Everyone: Everything, #2

By Jamie Spaulding

What happens when reality and fantasy combine, and the life you dream of knocks the wind right out of you?

The neighborhood is the same. The stories are all alike. The happy smiles, the lifelong friendships and the flawless images are glaringly in tact. 

Bubbling under the surface, the secrets are too.

Joanna and Justin have almost found their rhythm. Still carefully cloaked from the rest of the world, their hearts and lives are intertwined. 

One conversation, one chance, one opportunity throws them straight towards a crossroads.

Down one path, a life of comfort and safety. 

Down the other path is blinding passion and endless adventure.

Choked by indecision, they face what both roads have to offer and makes their choices.

And then their next choices.

With all of the star-struck, obsessive intrigue that made us love them in "Everything", Justin and Joanna weather some true growing pains, and make us wonder: Does love have an age limit? Does location equal stability? Is a dream always worth chasing?

Joanna and Justin want Everything.

But standing in their way is Everyone.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jamie Spaulding
• Release date: Feb 19, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393980995

Book preview

PROLOGUE

That first summer

Thank you, Justin said quietly, his voice splintering the silence of the back yard.

Joanna turned to him. Thank you for what?

I don’t know. Hanging out with me, I guess.

Joanna quietly sipped her drink, feeling the tingle spread through her chest. Justin followed suit, drinking more deeply from his own glass. She laid her head back down, feeling the tickle of his hair on her forehead. She realized he had been inching his chair closer to her over the course of the night. With a quiet rustle against the fabric of the chair, he raised his arm, bending his elbow overhead, and she felt the weight of his hand on the top of her head. With almost imperceptible movement, his fingers found their way through the mess of waves and his fingertips just skimmed across her head.

Joanna froze. Her immediate response was to pull away, to move quickly. As always, her ears perked up for any sounds that would indicate someone was approaching. Stop. Stop. Please stop, she begged silently, but she paused and allowed just one minute to enjoy the feel of his fingers before moving out of reach, forcing an impassive expression.

He shoved his hands between his knees and pressed them together. I know I can’t say some of the things I want to say. What do I do with that?

Joanna waited. She had no explanation to offer him, no words to explain a situation that already kept her awake at night. She felt a stab of irritation as she heard his naive, childlike statement in stark contrast with the thoughts she had allowed herself to have.

I don’t feel the same with you as I do with other people.

You’re way too serious right now.

Justin slid his chair around until they were facing one another. With a deep breath, he raised his shaky hand again, and his fingers met her cheek. Her eyes cast down, she felt the electric current follow his touch as it moved across her face.

I shouldn’t do that, he said. That’s what you’re going to say, right?

Slowly, she leaned back into her chair. Right, she said in her normal voice. This is getting weird.

"What’s getting weird, though? What is this?" He sounded apprehensive, like he was preparing himself to be hurt.

Struck by the absurdity of this situation, Joanna felt a laugh creeping up her throat. She knew it was inappropriate, while he was so earnestly waiting for her response, but she couldn’t help it. A chuckle snuck out of her mouth, sounding ridiculous to her ears, making her laugh louder. She felt Justin’s surprise, felt too the moment her laughter caught him and he joined her. They laughed for a few solid minutes until, breathless, they wiped tears from their eyes and collapsed back into their chairs.

His words broken by the remnants of his laughter, he asked What was so funny?

Why were you laughing if nothing was funny?

Your laugh makes me laugh. It sounds like I hear comic book laughter in my head, you know? Like Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. I like it. It makes you seem... human.

Joanna considered that. Maybe I’m not human.

Nah, you are. He peered at her straight on. I know exactly who you are.

Another bubble of laughter rose in her, this time bitter. He could not possibly know who she was, if she didn’t. In fact, how dare this little boy insinuate he was so intimate with her? She opened her mouth to tell him exactly what she thought of his statement, his assumption about her, and snapped it shut.

Maybe he does know. I’m the dirty old woman next door, letting a kid hang around my house. I’m disgusting.

You’re not, though, his voice came insistently, as she kicked herself for the broken filter between her head and her mouth. You let me in your house because I keep showing up. You listen to all of my bullshit. If anyone here is disgusting, it’s me. I’m the one who keeps barging in.

Joanna held her breath for a painfully long time. She was desperate for some sort of validation, some words to make whatever she felt make sense. He spun his body, leaning against the arm of his chair and draped his legs over the other side, his feet dangling close to her knees. Mindlessly, he pulled his hands together, using his fingernails to scratch at a callus on his thumb. Joanna was smitten with his movements.

If you asked me what it is about you, I wouldn’t be able to explain it. It’s everything. Their eyes locked. You’re you. I don’t know. That’s enough, you know? You’re kind of too much. They stared at each other, Joanna waiting for more, Justin waiting for a response. When none came, he let his head fall back and stared at the sky. Maybe I’m just being stupid. He lifted his head, brought his glass to his mouth and drained the contents. Trying not to show the shudder as the whiskey burned its way down to his chest, he leaned back again.

Joanna felt her stomach begin to twist, felt unrest start to reach spindly fingers up into her throat. Her legs tingled with the urge to move. Standing, she walked across the deck, down the stairs and towards the pool, glistening in the moonlight. Everything swam in her head, and she felt herself start to sweat despite the summer breeze. She quickened her pace until she reached the deep end, and she leapt into the water with a loud splash. She let herself float up naturally, slowly. When she broke the surface, she gasped, fresh air flooding her lungs.  Spreading her arms wide, she floated on her back.

Justin’s arms encircled her waist, and pulled her back towards the shallow end. She sputtered for a moment and reached up to wipe the sticky strands of hair from her face. Justin put both of his hands under her back, supporting her as she floated. She smiled sheepishly at him. He grinned down at her, a goofy half drunk and half stoned curling of his lips.

He walked around and around the shallow end of the pool, guiding her slowly with his hands. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the weightlessness and carelessness, until she grew too aware of his hands on her back and the dark silence.

Extending her arms above her head, Joanna used them to propel herself through the water and out of his grasp. She drifted a few feet away before planting her feet on the bottom. Justin stood glued to the spot. They stared at one another before he asked, Why are you always trying to run away from me?

Why are you always trying to chase me?

Why do you have to answer a question with a question?

Why are you asking questions you know I’m not going to answer?

He nodded. Fair enough. He swam to the ladder at the deep end, and climbed out of the pool. Should I go home?

Joanna followed him out. Knowing her dress was soaked through and now clinging to her, she felt naked and bloated. Grabbing a towel, she wrapped it around her shoulders and hugged her chilled flesh tightly. I don’t know yet.

He stayed. They fell asleep side by side in the soft cushions of the chairs, and when she woke up, the sun was just peeking through the trees at the far end of the yard. Justin was quietly letting himself out of the gate, heading back home before his parents woke up.

CHAPTER 1

April 19th

Dear Jo:

Did you know that when we go hiking, I walk faster on purpose? There’s this thing that you do that makes me laugh.

You start out at such a fast pace, with so much confidence, and hope it’s going to be an easy one. When the path gets steeper, you start to fall behind and I keep going. When there are rocks, that’s when you start to bitch at me a little to slow down. You tell me your legs are too short to keep up. When the rocks become boulders, you scramble to climb them, trying to find a good grip, and then you really start snapping at me. You ask me why I even bother to invite you if I’m just going to run ahead, and how it’s not fun whatsoever, and that you are never going with me again. You say you’re turning around and you’ll meet me at the car, but you never do. Sometimes, I even pick a trail with a sharp incline right near the end, because that’s when you really hate me. You just huff and puff and barely say a word. I love watching as your face gets red and sweaty, and the way you scowl at me and slap my hand away when I offer to help you.

Do you know why I do that though? For the end.

When we finally get to the top, and we see the view and you catch your breath, you always say the same thing: Okay, it was worth it. You were right.

And then we sit and be quiet and enjoy the view. You tell me how beautiful it is, and I tell you it’s my favorite view. You smile when I say that, because you know I’m looking at you.

My short, sweaty, determined Joanna. You try so hard to be mad at me.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. The end, I mean, when you tell me I was right and it was worth it.

That’s what’s ahead of us right now, you know. This long road and we don’t know what’s going to happen or what’s coming next. It’s going to be hard for both of us, but it’s all uphill.

And when we get there and there’s nothing left to worry about, you’ll tell me it was worth it.

It IS worth it.

Yours,

Justin

Joanna slid the letter back into its envelope. She trudged to the closet and stretched up towards the top shelf. Sliding aside boxes of winter hats and gloves, she pulled the pink box from the back.

Setting it on the table, she lifted the lid and stared at the box’s contents. Gingerly setting aside a sprig of dried lilacs, she removed a stack of letters held together with a rubber band. Slowly unwinding it, she flipped through the envelopes, adding the latest to the back of the stack. Chucking them back into the box, she squeezed her eyes shut.

It IS worth it.

Hiding the box away again and glancing at the clock on the wall, she groaned at the time. Sprinting up the stairs, she slipped on her shoes and a thin leather headband. She had just given herself a quick look in the mirror when her doorbell rang.

She paused. Gail had never rung her doorbell, not in all the years of their friendship. She dashed downstairs and opened the front door nervously. A large bouquet of flowers was waiting on the floor of the porch. The delivery van pulled away from the curb, the driver acknowledging her with a quick wave.

Smiling, Joanna carried them to the kitchen. Admiring the velvety red roses, she leaned in and inhaled, audibly sighing at the deep, heady scent. Plucking the card from between the blossoms, her smile faded as she stared at Roger’s slashing message, just as the kitchen door opened and Gail stepped in.

Ooh, pretty! Gail looked over Joanna’s shoulder and nudged her. What’s the occasion?

Nothing.

Nothing? Then please tell Mike there doesn’t have to be a reason to send me flowers. I wouldn't say no to a delivery every once in a while. Although you, she said, squinting at Joanna’s face, remain unimpressed.

They’re flowers, Gail, Joanna said airily. He didn’t send me the Hope Diamond. Relax.

Not yet he didn’t.

Joanna picked up her bag. You’re bananas. Can we go?

Sarah Crane and Karen Bergeron were already in a booth at the restaurant when they arrived twenty minutes later. Joanna smiled and greeted her friends, although she felt herself studying Karen too closely, seeing if she had a hint of what Dylan’s knew about her, then immediately helped herself to a glass of wine from one of the bottles on the table. It went down too easily, and a second followed soon after. She drank deeply from her glass, letting the warmth and relaxation wash over her.

I love that color on you, Karen gushed from across the table. She reached out one hand and felt the material of Joanna’s dark orange wrap dress. It’s so soft.

Not everyone can pull off that color, Jo. It makes me hate you just a little. Sarah’s laugh was shrill.

Joanna blushed and reached for her wine glass. I was trying something new.

It’s a good choice, Sarah said, picking up her glass. You wear too much pink. This is a much more mature color.

Gail frowned and exchanged a look with Joanna. They both hated that side of Sarah, but while Joanna would usually snap back with an equally snarky remark, she remained tight lipped. She raised one eyebrow at Gail, and imperceptibly rolled her eyes.

I like pink, Karen said casually.

Gail nodded.I’ve always thought of pink as Joanna’s signature color.

Joanna smiled gratefully and took another drink from her glass. She felt the heaviness of the focus on her, and regretted wearing anything that would draw more attention.

I could be out of this bullshit, she thought, listening to her friends prattle on about topics that didn’t interest her. She knew she was suspiciously quiet, but she didn’t have anything to say. She was too consumed with the deadline looming. I could be with new people, different people. People I can be myself with, who I can be honest with.

I could be happy instead of just existing.

To cover the stall in conversation, Gail told a story about a coworker and the drama in his life since his wife had caught him with one of the legal secretaries. Joanna afixed an amused smile to her face and faded out again.

While the others talked, her eyes fell onto her hands loosely clasped on the table. She shook one wrist, a thin gold bracelet glinting in the lights. Chris had given it to her the night before he turned in his dissertation, after years of tirelessly teaching full time, working towards his doctorate, and trying to be home sometimes. For putting up with me, he said, almost sheepishly. I’ve been a miserable asshole lately, and I’m sorry.

Joanna stared at the place on her wrist where the bracelet just barely skimmed her skin. She could imagine him clasping it, his grip as he squeezed her hand. You deserve so much more, he had told her. Thank you.

For what? You did this.

Chris scowled at her. I did this because of you. I want you to be proud of me, Jo.

Joanna’s heart had skipped. Her husband’s blue eyes had continued to make her unsteady.

And then he was gone.

She shook her head and brought her attention back to the table, where the conversation had turned towards their children. Sarah’s children were still too young for college, the oldest just starting to talk about SATs. Karen shrugged when she plainly stated that Dylan was looking for graduate schools in California, where he swore he could make a career designing video games. The topic relaxed her a bit, and she joined in, admitting that Elizabeth was still completely undecided about where she would be after graduation, while Lila and Lucas were searching for jobs and apartments.

You could have at least one of your babies at home, Karen said, emptying the wine bottle into her glass. Not that you should listen to me. I still have two to get through school.

Joanna shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Maybe. Or maybe I was actually a little tempted by having them both settled someplace so I could go on some adventures myself.

A plate was carefully slid in front of her by a waiter. She smiled at everyone around the table, picked up her fork and hungrily stabbed at her pasta.

Gail laughed, picking up her own fork. Nobody enjoys their food more than you! She chewed thoughtfully, holding Joanna’s eye. Okay, so what kind of adventures are we talking about?

That’s the point. I don’t know. I just want the opportunity for something new.

Don’t go too far, Gail warned. You’re not leaving too. I haven’t even dealt with Jusitn leaving!

Joanna nearly choked trying to swallow a mouthful of wine. Oh, I almost forgot about that, she sputtered. I’m the worst friend.

You get a pass this time, Gail said. You do, however, have to help plan his going away party. She launched into her preliminary plans, the others enraptured by what sounded more like a banquet than a simple party.

Joanna felt words bubbling up in her. She thought back to the two of them in a cocoon of blankets, the sound of tree frogs and birds, when he told her, so simply, that he was leaving, and he wanted her to go with him.

It IS worth it. She looked around the table at the faces of the women she knew so well. She had celebrated every milestone of her adult life with them, and they had gathered around her and her daughters during the worst times. She knew them and they knew her, at least until recently.

Joanna had also witnessed them mercilessly tearing the other women in town to shreds, listened to them gossip at breakneck speed. She imagined what their conversation would entail when they found out about her. She knew it would be a wildfire.

IS it worth it?

What do you think, Jo? Caterer or food trucks?

Oh, ah... Caterer.

Now if only my beloved son would stop being so cagey about it. I wonder sometimes what he’s thinking. He’s hiding something.

Don’t go making up problems, Joanna warned Gail. He’s not being cagey. He’s just... She felt the wine then, knew she was on the cusp of drinking too much, and she was speaking too comfortably about him. Gail was waiting for her to finish. He’s introspective, she said simply.

Are you and Justin close friends, Joanna? Sarah was swinging her wine glass back and forth, slowly, in front of her face.

Panic struck Joanna’s core. Sarah’s tone was so discomfiting, she was convinced she knew something. She held the muscles in her face, kept her mouth from trembling. He used to come over and use my pool, she said easily.

That’s nice. It is a beautiful pool. Refilling her glass again, Sarah grinned. "You are such a good neighbor."

Joanna stood up, unable to escape the grim paranoia. Ladies room, she said. I’ll be right back.

More wine? Karen called, already waving down the waitress.

Before she could answer, Sarah stood up. I’ll join you.

Joanna kept quiet, her insides trembling. They used side-by-side stalls, and stood next to each other at the sink, the only sound the running water. When Sarah pulled out a tube of lipstick, she leaned towards the mirror and glanced at Joanna.

I hope Gail isn’t getting ahead of herself with this New York thing.

What do you mean?

I mean that just because Justin has talent doesn’t mean he will be successful, and I would hate for her to be disappointed. She slid the lipstick back into her bag and began applying powder to her nose and cheeks. It would be terrible if he ended up back home in a few months.

Joanna fought herself from loudly defending Justin and his music. If the record company didn’t think he would be successful, they wouldn’t put this much time and money into him. But even if he ends up back home, I think Gail will be just fine.

Sarah giggled. But what will she talk about if he fails?

Sarah, Joanna began slowly. Justin will be a huge success. He’s brilliant. He’s talented. He is the whole package for a rockstar.

Sarah smirked. Sounds like he won’t have to look too far for a fan club president.

I haven’t done that since my New Kids on the Block days, but thanks. Joanna made a show of fixing her hair, hoping Sarah wouldn’t notice the streak of sweat she wiped from her upper lip. Sounds like you’re hoping he fails.

Of course not! Justin is a wonderful kid. She paused and smiled at Joanna. Good looking, don't you think?

Without missing a beat Joanna laughed. A little young for my taste, but sure. Good looking. Spinning around, she picked up her clutch from the bathroom counter. Dessert?

Gail was chatty in the car on the way home, so much that Joanna had to focus to follow her train of thought. I know I’m supposed to be excited for him but to be honest, all I keep imagining is him being mugged or attacked in the city, and not having anyone in case he needs something.

I would probably worry about the same thing. The sound of her cell phone ringing in her bag made her jump. She bent over towards the floor where she had dropped it and rummaged around its contents until she found her phone. Without pulling it, she glanced at the phone, saw just the letter