A Survival Guide for Athletes and Parents: Making It About the Journey, Not the Destination

By Leandrea Slayton

Have you ever sat in the stands or sidelines and listened to parents yell at their kids and thought, "There is something wrong here?" Does your child show passion and potential in a sport but feels an unhealthy amount of pressure that is leading them to want to quit the sport they used to love so much?

The reality is, the approach society is taking to competitive youth sports as a whole is unhealthy, but it doesn't have to be that way. I am not an advocate for everybody wins; I love competition. I believe that with the correct perspective and approach youth athletics can be used to mold our children into Christ-like, confident, and joyful adults. By focusing on the journey rather than the destination players and parents can learn to find value in all of the life lessons that come through competition.

This book is a guide that is inspired through twenty-four years of coaching and watching parents who got it right and the others who missed out on the opportunity to use youth athletics to instill Christ-like characteristics and perspectives in their children. The true prize in athletics isn't a trophy or even a scholarship, it is in the life lessons that everyone has available to learn if they are willing to look for them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512743760

Leandrea Slayton

LEANDREA SLAYTON is a high school English teacher and has coached volleyball for twenty-four years. She is the recipient of the California Interscholastic Federation (CIF) Model Coach Award and has coached a state championship team. Her biggest passions are her family and Savior, Jesus Christ.

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Copyright © 2016 Leandrea Slayton.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Cover photograph by Candice Landcaster.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

All rights reserved.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-4377-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4378-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4376-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016908517

WestBow Press rev. date: 5/26/2016

CONTENTS

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

This book is

dedicated to my husband, Ryan, and kids, Conner and Brynna, who showed me so much grace and unconditional love over the years while coaching took me physically, emotionally, and mentally away from home. Thank you also to my family and friends who have ridden the seasons of volleyball and life with me. So much of my philosophy and approach to coaching came from my mentor coach, Brooke Roberts. Thank you for pouring into me. And last but certainly not least, this book is dedicated to my parents, who went to be with Jesus this past year. It was the values and perspective taught in my home as a child that allowed me to learn all of the intangibles that come through competition. They were always my biggest fans and forever will be in my heart.

Dear Jesus,

Please guide my hand. I have thought about writing this book for years but haven’t felt that I have the right to advise others when I know all of my own imperfections. I know I don’t have all the answers, but I do know without a doubt that You have been with me through my twenty-four years of coaching. You have blessed me with some great victories, have healed my broken heart after disappointing defeats, have shown me grace when I have stumbled, and have allowed me to share You with my players. Please use me now to share the insights I have gained through the years on how to use competition to build character and to allow You to mold us to be more like You.

In Your name,

Leandrea

CHAPTER 1

Life is a journey, not a destination.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

L et me begin this book by admitting that I was not a superstar athlete or a collegiate volleyball coach. I was an average athlete who loved competition and—more than anything—being a part of a team. Through high school, I played soccer and volleyball, and when I was a senior, my parents rightfully were not willing to invest more money in me playing club volleyball just for the fun of it. It was evident that, other than going to a junior college to play, my athletic career was over.

It just so happened that the twelve-and-under coach for the club I had played for the past three years was unable to coach at the last minute, and I was asked to take that team. I was seventeen years old. From there I found that my passion for the concept of team and love for competition only grew. As a coach, I had the opportunity to instill in my players values I had learned through my own experiences with competition.

I continued to coach club volleyball through college while playing two years of soccer at our local junior college, and then I began coaching high school volleyball in addition to my club team when a new high school in town opened. I coached the frosh-soph team for one year and then moved up to coach the JV team for the next few years; eventually, I assisted at the varsity level. In 2001, I moved to a new high school in town to take the varsity team, and I recently finished coaching my fourteenth year.

Through my twenty-four years of coaching, I have seen the game of volleyball itself evolve, but even more significantly, I have seen the mind-set and perspective of high school athletics change. When I first began coaching, most players were multisport athletes and for the most part knew that their athletic careers would end once their high school years were over. They lived in the present and had a much easier time keeping perspective on the big picture.

Since then, most sports have become year-round, with athletes and parents feeling the urgency to not only practice with their current team but to also seek private lessons and athletic training from specialists. In our town, we have gone from having one club volleyball program to five, and there are even more down south in Los Angeles. Some players drive several hours a day after school to practice with a more competitive club or with teams that better accommodate their positions. In doing this, they are making sacrifices of precious time with friends, school activities, and family. Families are fragmented while running their kids to different practices and are overextended in their budgets and their time.

I know that this sounds like I am judging, but I am not. I also have two children who play sports and understand that urgency, especially when you recognize a talent in them. As a parent, you want to give them every opportunity to reach their potential. And we do live in an era of specialization. There are experts who can help scientifically train the body to move efficiently, and if you have the means to provide that training, why not? However, I would still argue that there is evidence to suggest that specializing too soon not only limits the development of a truly well-rounded athlete but also is the cause of an increase in sport-specific injuries.

As a coach, I must admit that I liked my players not missing my practices for other sports and hoped for them to play club and get extra training outside of the high school gym. It made them better and made our program better; however, there is a cost that comes with all this. Athletes and parents are overcommitted in finances and in time, which causes a loss of perspective. Players as young as twelve begin being recruited by club programs and are promised playing time and specific positions on the court after a few hours of a club tryout; if those promises are not met, often they jump to another club. With this too comes a loss of perspective.

As a parent, I get it. You are investing too much time and money to not receive the goods you are promised. As a high school coach, however, the players’ attitudes over the years have changed from a team perspective to self. In my opinion, this is where the biggest problem lies. As parents, it is our job to keep perspective and to help keep our kids grounded. When you are investing all of this time and money, you need to be able to answer for yourself, What is our end goal? And does that goal match our child’s? Most people would say they are investing in hopes of it paying off with a college scholarship; however, there are no guarantees that will happen. In fact, the odds are that it will not. In my experience as a high school coach, even the girls who do attain that goal realize playing at the next level is not what they