Lick and the Invasion: The Device (Book 6) (A Humorous Science Fiction Adventure): Lick and the Invasion, #6

By Lick Darsey

Me, Fanger and Jack head back to Earth to take care of them alien critters once and for all. We ain't gonna stop till we run ever last one of them buncha no good you-know-whats off our planet.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bright Aurora Media
• Release date: Jun 29, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223275763

Book preview

Lick and the Invasion

LICK AND THE INVASION

THE DEVICE

LICK DARSEY

BOOK 6

CONTENTS

Introduction

Departure

Recovery

Test Run

Whoopin’ Ass

Epper Log

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Also By Lick Darsey / R.D.Smith / Rob Douglas

Note to Readers

INTRODUCTION

Me, Fanger and Jack head back to Earth to take care of them alien critters once and for all. We ain't gonna stop till we run ever last one of them buncha no good you-know-whats off our planet.

DEPARTURE

The more time me, Fanger and Jack spent with Pick, Rang-er and the other Purple-Necks the more our similarities stood out. After our one more night of dranking we decided to have another one more night of dranking just to get ready to whoop ass back home. We drank, shot weapons, loaded the ship full of space beer and space moonshine. We even set up a still like we used to have on the MTRV. We stocked the patrol ship with ever thang we needed to live out in space for months. That shit was set to go.

Our biggest problem was how to deal with Peen-Iz. That sumbitch had been locked up stiff for days, hovering in the air over different tranks and shit like one of them parade balloons. Me, Fanger and Jack didn’t trust him for shit but we needed his help. We had no doubt he would stab us in the back again given the chance. But there wasn’t a chance in Hell he was gonna help us if he didn’t have some freedom.

Pick and Rang-er didn’t want Peen-Iz on the mission at all. They was ready just to kill his ass and fight on with out his help. But since we was double gangers and all, they tolerated him.

After lots of dranking, strategizing, role playing scenarios with and without weapons and general conversation, we all came to the conclusion the only option was to set Peen-Iz free to see what he would do. We figured if he was gonna back stab us right away it was best that it happened on Fla’Nel where we had some control rather than out in space or back on Earth where we was vulnerable. If he decided to help us that was the best. If he decided to run off at least we wouldn’t be distracted by having to contain his ass.

Another smaller problem was figuring out where the Hell to free that sumbitch. From what we knew about Peen-Iz he was Bom’Kynian. And one thang we knew about Bom’Kynians was they needed that fresh ass air to live. Them sumbitches couldn’t just walk around on Earth or Fla’Nel and survive. That little tidbit complicated our decision making. We didn’t want that back-stabbing shit head to die just yet but we sure as shit didn’t want to have to set him free on the ship.

And just to mix shit up even more, Jack swore up and down that Peen-Iz told him he had trained to breathe any air, not just the fresh ass air for Bom’Kynians.

Pick and Rang-er were fine to release that asshole on the planet and let whatever was gonna happen happen. Me and Fanger wanted to be more strategic but we was running outa time.

Let’s just do this shit, I said, lowering my arm and positioning Peen-Iz with his feet on the purple dirt. I was tired of all the back and forth. I figured Jack was probably right. He knew Peen-Iz better than the rest of us.

We all stood grouped together several feet from the space ship. After one last look around at the other fellers, I clicked the button on the black box and Peen-Iz dropped down to the ground on to is hands and knees.

Shit, fellers, Peen-Iz said, taking in a deep breath, I’m surprised y’all let my ass go.

Me, Fanger, Jack, Pick and Rang’er all stood side by side with our hands on our pistols strapped to our right hips. None of us said squat. We just waited and observed. It sure as shit looked like Peen-Iz could breathe the air just fine.

Peen-Iz tilted his head up, stepped his right foot forward and pushed up, dragging his left foot up beside his right foot. Shaking out his hands and arms, he grinned and said, What’s the plan?

Peen-Iz was damn good at the unexpected. All our practice scenarios were based on Peen-Iz being pissed as shit. We never suspected he would act like he was part of the team.

That sumbitch is working a plan, Rang-er said, tapping his pistol with his pokey fanger.

Damn sure is. Fanger nodded and wrapped his fangers around his pistol, ready to draw.

Me and Pick looked at each other for a second then I turned to Peen-Iz and said, We know we can’t trust your ass. We know you’re gonna stab us in the back again. But we’re gonna let you help until it don’t make sense no more.

Peen-Iz sniffed, wiped his nose with the back of his right hand and shifted his eyes between