in the Cotton States League. I earned a B.S. in Nursing which enabled me to view youth sports through the filter of children's health, growth and development. My science background qualified me to teach in the classroom, which I did after my nursing career. That experience gave me the opportunity to develop rapport with young middle schoolers. I was also hired to teach physical education classes, requiring a more focused approach on the fitness of students, K-6th grade. My husband, a physician, was an All-American shortstop at Lipscomb University. We had three athletically gifted children who were successful in their respective sports. Our oldest daughter was an exceptional gymnast, a state champion and record holder who later cheered on a nationally ranked University of Alabama cheer squad. Our second daughter won several individual state titles in track and field during high school, and was recruited to be a heptathlete at Princeton University. Our youngest son played multiple sports until high school when he discovered a love for football. He excelled as a tight end at the University of Virginia, becoming All ACC, the Top Scholar-Athlete of the Conference, and captain of his team. He was drafted into the NFL in 2008 to play with Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts. It is unclear to me whether they had success because of, or in spite of, their parenting. In retrospect, I see more clearly things that worked, and things that did not. Sports has been a major focus throughout my life. My perspective as an athlete grew throughout the years as I continued playing in college. Parenting three young athletes throughout their careers taught me countless lessons and broadened my perspective. However, seeing through the eyes of coach, teacher and athletic director rounded out my unique perspective. I have been encouraged by what I have learned and am excited to share it. Writing this book was the first item on my bucket list upon retirement. I never dreamed my sports journey would lead me to all the places I've been. The challenges and rewards in a youth sports journey, navigated with the right perspectives, can have enduring value in your child's life.

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YOUTH SPORTS:

A PARENT’S GUIDE

Betty Ann Santi

Praise for

YOUTH SPORTS: A PARENT’S GUIDE

I have loved and been involved with children and parents for 45 years. Betty Ann knows children and the pros and cons of youth sports better than anyone I know! As a mother and coach, her knowledge is impeccable. This book will help anxious parents as well as children.

Roxie Gibson, Author of 16 books including the Hey, God! series for children

Betty Ann has created a great tool kit for parents involved in youth sports. We must emphasize sport as a transformative opportunity for the kids we serve. This book encourages parents, players, and coaches to focus on what endures after the scoreboard has been turned off.

Coach Drew Maddux, former All SEC Basketball Player for Vanderbilt University, current Head Boys Basketball Coach and Associate Head of Christ Presbyterian Academy, Nashville, TN

Betty Ann played basketball here and served as a team captain. She provided outstanding leadership both on and off the court. During the Cotton States Tournament she earned All-Tourney honors all three years, and was named MVP in 1975. We retired her jersey upon graduation.

Coach James Stockdale, UT College of Nursing Basketball 1955-81, University of Tennessee Administrator

This is a useful tool to help parents who have children playing youth sports and to keep them active for life.

Dr. Andrew Gregory, Adolescent Sports Medicine, Vanderbilt University Medical Center

An expert in youth sports, Betty Ann Santi is your guide on this journey. You will be comforted knowing you are not alone in parenting your child during the celebrations and the struggles of sports participation. Settle in with this book, take notes, and refer back to these words of wisdom.

Jennifer Hinote, former Head of Middle School, Charlotte Country Day, current Head of Clarksville Academy, Clarksville, TN

WE HAVE A PROBLEM with youth sports in America today. It should not be all about winning, but about development, perspective, learning, and most importantly ENJOYMENT!!! Parents need help navigating this special, yet challenging time in their children’s lives. Betty Ann is the perfect source to help them. Good luck!

Kirk Herbstreit, ESPN College Football Analyst, Father of four sons in youth sports

Published by Betty Ann Santi

Copyright © 2019 by Betty Ann Santi

Encouragement and guidance for parents of children playing youth sports

Nonfiction

1. Sports and recreation 2. Youth sports 3. Sports parenting 4. Young athletes 5. Team selection

ISBN 978-0-578-47430-4

ISBN E-Book 978-0-578-47466-3

Cover Design and Layout by Hannah L. Santi

Printed in the United States of America

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher at the email address below;

http://www.kidsportstalk.com

Because of her unwavering faith in God and her confidence in me, and because no one could have a better angel, I dedicate this book to my friend and mentor, Roxie Gibson.

Table of Contents

A Note from Betty ANN

Chapter 1: from the jungle gym to the jungle

Choose Your Approach: Lion, Tiger, or Bear

Chapter 2: Parent in Training

First-born Child

Second-born Child

Youngest Child

Chapter 3: Who’s in the Huddle?

Role of the Parent

Evolution of Parent Role

Role of the Coach

Role of the Young Athlete

Chapter 4: Getting the Ball Rolling

Community League Sports vs School Sports

Team Selections

How to Impact the Jungle

Student Athletes

Chapter 5: Developmentally Speaking: A Football Analogy

Pregame (up to four years old)

First Down (five to seven years old)

Second Down (eight to ten years old)

Third Down (eleven to thirteen years old)

Fourth Down (fourteen years old and beyond)

A Word About Specialization

Chapter 6: Covering Your Bases

Guideposts

An Athlete’s Story

It Ends for Everyone

Chapter 7: Hurdles Ahead

Strategies for Restraining the Inner Bear

Letting the Lion Loose

Managing Expectations

Surviving the Selection Process

Winning and Losing in Competitive Sports

Chapter 8: Huddle Up

Parent Questionnaire

Athlete Questionnaire

Older Young Athletes

Coaches

Pocket Playbook

Additional Resources:

Acknowledgments

A trophy carries dust. Memories last forever.–Mary Lou Retton

A Note from Betty ANN

Sports are a staple of American culture. Youth sports are a unique arena. While the cardinal focus in youth sports is youth, children are by no means the only stakeholders. Vested adults include the vendors of various sports, such as league commissioners, sports officials, educators, administrators, and coaches, but the role of parents is paramount and is often the catalyst for successful participation and outcomes.

When I first had the idea to write a book about youth sports, as quickly as I was overwhelmed by reasons not to, I also recognized that, over the years, my knowledge base on youth sports had become broader and broader. Through different roles—from athlete, then mother, to coach, to serving as an athletic administrator, and that, too, of a fan—I had run the gamut, a full course, within the youth sports arena.

It struck me that, with each task along the way, I had needed guidance and support. As a parent, I had struggled, and as a coach and administrator, I came across parents who struggled. There was a mother I met through little league who watched her son’s game from beyond the centerfield fence. There was the dad who unintentionally insulted other parents with his nonstop commentary about his son’s superior performance. Another mom, concerned her son might be injured playing football, had a panic attack without fail at every single game.

As an athletic director (AD), I observed the pressure many parents felt to make their child’s experience perfect. Late one evening after an annual sports banquet I received a phone call from a parent of one of the B team basketball players who expressed abject dismay that the mementoes we presented the athletes hinted at something deeper. To be clear, her true grievance was the way the season had disappointed her son. I recall two grandfathers who ignored our policy to stay an appropriate distance from the football field during games. One was determined to chat with officials while taking action photos with his ginormous camera; the other had played in college and felt compelled to instruct his grandson play by play. A few fathers, in particular, have shown frustration at the bias they perceived in my program’s team-selection process. A handful would have loved to have had the coach removed for perceived unfair treatment. One even felt our entire athletic program philosophy was flawed. Each of these examples convinced me that adults need support to navigate their child’s youth sports experiences. They need guidance to ensure they are better equipped and able to guide, and they need perspective so they can enjoy the journey.

With this in mind, my goal is to guide parents in the ways of encouragement and perspective, because, all too often, learning as we go comes at the expense of the athlete. I was—though well-intentioned—misguided when I publicly called out my son during a game for what I perceived as a bad attitude. I appealed to the coach to remove him from the game, an embarrassing memory, even years later, not only for him but for me. As an athletic administrator, I learned difficult lessons as well. At a playoff game for our football team, the commissioner awarded homefield advantage to the opponent who wanted to play it under the lights. Their school had excellent facilities, and playing at night added an element of excitement to the game. The fact was that our school had no football facilities, a deficit which created challenges throughout my tenure as A.D. They had reached their decision, however, and I had not been consulted. I felt the commissioner had made an arbitrary decision which, ultimately, was unfair. Coupled by several perceived injustices throughout the football season, I vented on the sidelines—in front of spectators, players, coaches, officials, et al—with animus toward the commissioner. Obviously, this behavior did not curry favor, and to this day, I wish I had employed a more respectful and private approach.

After a lunch with a sports analyst and his wife, new parents at the school where I worked, it occurred to me that our conversation had taken an unexpected path. Because this couple was immersed in the world of sports, I wanted to hear their ideas. As parents, their perspective would inform me as I developed our sports program. Their philosophy could be valuable in planning educational experiences for parents, athletes, and coaches. It was meant to be informal, and as opinions launched across the table from experts, I passionately responded with insights I had gained from experience. I played sports, I had parented athletes, coached, and at the time, was serving as an athletic director. This hat trick plus of roles provided me a unique perspective. As a result I am excited to offer support and encouragement to parents who are doing their best to navigate the world of youth sports so that their children may enjoy all the best of what the experience has to offer.

There is a distinction between the passion a parent feels for his own child’s sports participation and the passion one feels for youth sports for its own sake. There are those of us who may not have a dog in the hunt, but who are invested in the integrity of the experience because we have seen the benefits for children that last well beyond their playing days. Typically, parents are invested in youth sports only during the time of their child’s participation. It is their ability to navigate wisely that makes a significant difference, both in quality and duration, of a child’s involvement.

A child’s participation in sports may extend over a number of years or can be upended prematurely. An early exit from sports can be due to unforeseen circumstances, an injury, something out of our control. More often than not, young athletes drop out of sports because of an uninformed approach. This can profoundly impact the sports experience in a negative way, making it distasteful for both the young athlete and her family. This can absolutely be avoided. Parents can learn how to help guide children around roadblocks to ensure they continue to play and enjoy sports. Playing sports provides great advantages for personal growth and development. It is far better to enjoy the experience than endure it.

Learning curves in dealing with youth sports challenges are tough. There are detours around many of the obstacles you will encounter. Where our own children are concerned, sometimes the best course is counterintuitive. There are guideposts for your journey, proven principles and perspectives that enhance the sports experience no matter the level of your athlete’s ability. As we examine the parent’s role, you will note that it is ever-evolving throughout your child’s participation in sports. We will measure genuine success in terms of what outlasts the sports experience. You will see how youth sports can be a vehicle for personal growth, enjoyment, physical, emotional, social, and spiritual fitness, as well as family enrichment. I have come to believe that when the sports experience functions as it should, it will maximize athletic performance and skill development, as well as increase longevity in the sport and sustain healthy, functional relationships with others.

Within this guide, I help parents sort through the multitude of options—from which sport to choose to determining which sports are developmentally appropriate. In making choices, it will be important to manage expectations to include not only the hope of success, but also the possibility of disappointment. In order to navigate the youth sports journey, wise leadership is required.

My zeal to share what I had learned was a surprise to me. In the beginning, I wrote down experiences along with what I had observed.