Being a Godly Man in a Godless World

By Craig Starley

There is an epidemic wiping out many of our men. The cancer spreading throughout the country affects us all. The devastation causes broken marriages, leaves heartbroken children who have been caught in the crossfire, and offers lousy examples for the next generations to follow. The churches are filled with men who have no idea what constitutes a real man. We are so far from where God wants us to be.

In Being a Godly Man in a Godless World, author Craig Starley maintains there is only one cure to remove this cancer and cure the problem. It’s the Gospel. Through the lives of a host of men in the Bible—following the lead of the original godly man, Jesus—Starley examines what it means to be a real man.

Through scripture and Bible story examples, he shows that the definition of a real man can’t be found on television or in the movies. It can only be found by looking at Jesus Christ as the quintessential role model.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Aug 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9798385002979

Craig Starley

Craig Starley is a sinner saved by grace and has seen firsthand the need for men to just be real and transparent. He is a Knox Seminary graduate and is currently director of the men’s ministry at Coral Ridge undergoing the process of being a pastor. Starley is a father of four.

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BEING A GODLY MAN IN A GODLESS WORLD

CRAIG STARLEY

Copyright © 2023 Craig Starley.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by

any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author

except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

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views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the Holy

Bible, King James Version. (Public Domain)

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy

Bible, New International Version®, NIV®.

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™

Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0295-5 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0296-2 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0297-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023913141

WestBow Press rev. date: 07/26/2023

To all the men in our churches today who battle day-to-day with being godly men.

To Pastors Rob Pacienza and Duane Mellor, who truly do walk the walk.

To Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church and their unwavering teaching of the gospel.

To my children—Abigail, Joshua, Elijah, and Elizabeth—who have hopefully been able to witness in the life of their father what it means to follow the only real Man, Jesus.

And to Jesus Christ, who is the only hope any of us men have in trying to be godly men in a godless world.

CONTENTS

Introduction

PART 1

Defining What It Means to Be a Real Man

Chapter 1 The World’s Definition of Being a Real Man

Chapter 2 God’s Definition of Being a Real Man

Chapter 3 Transforming the World’s Man into God’s Definition of a Real Man

PART 2

Worldly Men in the Bible Who Became Godly Men

Chapter 4 John the Baptist: Being Separated

Chapter 5 Joshua: Being a Leader

Chapter 6 Joseph: Being a Man of Purity

Chapter 7 Jonathan: Having a True Friendship

Chapter 8 Noah: Listening, Not Just Hearing

Chapter 9 The Centurion: Having Unshakable Faith

Chapter 10 Daniel: Being a Witness in the Workplace

Chapter 11 David: Having True Repentance

Chapter 12 Abraham: Possessing Total Surrender

Chapter 13 Paul: Putting the Past in the Past

Chapter 14 Elisha: Seeing in the Supernatural

Chapter 15 Isaac: Being a Promise Keeper

Chapter 16 Hosea: Having Unconditional Love

Chapter 17 John the Beloved: Having Intimacy with the Lord

Chapter 18 Moses: Forgoing Prosperity for God’s Purpose

Chapter 19 Jehoshaphat: Being Committed to Prayer

PART 3

The Definition of a Godly Man Is Uncovered

Chapter 20 What Does a Godly Man Look Like?

Chapter 21 Final Warning

Afterword

Bibliography

INTRODUCTION

I remember watching a Mel Gibson movie, which left a profound imprint on my mind. No, it wasn’t The Passion of the Christ, and to be completely honest with all of you, it really wasn’t one of his most memorable movies. The movie was What Women Want. In this film, he got the idea of trying to figure out just exactly what it was that women really wanted. The answer wasn’t as difficult as you might think. Just three little words sum up the satisfaction factor for women. The answer to what women really want, he realized, was a real man. After watching that movie, I began to ask myself, What is a real man?

Is a real man what we see on television in the image of Tim Allen grunting on Home Improvement or a man in the delivery room who gets the first glimpse of his child and breaks down and cries? The question is still asked. Just what is a real man?

The society we live in defines a man much differently in different cultures.

If you were raised Mexican, men are defined by two terms: machismo men, who answer to no one; and caballero men, who are more understanding. If you were born in the Middle East, a man is defined more like the boss, who is concerned only with his voice, and all else is beneath him.

Which is right, or is there a wrong answer? I think to start defining a man, we must realize there are different seasons of being a man. As an adolescent, I think most of us would agree that being a man was having the most letters on your jacket and being on the most sports teams. When you walked into your classroom, girls would look at you and think, Wow, what a man!

Unfortunately, if you were the tuba player in the band, that reaction in most cases didn’t cross the girls’ minds. What if you didn’t play sports and were the guy on stage, singing or dancing while wearing tights? Weren’t you a man then?

As we got a little older, a man became defined as the guy who could drink the most at parties or sleep with the most girls. You really were a man if you had a lot of notches on your belt. What if you were the one who, instead of sleeping around, preferred to wait for that right girl he wanted to marry? Unfortunately, society defined you as far away from being the man you could be.

As we get older and responsibility becomes part of our vocabulary, we learn about the importance of having a job and being a man who gets defined by his occupation.

If we sign up for the armed forces to defend our country or become police officers and protect the city we live in, the world looks at us and says, That is a real man. If we decide to become a nurse because we have a compassionate heart for others or choose to be a hairstylist, in most societies in the world, that wouldn’t be the job a real man would take.

I remember one job I had as I got out of college was in construction. One requirement you might not be aware of for a construction worker was being able to whistle and say, Hey, mama really well. That is one most people outside the field wouldn’t know about, but trust me, it’s true. Whenever a beautiful woman (in some instances, any woman) passed by a construction site, loud whistles and Hey, mamas echoed throughout. Now, in that field, the whistlers are considered the real men. If you don’t join in on the revelry, you aren’t one of the guys.

I wonder, though, How did the women feel? Did they feel like the real man was the one whistling? Or did they prefer the more silent one as defining who the real man was?

Being a real man takes on a whole new meaning when you are a parent. Even as a parent, defining a real man has different meanings.

Is the real man the father in the stands who yells the loudest for his child as he or she scores the winning basket or the dad who consoles his child with a big double scoop of ice cream on Sunday because he or she missed the final basket? Which then is the real man?

As we grew up, society taught us not to show emotions. Because of that, defining a real man took on a whole new meaning. Men, when our twelve-year-old daughter tries to share her heart with us about issues that are upsetting her, our response is often, Go talk with your mother. This is because most men were never taught that the sensitive things of life should matter to them. Besides, that is why we have women, right?

When you become a husband, the definition of being a man gets confusing.

We have a picture in our minds of how our fathers were toward our mothers, and that example is how we think our marriages should be.

Where we really get confused is when our wives answer back or, better yet, puff up our pillow on the couch and say, Guess where you’re sleeping tonight. We are totally thrown for a loop because most of our moms never spoke back to our fathers, and we have no idea how to act.

Are you a real man when you face up to your actions leading up to that outcome, or is the real man the one who lays down the law with an iron fist?

If you are lucky enough to have time for a guys’ night out, is a real man the one who says, Guys, can I be honest with you? Is the real man the one who, when asked how his marriage is going, responds, Never better? Then the same guy goes home to an empty bed and a sad wife, and since he thinks he’s a real man, he has no idea what he did to deserve this.

The age-old dilemma ensues. How do we define what a real man is?

I think to be a real man, you have to be around a real man. If the role models we have still cannot help us define being real men, then what?

You cannot find what it means to be a real man on TV or in movies. Your friends probably have the same dilemma as you. That is why they are your friends. Your father, if truth be told, could have used better wisdom in defining being a man. So how then can the question that was first asked in Mel Gibson’s movie be answered?

If we truly want to understand how to be real men, we need to read about the original man’s man. This is the one who, though more powerful than any warrior, was as sensitive as a father weeping over the death of his child.

The man who defines what being a real man looks like is Jesus Christ.

Without knowing who He is, understanding the power of the gospel He preached, and having a relationship with Him to learn true wisdom, you will never be a real man.

If you admit that when it comes to understanding what it means to be a real man, you have no clue, then that is a good start.

This book was written because I, just like millions of men, have no idea about what it means to be a real man and have made such a mess by trying to fake my way through it. No longer do I want to act the part; I want to be the part.

Many men of the Bible did that; they were being the part when it came to defining being a real man. With just a glimpse into these men’s lives, my prayer is that we can all pick up on the attributes they possessed. Then, with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can combine all their qualities and finally be real men. Philippians 1:6 says, Being confident of this, that He who began the good work in me will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus (NIV).

PART 1

DEFINING WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A REAL MAN

CHAPTER 1

THE WORLD’S DEFINITION OF BEING A REAL MAN

In the 1980s, Bonnie Tyler sang a song that was an anthem for women in that era. It was I Need a Hero. The first line said it all: Where have all the good men gone? And she wasn’t the only person to ever bring attention to that question.

Wives have cried out after years of marriage, Where have all the men who keep their vows gone? Daughters have asked, Where are all the role models to teach me how a real man is supposed to act? Sons have wondered, Where was my father when it came to teaching me how to act as a real man in society? Bosses have searched applicant after applicant in hopes of finding a man with integrity. And churches have asked, Why are there so few men who truly want to follow God’s ways?

Yes, Bonnie, that question is asked by all and not just in the 1980s but throughout civilization.

In the beginning, God created man and looked upon his masterpiece and said, ‘It is good’ (Genesis 1:31 NIV).

Though God gave humans explicit instructions about what not to do, they decided to do the complete opposite. And the LORD commanded man, ‘You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die’ (Genesis 2:16–17 NIV).

Does that sound familiar? When we are told that we can have anything we want except this one little thing, our minds go right after what we are told we cannot have.

And this doesn’t apply only to adults. We even tell babies, No, you can’t go there. And the moment we turn away, the babies are right where they are told they shouldn’t be. Why is that? What makes us programmed to be so defiant? The answer is called sin.

When Adam did just the opposite of what God had asked him, he sinned. And just as God said, Surely you will die, he died. But it wasn’t death like we know it. It was separation from his loving Creator. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden (Genesis 3:8 NIV).

How sad. The one who so desired to have true fellowship with His children was now the one His children feared the most. Ever since then, humans have chosen a life of sin, and the world has suffered the ripple effect of that choice.

Apart from a relationship with the loving Savior, who loved humans so much that He gave His own life so we could be reconciled with Him, humans are still at odds with God and His ways. As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy (Ephesians 2:1–4 NIV).

The you Paul was writing about is all of us before coming to Jesus Christ. The last line helps us understand why those in this world ask, Where are all the good men? As it states, We were by nature objects of wrath. No longer were humans to be in perfect closeness with God but in nature (our own sin natures). Humans had become children of wrath. The true goal of all people of the world is to satisfy whatever their desires are.

The battle cry of the people of the world is me, mine, myself. How foolish are we to think that our ways are always right? But that is what Satan, the Father of Lies, tells us. As mentioned in the earlier verse, the god of this world is the one who deceived Adam in the garden and continues to try to keep blinders on us.

This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear will be exposed (John 3:19–20 NIV).

How then, if not by God’s standards, does the world define a real man?

One example is that men should never have to admit they might be wrong. They always know better. The result of this intelligence is that schools have removed mention of God, and children have been raised believing there is no wrong or right. It is whatever they feel that is okay to do.

And marriages have dissolved due to men being unwilling to admit their part in marital issues or that they might not have handled things correctly. Children grow up in their fathers’ footsteps, learning how to step on whomever to get whatever they want.

Another characteristic is that if you can talk the loudest and tune out what others are saying, you are a man. You need to always get your point across, have the last word, and not give anyone else the opportunity to speak his or her mind. These are also telltale signs of manhood in the world.

This has resulted once again in the breakup of marriages because instead of a man treating his wife as his partner, she has become his enemy, who wants nothing at all to do with him. She raises the children herself, and his children grow up thinking it’s okay not to share feelings because what they say means nothing. And the legacy of manhood continues.

The final sign of a real man is one who never shows emotions. This trait has obviously been handed down from generation to generation. When an issue is brought to a man’s attention that needs a little sensitivity, the reaction is often one of sternness and uncaring or wrong advice.

Men have been indoctrinated into believing that showing emotion, such as tears, is a sign of weakness and that the lack thereof is a sign of strength. When problems arise and there is no outlet displayed, open communication is replaced with escape. This comes in the way of doing drugs, committing adultery, or taking frustrations out on those close to him.

This is one of the worst character traits in the world’s definition of a man. Our wives need to see that their husbands care when they share their hearts. And children need to know they can come to the leader in the home. Even though Dad is the strong one, they need to believe he will still be there for them. They may need a shoulder to cry on or the right answers to their problems.

Outside of a personal relationship with the One who truly is the real man, this world perishes.

And depending on your family upbringing, generally speaking, the definition of being a man can be completely different. If you were raised Jewish, being a man might have meant staying at work late so you could be next in line to be the boss or own your own company. This way you made sure you had plenty of money to provide for the family but not much in the area of personal, family issues.

If you were brought up in a Catholic home, you may have witnessed that being a man meant believing in Jesus at church. But at home for some, a different side of love was displayed to you. And if you were raised in the Middle East, some families (still to this day) see a man as one who is willing to strap on a set of explosives and be a human weapon to kill the infidels. It is all for the sake of the god they follow—Allah.

Does that describe a real man?

The world has no clue about what it means to be a real man. And until one recognizes who the only real man is, one worth following, the cry will still go out. Where have all the good men gone? To get an even clearer look at the impact a man defined by the world’s standards versus one defined by God’s standards has on society, we need to take a look at two families. In A Spiritual Clinic, J. Oswald Sanders wrote,

Let me tell you a story of two neighbors. A man named Max Jukes lived in colonial New England. He was not a particularly evil man, but was simply profane and irreligious. Since he lived, he has had a total 1,062 descendants. Some 300 of them spent time on prison; 190 were prostitutes; 680 were alcoholics (some of these numbers may overlap). They cost the state hundreds of thousands of dollars and made no contributions to society at all significant enough to be recorded in history. Living at the same time and nearby, was a man named Jonathan Edwards. He was not only the greatest Christian thinker of his period and a leader in the First Great Awakening, but a genuinely Godly man whose love of Christ was reflected in his marriage and in his home. He has had 929 descendants (again, some of the following numbers probably overlap), 130 were pastors, 86 were university professors, 13 were university presidents, 75 wrote books, 5 served in the house of representatives, 2 in the senate, and one served as vice president of the United States. They have never cost the state one red cent, but they have contributed immeasurably to every area of public well-being.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth (Matthew 5:3–5 NIV).

QUESTIONS

1.Who was the biggest influence on you while growing up when it came to defining true manhood (negatively or positively)?

2.What are some of the misconceptions you have when it comes to what defines being a man now that you are a Christian?

3.Even though Eve ate the apple, Adam was held responsible. Why do you feel that was? And when it comes to your relationships (with your kids