Breaking Chains – ‘The Word’

By Laura Mansell

Childhood abuse and trauma has consequences: black holes, where voids are born, mental ill health acquired and self-love diminished. The cause of these voids and the power to heal them lies solely in one force alone, or lack thereof, and this force is love.

Let’s journey together sharing knowledge, vulnerabilities, synchronicities and the word of God, of pure, unconditional Love, through a memoir incorporating science, nurture, toxicity, personality and the true depths of the void. We will analyse, psychologise and be present in our own individual stories, breaking chains that bind us in order to truly heal and be set free, turning black holes into shining stars.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Aug 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9781035812769

Laura Mansell

Laura Mansell holds a first class honours degree and postgraduate diploma in adult nursing, and has additional qualifications in neuro-linguistic programming and life coaching. Using reflections of her own childhood and subsequent adulthood abuse, trauma and the effects of this onher mental and physical health, she aims to analyse toxic behavioural patterns and use the word of God and prayer as a powerful tool for healing.

Book preview

About the Author

Laura Mansell holds a first class honours degree and post-graduate diploma in adult nursing, and has additional qualifications in neuro-linguistic programming and life coaching. Using reflections of her own childhood and subsequent adulthood abuse, trauma and the effects of this on her mental and physical health, she aims to analyse toxic behavioural patterns and use the word of God and prayer as a powerful tool for healing.

Dedication

To my Mum: Thank you for everything. I love you always.

To my Brothers: Proverbs 17:17. Thank you for always protecting, supporting and believing in me.

To Melody: My Sister, My Friend. My inspiration.

A light in the darkness.

Copyright Information ©

Laura Mansell 2023

The right of Laura Mansell to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

All of the events in this memoir are true to the best of author’s memory. The views expressed in this memoir are solely those of the author.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781035812752 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781035812769 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published 2023

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®

1 Canada Square

Canary Wharf

London

E14 5AA

Backstory

Isaiah 48:10: Behold, I have refined you, but not with silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

It has been a good while since I attended church. The last time I encountered the pure, unreversed love of my creator in the presence of his faithful followers was back in or around the millennium.

I gave my life to God at the age of 11. I had always known that there was more to my existence, my thoughts, my feelings and my uniqueness than a simple explosion of matter.

My God is an awesome God.

I trundled through life and faith for a number of years. Growing up surrounded by friends and acquaintances who went to church, sang the hymns, listened to the message and then lived by their own rules once the doors closed at the end of the service.

I always remember feeling that God was real but never actually knew His mightiness. I understood that he was omnipresent but never really experienced the power of his companionship. It took a great deal of time to realise that he has always been with me, even when I turned away from his face by way of my own sinful living.

Whilst attending church, around the age of 15, God spoke to me through a prophet about becoming a nurse and visiting Uganda. I began studying for a diploma in Nursing a few years later, at 17 and a half. During this time, I began falling away from the church. Partly due to my own teenage rebellion, and partly due to the insidious false nature of some members and leaders of the congregation.

I was never swayed by what people would consider a ‘big sin’. I was never an evil person, never went out of my way to hurt anyone (not purposefully anyway), never stole, and never acted in a way whereby others would suffer. However, I wasn’t a woman of God either. Not by a long shot.

Instead of concentrating on achieving my diploma and becoming a nurse, I stayed out late, drank too much, spent all of my money on things I didn’t need, meddled in smoking weed and generally stopped focusing on the right things. I also declared that I wasn’t ‘good enough’ to pass the assignments I was given, deciding I wasn’t academic enough to get the required marks. I declared this out loud to whoever would listen. It wasn’t true, but it manifested.

After 7 months, and a few failed assignments, I gave up. I stepped away from the course, stepped away from the church, from God and stepped into a relationship with an ungodly partner. Years rolled by, men came and went, others I left before things got ‘serious’, jobs came and went, money was earned and spent, and nothing seemed to stick.

Fast forward to six years ago. I started working for a local college. One of four staff members who were selected to support the young people with gaining employment. The company, however, similar to others in this sector, were more concerned with targets and earnings than touching and changing people’s lives on a deeper level. I’m not sure if this was the first time, I had thought this thought but I remember it deeply troubling my spirit. It’s hard to define how you suddenly, after years of witnessing what we will discuss later as toxic and unfulfilling people, places and things, feel a shift that begins an epiphany in your soul.

As it happened that day, one of the four selected new-employees didn’t turn up for their position, and in stepped Melody.

God is good and has a plan. I was right where he wanted me to be. Back on his path.

Whether these words echo off the page for you right now, or you look at them quizzically and wonder if I’ve lost my mind, all I can say is that if you trust, believe and look for God’s little synchronicities or acts of divine intervention in your life, you will absolutely see them.

Melody and I had an instant connection. Only God will put people like her in your midst. We soon realised that we were in the presence of two colleagues who were somewhat emotionally challenged, and possibly one of whom had distinct narcissistic tendencies or traits of a similar personality disorder. It was here that we would later learn that God was beginning to uncover a specific set of circumstances in both of our lives which would come full circle into the present-day ministering of his work.

The short amount of time we spent together in that workplace built a truly strong friendship and a foundation of what we believe is our calling. Both Melody and I went through some of the hardest moments of our lives together. Like rocks, we carried each other. We also realised that we had very similar backstories, with familial issues encompassing similar behavioural patterns, similar traits in us because of them and a yearning to learn as much as we could about psychology, health, education, well-being and, at the centre of it all, God.

Melody will tell her own story in her own way if she feels she is called to do so, and here within this book, I will tell you mine.

Setting the Scene

1 Timothy 4:12: Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

My mum became very ill during the initial period of my friendship with Melody. She was diagnosed with cancer, given a one in twenty chance of survival and only IF they did a very intrusive surgery on her to remove part of her pancreas, stomach and liver.

I recall the day Mum was in surgery for ten hours and I had a heavy burden on my heart. I might lose my best friend. Melody supported me without hesitating, even through her own anguish and personal struggles during the same time, with prayer and understanding, warmth and love, she supported me and gave strength through her knowledge of the Word of God.

Mum pulled through the operation, and the next few weeks were a blur. Visiting her in intensive care every night, often straight from work where pressure was building to perform and earn the company money whilst fighting some kind of spiritual battle with the energies surrounding me in that space. All I had to offer was my presence. My strength of character, my vision, my kindness, my work ethic, my love – it seemed none of those traits were required, and if anything were frowned upon like some stumbling block to a team more interested in figures and number crunching than in actual people.

My heart was in the hospital. My mind was questioning why people were so cruel and uninterested in the things that actually matter, in relationships and belonging and most of all, in love.

Being on the ward each night led me to question my decision to quit nursing. Seeing angels in scrubs taking care of my loved one, my mother, in the most gracious, perfectly imperfect way, with a serving and giving spirit, with empathy and kindness.

Why did I ever turn my back on my calling?

Fast forward a few weeks later and Mum pulled through. It just-so-happened that the cancer was in ‘exactly’ the right position in her bile duct to have blocked it