The Tears of a Woman

By Tansy Boggon

Jenni knows there is more to life than what you weigh.

She has come to accept and care for her body without the expectation of weight loss. She eats, moves and lives to feel her most energetic and alive. Yet when she fails to conceive, Jenni begins to wonder if her body is the problem.

Jenni encounters weight bias as she investigates why she isn't conceiving, which causes her to doubt herself. She again wonders, is her body truly broken? Is it her body that's holding her back from becoming a mother?

Jenni comes to understand that no matter how hard we try or want something, we don't necessarily control the outcome.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tansy Boggon
• Release date: Jul 3, 2023
• ISBN: 9780473660970

Tansy Boggon

Tansy Boggon is a non-fiction, fiction and children's book author sharing stories and philosophies to help people break free of diet rules and false beliefs to enjoy food and be themselves without guilt and shame. She is a university-qualified nutritionist, food writer and recipe developer who incorporates mindful eating, eating psychology and a non-diet approach into her writing. Tansy is an Australian who now calls Christchurch, New Zealand home. She enjoys yoga, dancing, experimenting in the kitchen and outdoor adventures on foot and bike.

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The Tears of a Woman will touch many readers who have faced infertility or childlessness themselves, with themes that speak to anyone who has lived through these experiences. Following the story of one woman’s quest to become a mother and how that dream becomes an increasing struggle, Tansy Boggon carefully presents the surfacing doubts and conflicts that arise in our relationship with our own bodies during this time, before showing how we can reclaim the power to love the body we live in.

—Rosalyn Scott, The NoMo Book Club

The Tears of a Woman is the most relatable book I have ever read. It was as if reading my own journal while at the same time reading a friend’s.

Tansy Boggon has crafted a beautiful story of a woman’s struggles bound together with resilience and personal strength, which enables acceptance. The Tears of a Woman is a solid, relatable and endearing representation of the journey of childlessness.

—Helen Gallagher, founder of Happy and Childless App and Podcast

Tansy Boggon gives the reader a bird’s eye view of the typical journey of a childless not by choice couple. The feelings are raw and very real. Most people outside of the childless not by choice community may not realize the stress and trauma of the journey that does not always end in a gift at the end of said journey.

As I read the book, I thought what a great conversation starter it would be for family and friends who may not understand the journey, not realizing what a close friend or family member may be going through. This book is a great conversation starter!

—Civilla Morgan, author and founder of the Childless Not By Choice podcast

Also by Tansy Boggon

Fiction

The Weight of a Woman

Non-Fiction

Joyful Eating: How to Break Free of Diets and

Make Peace with Your Body

Children’s Books

The Superheroes on Your Plate

The Tears of a Woman @ 2023 Tansy Boggon

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

Paperack ISBN: 978-0-473-66096-3

eBOOK ISBN: 978-0-473-66097-0

First Printing, 2023

Author’s Note

This book is the sequel to The Weight of a Woman, where you first meet the characters within this story. However, you can read this book as a standalone. You do not need to know details from The Weight of a Woman to enjoy this book. The only thing is, maybe, a deeper understanding of Jenni’s past—her history and struggles with her weight and how she has come to the place of self-acceptance she has within this book. If you struggle to understand why Jenni responds the way she does to comments about her weight and why she won’t ever attempt to lose weight again, I encourage you to read The Weight of a Woman before or after this novel.

Another note is the accuracy of this story—particularly the medical appointments and adoption process. These story components reflect my personal journey and are written to the best of my memory or have been condensed for readability. Otherwise, it could become a long, drawn-out read!

My husband and I went through the adoption process in South Australia, and this book is set in Queensland, where we have also lived. For this reason, there will be inaccuracies as the process differs between Australian states, which may have also changed considerably since our experience.

I hope you find the story moving, whether you are a mother, are trying to conceive, or have found yourself childless, not by choice. I have written this book to shine a light on the struggle it can be for some women to become mothers—whether it helps you better understand others or your own journey.

I sincerely hope you enjoy the story.

Much love and joy,

Tansy xxx

Chapter 1

‘Geeze, Barry. Keep up!’ Jenni smirks, looking down the stone steps toward him.

Barry huffs up to the stair below her. ‘You came up those stairs at a clip,’ he says.

‘I love it here, Barry. It’s beautiful. I… I feel so alive.’ She wraps her arms around his neck and places her lips on his. He can’t return her a passionate kiss as he is gulping for breath. So, she gently nibbles his upper lip between her own.

‘Well, hello,’ he gasps, pulling her towards him and gently pressing his tongue into her open mouth. When they pull away, they turn to gaze out over the view before them—the rolling Tuscan hills.

‘It’s stunning,’ he says. He watches her for a moment, then pulls her toward him so she can nestle her head into his shoulder. Then he murmurs into her slightly frazzled hair, ‘I love you.’

She cuddles into him more tightly.

That evening, with their bellies delightfully full of baked gnocchi, they indulge in gelato in the plaza. Then they make their way back to their quaint guest house. Barry strips off his clothes as Jenni washes away her makeup.

He lies back with his head perched against the bedhead as she begins to undress, something she would have never done in the past, especially with the lights on. She unbuttons her dress and allows it to slide down her body. She places it over the back of a chair, and then she goes to unclasp her bra.

Barry’s eyes trace her body to her lacy anti-chaff garters. ‘Leave those on,’ he says. Jenni obliges, removes her bra and makes her way to him naked except for the lace around her thighs.

With her standing by the bed, he sits up, his legs straddling her. He begins to kiss the delicate skin above her garters. Then he pulls her down on top of him.

‘I think we’ve done it now,’ Barry says, beaming at Jenni as they lie there sweaty in each other’s arms.

Jenni rolls towards him and tenderly places a kiss on his lips. ‘I think we may have.’ She smiles. ‘You sure did a good job of it.’

He holds her close, and they drift off, dreaming of the life they are beginning together.

Jenni shuffles her way down the aisle, excusing herself as her body brushes and bumps against people as she passes. In the past, she’d been so afraid of this very situation that she’d avoided such ventures. But now, feeling much more comfortable in her body and beside the man who loves her unconditionally, it doesn’t faze her. This is her body. The body that has walked through Tuscany. The body that has enjoyed wine and gelato. The body that is sensitive to this attentive man’s touch.

She makes her way to seat 57B and then hits the call button. Without hesitation, matter-of-factly, she asks the flight attendant for a seat belt extender. She then secures herself into the narrow seat as a woman in her sixties takes the aisle seat beside her. They exchange a smile.

After take-off and watching the runway disappear from his window seat view, Barry reaches for Jenni’s hand and squeezes it. ‘This has been an incredible trip, babe. I’ve wanted to travel to Italy for so long. I’m so pleased to have shared it with you.’ He strokes her hand with his thumb. ‘Shall we… end the holiday with champagne?’

‘I better not.’ Jenni motions to her stomach jammed tight between the seat rests and seat belt.

‘Oh, yes.’ Barry smiles as the drinks trolly approaches. He orders a glass of champagne and orange juice. Then they clink their plastic glasses. ‘To more adventures together,’ Barry says.

‘To a lifetime of adventures,’ Jenni says, then takes a sip of the overly sweet, tart juice.

Here’s to a nine-month alcohol-free adventure, she thinks, hopefully.

The lady beside Jenni motions to her orange juice, now on the seatback tray. ‘Are you expecting?’ she asks.

‘What?

‘Oh, I noticed you refused champagne. I thought maybe…’

‘Oh, yes, we’re hopeful.’ Jenni smiles. ‘We’re trying,’ she clarifies.

‘Best of luck,’ the lady says, and then continues, ‘it can be a challenging and rewarding journey.’

‘Thanks,’ Jenni says, taking a moment to contemplate the woman’s words, challenging and rewarding. She crosses her fingers on her right hand and squeezes Barry’s with her left. She hopes for rewarding more so than challenging. Yet, they have been trying for nearly six months now.

Chapter 2

‘Well… I’ve got to admit that is a much more relaxing way to get to work,’ Jenni says as she and Barry arrive at the Credit Union building.

‘Just one of the advantages of living with me, huh?’

‘Oh, there are many,’ Jenni says, squeezing his hand. It had been a whirlwind year since the beach party that started it all. Barry had confessed that he’d liked her for quite some time before the party but hadn’t the courage to ask her out. And Jenni hadn’t believed anyone could like her, let alone desire her. He sure had proven her wrong.

Becca glances up from the service desk, flicking her long dark hair behind one shoulder. ‘Well, hello. Look at you two.’ She looks to their intertwined hands. ‘How was your holiday?’

‘Fabulous,’ Jenni says, smiling at Barry.

Jenny and Barry have become something of the office romance. It is the last thing Jenni ever expected to become. But she does enjoy it. She enjoys the feeling that their love is not hidden or private but is out in the open for everyone to see—unlike some of her past relationships. Everyone can see how much she is loved and desired.

Becca steps out from behind her desk and gives them each a hug. ‘You’ll have to tell me all about it later,’ she says, giving a little sigh as she makes her way to unlock the sliding glass doors.

‘Later,’ Jenni confirms. Then