Engage: How to Address Conflict Successfully

By Dr. Chad Slotta

Since gaining professional certification in conflict engagement and completing doctoral research on the topic, Dr. Chad Slotta has made it his mission to help individuals from all walks of life find greater peace within themselves and among one another. This book has the same mission. Chapter 1 explores the ancient, spiritual wisdom found in the Hebrew Bible and Christian New Testament, telling a story of world history that revolves around the antitheses of conflict and harmony. Whereas the first chapter draws upon an ancient spiritual story, Chapter 2 summarizes the Bible's direct teachings about conflict engagement. Chapter 3 draws upon the spiritual wisdom gained thus far to address strategies for engaging situations so that they never rise to the level of "conflict." Sometimes, conflict can't be prevented. Therefore, Chapter 4 addresses strategies for engaging conflicts once they've begun. Finally, the conclusion casts a vision for families, churches, workplaces, and communities who wish to maintain harmony and set themselves up to flourish.
Chad's core focus in "Engage" is to realign America with the Judeo-Christian ethics, values, and constitutionally conservative principles that made America prosperous and free. He knows that we must fight to preserve our freedom, the Bill of Rights, and the sacred, Godly traditions of America. Chad believes in the potential of all Americans who are willing to heed President Kennedy's historic call to civic service: "Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country."

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Aug 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9798350903010

Book preview

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Copyright © 2023 By Dr. Chad Slotta

Library of Congress Registration Number: TXu 2-362-349

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Print ISBN: 979-8-35090-300-3

eBook ISBN: 979-8-35090-301-0

Dr. Chad Slotta

www.ChadSlotta.com

Contents

Acknowledgements

Preface

Introduction: Don’t Manage Conflict, Engage It

Chapter 1: The True Story of Our Conflict-Ridden World

Chapter 2: A Spiritual Strategy Guide for Conflict Engagement

Chapter 3: Before Conflict Arises: A Playbook for Preventing Conflict

Chapter 4: A Playbook for Engaging Conflict Once It Starts

Congratulations!

About the Author

Acknowledgements

Thank you, Leah, for twenty-five years of friendship and intimacy as husband and wife. You are my rock. During the many seasons when I struggled to believe in myself, you poured God’s love and encouragement into me like rain on parched earth. This journey required tremendous sacrifice, yet you never complained. Thank you for supporting me and for celebrating with me. This success is our success. I love you.

Thank you, Madison, Morgan, and Brennan for loving your dad through this lengthy process. Many times, when I had to study and write and research, you graciously sacrificed time learning to drive, inventing new recipes, and playing basketball. I pray God, through my example, has impressed upon your hearts the value of Godly conflict engagement skills. May the Lord return to us and multiply the time we invested. I love you all.

Preface

As senior pastor of my first church, I had given my all to mentor my staff, lead my congregation, and minister to the community. It was a whole-mind, whole-body, and whole-heart effort. But now, after having made the difficult decision to release two of my most prominent staff members, I learned of their intention to start a new church less than three miles from mine.

Five years earlier, my wife and I had pioneered a non-denominational Christian church in suburban North Carolina. Knowing that God had directed us to do so, we moved our family to a town that boasted few thriving churches like our own. Within weeks of arriving in our new home, we began meeting the needs of our neighbors and meeting with new disciples to train them for future leadership.

Things went well. Except when they didn’t. We encountered significant opposition during the first months and years of the church plant. Regrettably, our greatest opposition did not initially come through outsiders, but through individuals close to us who undermined our leadership. Throughout our tenure as senior pastors, we faced conflict situations, both small and large.

After having served full-time in pastoral ministry for twenty years, I transitioned from vocational ministry and stepped into the role of chief executive officer of our family’s small business, SofProducts, Inc. SofProducts designs and manufactures human interface solutions used by computing giants such as Dell and Hewlett Packard. And, just as my experience leading churches involved conflict situations, so does my role as a corporate leader call for me to lead amid conflict.

Yet, the church and business worlds are not unique. In any and every arena where human beings interact with one another, there will be conflict. It is part and parcel of life in this world. We experience misaligned vision, contradictory opinions, and powerful emotions. We face high stakes in politics, education, family life, and friendships. Life is not rainbows and unicorns. It is fraught with interpersonal challenges.

Our society needs more civilized and effective healthy conflict engagement skills right now. Human beings don’t handle conflict well. Leaders who are otherwise effective see their organizations weaken or even crumble in the wake of conflict. Kindhearted and well-meaning people are unsure how best to handle the interpersonal tensions they are experiencing. Even professional lawyers, mediators, and politicians can be overwhelmed by the complexity of interpersonal conflict. They find themselves drawn into conflict and can’t seem to find a way out. They don’t know what to think, how to act, or what to say.

For that reason, in 2015, I enrolled in a doctoral program in leadership. For my final project, I conducted extensive research and writing in healthy, Biblical conflict engagement with a specialty in leadership development. I researched the Bible and the recommendations of top leadership practitioners, business professionals, and academicians to uncover the key principles and practices that align with Scripture and yield the best results when addressing interpersonal conflict.

To understand the needs of pastors and congregational leaders, I created an instrument that analyzed and evaluated conflict engagement in religious organizations, specifically among Christian pastors. I learned that most pastors have received little or no training in conflict engagement and thus often struggle to steer conflict situations in a constructive direction. I also observed that pastors often do not train their staff members, congregational leaders, or congregants by modeling skills essential for successful conflict engagement. These factors result in pastors and congregational leaders being ill equipped to successfully face life’s challenges, even rendering some of them anemic and ineffective.

I also felt compelled to complete a conflict-resolution skills training course offered by the Crucial Learning Group. The umbrella organization for the landmark New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations, Crucial Learning has earned worldwide recognition as the field standard when it comes to equipping leaders with practical tools and interpersonal skills to engage conflict situations successfully. As a certified coach with Vital Smarts, I learned to train others for success in situations where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.

As we’ve mentioned already, what is true in the church world is true also in the business world. A healthy, productive team and workplace culture creates a competitive advantage and drives better business performance. Today, ineffectively managed conflict costs organizations millions of dollars and causes collateral damage. Nearly 85 percent of employees have reported experiencing conflict at work, yet less than 40 percent of them have received any form of conflict resolution training or education.¹ In today’s hyper-competitive marketplace, equipping teams with the right tools, skills, and expertise to engage in healthy conflict resolution proves critical for success.

Furthermore, at a time when the world has struggled through a pandemic, multiple regional wars, and heightened political polarity, conflict seems to be an international sport. We’ve all seen the way disagreements can catch fire, destroying relationships, workplaces, communities, and even nations. In other words, people need credible research, practical tools, and reliable best practices to help them handle disagreements. The more effectively we can engage conflict scenarios, the better off all of us will be.

What should we do when the person we’re trying to communicate with reacts with passive aggression, sarcasm, or anger? What should we say when the other person shuts down and won’t say a word? How do we handle things when there is barely visible tension that we know will come to the surface? How do we find courage to engage when we fear losing friendships, jobs, and even ourselves if we mishandle situations of conflict? You’ll learn the answers—and much more—in this book.

This book is the fruit of my doctoral research and extensive leadership experience in the nonprofit and corporate sectors. It is a conflict-engagement program rooted in the ancient wisdom of the Hebrew Bible and Christian New Testament, synergetic with wisdom from business and academic leadership literature that aligns with Scripture. It is relevant to leaders of any type of organization, whether large or small, religious or secular, corporate or nonprofit. Here I address the proper reasons, motivations, means, and methods for healthy, effective conflict engagement. The result is a one-stop guide offering easy-to-understand principles and highly effective tools to address disagreements before they become full-scale wars.

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1 CPP, Inc, Workplace Conflict and How Businesses Can Harness It to Thrive, CPP Global Human Capital Report, July 2008.

Introduction:

Don’t Manage Conflict,

Engage It

I hate conflict.

Personal conflict makes me anxious.

I try to be a good Christian and I want things to be alright. I’m frustrated.

I am uncomfortable confronting a person.

I’m afraid I’ll lose this relationship if I’m totally honest with this person.

I don’t know why people reject my best attempt at fixing a situation.

I don’t know what to do or say in these situations.

I’m the founding CEO of this organization. Things have been good. So, why am I feeling tension between me and my executive team?

You don’t have to feel this way. You don’t have to feel powerless when conflict is brewing or erupting. It doesn’t have to be disorienting or overwhelming. What if you had the spiritual wisdom, practical tools, and confidence to be a master problem-solver regarding interpersonal conflict? How skilled are you at the following?

Keeping your emotions low.

Helping to calm the room.

Accurately evaluating the situation.

Helping the other