The Illusion of Guilt

By Stephen Jay

Roy’s life was not going well. He was clever, very clever, but his boss didn’t like him and finding other jobs in the computer industry at the ripe old age of forty-five could be difficult. He had bought a house with his girlfriend, but she was leaving him because he was “too nice”. He would have the debts of the house plus old debts that he was still repaying. Then there was Rosemary, but she seemed preoccupied with her stalker who had threatened Roy, grabbing by the throat on one occasion. Would he end up like his friend Keith who drove to the top of a car park and jumped off?

However, Roy had done something remarkable: he had saved the life of a man at one of his favourite hiking spots. He didn’t know what this would mean at the time. Then he realised there were other options for the stalker and his boss. What would he do? Would he feel guilt or was guilt just an illusion?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Aug 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9781398499584

Stephen Jay

Stephen Jay retired from a successful career in the computer profession and started writing short stories and novellas. The Illusion of Guilt is his first novel and features a computer professional. Stephen recently moved to Devon and enjoys going for long walks where he clarifies his plots. He also enjoys reading, composing music, and hunting for antiques.

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About the Author

Stephen Jay retired from a successful career in the computer profession and started writing short stories and novellas. The Illusion of Guilt is his first novel and features a computer professional.

Stephen recently moved to Devon and enjoys going for long walks where he clarifies his plots. He also enjoys reading, composing music, and hunting for antiques.

Dedication

To my friend, Diane

Copyright Information ©

Stephen Jay 2023

The right of Stephen Jay to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781398499577 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781398499584 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published 2023

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®

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One

It was the summer of 2010; Roy Edmonds sat at his desk and stared at his screen. He was in a standard open plan office with a few meeting rooms off to the side, one of which had been converted into Bob’s office. Roy was forty-five years old. He had lost a lot of his dark brown hair, but at least it wasn’t all grey yet. He wasn’t tall, just about five-eight, and he had a bit of bulk which he saw as muscle. Today he was in one of those dreams that people get into when there’s not a lot of work to do. There were a few things he could find to keep himself busy, but he couldn’t progress his main work package because he was still waiting for the file structures from the analysts, as he had been for the last two weeks.

Bob’s voice boomed from within his office, Roy, can I have a word?

Roy went in and sat down. Bob was the same age as Roy and a little bit taller with a full head of brown hair. He often spoke as though he had just returned from an American style management course. Roy knew that Bob didn’t like him. Bob was savouring a cup of coffee, and, as usual, Roy had to wait until he had finished drinking it. Why he didn’t finish the coffee before calling him in was one of the lesser mysteries of the world.

Roy, I’m a bit concerned about progress. Bob often started quietly but would then build up to a crescendo.

I’ve been waiting for the confirmation of the file structures from Fiona, Roy replied.

And yet on Fiona’s progress chart she confirmed them three weeks ago.

Ah, the old ‘put him in a position to drop his colleagues in it’ tactic. Then those preliminary samples are confirmed I suppose, said Roy.

Of course, they are, said Bob, impatience beginning to show, indeed, he seemed to be in a permanent near-angry state.

You say that, Bob, but if you recall, when Pascal went ahead and programmed the direct debits he used the wrong formats; years out of date. I had to work weekends and nights to write all his stuff again, since, as a contractor, he had moved on. Roy had a thing about contractors moving on though he fancied being one himself, but the market was too dire at the present time.

Okay, that was a year ago, and I gave you carte blanche to get that done because I was getting grief from above. But, let’s be frank, I only have your view of Pascal’s work and it’s no secret that you don’t like contractors.

Strange, this always seemed to happen. No one else volunteered to sort out Pascal’s work and the team was in trouble. Roy was there when they needed him and now? It wasn’t just at work this happened – it was everything. He thought of Vicky and what would happen tonight when he got home. They had agreed to have a frank discussion. Since Rosemary had started working at Kostel the idea that Vicky and he were finished seemed more palatable. Vicky probably felt the same, hence the frank discussion that they were going to have.

You’ve got your review this afternoon, Roy, and… Bob stopped and saw the blankness in Roy’s face. Roy! he shouted.

Okay, Bob, I’ll get on and check with Fiona, said Roy, startled.

As I was saying, Roy, you have your review this afternoon with personnel and I think it obvious that I have not given you a glowing report.

Roy replied, That doesn’t sound fair to me. I always seem to get the difficult work and the smallest timescales.

This meeting’s over now, you can have your say with personnel, Bob said abruptly.

Roy thought it was time to have a coffee. He loosened his shirt as the sweat was annoying him. What sort of man gets into a sweat every time he has a petty argument?

Rosemary appeared at the coffee machine. Hey, Roy.

Hey, Rosemary.

You’re right you know, I’ve not been here long but I’ve noticed you do seem to get the difficult jobs and the good stuff here always has your name on it.

Oh, you heard that, thanks, don’t worry about it. Anyway, how are things going with you? The travelling is not getting too much is it? Roy knew that Rosemary had a bit of a journey.

Well, what I’ve decided to do is to stay at the Kerridge two nights a week, so I’ve booked in next Tuesday. She smiled at him as she spoke.

Sounds like a plan.

Yes, it will give me a break, and I can spend some time looking at those generic routines you showed me.

Well, if you have any problems with them just ask, said Roy.

Rosemary hesitated and said, Well, actually, since you’re under pressure from Bob during the day, I wondered if you could come around to the hotel and explain all your clever stuff. I’d just be watching TV in my room anyway.

Roy thought for a minute, not about whether to go to the hotel, that was a given but he wondered if anyone had told her he was attached. He decided to keep that fact quiet for the time being; anyway he suspected that Vicky wanted to end it. He would keep it to a work only meeting with Rosemary and impress her with his brains.

Okay, fine, Tuesday about six thirty?

Rosemary smiled again. Yes, it’s an appointment.

She walked off with her coffee. Rosemary had long blonde hair and a slim body. She looked in her early thirties but was thirty-seven, which was three years older than Vicky. Roy knew this because he had hacked into the personnel files. Though, not proper hacking, he had written the employee database and had the master password as well as the secret wizard password that he had created just in case someone changed the master password. Whether or not this was a good thing he hadn’t decided. Seeing everyone else’s salary had its drawbacks, since the people on his level were all paid more than he was. He also had access to the contractors’ database and their rates were just silly! So it all just fed into his general resentment.

Roy went back to his desk and checked through his email. Fiona had a habit of putting everything in emails even though they could see each other from across the office. Damn, there it was three weeks ago, at the end of an email about a totally different subject.

In his mind he mimicked Fiona’s shrill voice Oh and btw the client has confirmed those file structures. Roy was having a bad day! Never mind he would whizz through it all this afternoon and stay late to finish, no one knew how quick he could really be when he put his mind to it. Then he remembered; personnel this afternoon; Vicky this evening. Damn again. At least it was Friday.

The drive home found Roy considering his bad day. The meeting with personnel was a disaster. It appeared that Bob was on the verge of giving him an official warning. He made his protest but it’s strange how one person in power can make life so difficult for another. He wondered about the morals of the situation but his old business partners had made him cynical about morality in the commercial world.

He thought of Vicky and their first meeting in a wine bar, a young attractive girl taking him seriously was a novelty; he assumed it was a joke or a bet! The reality was that she was coming out of a relationship and wanted someone safe. Things went really well, they bought the house together, but neither of them had much money. They even talked about kids. Just sometimes Vicky got carried away when they were in bed, you can be rough with me you know, slap me around. Roy was not a rough, slap-her-around sort of guy and told her it would never happen. He sensed a frustration in her and he tried to avoid the subject, but she would keep coming back to it which embarrassed Roy if he were being honest. She also spoke about her last boyfriend who was also too nice, but at least he tried.

She worked in marketing but recently had been made redundant. Roy had noticed she used her laptop a lot more, and when she asked him to sort out a problem he saw her internet history was being removed automatically. Though he felt bad about it he still set up a logging program to keep her history and send it to his own computer. That was certainly an eye opener. They hadn’t been very intimate lately either and then one day Roy glimpsed her in the shower, something he had been fond of doing, and discovered that she must have found her slap-me-around guy. He was ready for their talk as he turned into the drive and parked the car. He then did his customary wave at his high definition security camera which he had installed a couple of weeks earlier. The novelty would wear off no doubt.

Vicky had made pizza and a bottle of wine was open and half drunk.

How was work? she asked.

Roy was a bit taken aback with this rare enquiry, so he just replied, Same as always.

Bob still trouble?

Yes, I just don’t know what he has against me.

He’s probably just jealous, you know, he can’t do it himself, so he resents those that can.

It’s certainly true that he’s one of the ones that can’t, though I guess he would say he always wanted to be the manager!

Vicky became serious. Look, I have to tell you something.

Right, I’ve sort of been expecting something.

Okay, you know we’ve always been honest with each other, so I won’t drag this out. I’m leaving.

Well, that’s straight to the point, said Roy. I guess you’ve found someone else?

Vicky answered, Yes, I’m sorry; things haven’t been great here lately have they? I won’t mess about, so I’ll pack tonight and be gone tomorrow. I’ll sign over my part of the house next week.

She meant her part of the debt but he guessed it was the best he’d get. Thanks to his former business partners, he had never really saved any money, so he had a big mortgage and the house was in negative equity. They bought at a peak and property values had been declining ever since. Still, maybe that would change and then it would all be his.

I guess you’ve found your Percy Grainger, quipped Roy. He knew Vicky would understand and he thought a bit of humour was appropriate.

Vicky smiled and said, You know all about me, I really have to do this, sorry.

Roy said, I’ll sleep down here tonight and go for one of my hikes tomorrow, so I’ll be gone when you get up.

And I’ll be gone when you come home, no point in dragging this out and Tony has plenty of space for me.

Plenty of space? queried Roy.

Yes, I’ll have my own rooms, it’s a big house.

Oh, interesting, there are other people in the house?

Yes, look I’ve spent time there. I’m happy about it but just to satisfy your curiosity there are other women at the house, it’s a big house, like a guest house.

Roy considered whether any further questioning was necessary but decided against it. Vicky was an intelligent adult capable of making her own decisions and, in all likelihood, he would hardly ever see her again. She had had safe and now wanted edgy.

He couldn’t help himself when he said, If anything goes wrong, think of me as a friend to turn to.

There you go being nice again, said Vicky with smile.

I just don’t want you to be hurt, said Roy, then added grinning, I mean emotionally.

Vicky thought for a minute and said, Best forget all about me, I really care about you and I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but I can’t help the way I am. I thought I could change and …

Roy interrupted, I know I was just an experiment for a couple of years, but we’ve had some good times, so let’s just leave it at that. I really hope things go well for you.

And that was that. Roy had always known that Vicky was the moving force in the relationship. She picked him up, she decided when to move in and now she’s deciding when to move out. He thought that two years may have deserved more discussion but it would be of no use. The trouble was that there was no doubting that he still loved her.

They embraced and Roy closed his eyes as he realised this was the last time she would be in his arms. Vicky went upstairs with the rest of her pizza to sort out her belongings, while Roy got his hiking bits and pieces together for the morning.

Two

There’s nothing like an early summer morning thought Roy as he was driving to his favourite peaceful hiking spot. He had found the place a few years ago. He could park his car in a large lay-by where it couldn’t be seen from the road and then walk on to a track that went for miles up a small incline, enough to feel like a proper workout. He guessed the forestry commission could get up there but he doubted if anyone else would bother. Then after about five miles, hidden behind the trees was a lake. Roy called it his secret lake. All the times he had been there he had never seen another soul.

He parked the car at six thirty, still early but it was already getting hot on another lovely June day. It was quiet, the warmth had created a mist and there was that smell of summer as the birds were flying around with urgency to feed their young. He opened the boot, hid his mobile under the mat and put on his backpack; did he really need all this stuff? Camping stove, sandwiches, sausages, tea, milk, enough water for a bath? Sometimes he thought about staying the night at the lake and he had always been obsessive about being prepared. Anyway, the extra weight would be good for his new fitness regime; he always had a new fitness regime.

He started walking, the weight didn’t seem too bad and it was only five miles to the lake. He would hide his things there and then carry on up the track with his small rucksack to explore. As he walked he thought about going back to his empty house that evening. He worried about Vicky, and her decision to embrace her curious lifestyle. He wasn’t naive in these things but had never found anything attractive in the kinky side of sexuality; to him it was just funny. He hoped she would be safe and remembered her words best forget all about me. That might be difficult. He had found work to be the answer to most problems, but not with Bob in charge; he was a nightmare.

Why doesn’t he like me? Roy said loudly. I’m adorable. He laughed out loud and started skipping along like a child.

He arrived at the lake feeling quite hot and sticky. He had noticed that there had been signs of traffic on the track recently so was glad when he discovered that nobody was there. It was more overgrown than ever and it was difficult to find a route through the bushes. He always ruffled up the brush behind him, so that no one would know he was there. He found a nice spot in the trees and decided to have a lie down for a few minutes before embarking on the second stage of his little hike. He used his smaller rucksack as a pillow and it wasn’t long before he dropped off to sleep and started dreaming of Vicky, Bob, Fiona, Rosemary, driving, running, all sorts of things. It was one of those dreams that moved at a fast pace flipping from event to event. He woke up feeling perfectly relaxed and peaceful. If only he could feel like this all the time, must be his head getting rid of the mental detritus. He decided to have a cup of tea and a croissant, lovely.

As he was savouring the almond croissant with his tea he thought he heard a car. Yes, it was a car he realised, getting louder. Damn, he hoped it would drive on passed the lake, his lake, but it didn’t. He heard some doors slamming and a couple of manly voices. He quickly looked around and made sure he wasn’t visible; he hadn’t come here to meet people. He settled behind the bushes, so he could just see through, and there was no way they could see him. Then he could hear them talking.

No one ever comes here for God’s sake.

I didn’t sign up for this mate.

Well, you’re in it now up to your eyeballs.

Roy could see the men now; they were carrying what looked like a sack. Then the sack moved. What was it, a dog? Too small for a man surely, a child? Roy