Living To Love You

By KD Bryan

Your first love is the one you'll always remember...and keep returning to if the flame never completely dies.
Rob Santos has spent years dancing around his relationship with Jillian Barnes, the strong and fiercely independent woman who's owned his heart since he was a teen. The star-crossed lovers haven't made it easy on the ones who love them, or themselves, while their stubborn pride has ruled the direction of their lives.
Until Rob receives a call that has the potential to change everything, and Jillian needs him like never before. They're facing the fight of their lives, and suddenly all of the issues that seemed so relevant before are no longer important. All that matters now is Rob's determination to help the woman he loves as Jillian fights for the future they were destined to have together.

• Language: English
• Publisher: KD Bryan
• Release date: Oct 10, 2016
• ISBN: 9781005853136

KD Bryan

KD Bryan is an author of adult contemporary romance. She has always loved to write and finally decided to pursue her dream. A journalism major first, she then changed direction later to pursue a different career path. The love of books and reading have brought her full circle back to her dream of someday writing a book and getting it into the hands of readers. Her current projects include the Santos Family Series, as well as a new contemporary romance release "One Perfect Play".KD Bryan resides in the Midwest with her husband and teenage son and St. Louis Cardinal's baseball is a staple at their house from spring until fall!

Book preview

Chapter One

The late morning flow of traffic was light on I-270 as Rob Santos made his way across the city, and he loved it when he had the opportunity to push his sporty ride to the limit. Speed was his weakness, and it always had been. Rob even wondered occasionally if he hadn’t missed his true calling in life because a career as an Indie or NASCAR driver might’ve suited his personality better. Fortunately for him, his current gig as an investment and portfolio manager was working out pretty well, too, for that matter.

Rob sighed thinking it was a little too late for that pipe dream anyway. At thirty years old his career choice was cemented in place, not to mention that he also loved what he did and had no regrets in that realm of his life. Rob had known back in high school that following in his dad’s footsteps was what he wanted to do. He’d even worked every summer in his dad’s firm recognizing the importance of hands-on experience even then.

So like his new car, Rob felt his career choice was a perfect fit for him. The world of finance still fascinated him to this day, and he took great pride in helping people grow their money as they secured their financial future. Rob also knew he had a knack for taking money and making more money with it. Acquiring it was something that most people worked hard to do, and Rob respected that. In turn, he worked hard for his clients to make the most of their investments.

Although it was true he’d received a sizable fortune from his maternal grandparents, Rob understood the importance of carefully managing and maintaining what you had. Some might say that Rob’s new car was a spending whim since his latest purchase was by far the most extravagant he’d ever made. When he’d walked into the Porsche dealership several weeks ago, the sales person who’d greeted him hadn’t realized that he was about to have a very good sales day. Rob had basically sat down and ordered his new car without preamble. A few weeks later he was the proud Papa of an Agate Gray Metallic Porsche Cayman GTS. His baby had three-hundred and forty horses under the hood, and could do zero to sixty in four-point-six seconds. And that fact alone could make him smile like a little kid on Christmas morning.

Rob smiled now when he noticed several other drives admiring his car, and he couldn’t stop his widening grin either as he thought back to his mom’s reaction to his new ride. He’d stopped by his parents’ house a few days after picking up the car, and had parked it proudly in their drive. Rob had found his Abuela Rosita in the kitchen that afternoon and had thanked everything above that she’d been cooking. Known for his voracious appetite, Rob had immediately kissed his grandmother and then grabbed a plate in that order. He’d piled his plate with food and was just taking his first bite when his mom had hit the room.

He’d known by the look on her face that she’d noticed what was parked out front when Sylvia had marched up to her middle child and started her rant. "Roberto Luis Santos! Seriously, darling, another death trap of a sports car? Would it be too much to ask for a larger, much safer SUV or car? You know that Mother worries frantically about you driving those things."

Rob had swallowed his bite of food and grinned at his mom. Mom, chill out. My new ride is safe, and you know I can handle it. I’ve been driving sports cars for years and nothing’s happened.

About that time Rosita walked past, and Rob smirked as she crossed herself and began muttering in Spanish. The women in his life had absolutely no faith in him, and where was his dad when he needed him for back-up? Fortunately, Rob knew how to distract Sylvia from this subject since he had it down to an art form.

Hey, Mom, how’s Miguel’s and Ansley’s wedding plans coming along? I know you went down there last week with Ansley’s mom for a big wedding conference, he inquired.

Rob knew he’d chosen the right diversion tactic when Sylvia immediately launched into a blow by blow account of all things wedding related. The wedding was taking place in Pensacola in two weeks, so they were down to crunch time. Truthfully, like most men Rob wasn’t really interested in ribbon colors or flower centerpieces. He was in the wedding party of course, but his little brother the groom knew the drill. Send a text to the guys with the info on where to get fitted for your tux, as well as what day and time to show up for the ceremony. It was actually pretty simple from a guy’s standpoint…very little fuss, and minimal communication required.

It was now a few weeks later and Rob was still enjoying his new ride, as well as all the attention he received while driving it. Other guys drooled with envy, while women looked at both him and the car with a predatory glance. Rob appreciated all the beckoning expressions on the women’s faces, but he was content to just nod and smile before driving away.

A few hours later, Rob was feeling pretty accomplished after leaving a late morning meeting at St. Elizabeth’s Medical Center with a long-time client of his firm. The client in question was an extremely busy neurosurgeon with very limited free time outside of his practice. Rob understood busy, which was why he was willing to accommodate a high-profile client with a personal visit to the doctor’s office. Rob had been unusually busy himself these past two weeks since returning from Pensacola and Miguel’s wedding. He’d actually taken a few days off after the wedding festivities to enjoy the Florida gulf coast and soak up some sun. Franco Cortez, as well as a few of Rob’s cousins, had stayed behind with him and they’d thoroughly enjoyed their time away. Beaching it by day, and clubbing by night, they’d partied for a few days before Rob and Franco had flown back to St. Louis.

Rob was back in work mode now and hitting it hard once again, hence his meeting this morning. He drove his Porsche from the hospital parking garage only to cruise to a standstill when he was caught by a red light at the next corner. As he sat idly looking across the street, a lone figure walking toward the entrance to the hospital instantly caught his eye. Rob quickly checked the status of the light, and then craned his neck to get a better look. Shock registered when he realized his first instinct had been right. He’d know the tall, gorgeous blonde that was walking past anywhere in the world, and he continued to watch closely as Jillian opened the door and disappeared from sight.

What was she doing in St. Louis? The last time they’d spoken she’d been heading to Greece. Totally confused, Rob had no idea why she was home. And if he were being completely honest, he also felt the sting of disappointment that she hadn’t contacted him. On impulse, Rob activated his calling system as he pulled into traffic again. His older sister answered on the first ring and he asked, Hey, I guess you’re not at work after all, right?

He heard Carli’s laugh on her end as she replied, No, what gave it away, Roberto? You did call my cell, you know.

Too distracted to take the bait, Rob said, Carli, I just saw Jillian going into St. Elizabeth’s a few minutes ago. I thought maybe she was meeting you for lunch or something.

Are you sure, Rob? She’s not even in the country. The last time we spoke a few days ago she was still in Greece, said Carli, the doubt evident as she spoke.

The questioning tone in Carli’s voice didn’t surprise Rob because he was just as confused as his sister was doubtful.

Rob changed lanes and thought for a moment. I thought she was in Greece, too. I haven’t spoken to her in a while, but that’s where she was headed then.

There was silence on Carli’s end as she thought for a moment. Rob, I have no idea what’s going on. She hasn’t contacted me, and that’s completely off as you know.

"I agree, Carli. Jillian might not call me for whatever reason, but not calling you is totally out of character," said Rob with a hint of resignation.

Carli could hear the underlying hurt in Rob’s voice, and her heart went out to him. When are they ever going to get it together she wondered for the umpteenth time.

Listen, I’ll call her right now and find out what’s going on. As soon as I know something, I’ll call and fill you in, okay?

Rob agreed, because really what choice did he have? Obviously Jillian was here in St. Louis and of all places, at the hospital. Evidently something was going on that she didn’t want her best friend or her what, knowing…Rob never knew how to describe what he was to Jillian, or her to him. As time passed he realized that fact bothered him like never before. Now she was here, and he wondered if she needed him. He’d certainly needed her last year when Miguel had been injured. Rob had flown to Germany with his parents, and Jillian had stayed with them for five days until she was forced to leave again due to work.

The two of them had spent five days and nights together, which Rob knew he’d never forget. Although the situation and circumstances had been less than ideal, Jillian had been his anchor as Rob had tried to support his parents as well as his brother. Their time together in Germany had only reinforced what both of them knew, but for whatever reason they couldn’t or wouldn’t admit out loud. They did need one another…and Rob was beginning to seriously question how much longer they could bury that truth beneath too much pride, and stubbornness, to do anything about it.

Admittedly, Rob’s and Jillian’s history together was long and dated as far back as high school. Jillian had been a permanent fixture at their house for years, and Rob had never really given it any thought. Then suddenly he was a teenager, and she was the beautiful older friend of his sister’s. Jillian was fun and brash at times, but Rob had been attracted to her personality without question. He’d kept his crush on Jillian to himself for years, but had taken every opportunity to be around her when he could. She’d flirted with him mercilessly at times, causing Rob to retreat to their home gym to work off some of the sexual frustration he was feeling. He’d been a seventeen year old guy with raging hormones, and Jillian had simply been fuel to his fire. She’d eventually left for Chicago to attend college, and Rob had missed her more than he’d even admitted to himself.

Eventually Rob had left for his freshman year at college where he’d enjoyed every minute of his academic life. His classes seemed tailor-made for him, and he’d excelled in the business oriented environment of his degree choice. Rob had even dated a couple of girls he’d met at fraternity parties, but he hadn’t wanted to be tied down his first year away from home. He’d kept the dating casual, and most of his weekends left open to party with friends when he wanted. The first year of school had flown by, and before Rob realized it he was headed home to work with his dad for the summer as usual.

Jillian had been home that summer, too, and they’d bumped into one another the first week after she’d arrived from Chicago. Of course Jillian and Carli had been inseparable at first, spending their days together shopping or laying by the Santos’ pool. Rob had noticed that Jillian seemed to make an effort to talk to him whenever he was around, and the flirting had definitely kicked up a notch. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like Carli’s younger brother as much, but rather a guy who had a hot girl interested in him. They’d eventually admitted their attraction to one another and gone out on a date. Of course Carli hadn’t been thrilled about it, but they’d both eventually worn her down. She’d finally agreed they were old enough to know their own minds, and had given them her blessing.

That summer was one like Rob had never experienced before. He and Jillian had spent all of their free time together, and had taken their relationship to the next level soon after they began dating. Their physical attraction to one another was explosive, and sleeping with Jillian had been as natural as breathing. They were as compatible in bed as they were out, and had fun no matter what they were doing. Summer had ended, though, along with the realization that their fling was about to end as well. Rob wasn’t sure where Jillian pictured their relationship going once they returned to school, but he didn’t have to wonder for long.

Their last week together had been bittersweet, and Rob had finally worked up the courage to broach the subject of their relationship status with Jillian. After a lengthy discussion, they’d both realized they didn’t want things to end just because they were returning to school. Although they knew a long distance relationship would be anything but easy, they’d both been committed to at least trying to make it work.

Surprisingly, they’d managed to make it work for quite some time. Eventually, though, Jillian had graduated and returned to St. Louis to take a job. She was no longer a student, but a young woman starting her career in fashion which included long hours and quite a bit of travel. Things between the two of them had slowed down because both time and distance had eventually taken their toll. Rob was busy with school, and Jillian was busy with work. As a result they’d finally called things off and decided to go their separate ways at the time.

Rob’s last two years of college were the toughest yet, and he’d worked hard graduating with honors in his field. His social life had slowed somewhat, too, and he’d only dated sporadically during that time. Truthfully, his thoughts were never far from the one woman who’d been a part of his life for so long. Even though they were no longer a couple, he and Jillian would still manage to get together whenever he went home. They never told anyone else about their impromptu time together after deciding it was less complicated to keep things on the down low.

Returning to St. Louis after graduation had been the culmination of all of Rob’s hard work, and something he’d been looking forward to. His enthusiasm had taken a hit, though, when he’d arrived back home to learn that Jillian was dating someone. Rob hadn’t harbored any concrete thoughts of them officially getting back together, but he certainly hadn’t been prepared for Jillian seeing someone else either. The news had felt like a punch to the gut when Carli had finally told him, but he’d simply pretended it hadn’t affected him. After all, no one knew that he and Jillian had still been seeing one another sporadically for two years.

Settling into his new career had come easily to Rob, and he’d quickly realized that working in his dad’s firm was a perfect fit for him. Overall things were good, and he’d settled into the role of a young and upcoming businessman without any problems. Everything had changed again, however, when he was out one evening with a group of friends. They were at a popular club when one of the guys in their party had nudged him saying, Santos, isn’t that your former flame out on the dance floor? Damn, she’s as hot as ever, man!

Rob had turned in the direction Brett was pointing and that’s when he saw her. Jillian was on the floor and yes, she was as hot as ever. She’d been dancing with some tall dude who Rob hadn’t recognized, but he was almost certain it wasn’t the guy she’d reportedly been seeing for a few months. Not wanting to jump to any early conclusions, he’d quickly reminded himself that the boyfriend could be sitting somewhere while Jillian danced with a friend. Later that evening, though, he’d literally bumped into Jillian at the bar where they’d stood talking. She’d casually mentioned that she was no longer seeing anyone, and then explained that she was simply out with a group of friends celebrating someone’s birthday.

Unable to stay away, Rob had eventually found her again later and they’d danced together several times that night. True to form for the two of them, Jillian had ended up in a cab with him later and hadn’t left his apartment until late Sunday evening. And just like that it’d been on again with the two of them. They’d started seeing one another, and things had been great… until they no longer were.

She loved him, and he loved her…

but it wasn’t that simple.

-curiano.com

Chapter Two

The drive back to his office was a blur of uneasy tension for Rob after speaking with his sister. He’d willed his phone to ring the whole drive back, but unfortunately it hadn’t. Rob knew that Carli would call him, of that he was certain. His older sister understood better than anyone about the tie that had never really been severed between him and Jillian. Carli had stuck by them both through thick and thin even during the periods when Rob was certain she’d wanted to throw her hands up and walk away.

Arriving back at his office, Rob dropped his briefcase onto the corner of his desk and rounded it taking a seat in his chair. Thankfully the surface looked fairly clear at the moment other than a few asset and liability statements which needed his review later. The meeting this morning had also generated some work for his client’s portfolio, but it was nothing that couldn’t wait. Still preoccupied with thoughts of Jillian, Rob swiveled his chair around to take in the view of the city outside his office window. His subsequent phone call to Carli kept replaying in his head as he waited for her return call, and Rob was reaching the end of his patience when his phone chimed with an incoming call. Grabbing it, Rob looked down and sighed in relief when he saw Carli’s name flash at the top of the screen.

Without even a hello, he asked, Did you reach her? What’s going on, Carli?

Carli wasn’t really surprised when her brother answered her call with questions rather than a greeting. She’d picked up on his concern when they’d spoken earlier, but unfortunately she still had no news that would help reassure him.

Rob, her phone is repeatedly going to voicemail. I’m sorry, honey, but she’s just not answering. I’ve left two messages telling her to call me ASAP. I know she will, but in the meantime I just don’t have an answer for you. I’m sorry…I wish that I did, offered Carli.

Rob blew out a frustrated breath while running a hand back through his hair. He was seriously considering getting back into his car and driving to the hospital again, but realistically he knew Jillian was probably gone by this time.

Okay, Carli. Thanks for calling me back anyway. I guess we have no choice but to wait Jillian out until she gets around to returning your calls. Whenever that will be, added Rob on a sour note. Jillian Nicole Barnes usually marched to her own tune, and everyone else either fell into step with her or got out of the way.

Carli could hear the disappointment in her brother’s tone, and as always her heart went out to him when it concerned Jillian. The two women had practically been inseparable since second grade, but Carli wasn’t immune or blind to the ways of her best friend.

A moment later Carli glanced over to check on her twin daughters and an idea hit her. Walking toward the girls, she said into the phone, Rob, hold on a minute.

Carli crouched on the floor beside the two and got Pilar’s and Malaya’s attention. "Girls, say hi to Tio Rob. Come on, we’ve been practicing. Momma knows you can do it," she coaxed.

Rob found himself smiling for the first time in hours as he listened to his sister coaching his twin nieces. Finally he heard a sweet little voice say, Hi.

Carli laughed and informed him, That was Pilar of course. Malaya is frowning and reaching for the phone wanting to chew on it.

Rob chuckled and added, "Yeah, she really is her Tia Isa made over, isn’t she?"

Oh, you have no idea! Reid cringes every time I bring it up, laughed Carli. On a more serious note she added, I thought maybe a hello from your nieces might cheer you up. Rob, let’s not jump to conclusions and worry until we know more, okay?

I know you’re right, Sis. It just makes me crazy, though, after seeing her at the hospital of all places, and then finding out she hasn’t even called you, complained Rob.

I understand, Rob. I really do…you know that, said Carli. If anyone understood, it was definitely the one who’d had a front row seat all these years to the saga that was Rob and Jillian.

After hanging up with Carli, Rob sat back in his chair and stared out again at the city skyline. Despite his best efforts to redirect his thoughts they immediately returned to Jillian. They’d been seeing one another sporadically for quite some time again, and Rob knew they needed to make some decisions. Definitive decisions…something that would actually be a first for the two of them.

Rob’s thoughts suddenly shifted back to the period of time leading up to their two year hiatus from one another. They’d been together for several months after reconnecting back in St. Louis, and things had seemingly been going great. Eventually, though, Rob had started picking up on the fact that Jillian was ready to move their relationship forward to the next level. Rob hadn’t been so much.

Rob recalled the pain and confusion of knowing he was hurting the person he cared most about, but being honest enough to admit he simply wasn’t ready for the same level of commitment as Jillian. He’d started working on his Master’s Degree by then, and was once again involved in school as well as work. The two of them were having fun simply being young and together, as well as enjoying their respective careers. At least that’s how Rob had viewed their situation, but Jillian’s thoughts had been running more toward the future…the immediate future.

Even though they’d each had their own apartment, they’d basically spent most nights together at each other’s places. The first hint that things were changing came one night when Jillian casually mentioned how silly it seemed to be paying rent for two places. Rob could remember the unease that had skirted down his spine at her comment. He hadn’t been ready to tackle that subject at the time, so he’d basically ignored it and changed the subject.

A few weeks later Jillian had become upset one night when after being out with his friends, Rob had sent her a text saying he was staying at his apartment that night. Truthfully, he’d had too much to drink and his place was closer which required less effort to get there from where he was. Jillian hadn’t taken it that way at all, and basically accused him of not wanting to be with her. From that night on, their relationship had taken a turn…and not a positive one. They’d begun to argue over stupid, unimportant things that had never been a problem before. Rob had started spending more nights at his own place simply because he was tired of feeling like nothing he did was right anymore.

Things had finally come to a head while attending the wedding of some friends a short time later. Jillian had served as a bridesmaid, while Rob had just hung out with other friends who were there as well. The bride had thrown her bouquet as customary, and Jillian had been the one to catch it. Of course Rob had received the expected ribbing from his friends about being next, but he’d good-naturedly ignored it. After one too many beers, though, Rob hadn’t responded well to a comment along those same lines made by the groom later in the evening. The groom had said that his new bride had caught the bouquet at a friend’s wedding they’d attended, and the next thing he’d known he was buying an engagement ring.

Rob had merely shrugged off the comment with a wave of his beer bottle saying, Well, that won’t be me, sucker! I can guarantee you that shit won’t be happening for a long while yet.

It was too late for Rob to retract his callus comment before realizing Jillian had heard what he’d said. He’d been standing with his back to the doorway and hadn’t realized she’d entered the room when the sounds of laughter around him had abruptly stopped. Glancing over his shoulder, Rob saw Jillian standing there wearing a devastated expression. At that moment Rob had realized that yes, this was where Jillian saw them heading in the near future. Marriage, a house, and eventually a family. He finally understood why things had changed recently, and it was suddenly crystal clear. Jillian was slowly coming to terms with the fact that Rob wasn’t in the same place that she was, and most likely wasn’t going to be for some time to come.

Jillian had taken a cab back to her own place that night while Rob had done the same. They hadn’t spoken for two days following the incident at the reception, and Rob had no idea what to say to her anyway. They were basically at a stalemate, and they both knew it. The two of them wanted different things, and neither was willing or able to change how they felt. Jillian was ready to start moving toward a life that included the things Rob wasn’t ready to commit to. It wasn’t that Rob wanted anyone else…not at all. That hadn’t been the situation, which was the one thing Rob had known for certain. He’d known even then that Jillian was under his skin like no one else ever had been, or probably ever would be.

Rob swiveled his chair back around and rested both arms on the surface of his desk. Seeing Jillian today had obviously triggered something making him dig up painful memories that he’d kept buried. Maybe it was just the unknown of what she was doing back in St. Louis, and at the hospital. Rob grimaced as he acknowledged the fact that not knowing what Jillian was doing wasn’t new to him. They’d been apart for two years after their last official break-up, and for the first time they’d actually cut all ties with one another.

Leaning back again, Rob rested his head against the soft leather and absently played with a pen on his desk. The first few months following his and Jillian’s break-up had been some of the darkest of Rob’s life. He’d been consumed with guilt because he’d known that Jillian was hurting, and he was the reason why. For several weeks Carli had refused to discuss anything related to Jillian claiming she simply couldn’t put herself in the middle of their situation. Rob could still recall the day Carli had shown up at his apartment wanting to finally talk about Jillian, but only because she’d come to tell him that Jillian was leaving